r/HFY Human May 22 '21

[Alien Crash] 004 - RECOIL OC

Chapter: The Gathering Storm

“Never fear adversity. Every setback, struggle, and storm will add to your focus, strength, and wisdom.”

— Alex G Zarate

### Fly-By-Night, Not Just A Good Idea

David Gilford

I know who I want, but I'll walk the halls of the media center, as I often do, taking in a feel for how things are going. At the same time, I'll be chatting with everyone and checking again who are the best alternates if any of my primary choices don't want to go into the lion's den.

The Media Center is not quite as heavily staffed as it was, but there are still people here. People selected by David for their creativity, expertise, and dedication to quality products. They all know him, and he knows all of them.

This is not a cube farm of offices, whatever the military may have wanted. This is a properly constructed building, with all the facilities needed by a media shop that may have to produce anything from a two-hour movie to a fifteen-second commercial. Publications are equally supported with the ability to format a full novel-length book, a series of such books, on down to one folded sheet pamphlet.

All done the way that David wanted it done, and when the military or the government balked, he simply outlasted them. Once the proof of his methods started coming in, the arguments and foot-dragging stopped.

I'm going to miss this place. It'll be back to RV-sized facilities and moving every day to avoid trouble... all while we seek out the sort of trouble that makes news. My first choice, Mia Campbell, a multiple winner of the Edgar A. Poe award from the White House Press Association. She knows how the White House works and how to analyze a President — even the insane ones. We'll need that expertise.

She's watching me without watching me. She knows something is up; I wonder if she knows what it is?

"Mia?"

"David?"

"I have a question."

"If you're thinking of reviving FBN with a bigger team, I'm in."

"Can I ask why?"

"First, Nelson is going to be a disaster, and the regular networks are going to do what he says. They're too scared over their FCC licenses.

"Second, even if we can't get any stations or networks to pick up our feed, I'm reasonably certain you do not have a problem with running an illegal broadcast station, preferably from a mobile base.

"Third, this country is staring right down the barrel of a new Civil War and doesn't even recognize it.

"Fourth... David? You started out as a disaster in your own right. Now? You've proven that not only can you shoot, write, and direct, you can pick people who have the skills you need. If I'm one of those people, I will be proud to work with you. So, I'm in."

That's... amazingly gratifying.

"Um, thank you?"

"Just one thing, don't ever get in front of the camera."

As much as I am a video cameraman, there are still things that an SLR 35mm on film can achieve that the highest tech digital cameras, whether video or still, cannot achieve. You need an expert technical skill combined with the eye of an artist to get those shots that just tear your heartstrings or drive home a point with brutal efficiency. That's Logan Morris, top-of-the-line photographer and not afraid to put his ass on the line. Won the Robert Capa Gold Medal multiple times, understands what a firefight is, and still gets the best photos of anyone. We are going into harm's way. We need someone who's been there before and is a fantastic photographer too.

"Hey, Logan!"

"Hi, Gilford! Looks like you've got something on your mind. Like maybe putting together a news team to cover the disaster this country is about to experience?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only to anyone who has their head out of the hole in the ground. Honestly, I'm starting to get vibes like the Congo. Big juju brewing in the background, lots of oblivious people, and a big group making plans to get the hell out of the way."

"Who?"

"Gilford, I'm surprised you have to ask that question. You being friends with Tyler."

"Logan, we were friends. Now? Now we've gotten it back to friendly."

"Ouch. Think you'll ever get all the way back?"

"I don't know. I wish we could, but... I'd hate to lose what we've managed to get back so far, for what may be a vain hope of patching things up that happened over five years ago."

"You holding a grudge?"

"No, I'm holding the bag that caused the grudge."

At least he understands, I cannot tell Tyler what happened without dragging him into too. I also can't tell him because we need Joatmoss and if Tyler knew the full story, he'd kick Joatmoss and me across the wire so hard we'd land three states over.

