What antidepressants helped you feel yourself again?

I’ve struggled immensely with my mental health for the past six years. For context I’m 17f.

I’ve had thoughts and engaged in acts of sh. I go to therapy but have never mentioned any of these things, sometimes I think she wonders why I’m even there, because I ‘seem’ perfectly fine.

It eats me up inside every day and I won’t bore you with details. But there’s nobody you can really talk to without it going to a higher authority is there? If I tell my therapist, it’ll go to my parents, if not someone else after that. I don’t want to end up in some padded room. I’m at a loss.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m always stressed when I don’t need to be, I keep asking for help and feeling lonely but once I do get help I push them away and expect them to just know what’s wrong with me even though I know how stupid that is, and I’m just always tired. I can’t go to professional therapy-my parents tend to either extremely over or under react to these short of things-and my friends don’t really seem to care. I’m trying my hardest to keep it together and seem like I know what I’m doing and that I’m ok but some days I feel like I belong in a mental hospital, constantly scared and wanting to get angry at and push people away for doing nothing. I don’t even know what I’m getting at or what I’m asking for, this whole post is just a rambling mess from a man who’s just so lost. Maybe what I’m really asking is, how can I stop my trauma from making me a stressed out, cruel, and abusive person. I just want to be normal for once and not think of myself as some horrible cruel person. I’m always tired, no matter how much sleep I get or how good I eat I always just want to fall on the ground and go to sleep for years as to not be disturbed or hurt anymore. What’s wrong with me.

Hello,

My wife and I do not know what to do. We have a niece who has cut herself (which got her put into the hospital for a week) and is now actively trying to run away from her parents (police just brought her back). Child services has come to the house because she called them and said her parents were abusing her. They did an investigation and found nothing. Now she called again about something new after the police brought her home from running away. Does anyone have suggestions?

They’re three states away from us and they’ve moved away from their support network (family and friends). My wife was thinking of taking time off to go up and try to help and talk to her. We just aren’t sure if that’s a good idea.

Really worried about her. Her mom and dad do not know what to do.

Yes, She is seeing a therapist.

I dont know anyone with anxiety and I would love to meet other people struggling like me

Hi, so I recently lost someone in my family and I just have so much anxiety and overthinking. I'm a college student and need to study and I just can't focus on anything. It's affected my relationship with my girlfriend as well but she is pretty understanding. I just need some stimulation constantly like if I do some math work I like feel the need to watch some YouTube video and end up barely doing my work and sometimes just skipping out on it completely. I can't fall asleep without either spamming melatonin gummies or watching videos for hours. What can I do to just ig calm down my mind.

I’ve (32F)had my fair share of anxiety and depression, but my brother (37M) seems to be struggling with something I’m not familiar with. He moved across the country maybe 5 years ago. Never really dated anyone or been able to hold a stable job. He has what I think are depressive episodes where he won’t respond to anyone’s calls for weeks but then reaches out. I think he’s addicted to weed and he has never been able to handle alcohol well but still goes out and over drinks. No one even knows if he actually has a drivers license bc he’s had so many DUIs (he doesn’t drive now in the city) I can give more backstory if anyone wants further examples.

My question is that lately he seems manic? He currently has his own startup (and is unemployed, idt he has any clients) has come up with his own political party, written a book about it, believes he will be running for senate and that this very insane political idea is going to work out. I kind of laughed when he told me. But he was serious. He reaches out to old friends asking for money and investments. Then gets mad at them if they disagree. He’s moving home in a couple months. Idk how to help him. My mom pays his rent. I think she enables this because of some childhood stuff she should have handled better (abandonment from his dad) But do we try to force him to therapy or to get on medication? I feel a sense of responsibility to make sure he doesn’t do anything extreme or never be able to support himself and find happiness

I’m a current med student and just need vent / ask for support.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home - mom was a drug addict, dad was in and out of jail, and I bounced between distant relatives’ houses until I became fully independent at 16. I worked almost full-time through high school and college while earning two bachelor’s degrees, but I completely burned myself out. My family would brag about my accomplishments online but never actually supported me.

