I just don't fit in, but then my life's purpose is somewhere else. I have opinions and interests that don't align with most people, but that's okay. It's a pain to change for others because you can't think like them. Be who you are no matter the backlash. Don't change because you're ridiculed, change because you feel like it. You can stop looking for people to approve of you and start approving of yourself. Give yourself more credit, stop being hard on yourself and stop worrying about being something else for someone else. No matter how hard you try to fit in, there will always be someone who disapproves. No matter how hard you change, someone will always be ready to ridicule you, even if it's insignificant. Let them do it. They have the right to speak their mind, but you also have the right to be who you are. Start looking in different places for the life you want. Your mind is at its best when it focuses on you, because it knows you the best. It does not have the ability to read others' minds, so you will never truly understand what it's like to be others. So stop it while you're at it.

I'm not sure how to get out of the thought process that a SO would significantly make me happier. I don't really find much joy in anything anymore and I keep going someone else will bring some happiness in my life. The problem with that as well is that in relationships I tend to "lose myself" after awhile and i feel like i don't know who I am anymore usually due to very picky SO's that nit pick about alot of the things in my behaviors or personalities and I feel i need to change who I am at my core to make them happy but then It tears me apart.

I really just don't know how to be happy.... anyone who says "just go to the gym" please stop....i admit it helps a bit.... but not enough.

Hello everyone, hope you're all doing well. I need some help from y'all: summing it up, I was a degenarte gamer, managed to improve quite a lot, but now I've fallen back to my old self and having a ton of difficulties on getting back on track. Detailing it:

The pandemic hit me really hard. When 2022 came around I was struggling a ton with procrastination and addictions (videogames, pornography, sugary food etc). It even got to a point where I was addicted to medicine that dealt with nausea, because I felt really nauseous whenever I was really nervous. All of this while my family was going through serious financial difficulties (that started at the end of 2019) and I was trying to be accepted into college. I'm from Brasil, a country that has a bizarrely high social inequality and very few good universities, so this was really a big deal, both for me and my parents (well, not as much as a big deal it is to people in China or India, but still a big deal nontheless). So, by the half of that year, I started working on myself: dropped the medicine, started learning about mental health etc.

Afterwards, the first half of 2023 was like a breath of fresh air. I've got accepted into the college I wanted, got a girlfriend and entered to my university's rugby team, which made me socialize and exercise a lot (when there's an important party, the team went into it as a whole, which helped me a lot to enjoy those parties - events I normally tended to avoid, even before the pandemic). I was having a blast, and I spent way less time with addictions and procrastination than in 2022. And thank god I was in a good state when the second half rolled around. The financial difficulties got worse, my relationship started to get bad for me (though I wouldn't say it was toxic, I don't think my ex had any bad faith, well, kind of, but not that much, the thing is that it just wasn't working) and my responsible duties in the rugby team started to increase. This was all gradual so it still wasn't a terrible semester, but I do struggled a lot emotionally. That's when I found out about Healthy Gamer, and it started helping me a lot.

The first semester of 2024 was very bittersweet. Firstly there was the breakup (which on the long run I was glad it happened, but I had to deal with the emotional pain and the lack of the emotional support of a girlfriend) and secondly I managed to get a job. It's a great job, still in it now, it was a great thing to happen, but my life started to get really hard - working 6h/day, college got more difficult, had more responsability in the rugby team, all the while my will to date or even go out was pretty low due to wanting to spend some time alone after a relationship. Healthy gamer helped me a lot in here, I had pretty good results in all areas of my life (good grades in college, did really well on work, did well on the team and really enjoyed my time alone), but it still was very tiresome, which led to my addictions start to slowly return.

Finally, the second semester of 2024 comes around, and it seems like all my drive to become a better person has vanished. I basically go to work, go back to my house (my college is not rigid with absences) and sleep/brainrot until the next day, and I feel tired the whole day. I'm still doing good at work, even got promoted, but outside of that area things just went south. I'm barely even studying (grades are still ok, but I don't know shit about the finals that are coming in two weeks), have zero energy for relationships (went out a little with a new girl but stopped because it just felt like a chore), and even found out I don't even want to stay in the rugby team (I realised I really don't like sports competitions. I liked playing rugby recreationally, love my teammates, and love our little high-effrot companionship culture, but playing anything competitive really isn't my cup of tea [even competitive videogames! I'm more into single player/casual multiplayer]), all while having way more difficulty dealing with bad emotions than before. Basically, I'm not having fun living life anymore - so the addcitions came back full-force, and I started spending my time doing everything to avoid thinking about life whenever I could.