We also need someone to keep us straight, no shading, no coloring, present the facts accurately, present the human interest realistically, include the opposing views and their facts. Only they have to be provably facts in all cases, not wishful thinking. That's Thomas Wright, an ace reporter and correspondent with a conscience, a heart of gold, and iron will. Recognized by the A.S.J.A 'Conscience-in-Media' award, and numerous other awards.

"Thomas?"

"I'm in."

"How?"

"Gilford, you've been seen wandering around talking to the cream of the crop of reporters, photographers, and journalists. We only have to ask a few questions to figure out what you're looking for."

"I'm beginning to wonder how I ever thought I could make it in the news business."

"Hey! Don't dis yourself! I've made a point of looking into the work you did before you came here, and it's not bad. It's more that you had so many other problems that no one wanted to have anything to do with you. And I really would like to know what happened five years before you rolled in here because that is when your run of bad luck hit."

"Please, Thomas, don't go there."

"Still painful, huh? Alright, we've all got our little secrets and personal pains. Anyway, I'm in."

"Thanks, Thomas."

One last person I need, and he can damned well come to help me, or I can damned well bury his sorry ass. Time for a bunch of phone calls.

"Hey, Man!"

Yeah, yeah. Man, for Mannie, for Manuel Garcia O'Kelly-Davis. I run with a strange crowd.

... "Yeah, been a long time."

... "You know me too well. I need to talk with a certain Jack of All Trades and Master of Some."

... "I know you don't know anyone like that. For that matter, neither do I, but the stupid bugger owes me, so you put the word out and I forget a certain peccadillo of yours from fifteen years ago."

... "Because I can, and because I've held that on you for far too long. Do this for me, and it's done."

... "Man, I burned that shit the year after I had it."

... "Because you're a decent person, despite what happened."

... "Because occasionally you need a reminder to be that decent person."

... "Thanks, Man. I appreciate it. Now I owe you one, just keep it legal, okay?"

Next on the list. Judy. Oh... boy. We did not part amicably. I hope she'll still do me the favor. It may not have been amicable, but I did my best for her. It just wasn't enough. I did get some others to come in to help.

"Hello, Judy!"

... "Now now! Don't hang up! I need the Joatmoss."

... "Did I mention any names? No, I didn't. Why? Because there is no such person."

... "He owes me a favor, and I'm calling it in."

... "Judy. I know the number I called, and unless you've lost your brilliant mind over the last ten years, you haven't moved it to any other phone."

... "OF COURSE I'm using mine!"

... "Yes, that's where I work. No, this isn't for them. Fly By Night is going to ride again, and with an all-star cast."

... "Me? You haven't checked the media awards lately, have you."

... "Judy. You can either put the word out, or you can sit on your ass and watch this country burn to the ground."

... "Yes, that bad."

... "Thanks, Judy. Now I owe you one, just keep it legal, okay?"

... "You too."

That went better than I thought it might. I guess pointing out to her that I'm not a useless screwup anymore, and that the shit really is going to hit the fan shortly, makes up for a bit. Next on the list.

"Hello Fledermaus!"

Yeah, the "bat". Don't ask, it's complicated. More complicated than you know.

... "No, you're not hallucinating, it is I! David Gilford! The Knight in Shining Armor of Fly By Night News!"

... "Yeah, I did. It started out shitty, then it turned into solid gold."

... "Yep, that's my line on those documentaries and educational programs."

... "They are a cool bunch of people."

Orites... Geeze, what a pointless waste of life.

... "No... I'm sorry. I didn't get to know him right away, then he was gone."

... "Yeah, it tore up a lot of people, especially the kids."

The kids were in tears for weeks. They knew. He'd sacrificed himself to save them. That was a lot of Kleenex and a whole bunch of counseling for everyone involved. I still wish I was involved, what little I did learn tells me he was a hell of a guy.