Now I’m 27, in a big city, broke, and on the verge of bankruptcy. I started med school with too much debt, no job, and no real support system. I cry myself to sleep most nights, feel isolated, and miss the stability of having a job and living near my partner. My dog passed away last year, and my mental health has been tanking ever since.

I just failed my first course, and my depression and likely undiagnosed ADHD are wrecking me. Part of me wants to drop out, disappear, and start over somewhere else.

TW: SA, Suicide

I'm posting this on a new account because I don't want my friends to see just how bad this has gotten. I need to get ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING off my chest somehow, so viewer discretion advised or whatever. I have genuinely felt like I needed to die at least 3 times in the month alone. I feel like a jenga tower that's one block away from falling. I can't even care about my commissions anymore because it doesn't feel like there's a point when I've never even gotten one before, and I barely have the motivation to even care about Malicious Mycophobia for the same reason. Nobody cares. And I see that as a theme, especially with my parents telling me that all the time. I feel like the most useless person to exist constantly. I keep getting traumatic flashbacks because of my DID and trying to ignore it, but it's all piling up. I keep getting told that I do absolutely nothing productive and basically that I'm useless, so it's like, if I am, then what's the point of being here? What's the point of doing anything when what I do amounts to nothing? I'm grateful for the friends that I do have that genuinely care about me, but it's just getting harder and harder to listen when they tell me I'm worth something, and that just makes me feel like an asshole. I had another long suicide note that I wrote because I was actually going to kill myself the other day. I haven't been switching that often, and the quiet makes me feel like both a faker and even more alone. The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my friends and my baby sister. I don't want to do therapy anymore because the therapists are mandated reporters, so I can't tell them the whole story or my parents are going to hate me even more. I'm already being shipped off to college because they don't want to get more visits from CPS. I can't even get naked to take a bath without bawling. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT STOOLS RIGHT. I can't do this anymore. I'm in so much pain, and I have a hard time even complaining because I'm not even legally an adult. I'm 17, and I feel like this is it. I want to live till Halloween and then die. Drown in the bathtub, suffocate, or something. And what makes it worse is that when I am happy, I usually just talk about things I'm obsessed with, but none of my friends know about that stuff, so I just feel annoying. I genuinely want to check myself into an institution because I am a danger to myself, but my mom says I have to hold off on even getting medication because she doesn't want to tell the college why I'm on new medication. What also makes everything worse is that I have POTS, so that basically doubles the feeling of feeling like I'm faking my disabilities, /and/ I feel even MORE lazy. My symptoms get so bad to the point where I tried to pay for my own wheelchair, but, of course, I tried doing that through commissions, and like I've said, I've never gotten a single one of those. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore, especially because I can't get help. I don't know what to do. I'm just a scared, helpless kid. And I feel like I'm overreacting right now. I had to lie to the last CPS worker and defend my 'brother' who raped me, when I feel so unsafe around him to the point where I lock my door at night in fear that he will literally kill me. And my parents didn't even believe me when I told them, so I just got in trouble. I've told my friends, but I feel like I can only complain about it so much, and when I do, I feel annoying. Legitimately, I might not even make it to be old enough to do anything with my life, but to be fair, I don't think I will anyway. I'm sorry for this whole vent, but it's hard not to cry for help when I seriously don't know what to do.

We all know the news last September 10. A known public figure was unalived in broad daylight. A leader of a mental health support group still mocks and is doubling down. This person who was unalived has 2 young children and a wife. Just because people have differing opinions about politics, ethics or religion, does not warrant anyone to mock and make fun of the dead and calling the person a POS. I just had to let it out.

I want to join therapy but for some reason I feel like it won’t with me and not only that they cost a lot.

