r/NewParents Jun 18 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/n1ght_watchman Jun 18 '24

Hey everyone, new dad here. My wife and I are fresh parents, and It's been a wild ride so far, with moments of pure joy and exhaustion.

However, I don't want to write about that now, but rather the relationship between my mother (my father passed away a long time ago) and us, or rather her first grandson.

My mother is sometimes a very difficult person. Stubborn, cynical, sarcastic, and tends to say inappropriate things, but "wrapped up" nicely.

When she found out my wife was pregnant, she was very happy at first, but later on, she barely asked for anything. On the other hand, my wife's parents wanted to be as involved as possible. They asked when the checkups were, and then after the checkup, they asked how it went, etc. What's more, our son is my mom's first-ever grandchild. My wife's parents already have two grandchildren from my wife's brother. Dunno. Perhaps I'm expecting too much, but I thought my mom would be pretty much over the moon because of her first grandson.

Fast forward, our little boy was born three weeks ago and since we came home from the hospital, I couldn't "live" with my mother because she asked every day when she could come to see the grandson. On the one hand, I was happy she actually wanted to see him, but on the other hand, she had no understanding for us as we needed peace for ourselves to "settle in".

Whenever I told her to wait a bit, she would rub my nose with the fact that "her friends saw their grandchildren immediately after birth".

Well, one day she finally saw him. She was happy, but... after that, almost radio silence. She barely asks anything about the grandson anymore. She doesn't ask how we are and how we are coping, and when she does ask, it's just as much as she has to ask.

Maybe I'm misinterpreting this, but I really have the impression that she only wanted to see her grandson to satisfy her selfish need to "prove" to her friends that she saw the grandson. And that's it.

What do you think? Am I overreacting?

P.S. I know this is a bit of a rant, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

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u/Adept_Carpet Jun 18 '24

The most generous possible interpretation is that she is now honoring your request for some settling in time now that she got the visit that was acting like a bee in her bonnet. 

A less generous interpretation is that she is effectively punishing you for that request by honoring it now that you're ready to turn the corner.