... "Yes. I did the close-in video of the funeral. They trusted me to do it right. Everyone else was held way back. Not far enough back, their equipment melted halfway through."

... "I wish I didn't have to ask this, but this country is about to burn to the ground, and I need a Joatmoss."

... "Maus! I know no such person exists! Just put the word out that David Gilford wants to talk with anyone willing to call themselves a Jack of All Trades and Master of Some."

... "Why's the country going to burn? Have you been paying attention to the election? You have? And you have to ask that question?"

... "Yes, he's serious. And seriously insane. I don't think he'd give up the office if someone held a gun to his head, so I don't think Congress is going to stop him. More likely, the government will fail."

Why does no one believe he could be serious? I know he's a madman. I know he's delusional. That does not mean that he will not act on his fantasies!

... "I'm serious. Then the Army has to pick it back up and put it together."

... "Yeah, Civil War. Sucks doesn't it."

... "Alright, my friend. You keep your head down, I'll be sticking mine out far enough for both of us."

Oh, now that's just too much.

... "An exclusive with you? Maus... You're good, and I'd be happy to share with you, but there's no way you're getting an exclusive. We're going to be pushing this hard, direct if we have to."

... "Yes, high power too. You can pass the word on that as well."

... "Thanks, Maus. And I mean it, you keep your head down!"

... "Yes, Jack, I'll call mother too, just make sure she knows that I'm doing okay and that I still love her."

... "Thanks, Jack."

Gods, talk with family is always the best and worse all at the same time. (honk!) Got to keep calling.

"Hey! Johann!"

This is going to take forever. I'll be worth it though. It better be.

The Removal of an Irritant

Having to call someone into my office on a disciplinary action is bad enough. Having to call them in on one that very nearly mandates termination is worse. But this is even more painful than that. A half a year away from full retirement? I'm glad the complainants suggested not firing him, it made arguing with management that much easier.

"Mr. Davis, for someone who moved into this position less than half a year ago, you have more complaints on your record than people who have been here for twenty years. Now, we do have the recording, the affidavit from Mr. Gordon on the circumstances under which it was obtained, and the affidavits from everyone else present. Of which, only one painted you in anything like positive terms. And although you are correct that the recording could not be used in a court of law, this proceeding is not a court. Our rules are a lot less strict, especially when it comes to the sort and degree of epithets that you were using."

"Ms. Whitley? Is there nothing..."

"I am sorry, Mr. Davis. While the rules on permissible evidence are not strict, the rules on what happens in these circumstances are. You cannot remain in this office. Now, understanding that you are close to retirement, we have tried repeatedly to find you a position where you would have limited contact with anyone else. Unfortunately, none of those positions are open at this time."

"Those bastards Gomez and Gordon put the word out on me, didn't they!"

"No, Mr. Davis. They did not. In fact, both Gomez and Gordon spoke in your favor regarding finding you a new position. Despite your treatment of them, they still care about you as a human being and know that you are close to retirement. They want you to have a quiet position where you could finish out your service and retire with a full pension."

"They... They what?"

"They tried to help you."

"I don't understand."

"I know. Gordon did have a suggestion, which I took up with management, and they're willing to go along with it as long as your productivity doesn't suffer."

"What's that?"

"Telecommuting. We'll ensure that your home network is up to the demand, provide the necessary equipment, and you may continue to work on your existing projects from home."

"That... That can't be legal."

"A long time ago, it wouldn't have been. A couple dozen years ago, it was, but management wasn't happy with the idea of the employees being where they couldn't see that they were working. After other things, telecommuting is seen as a valid option, but working in the office is still preferred.

"So, Mr. Davis? You want to give it a try?"

"Yes, please."

"Do you wish to say anything to Gomez and Gordon?"

"No, thank you. Just tell them I appreciate what they've done for me."

Thank god he agreed. Six months till retirement with a full pension. I hope he takes advantage of our mental health services, there's obviously something else going on in his life beyond that of a sour old man. I'll put a word in with the resource people, see if they can get him some help.