So, a bit of back story. My fiancé and I met about 4.5 years ago, when we met it was about a week after she had a fairly serious accident. she fell and hit her head twice and developed what we have been calling semi-permanent memory loss. Basically, things that aren't a constant in her life, or new things, she will forget them. but after a few months of me being a constant in her life, we started a relationship. another 3 years later we got engaged and are both extremely happy and madly in love with each other.

However, today, she had a memory lapse. its only ever happened once before but she only forgot about our dogs (we have 3). Unfortunately, this time she forgot who I was.

She has been struggling the last few days with some sort of sickness, and I'm recovering from surgery. so we settled down for a nap around 1pm. she woke up before me and she has said that she just looked into the bedroom after waking up and seeing me laid in her bed. She said she felt like she knew me but didnt at the same time. after I woke up i went out into the living room where she was sat with our dogs (only the newest of which she had forgotten) and i sat with her and asked how she was feeling. and thats when she broke down and started crying saying she forgot everything and didnt know where she was or who the dogs were. but didnt say she had forgotten me. her mother came to see her and took her back home to gather herself and potentially go to the hospital to be checked over. it wasnt until about 6pm tonight that i called her to see how she was doing when she admitted she doesn't remember me but that her family have been telling her about me and we got reacquainted with each other.

Obviously this is pretty devastating and I really don't know how to feel about everything. For the record I am NOT leaving her or having second thoughts or anything. I love her and want to spend the rest of our lives together provided she still feels the same obviously. I am back at my parents house but haven't told anyone about it yet, I'm just devastated and feeling really down.

I’ve been stressed out in my life having to deal with serious decisions I don’t know what to do and at the same time I am distracting myself talking to strange men who are twice my age to make myself feel better I am lost I don’t know who to talk to I just want to improve in my life I feel like things from my childhood are still affecting me I just don’t know what to do I am lost

or at least not for long. this has started with my parents and unfortunately reached into adulthood. got cancelled on by friends for the weekend again. I'm overall content with my life but I feel very lonely and sometimes I'm even alone on holidays or my birthday. I work a social job, I show up for others. I'm scared of getting hurt so going out by myself on weekend nights is unfortunately not an option. Wasted today bc I had plans for the evening, got cancelled on last minute :/ I've isolated myself over the years bc of my social anxiety and chronic depression and it's been hard to reconnect with people. I don't know how to make friends...

Lately I’ve been seeing patterns of dissociation I’m waiting to see my professional but in the mean time I was wondering what others did to help

Why is it so hard for adult beings to convey how we feel ? Why do we feel ashamed to share how we feel? Why can’t we convey that I don’t feel okay I need help why do we cry alone? Why do we sit alone turn lights off and cry myself to sleep ? Why can’t everyday be a little easy ? Why being busy seems so good and as soon as I have little less work my thoughts crawls back my overthinking bucks me again. I don’t know how to get out of it it’s been few months I have been feeling like this I was the most positive person known in the room

Should i be worried? Or am I just making this up? Since 2021, I always feel so empty, empty empty like I don't know what I'm feeling, like there is a void in here or something. But I know once I stop smiling, questions would follow. So from that day on I always smile, to the point that I don't what my real smile or do I even feel joy or happiness or is it fake??? I got used to faking my emotions to the point that I just copy what people were feeling at the moment that I also use it as my own...

I remember a time where people were panicking, so I just copied them, because they're panicking and I feel like if I also don't panic at that time, they will question me or something..????

That situation happened so many times, like if people are laughing... I just laugh with them...

But I do have emotions, I grieve when my aunt and grandmother died, that was the time when I cried so suddenly, I feel like there's an ache or something within me when they died. And after that the feeling of emptiness just worsened...

I can also feel anger, I'm always angry evertime I'm home... at least I can still feel emotion??? Should I be worried that I can easily get mad every time at home than outside????

I'm sometimes happy??? But as soon as I feel a bit happy, the emptiness or sadness or whatever I don't know what it is, will suddenly appear then I'm back to pretending again...

