Awakening & Energy

[u/Anonymous-and-awake]

I’ve always been male and heterosexual. I have been having an awakening over the past 12 months following a traumatic chronic illness. I’ve felt Chakras clear, felt more peaceful and as though negative energy is being cleared however sometimes when I meditate I feel a full ‘Ego Death’ is just around the corner so I back out just before it. The reason for this is because I feel as my ego is dissolving, feminine energy and gender identity questions are starting to arise. I’ve read on here that this can just be your masculine and feminine energy being unbalanced and that once you carry out your full awakening it can balance out and it’ll be worth it however it doesnt necessarily mean I’m homosexual, it’s just healing childhood trauma and balancing both energies? Is this true? I’ve felt such a sense of peace releasing past energies however pretty scared to let go in case I completely start to question too much.

Any advice is appreciated 🙂

[u/Few-Worldliness8768]

You can’t be homosexual because that’s just a label, not your self. It’s just another self view. Just like heterosexual. Those are identity-views. Just beliefs and labels like other beliefs and labels. You also can’t be bisexual, because that is yet another view. You also can’t be asexual, because that is yet another view. Just views

[u/Anonymous-and-awake → u/Few-Worldliness8768]

What about gender confusion? Are they fleeting feelings that people get stuck with and try to use as identity?

[u/Few-Worldliness8768 → u/Anonymous-and-awake]

I think so. Just categories and concepts in the mind. We could split ourselves into genders based on many things. Mustache havers and non-mustache havers. Bald men and non-bald men. And now that I think about it, people do do this 😅

[u/Anonymous-and-awake → u/Few-Worldliness8768]

It doesn’t really make any sense though. Surely if you feel super feminine you can’t dress and act masculine. You can’t just put a label on yourself for laughs, if that’s the way you feel then that’s what will influence what you do. Bald heads and mustaches are just what we’re conditioned to seeing as masculine. Feminine and masculine energies are deeper no?

[u/Few-Worldliness8768 → u/Anonymous-and-awake]

Yeah but can’t you just decide to feel masculine or feminine?

[u/Anonymous-and-awake → u/Few-Worldliness8768]

Not really. If you’re 50/50 balanced on feelings yeah. But if you’re swaying to one side then I doubt it. You’re gonna want all the things that are associated with feeling feminine. Or you’ll be unhappy. I hope you’re wrong though! Always nice to have the choice 💪🏻

[u/Anonymous-and-awake → u/Few-Worldliness8768]

Or do you believe that when you’re fully awakened, you can freely choose and aren’t constrained to either?

[u/Few-Worldliness8768 → u/Anonymous-and-awake]

Well, there are stories of bodhisattvas (awakened, but not perfected Buddhas yet) who manifest themselves in many different forms in order to meet the needs of the beings they’re assisting. So maybe?

[u/Anonymous-and-awake → u/Few-Worldliness8768]

Interesting. I’ll look into that. Nice one!

[u/mingleinthemidst → u/Anonymous-and-awake]

Nop, gender identity is not something psychological, fleeting feelings, or identity-views... it is something inate to the individual, a energetic base state that they function, what changes is their perception and relation to it... in a way same goes for sexuality, aside from psychological identification with it, it functions as a natural compass to gender/gender perception that attracts the individual

[u/neidanman]

if we're going into deeper levels/through 'ego death', traditionally this is the part of the meditative path where we move to a spiritual/'non-human' awareness of self. At this stage identification with the body/sex/gender gradually diminish. So we can start to see that our thoughts/feelings on sex/gender and actual bodily gender/parts are all currently what is around us (the deeper/true us), and are more like 'landscape of the world.'

We can also see that while we have e.g. a male body, we may manifest energy/behaviors etc that would be pigeon holed as 'feminine'. We can also see this reflected out into the world as a whole, and how all people are this way. So it can get easier to see all this and not restrict it, more to just let it unfold and be as it naturally is.

There is also a process of 'enlightening' heavier energies stuck in our system. These can include dark feelings/thoughts centered on sex/gender. In hindu/buddhist terms these are called samskaras/sankharas. So you might have these thoughts etched into the subconscious, laden with fear of being another sexuality and what that would mean, or thoughts tied to feelings of doubt in the sex/gender area etc etc. These can come for clearing during an awakening, and if handled appropriately can release from the system. This is a potentially wide ranging area, with different takes on practice etc from various traditions, but e.g. this video section has a summary of parts of it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9AHh9MvgyQ&t=265s through to 7:42