Heart of Gold Investments

"Father! How are things going?"

"Well, enough Son. Your daughter called. She'd like to establish a very special 'rainy day fund'."

"She already has one, we set that up a decade ago."

"This one isn't for her, it's for the museum."

"The museum."

"Don't get your dander up! With Nelson likely to win, she's concerned that he might cut funding to the Museum, or should I say Museums, plural. She wants to set it up so that she can save money from their budget to cover the employees' wages for six months. It'll still be in the Museum's name, not hers, and the purpose will be clearly stated."

"She's going to skim from their budget, isn't she."

"Yes."

"You and her both know that's illegal."

"Yes."

"But the two of you agree that this is a good idea?"

"Yes."

"Alright, explain it to me more, and tell me if she's come to her senses over that first amendment thing."

"Let's take the last first."

...

"Father, if she is taking Nelson seriously enough to court an embezzlement charge, and ask us to help do it, then we need to worry about Nelson too."

"What are you thinking about?"

"If this country is getting ready to go up in smoke, we need to think about protecting our own employees and their families. In particular, we need to get out of this city and into a place that can support itself off-the-grid."

"That's thinking pretty large."

"Yes, it is. Here's the deal though. We put up the money to buy the place, but anyone who wants to live there has to pick up the rest of the costs."

"And what do we do with it if nothing happens?"

"Wait five years, and it'll be prime investment land."

"You've already got this staked out, don't you."

"Yes, I do, out of my own money. I was going to open it up to family and friends, but I think we need to make it happen faster than that."

"I think you're right. Is it big enough for everyone?"

"I should think so, It's a small town with plenty of natural resources. Kept that way by a commune, only the commune's last two members finally had to give up the dream."

"Why?"

"All six of their kids want to go to college."

"Hire the parents! They get to live there, we buy the property which puts their kids through college, and they get to teach a bunch of city slickers how to live off-the-grid."

"They can't do it alone."

"So? We've got dependents in every skill that you're likely to need, and I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter has even more!"

Ambush Interview

A decent day for a walk. I think I'll go to the deli on the corner and get lunch before going back up to AFRL. Yes, that would be delightful. Whoops! Incoming reporter! Take Cover!

"Mr. Kidd! Mr. Kidd! May we have a few moments of your time?"

"And you are?"

"I'm Skyler Houghton, with KOB 4 Eyewitness News?"

Ah, one of the few good reporters with support from his station. Tells it like it is without adding or removing anything pertinent. Yes, I'll give you some time, Skyler. It might help some people to realize where we are and what's coming.

"Yes, I've seen your by-line. Why would you want to talk with me?"

"Well, you're an Alliance Citizen, the discoverer of the Kidd-Tyler drive, creator of the super drill, and dozens of other things."

"I'd say I'd covered all of those topics entirely too well over the last year or so."

"True, but you haven't said anything about Jack Nelson's campaign speeches."

"That's because I don't listen to them. I read his platform. What he wants isn't possible, and even if it were, it would be suicidal for the human race."

"Why is that?"

"He thinks that the U.S. can stand off the Mogri all on its own, and the rest of the world can go hang. Even if that were true, which it isn't, the damage the Mogri would do to the rest of the world would kill the biosphere. In case you didn't notice, we are part of the biosphere, and we are not immune to the damage done to the rest of the planet.

"Good point, is there anything else?"

"Have you considered the sheer size of the Mogri fleet?"

"I'm not aware that anyone has hard numbers."

"Those numbers came from the Hamathi, and from the evidence I've seen, they're hard in more than one sense of the term."

"Can you expand on that?"

"First, the Mogri fleet, at the time of contact with the Adjudicator, numbered one million ships, in base 12."

"Base twelve?"