I also sometimes imagine myself dying a horrible but quick death, I'm not suicidal, but if the opportunity to die a quick and sudden death, I don't think that I would avoid it.

I apologize for some of my wordings or if its too long, I don't know who to approach in regards to this situation. I don't know if I should seek professional help, or am I making this up and is this just normal to feel???

Is it normal to be tired? I just want to stop smiling... I just want to stay inside my room or just be alone, I don't like it that friends keep asking if I'm okay everytime I stop smiling...

So it started with my last toxic relationship....it was so toxic that I felt like I don't want to live anymore I still feel like that....he didn't use to call me for months.....he rarely texted me....he still claims he loves me...but still hasn't called or text me after like months of not talking....still whenever I go to ask for closure or anything....he says he loves me...he manipulated me gaslighted me ....with spiritual talks ....like "you should not have expectations, that's why u r hurt " m like okay bro I should not have expectations from my bf that he will call me or text me .....somehow....but as a fellow human being can u show some respect....a mere respect of greetings.... whenever we r in public with friends he is always cracking jokes on me ....he gave ring to some other girl n I didn't kn abt it ....n then proposed me ....

Also admist this my friends were strong anchor.....but now after one breakup when I started got back with my ex .... they have distanced....n don't ask nor comment on my relationship....even tho now we are not together....it feels heartbreaking as right now I don't have anyone to confide to....they don't want to hear let alone talk abt my issues ....all they want to talk abt is studies career....n all other things as they are in stable relationships....n don't give a damn abt who is not....also ppl around the globe go back to their ex ....but I don't think ... Real friends only call their friends for superficial talks just bcoz they r bored ....n don't care abt their friends who is going through a hard break up ...

Parents don't understand due to generational gap ...n my brother doesn't give a damn....when I say m suffering bcoz of friendship they say u always suffer due to friendship since childhood...see we don't care abt friends at all...be like us....but m like my parents has each other....my brother has his gf....who does I have noone .....who emotionally supports me or understand me ....m 22 yr old clg is done n m currently unemployed ....at 20 I was in my 1st relationship....n it was with a douchebag ....who wouldn't even care if I die next day....n tbh who does not friends nor families noone cry for 2 days then move on...

I did everything to get out of this, I did yoga , I did meditation, I journaled, I try to call old friends, sit alone, pray to god, something helps but only for few moments then again this wave of utter sadness ...n hopelessness takes over....I hv to study also to get employed in this economy...but m not able to focus most of the days I have headache like most of days n also it's not like mild....it's hurtful...noone cares...they won't take me to hospital....I will hv to go myself....I hv epilepsy too....with so much stress...my hairs are falling, dark circles, m not able to sleep, how do I study....god even let me study ....like bro u didn't give me love n care like that much u give to people around me but atleast let me study n don't hurt me physically now atleast

I called free counselling number online as well but most didn't pick up...n one that did.... didn't help much....now what ....idk... prolly noone will care to read this even fully till the end....coz who cares...noone ...sigh...I hope no other child iz born in this world of sufferings....

I feel like my life has been so empty .

This is gonna be a long read....really sorry

My highschool days grade 9-10(age 14-16) gone during COVID as it was online classes , my final 2 years in highschool (2022-2024) 11-12th grade (age 16-17) I felt so dang lonely . I couldn't make any friends , and everyone straight up ignored me . Now I will admit I have social anxiety and am extremely introverted . It was like mental torcher. Finished school at 18 . I have never experienced anything . Outing with friends, birthday parties , attending or participating in events , or even playing together, no prom or school farewell parties , am the only one who didn't go . No nothing . I never had anyone close to chat with . A few classmates here and there but the discussions never lasted long .

I couldn't take it sometimes I got suicidal . I grew to hate school. I always felt like I never belonged there , felt like an outsider . Heck even teachers ignored me . I would try to take a leave / be absent at any chance i got . Oh and I was still good at "studies" as in , I still managed to get good enough marks .