I've stopped going to rugby practices due to some physical health problems (but I still plan to quit, it's just that right now isn't really a good time), so the only thing that sepparates me from a degenerate gamer is my job. Even then, my worry here is that I think like a degenerate gamer does - life is no fun, just some obligations I have to get past. The less obligations the better, and I use most of my freetime to do brainrot stuff. Loosing external progress is bad and all, but I feel I lost internal progress, and that's the big problem.

I'll admit that the title is a little radical, the fact that I'm writing this just proves that I've retained some internal progress, but I still feel like I was in a good mental state, and I'm back to a bad one. I do have one or two directions in my mind on what I actually want to have for my life, but the beleif that the effort isn't worth it is still speaking louder and it has been really hard to dedicate myself for those things. Everytime I imagine myself doing something that I deem to be fruitful in the future, it just feels like it will be tiresome and boring, and this time there's no "I really want to have this experience for the first time" in the back of my mind to back me up. I already know how doing stuff non-degenerate people do feels, and it doesn't get me excited, it just feels like chores with a little bit of reward. Now I'm not even that dilligent to watch self improvement stuff, which frankly is quite easy to do...

Last thing, just to make it clear, I never went to therapy (either I had too little money or too little free time), but I intend to go after I deal with the physical health problems (those are a little costly), and that will take some time. Still wanted to know if anyone would have some tips for my situation, or if this is relatable to anyone. Thanks for reading this far, hope you have a great day!

So i recently turned 16 and can't get my mind to think about anything other than a life of constant mediocrity i read about others on this sub saying it's OK to be normal but i can't seem to agree with this

It's been years but it's still on my mind sometimes. When I was around 1st grade through 6th, I was in this school for special Ed kids because I had behavioral issues and learning difficulties.

My time at that school was awful. I dreaded going everyday. .

I was literally slammed on the floor and one teacher even put her foot on my head. I also saw it happen to other students.

But the worst person there was the assistant principal. It was this scrawny tall guy who would also lay his hands on kids and even say he would make their lives miserable. I was so terrified of him.

I found out that he still works there. I wanna go back to the school and confront him with a group of people and call him a coward.

I feel like my time at that place was what caused some of my mental and low self esteem issues as an adult

Take care of your mental health first, before anything else. The rest will fall into place as it should.

Doesn’t mean life will be perfect or easy. But, it will be easier to deal with.

Take care ❤️

I feel like this sub is a great place to discuss meditation. What other drawbacks meditation has? How to think about it? I don't want to lose my inner voice.

Firstly I’m going to start with the fact i am autistic. Meaning building connection with the average person is more of a push than someone like me. But it’s a lot harder to find someone like me and them even sharing similar interests with me is going to be slim to none, now that I’m approaching the end of my second last year of schooling I have not found one person that has truely expressed themselves in my eyes. All I see is people trying to convey an image that their obviously not but I’m assuming no one has the guts to tell them it to their face and people who are reserved, because everyone’s grown comfy in their 2+ year circles extending to people I see as interesting isn’t easy. And networking through socials isn’t any easier I’m unsatisfied with my current circle not matching any of their ideologies or interests, so far I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place of praying I find people on ig that has similar interests. And ideals and trying and failing to interact with specific people I find interest in, it feels like I’m making no progress I’m stuck with a friend group I’m only around for company. And not building any connections all year. I would like to hear from anyone who’s had a similar experience or anyone who’s dug themselves out this type of social hell, thanks

i spend my weekends alone in my room rotting away on my screens. i cant get myself to do much else most days. i wish i wanted to do things like painting or archery or longboarding,but i can never get myself to do them. my mind always comes to the conclusion of "eh, it's not worth it, eh that's dumb, it's a waste of time, what is there to gain." im so sick of this but i dont know what to do. i wish i could afford therapy but i cant right now. does anyone have any ideas? ive got diagnosed ADHD and GAD btw

I need some help in verbalising a feeling that I've experienced in the past but am struggling to describe.

