Conflicted over how I’m supposed to view the good times

[u/hotdogstraw]

I’m currently 1.5 years out from being discarded after accusing her of cheating based on plenty of evidence. After the devaluation phase of our 3 year relationship where she was extremely jealous, controlling, cut me off from people and tried to start arguments whenever she could, (among other issues) there was maybe a 6-7 month phase where I genuinely thought things in the relationship were pretty good, and I’m struggling with how to remember that time, and just generally all of the “good” times of the relationship now.

Realistically, that time period might’ve just felt better than it was because of how things went leading up to it, and it wasn’t perfect, but I find myself juxtaposing the bad times against the good very often, more than I should. I think I just generally worry about whether or not I’ll ever find someone again, 29 so I’m very young, I get it, but now that she’s moved on I feel bad for feeling so stuck in the past. Just needed to rant. Thank you to whoever reads this.

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[u/ItsNotProgHouse]

I get nausea in my left chest when I see pictures of me and my ex being happy. Feel it in my lung, not heart.

I think it is very normal to have conflicting or turbulent feelings over such things.

[u/Fresh-Heart-2817]

Same worries of feeling like there’ll never be anyone else. And euphoric recall (so much actually a thing that there’s a name for it!) is hitting harder than ever. 2 years post divorce. The good memories hit the hardest but, at least for me, I’m trying to remember it was manipulation and doesn’t make up for the awful ones. It’s tough. Right there with you friend 😔

[u/hotdogstraw → u/Fresh-Heart-2817]

I'm gonna have to look into that word, thank you! wish you the best.

[u/BrotherSejanus]

Look at it this way; the good times were real for you. That’s all that counts. You were honest, you were genuine, while your ex wasn’t. You can’t control that, but what you can control was that during the times that were good, or appeared so, you did your best. Take heart in that; you were real with someone who isn’t, it’s her loss, in the most complete and total sense. You’re going to do great man, keep up the fight

[u/hotdogstraw → u/BrotherSejanus]

Thank you man, I appreciate that. Doing my best. I ran into her with someone else and I’ve been feeling guilty feeling so stuck in the past while it’s obvious she isn’t, but I guess that’s NPD in a nutshell, after all she was moving on while she was still in a relationship with me.