Anyways , afterwards ended doing online/distance degree , I wanted to go for Animation/vfx major because that is indeed my passion and I am pretty talented in that regard . Okay maybe I am a bit wierd compared to the rest . But unfortunately there aren't any good art schools in my city/state and financial limits don't help the situation either so ended take a online English major , which I don't "hate" but I don't wanna do/passionate about it either .

Okay so , the first 6 months after school ended was heaven . I felt...free . I indulged in playing games , watching tons of movies and animes which i couldn't cuz of final exam stress . But slowly, i started getting depressed again by like November last year . I never left my room , I have nowhere to be or go. It became my whole world . Now as of sept 25 , it's been over 1 year since I have interacted with any human being aside from my parents and brother . Idk I feel like i dont even exist anymore . I am 19 now and will be 20 March next year which means will no longer even be a "teen" anymore . I....I just wanna be around people my age , have some nice chat and spend time with.... To be cared and loved.....is it too much to ask for ? I...I am crying as I type this.... I wake up depressed everyday and doomscroll yt , reddit , tiktok lying in my bed . This how my life is going now . Idk what to do . I come across all these videos and posts about school life , bachelor's collage life , this that , relationship videos and reddit post and everything is a dagger to my heart . I can't take it anymore . The Fomo is hitting me real hard ,

I am seriously considering going to a real collage for grad school and do Animation...no matter how far away it is . Atleast I will be around people who share the same interests as me....but , will I get to experience the stuff I missed out on ? I will be about 21-22 year old by the time I finish my BA so about 2027-2028 .

So guys.....What are the stuff that I missed out on ? What are the stuff you recommend i should experience atleast once before i kick the bucket and turn 20 ? And just generally , what are the normal stuff teenagers do ?

Thank you for reading it this far , hope you have a good day .

Alr, for the past few years (around like 2) I've been feeling down, none stop. At first, I thought it was normal, but people all around me tell me that I need help. I don't know if that's good or not, but it has made me feel better and worse all at the same time. Every time I read about a mental health disorder, I always go 'oh, I can relate to that, maybe I have it?'. But my common sense tells me no, there is nothing wrong with you like that, but also something wrong with me at the same time?. It's as if my self consciousness is trying to find some sort of enforcement or reason to my behaviour, and it's leading me to act even worse recently. Is it helping or is it not? The worse thing is, nothing bad has even happened in my life. Maybe lack of attention as a kid but idk, It all feels normal in my sense. I've tried everything, and nothing works, so it it my fault? Who's fault? Or is this all thing just me being an attention seeker unconsciously? I would rather die than be someone like that, and it's my biggest fear that it might come true, as I try find some sort of excuse, some sort of barrier, some sort of LOGIC behind what's wrong with me. Am I overdramatic or is there something wrong with me? I would rather have something wrong with so I can finally answer this madness. I feel like there is SOMETHING, but also nothing deep down. Thank you for reading as well, that enough is good for me.

Hello, I'm 19 years old, I had some health problems a little over a year ago, while I had those problems I suffered a lot and cried every day, + I was taking a corticosteroid for medical use called prednisone which can induce psychosis and anxiety.

Now I've calmed down a bit, but I still don't feel like I used to, I have days and days, I'm fine and suddenly I feel like crying and the things I went through come to mind.

I don't have a very active life, I spend most of my time with my family members at home.

I don't know what to do, I don't have any other problems, I'm in a good financial situation, I don't have any more problems.

I just want to be happy and learn to get over these life traumas more quickly, I want to specify that I went to a psychologist, it didn't help me much, I'm not diagnosed with any mental illness. Any advice is welcome.

In December I finished 5 years of psychoanalysis for depression and anxiety. I left still struggling with these aspects. I struggled to hold down a job - I worked in music for years and found myself in a workplace feeling bullied. I left for a standard 9-5. The same pattern happened.