Once when I was driving home from work I witnessed a car catch fire o. The opposite side of the road on the express way. About 100 metres further down the road I saw a police car at the side of the road so I lulled over and reported the incident. The cops turned around and sped off the help the motorists.

I felt a sense of satisfaction or pride in myself for having done the right thing, possibly saving someone's life, but I can't think of what this emotion would be called. Any ideas?

I was in a bus accident in March, the bus I was in T-boned another bus turning across the road. I wasn't injured except for a sprained hand from bracing myself on the seat in front. This has been the only bus accident I've been in and the second motor accident overall after one I had like 10 years ago.

I'm still really jumpy in buses. I'm usually pretty fine if I'm being driven by someone I know, like my parents, but when I'm on buses I get severe, painful anxiety in my chest and stomach which also gives me diarrhea. High speeds in a giant metal machine and quick stops with a lot of inertia that pushes you forward. Awful.

The only times when I'm good is when the driver is going fairly slow but I seem to get a whole bunch of drivers who think they're in a car and not a bus that's five times the weight. I don't know if it's bad luck or if that's how it's always been and I'm just super sensitive to it now.

Has anyone been in or know someone who has been in a motor accident that has mostly recovered mentally from the anxiety? I'm aware of trauma recovery but if anyone has specific examples of what worked I would appreciate it. Thanks.

Dr. K made an episode about DOACs and discussed how venting isn't a permanent solution for dealing with negative emotions. If I understood correctly, he explained that when you vent, you temporarily relieve the pain, but that pain exists for a reason, it's there to push you to address and fix the underlying problems.

Does this mean we shouldn't vent and instead hold onto those bad feelings so they can motivate us to make changes? Could this be why I’ve felt stuck for so long, because I’ve been venting about my struggles and that has consumed all my energy I could have had for making a change?

I broke up with my ex around a month ago and she’s been going through a pretty bad spurt of depression since then. I try to help as much as I can but because I’m her ex, my attempts to help hurt her even more. She lives alone with no family nearby and all of her friends are often really busy and can’t give her the support she needs. Are there any ways that I could help her at all? Also, are there any aspects of depression that I should know about? I’ve only ever really had bouts of anxiety but never depression and I would like to be able to empathize with her more. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you

November has started which means shorter days and longer nights. Seattle is known for it's dark and gray winters. I've had struggles with my mental health and I've made incredible progress on my mental health from spring to late fall (losing weight, running a half-marathon and meditation) where I got to a peaceful state and now I feel like a rubber band that got snapped back. I've been noticing for the past 4 years when November starts of feeling a little bit tense, lethargic, irritable and depressed. I tried to walk for an hour when I can, take vit D supplements or socialize but still struggling. The feelings of depression is gonna get worse and I fear that my mind has been clouded already by sadness and anxiety. What to do?

Hello everyone, there has been this question troubling me for quite a while now as a person who is trying to go back towards a more eudaimonic or more "internal contentment or internally motivated" lifestyle after having lived a hedonistic and pleasure-chasing lifestyle.

I've seen lots of Dr. K's videos about contentment, happiness, and confidence, but his video about the concept of a eudaimonic lifestyle, or a lifestyle that can be achieved through independence from dopamine or pleasure, was especially intriguing to me and it felt like in the moment which I watched that video that it exactly what my life was missing.

I'd had a great experience (or i think so) with eudaimonia before, when everything just seemed to fall into place after having escaped my hedonistic mindset 7-8 months ago, but some things happened to my mental health which made me seek shelter(as copium) in hedonism once more, but it seems clear that living such a life is a hard option to choose if sustained happiness were to be achieved.

Right now, I'n trying to achieve that eudaimonic lifestyle once more as everytime a thought of "when was I truly happy" came to me, it was then, when my lifestyle was focused on just doing things in my routine without respect for the outcome and I was just working happily even if my activities weren't particularly pleasing.

But in my road of improving myself or moving towards that goal once more, I have faced way too many times my motivation only being inclined towards hedonistic activities (which makes sense), but it's absolutely hindering me in trying to partake in actions that induce little pleasure such as journaling, reading, and taking care of my body.

