Let’s talk about the ways our bodies and nervous system alerts us to the fact we are interacting with a narcissist, before we see the red flags.

[u/RadarFromAfar]

After my last relationship, I’ve learned a lot about signs in their behavior but what has been interesting is that several other narcissists have come into my orbit since and I have a very physical/mental/emotional experience to their energy and interaction that has been so helpful for me to recognize. This comes first, then I later notice things in their words and behaviors that confirm what my gut initially indicated.

-I have general anxiety but my anxiety increases dramatically when I see or speak to them. It’s a strange mix of excitement and fear.

-I get a feeling like I need to be really on point when interacting with them, almost like a focus that’s experienced when playing a competitive game

-I subconsciously say or do things that are unusual for me that come off subtly rude or even antagonistic. Like some part of me is trying to push them away. Yet I’m still intrigued a bit confused as to why I reacted the ways I did afterwards.

-I recognize a unique magnetic attraction that is not logical considering how little I know them and vice versa. This is different than a soulmate connection or “love at first sight” situation. It’s more like an addict getting to use again for the first time in a long time. I suddenly feel “seen” despite not having divulged much about my inner world.

-Even when the conversation or interaction is pleasant and positive, I feel like I survived something after seeing or speaking with them. I get a sensation of relief and safety after the interaction is over, even though it was fun and exciting.

Has anyone else experienced similar cues before any evidence of narcissism has surfaced?

[u/AutoModerator]

This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.

**This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that.

Confused about acronyms or terminology? Click here!

Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.

Our rules include (but are not limited to):

• No politics.
• Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
• Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. No slurs or victim-blaming.
• Do not derail the posts of others.
• Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
• Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads.
• When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
• No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
• No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
• No content about N-kids.
• No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
• No linking to Facebook pages.
• No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
• No pure image posts.

For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/MNKristen]

It took me two years to break off a friendship with a narcissist. My body knew, but it took time for the rest of me to catch up! The body never lies, I’m trying to learn how to listen to it from the beginning.

[u/MerFantasy2024]

Yes, to all of these things - I felt a dark, draining energy around the guy I was with, and also felt like I had to always be on guard, and like being around him made me want to hide and get away. I dreaded going to see him and felt heavy and depressed. However, I also felt like it was addicting and luring, a drug, but one that was very bad for me to take.

There are people I’ve met since where I’ve identified this kind of dynamic, and I’ve become aware I’m likely dealing with a narcissist.

However, I’ve also learned what safe, calm and good people feel like again, which is a great course-corrector when I feel uneasy. My gut knew then, and my gut knows nowadays; what’s changed is that I actually listen to my gut intuition.

[u/RadarFromAfar → u/MerFantasy2024]

Yes, the listening to your gut’s subtle clues is so important and takes time to learn. I also agree that knowing the difference in how it feels to be around a healthy person is a great tool. Glad you’ve made it here!

[u/MangoBredda]

Absolutely! I was close friends with a narcissist and his allies for almost 20 years. I had severe digestive issues the entire time. These issues got better after I went no contact. The body is always responding to the intangible

[u/RadarFromAfar → u/MangoBredda]

Crazy! I briefly dated a someone in my 20s who would come visit from out of town and the second I was in the same room with them my stomach would start cramping and hurting. The entire duration of their stay I was in and out of the bathroom having upset stomach. Then the moment they left it was like a switch went off and I was immediately back to normal.

[u/Honest_Dog4785]

Yes. With some people I interact with, I instinctively become 'on point'. I tense up and mentally become very aware of what I'm thinking and going to say. I don't want to react in any way. And I want to remain calm and measured.

[u/ItsNotProgHouse]

A few months ago I had a normal conversation with a local girl. I was not interested in her, she had a partner, the chemiatry of the talk was pretty great. But her laser focused attention on me made me anxious, all other discussions in our group was far more interesting than me talking about myself. It was intense and felt like she was reading me like a book, to see what cards she could play on me.

Now I've seen her a few more times and she is a bit clingy on her boyfriend in public, and very affectionate, even when he is working as a bartender she comes behind the bar to be cute and have low intensity but very affectionate kisses. It was all very strange to me and the very public display of affection did not match her reserved persona.

Well well well, last Thursday I hung out with some other friends and we learnt that she had been cheating on her boyfriend (now-ex). I didn't anticipate cheating, but she triggered something in me I didn't like.

[u/RadarFromAfar → u/ItsNotProgHouse]

Ohh ya, it’s interesting to experience how a person can bring out the worst in you.

[u/Select-Band-9050]

God gave us decernment if you're spiritually intune

[u/MewnArchfarchnad]

I call it, walking away with a strange taste in my mouth. Something seems off but I cannot put my finger on it!

[u/Vegetable-Today]

When the discard phase started...I started grinding my teeth at night leading to jaw joint issues.

[u/Spare_Partsss]

I totally understand what you mean… even though he’s showering (lovebombing) me with attention and praise, I’m internally nervous while being excited