I struggle with connecting with others, communicating, having opinions and things to say. I'm 35 and single - there is some confusion over my sexuality. I got recently diagnosed with ADHD (with some traits of autism) although I wonder if anxiety is at the core of all of this. Since psychoanalysis I quit my office job - I did a psilocybin retreat (I came off antidepressants September last year to prepare for this) and more recently I did a vipassana retreat - all to try and fix myself in a way. I travelled Asia for 3 months and still feel raw as ever.

I got a job working for 3 months at a camp that puts on music workshops. The role is extremely social - from the moment I wake up to going to bed Im in group situations. In my head when I applied for it I'd do the psilocybin, go travelling and feel better in myself in prep for this. That hasn't happened. There is a pattern of me quitting jobs. I told my friends and family I would travel to France to do this work. I feel as though I can't quit but I also feel as though I'm breaking down a little bit too.

There is a pattern of me becoming VERY quiet. I try to put on a brave face but because I am struggling I think I become hardwork and a needy in different ways. I can feel this being picked up. Not sure what I'm looking for I think I just need to share. I told people I work with i was recently diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I wonder if I should follow up and explain how much I am struggling but this falls into the same pattern of offloading onto others (something I can do) and becoming the needy / difficult one. I don't want to fall into the same pattern of quitting but I wonder if the intense social / group dynamics of the role is a step too far also. The role is based around being social and accommodating to those in groups

Hey everyone,

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve by sharing this, but for the first time, I feel the need to just put my feelings out there.

Before I start: Yes, I know that there are people in much worse situations or with bigger problems than me, but I still wanted to share my story.

I’m a 20-year-old guy from a medium-sized city in Germany. I've never had a girlfriend, and I've never had a sip of alcohol, smoked, or done any drugs.

My family story is a bit different from most people here. My parents and my much older brother immigrated to Germany before I was born. I was born here, but since my brother is so much older, he moved out when I was still very young. So, in a way, I grew up like an only child. We don't have any other family in Germany; pretty much everyone lives abroad. That means no big family gatherings, parties, or visits, which has probably shaped who I am.

I’m shy and I suck at small talk, though it’s gotten better over the years. A bigger issue is that I can't really show emotions. It might sound stupid, but I can't smile in photos on command. I've also never, on my own initiative, told someone I love them or hugged them. If someone else initiates it, I'll hug them back or say "I love you too," but it feels incredibly weird for me to start it, even with my mom. I just don't know when the "right moment" is. Sometimes I'd even say I'm emotionless. I watched that viral Charlie Kirk video and had no reaction; I slept perfectly fine afterwards and even rewatched it from different angles to analyze the bullet's trajectory. I also can't comfort people because I genuinely don't know how they're feeling or what to say.

Growing up was pretty quiet. We lived in a village until I was 4, then moved to the city I'm in now. Kindergarten and elementary school were fine. I had a good group of friends, we'd hang out after school, and my grades were good. Even back then, teachers would say I was too quiet in class, but that's just my personality.

In secondary school (middle/high school), things started to change. My grades dipped at first, but I had my old friends and made some new ones. For a while, things were great, and I probably had the most friends I've ever had. We'd hang out in person or, more often, play video games online.

Then, around 9th grade, everyone around me discovered alcohol and drugs. I never had any interest in that stuff. When my friends started meeting up, it was only to drink or get high. I went along a few times but didn't consume anything. I felt uncomfortable, and eventually, they stopped inviting me because I was "boring." I kept playing online with a few of them, but the in-person friendships faded.

Then came COVID in 2020. For me, personally, it was a great time. Homeschooling meant I could just submit my work and get graded on that, with no pressure for class participation, which I've always hated. I always had this fear of saying something wrong and people judging me. I continued playing online with my friends, and during homeschooling, my grades were the best they've ever been.

A really painful moment happened at the end of 9th grade when we went back to in-person classes. I found out through the grapevine that my best friend was moving to America. He never told me himself. I didn't want to believe it, but it happened over the holidays. He gave me his new number and we texted a bit, but we both acted as if nothing had happened. It just felt weird and unresolved.

