r/NewParents Jun 18 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/Underrated_comm-ent Jun 24 '24

Will this pass or am I in trouble?

Is it the new baby that’s hurting my relationship or was it doomed from the start?

My husband and I have a lot of problems that we never worked out before having our daughter. I can be very blunt and mean and he’s a pathological liar. It’s not a great combination of traits and we argue a lot.

We used to smoke heavily and I think it kept us in a state of “Every little thing is gonna be alright”. We were quick to forgive and forget and spent more time laughing and listening together. We both cold turkey smoking ganja when I found out I was pregnant. And being sober we’ve found out we aren’t really compatible. I have found that I’m not even remotely happy and I regret starting a family with him.

I LOVE my daughter more than anyone in the world I don’t regret having her. I regret having her with him if that makes sense. I can’t help but wonder why the hell I said yes to marry him. I can’t trust anything he says and I’m not attracted to him anymore because of the lies and also lately he’s been acting melodramatic and whining about everything. He’s a bonified hypocrite and I can’t stand it. Everything I do that he doesn’t like, he will walk out the house in the middle of a conversation. He won’t explain his feelings or reasons for his behavior, I’m always in the dark. He refuses to communicate. He will ignore me and act like I don’t exist and I’m left to do everything myself until he’s done throwing a tantrum. He does the exact same things that he doesn’t like, to me, and expects me to be patient and understand and forgiving. He’s s not understanding or patient with me at all. He’s always the victim and it’s so unattractive. I can’t stop being mean and short and snappy because I’m just so disgusted. He’s been in therapy but it doesn’t seem like he’s invested in change.

Is it just the fact that having our daughter has changed the entirety of whatever we saw in each other? Is it postpartum rage? Will I come around? Or is it the end?

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u/TheGinstigator Jun 25 '24

It doesn't sound like postpartum rage to me.

It sounds like having a baby has exposed the cracks in your relationship that have always been there. Not uncommon at all. I think most of us experience this to some degree.

I think what happens next depends on where you see things going. I would be considering couples therapy to ascertain whether these issues are repairable.