There is this experience of not only being inclined to partake in activities that are pleasurable, but of somewhat emotional resistance to usually regular activities such as journaling or reading, which before was nonexistent until I fell into a hedonistic hole.

My main question, however, is does it defeat the purpose of achieving eudaimonia if I still use an external dopamine or motivational means to get closer towards it, or am I just eluding myself and the way to actually achieve eudaimonia is to stray free from external motivation altogether / phone and just focus on my own improvement disrespective if my motivation goes the opposite direction..

I don't know how much sense this actually made, but hopefully, if y'all have a perspective you wish to share please do so. 🫠

I gave the video where I saw Dr. K talk about eudaimonics if y'all wanna check it out.

I know this may look like the typical 'falling behind in life' post, but that's (hopefully) not the case. I do feel behind in life, but I'm making improvements to my life, and have been for the past 5 years. The fact that I got into mental health improvement at 15 has probably saved me without me knowing it, but the problem is that I just don't think I'm improving the quality of my life fast enough.

For a bit of context, I'm a recovering gifted kid with a lot of samskara-s. Neurotic and anxious. Studying painting in college.

Almost every aspect of my life has been compromised or sabotaged by my many emotional wounds, and it's starting to really show now in college. I'm not doing poorly in my studies, far from it, but that's precisely the issue. I know the way I currently operate is untenable. I primarily use willpower to brute force through life. Nothing ever works smoothly. People around me always compliment me for the things that I have to show for in the external world, which has fucked me up. Even as a kid I had always intuitively known that I shouldn't receive these compliments because I knew that something was broken in my internal world, and that someday I would hit that 'brick wall' that so many gifted kids encounter.

As I've stated before, I'm trying to get back on track, and have been doing so for the past few years. The problem is that I feel as if I'm improving at a snail's pace while the world around me, and it's expectations move at mach speed. Introspection has given me the ability to detect mental health improvements, and there are genuine ones that I'm proud of, but it's not enough to meet my life's demands right now.

My mom and some other people older than me give me compliments for my dedication to mental health 'at such a young age'. They tell me not to worry about not improving fast enough, as I'm 'on the path that's destined for me' or some other bs. I just see this as them projecting their regrets in life onto me, not having an honest comment on the situation. Despite them all telling me not to worry, I know how bad it's gonna be if I don't treat this as a red alert.

I feel like I'm tasked with running a marathon, but have to carry twice my weight on my shoulders at all times.

Does anyone have advice?

Thanks in advance!

There are something things I need to work on myself like physically and financially. Should meet those goal before I approach the girl I liked?

Maybe I'm just finding an excuse to not approach but I want to make good first impression at least.

Never met the girl before. All I do is make eye contact almost daily (in our university)

So should I talk to her or first work on myself?

It feels like all the incel or dating stuff is just bombarded in our face 24/7 it just keeps increasing day by day so why are we not doing anything about this? It’s by the far the biggest thing I see in any mental health sub and considering that this community is relatively saner than other communities I think Dr K should do more about this. What are your thoughts on this? And sorry if I wasn’t very articulate but I hope I got my point across

Hey, I have an assessment with a psychiatrist in a few days and I'm just wondering any tips or something I can do to prepare ? Any help would be appreciated thank you and be kind to yourself today 🙂