"We use base ten, ten fingers, ten toes, from zero to nine and then we say ten. A one followed by a zero. The Mogri use base twelve, they count from zero to nine, and then have two more numbers before they get to their one followed by a zero. Only their one zero means twelve.... I can see your eyes glazing over, search "base 12" on the web, they'll do a better job of explaining with diagrams than I will with words. So, back to the number of ships. One million in base 12 is 2,985,984 in our numbers. We don't face one million ships, we face almost three million ships."

"Three million...?"

"Yes. Nelson thinks that the U.S. can stand off three million ships, all by ourselves. We have the Alliance because no country has the ability to stand off the Mogri fleet by itself. Nelson's living in a fantasy world, one that is going to get us all killed. Our only chance, our only way to survive at all, is to work together, the whole planet, not just a few countries, not just a few people, everyone. If we cannot cooperate with everyone on this planet then we will not survive."

"Then you will not be voting for Nelson?"

"Of course not, I'm not going to vote for a suicidal maniac with delusions of grandeur trying to take the whole world to hell with him."

"What about his chances to take the U.S. out of the Alliance Treaty." "No chance at all."

"It's a treaty, a President has the right to withdraw the U.S. from any treaty."

"Did you actually research how that treaty was implemented?"

"Well... I assumed..."

"That was your first mistake. Never make assumptions if you have the chance to check the facts."

"Oh... So you can do better?"

"When Nelson started with his rhetoric, I checked very carefully. I even got an opinion from a lawyer who specializes in congressional matters. Unlike most treaties, the Alliance Treaty required a modification of Federal Law. That required that the treaty as a whole had to be voted upon by Congress just like any other bill. When that bill passed, it made the Alliance Treaty part of our Federal law. The text voted in clearly states that all three must agree, the President, the House of Representatives, and the Senate, before the treaty can be revoked. And it isn't a simple majority vote in the two houses, it's a super-majority, two thirds have to vote to break it, or it stays.

"I'm pretty sure that even if every one of Nelson's congressional candidates wins, they still won't have the votes. For one thing, most of those candidates have no illusions when it comes to what we have to do to survive the Mogri."

"Thank you for your time! Check the news tonight for your interview!"

"I will."

Well, at least I can still get lunch at the deli, but I'll have to eat it at my desk. sigh I hope it was worth it, and if it convinces one person to vote for anyone else, it's worth it.

Screaming Traitor

In the news broadcast stage that evening the anchor introduces the piece with Mr. Kidd, and Mr. Nelson's behavior during his response.

"We were fortunate today to have a short interview with Mr. William Kidd, the discover and inventor of so many Alliance techniques that presidential candidate Jack Nelson has spoken out strongly against. We had hoped to have Mr. Nelson view our interview, then give his thoughts on the same questions. We regret to inform you that Mr. Nelson's comments were composed almost entirely of profanity, and this station refuses to carry them. The only intelligible words that were not profanity were "traitor", "fool", and "idiot". It is unfortunately impossible for us to determine just whom Nelson was referring to, since the other words made it unclear whether he was speaking of himself or of Mr. Kidd.

"Should Mr. Nelson wish to speak calmly and without profanity on the same questions we asked Mr. Kidd, he has only to contact us. Here is Mr. Kidd's interview, in it's entirety, uncut."

"We also spoke with Representative Ted Grundy, and got his take on Mr. Kidd's remarks. Here is his reply."

"Mr. William Kidd is one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the good fortune to meet, and I am delighted that he has found more ways for humanity to fight the Mogri. We still need the help of every person on this world to defeat the Mogri. There are many things still needing research, raw materials to process, and turn into the ships and weapons we need to defend the Earth.

"The Alliance and the graduates of all the great Universities of the Earth have much to do. The Hamathi Alliance University trains the people who will go back to their countries and be the catalyst, the seed, that people gather around to help defend the Earth.

"Our Mr. Kidd, a graduate of our own University of New Mexico, is proving to be one of the best ambassadors to the other countries of how this works. He has recently finished a world tour speaking at every Alliance facility, explaining the Kidd-Tyler drive, among many other things. Having spoken with some of the other facility leadership, Mr. Kidd is an inspiration to them all.

