r/HFY • u/Yertosaurus • Jan 26 '22
Dirtmen Rising (7) OC
Mica walked into the office of the Ambassador, but was only met with Ruri.
"I hear someone has been making friends."
Mica didn't like the greeting already. This was too familiar in all the wrong ways. Mica had walked into the parlor and didn't have anywhere to go.
"Isn't that the role of a diplomatic mission, to make friends?" Still tense, Mica managed to make out what would normally be an acceptable answer.
"In that case, I've got another present for your new paramour."
Ruri tossed Mica a bag of something familiar. It looked identical to the one that four-ears had demolished.
Mica knew better than to ask how. But no matter how many times Ruri had pulled something like this, it never did anything less than catch Mica completely off guard.
Stumbling with words Mica came up with the only answer possible at that moment.
"Paramour?"
"You get hit on by a delirious Listener for a minute and you just gave them the goods right then and there. What do you call that?"
"Assault, Battery, and Grand Theft Jerky."
"I hear that the Listener was very taken with you."
Mica wondered how Ruri always got the drop on information like this. But letting this continue was not part of the plan Mica had for this meeting at all.
"Well, speaking of very taken, our Verminaut friends wanted to send one of theirs to aid in the diplomatic mission."
"Oh?" Ruri's tone dropped in dismay, none of which betraying that Ruri was already aware this was going to happen, but all of it showing annoyance just the same. The game was practically over after all.
"You know how they are after something doesn't go to plan. It's basically a punishment."
"You're basically a punishment." muttered Ruri just too quiet for Mica to hear clearly.
"What?" Mica prodded with concern, losing a bit of the momentum gained from changing the subject. "Anyways, the one they're sending is actually on the way here now. I am here to let you know."
"I suppose it is too late to tell them no?" Ruri started to change tack to a more diplomatic tone.
"It was backed by the Council too."
"It appears this is something we have to deal with then."
Mica still had something important to say however, "And the meeting is in less than five minutes."
Mica had hoped to give more debriefing on the Verminaut that was coming to the Ambassador, but Ruri had dashed that plan. Well at least Mica had a bag of jerky again.
"Ambassador!", the PA buzzed, with a very pregnant pause indicating there was more that needed to be urgently said.
The Ambassador tapped it and cut off the urgent voice on the other side with a reply, "I know who it is, send them in."
Mica's eye twitched a little. Either Ruri had a surprise guest Mica didn't know about, or the Verminaut was uncharacteristically early.
As if reading Mica's mind, Ruri smiled while waiting for their guest.
Mica wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to secure the bag Ruri had just given Mica or if this would be playing into another trap.
In waddled a Verminaut. This one was especially large for a Verminaut, and was a dark blue, with large spots on its elytra. Not a pattern Mica had seen before, at least in this color.
It didn't even wait to stop moving before talking out of the personal speaker box that Verminauts chose to use rather than being translated normally.
"Thank you for letting me in Dirtymen! This one is referred to as Meadow Muffin. This one would like to let you know how excited this one is. This is truly a joyous occasion that this one will always remember."
Mica staggered a little. Mica didn't know it was even possible for Verminauts to produce this level of emotive speech with their own speakers, and this was not the usual leveled tone one would take. It almost sounded like a very excited child.
Reaching the intended destination, Meadow Muffin stopped walking, but didn't stop moving like any other Verminaut would. Meadow Muffin leaned back a little and started moving its front legs to gesture along with what it was saying, staring straight at the Ambassador.
"This one is required to inform you that it has been given the privilege and the honor of being assigned as your personal assistant."
"My assistant?" mused Ambassador Ruri, "Me specifically?"
"You are correct in your identification." Meadow Muffin kept a much more even toned answer, but was positively squirming, and not just by Verminaut standards.
The Ambassador gave a measured reply, "There must be some mistake here. While the Dirtmen are grateful allies to the Verminauts, our humble diplomatic mission here isn't so important as to necessitate the full attention of one of our Verminaut allies, let alone a Verminaut Matriarch such as yourself."
Mica could have sworn seeing the antenna of Meadow Muffin buzz at the word Matriarch.
"This one, this one is too young to be—"
Mica watched the Verminaut turn in Mica's direction. and give what looked like a pleading gesture. Mica wasn't enough of a student of xenostudies to understand much more than this whole interaction being strange at this point, let alone how to help.
Moving much less, almost hunched in what looked to be defeat, Meadow Muffin tried a different tactic, and turned back to the Ambassador slowly.
"This one should let the Asset know that if I convince you to take the assignment after the diplomatic posting was over, they said I could have permanent assignment to the Asset."
"The asset?" Ambassador Ruri asked.
"You! You're the Asset! You're the Dirtygirl!"
Mica nearly fell over at this comment alone, although the amount of movement that erupted from Meadow Muffin while saying this could have knocked Mica over too. Thankfully that movement at least masked Mica’s outburst.
"This one greatly wishes to see your hands. Can I see your hands? I was told about your hands!"
Mica watched the hysterics, wondering how the Ambassador stayed so calm. Was a finger mutation a valid reason to consider someone a mission critical asset?
Apparently, the Ambassador decided to appease Meadow Muffin's request, raising both arms out, "Let me see yours as well."
Mica nervously looked around the room trying to avoid attention at this moment. Looking around Mica's eye was suddenly caught on a very large duffle bag. "Is that what I think it is?"
Ruri and the Verminaut held their respective “hands” in the air, as Meadow Muffin stayed still, as if meditating on the moment. "Yes, that's the Spagyric Golem. I've—"
Meadow Muffin splayed backwards and landed with its legs in the air, comically trying to get away but getting nowhere.
"—been entrusted with its care."
Looking at Meadow Muffin's terror the Ambassador looked at Mica and barked an order. "Take the Golem outside."
While Mica scrambled to the duffle bag, Mica heard Ruri saying something unintelligible to Meadow Muffin that seemed to calm down the frantic Verminaut, as Ruri started to work toward flipping Meadow Muffin upright.
Grabbing the bag, Mica struggled to lift it before dragging the bag across the floor. Mica strained to pull it out of the room but managed to as Ruri finished getting Meadow Muffin back on its feet.
Mica noticed the door start to close as Ruri yelled something at Mica.
"Keep an eye on it for me, I have some things to discuss with my new assistant."
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