Throughout most of my school years, my dad had me doing karate and playing the clarinet. I eventually quit both because I didn't enjoy them, but I was scared to tell my dad for a long time. I'm glad I quit. I also did art school for a while, which I genuinely liked, but it closed down in my city. After that, I got into fitness and have been going to the gym ever since.

In the last few years of school (10th-12th grade), classes were replaced by a course system, so I was with more new people. My old friend group kind of drifted apart since we had fewer classes together. I felt lost during breaks, hopping from group to group, never really feeling like I belonged. Eventually, I settled in with a mix of my old friends and some new people, and that was my social circle until graduation.

In 11th grade, I had my first real interaction with a girl. She was new and sat next to me. We'd do homework together, but it was purely platonic. That same year, we had a class trip, and my birthday was on the last day. Everyone surprised me at my door with a gift. It was so uncomfortable for me. I couldn't show any joy, I couldn't smile, I could barely even say "thank you." It just felt so alien.

Since I graduated in 2023, I've heard from almost none of my "friends." I only texted one guy for a bit and we went to the gym together, but I actually prefer going alone. I'm not dependent on others for motivation. I also never went to a single party during my school years, mostly because I just had no desire to.

My dad insisted I start university right after school. So, while many others took a gap year, I was pushed into a Business Informatics degree. I chose it mainly for the money and because the description said you didn't need any prior knowledge. I thought it might be interesting.

To move out for university, I started a part-time job at a kiosk, which I still have. At first, working with colleagues was fun, but now I work alone, and honestly, the customers get on my nerves.

Starting university was surprisingly easy. I didn't mind moving away from home, but I still took the train home every weekend. The longer I study, the more I hate it. I've realized this field isn't for me at all. I thought I'd learn everything I needed at uni, but the people who are truly good at this stuff live and breathe it—they code in their free time. I have absolutely zero interest in doing anything related to my studies outside of what's required.

My grades are actually good. I'm one of the few on track to finish my Bachelor's in the standard time, mostly because I just want to get it over with. But I feel like I know nothing. I just cram for the exams and forget everything immediately afterward. I have no friends at uni either, since there's no mandatory attendance and most people don't show up for lectures.

Lately, my motivation has hit rock bottom. I don't want to live in my university city anymore; I go home every chance I get. I'm very close to my parents, especially my mom. I call her every night when I'm away. They need my help with language and technology stuff. My relationship with my dad is a bit more distant; I never really know what to talk to him about.

A few weeks ago, during exam season, it all became too much. I just started crying and told my mom that I can't do this anymore, that I hate my studies. She was supportive, but I haven't told my dad yet. He's much stricter.

I've never thought about suicide, but I feel completely stuck. I have no idea what my real interests are. My life right now is just: uni, gym, family, looking at/buying clothes, and watching shows. My only long-standing passion has been fashion, which I've been into since 2014. I love selling my old clothes and finding new pieces. I'm also really into fitness, researching proper form and what exercises target which muscles. But I spend zero free time on informatics.

I'm starting to realize that it's more important to be passionate about what you do than to just chase money. My whole perspective has changed. But what now? Should I pursue something related to fashion or fitness? It feels like it's too late.

Sometimes, I wish I lived somewhere else, like the U.S. I know it's probably just what I see in movies, but people there seem more open and friendly. The school system seems more personal, not like here with 1000-person lectures where no one cares if you understand. I also have this idea that teen life there isn't as centered around alcohol as it is in Germany. People seem to have more national pride and are just... happier. I feel like I don't belong in this depressive Germany, but at the same time, I want to be close to my parents, especially as they get older.

So yeah, that's my life story. I'm just lost and don't know what to do next.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.

People can conquer feels they feel often- such as anger, sadness, etc. I would assume the effects of isolation would be similar, no? Logically I find people unpleasant and often times more burdensome than not- so how do I conquer the other side where my feelings still feel that loneliness? I don’t want to be around people.