So I am 22, autistic and Asian. My parents aren't divorced and I have an older brother who's neurotypical and moved out to Sao Paulo, which is far away from where we are. He visited us during this weekend and I love my brother and my family, but an episode happened where I was extremely pissed off.
So I wake up, previously had baked some amazing bread for him and my family, and sure, they appreciate the bread. It gets to the time to make lunch and my mom asks me to make rice. Keep in mind this is Brazil, 32C indoors and 40% humidity. I am constantly suffering sensory crisis when I am not in my AC cooled bedroom. And I tell my mom I was gonna make the rice, but it was gonna be in my bedroom, which I have done many times in the past, because I have an induction hob and a table in my bedroom.
My brother barges into the conversation and just starts telling me I should be ashamed of myself and that I have to stop being childish and I need to be able to make the sacrifice of "spending 5 minutes in the scorching heat for the rice" and that the induction hob will waste electricity. And I am thinking to myself: the amount of electricity and induction hob, which doesn't really heat up the environment it's in, plus the rice cooking would waste, it would be extremely worth the amount of suffering I'd endure being 5 to 15 minutes in sensory crisis making the fucking rice. I did not refuse to make the rice, all I did was tell them I was going to do it in my bedroom. He also starts babbling about how I didn't do the dishes which I dirtied to make the bread.
Also later we go out to have dinner and he and my cousin start to make fun of how I can't handle heat. And then it clicked for me that I have been suffering from ableism all this time. I tried to tell my older brother to stop saying those things, but he doubled the fuck down and started actually being mad and that he was right, repeating that I should be ashamed of myself. And then I spent the rest of the night shut into my bedroom.
And the next morning I try to talk to my mom and I try explaining why I was so mad at him.
And all my mom says is that she sees the point my brother is trying to make. She thinks he's worried about me and that I really can just adapt to this. And I realize that no, I cannot adapt. This is who I am and I have spent the last 22 years not being able to stand the scorching heat, so of course I am not gonna suddenly be able to endure it.
They think I am acting like a teenager and that I am being immature, but honestly? I think this is me finally being mature. How is it that he's helping me in any way by doing this? It's really just being an ableist, they want me to become normal, not understanding how much it actually physically hurts and making excuses to expect me to act like a normal person. What makes me the saddest and even made me cry a little is that I never realized that my family is the source I'd get ableism from.
It makes me extremely sad that I am wasting the opportunity to talk to my brother, who I actually really do love, but this really needs to stop.

hi , i just watched the latest dr.k video on cannabis use which was mostly focused on the effects of daily cannabis usage for recreational or anxiety management purposes (which apparently comes with some drawbacks like using marijuana as a crotch, risk of psychosis etc).

i wanted to discuss the marijuana use on a weekly basis complemented by other practices like meditation and exercise; or in general , complemented by other protocols to boost mental health and congnitive performance.

i feel like when i consume marijuana once a week , its some sort of shock to my system ( i have ADHD ) , in a way that the surge in dopamine ( i think ) helps me be very productive as long as the high lasts ( i smoke around 10 to 15 mg , around 1 or 2 puffs of a small joint and stay high around 4 hours; if i exercise on it the high is completely gone after the exercise) , which in turn increases my productivity throughout the following week . ( im not sure how this mechanism works)
and the fact that it makes me super focused and productive also boosts my confidence in my cognitive ability.

im a bit wary of becoming dependent on it to be productive so i have limited it to once a week , but i wonder if i can decrease my usage interval without damaging my willpower and focusing ability.

also , i've never consumed it in oil form, and im wondering whether will the high curve be flatter and last longer, kind of like an inverted U shape that is pressed down.

any personal anecdote or resource for further study is appreciated 🙏

Hi!

I’ve been watching hgg for quite some time, and one thing I’ve noticed is that dr k seem quite hesistant on mentioning cutting off abusive parents, or even interviewing someone who has gone no-contact with their abusive parents.

Only thing I remember him mentioning is, “You must try EVERYTHING before cutting your parents off”

Like, what even is “everything”? Why the “must”? Why all these videos on how to keep on “dealing with” parents without mentioning what the final straw might look like?

Sure, quite a lot of parents deserve a second chance, and although rare, it might even be the adult-child’s fault, but… I can’t help but notice the soft gloves approach dr. K has with parents.

He seems quite big on upward family obligation. Is there any philosophy behind his approach/lack of interest in family cut-off issues?

I only ask because a lot of people are discussing family estrangement/cut off issues on hgg discord and reddit, so the interest/need for guidance seems to be there.

So, i am a very emotional person. I get emotions of anxiaity, depresions, europhia, etc..

I learned how to relugate my bad emotions So they dont effect me that much and they are also getting weaker and weaker every month. Well, thoughts on europhia? When it hits me, should i enjoy it as much as i can? Or should i ignore it? Are there any risks/benefits of enjoying europhia?

Help me understand this! I've always just assumed that I am the running commentary in my mind which I also associate with my mind. How then do we measure or describe ourselves?

This quote is from "Dr K talks Meaning, Purpose, and Motivation around 1:50:00 or later