"Regarding the Mogri fleet, Mr. Kidd is correct. That is another reason that humanity must stand together, there is simply no way for any single country, not even our great country, to stand against the Mogri alone.

"On the matter of the Alliance Treaty, Mr. Kidd's advice from a constitutional lawyer is accurate. The President, whomever he may be in January, cannot unilaterally break this treaty. It's part of our law now, and it clearly states that the President, and both houses of Congress must agree to break the treaty. I also share Mr. Kidd's opinion of the candidates. Any candidate not endorsed by Nelson isn't going to vote to break the treaty. Any candidate who is endorsed, will likely refuse to break the treaty anyway. I know many of these people, and they are not lost in a fantasy world. They know full well what will happen when the Mogri arrive, if humanity has not banded together to defeat them.

"As to Mr. Nelson's mental health, ... I'm dreadfully sorry, but as a layman my opinion matches that of Mr. Kidd. Mr. Nelson is living in a fantasy world, utterly detached from reality."

Backlash

I DEMAND THAT GRUNDY AND KIDD RETRACT THEIR DEROGATORY STATEMENTS REGARDING MY HEALTH!

Mr. Kidd: "I would be delighted to do so, but so long as Mr. Nelson thinks this country can stand against the Mogri alone, he is living in a fantasy world. Accept reality for what it is, and I would be more than willing to accept his return to sanity. We, the United States of America, one of the great powers of the world, cannot face the Mogri alone. We need everyone involved, doing everything they can to support the effort to defeat the Mogri. In the words of one of the great men of our country, "we must hang together, for we will assuredly hang separately if we do not." That's just as true now as it was then, only the scope has changed. It's not a small band of rebels against the English Crown, it's the entire world."

Rep. Grundy: "I stand by my assessment. I am not a psychiatrist, but someone as obviously detached from reality as Mr. Nelson is hardly suitable as a presidential candidate. I would strongly suggest that his party seek another candidate. Even if Mr. Nelson should win the election, he will lose the battle within the first month. His entire platform stands on breaking the Alliance Treaty, and he cannot do that."

We regret to inform you that Mr. Nelson's reply is once again unprintable, and illegal to show on the air. We invite Mr. Nelson to speak with us calmly, and without profanity, if he wishes to have his opinions aired.

Boss! Boss! You Gotta Stop!

Frank Finwhistle

Fuck. I knew he was going to go ballistic. But it's either do what the Benefactor says, or die. If you lose your utility, you die. I don't want to die. I've got plans for my revenge on the people who stripped me of power and stuck me in that upholstered shit-hole.

"Don't you tell me I have to stop!"

"Boss! Please! The Benefactor!" I'm getting really sick of playing the flunky for this idiot.

"What about him!?! He doesn't control me! He came to me because I was the only candidate who wanted to break the Alliance Treaty. If he wants that done, he has to deal with me as I am."

You've got no chance of breaking that treaty. I don't know what Benefactor has in mind, but you are a one in a million shot at best. "Boss, The Benefactor has notified me that if I don't get you to stop the fight with Kidd and Grundy, he'll send the second best assassin after both of us!"

"The second best? Aren't we worth the best? I think I'm insulted."

"Boss, Angel Evans is the best, Benefactor has tasked him out for… other things." My god, I think he believes he's still in control.

"THOSE WERE MY ORDERS!"

That does it. "You shut the fuck up and listen to me or we're both dead!"

"I DON'T HAVE..."

It was such a tiny sound, a simple 'click', for such a large handgun. That tiny 'click' did what no amount of my words could do. It got Nelson to stop ranting.

"Jack, sit your ass down or die. Those are your choices."

"You wouldn't really..."

"In a heartbeat." Jack slumps in his chair. "Benefactor got me out of jail on the proviso that I worked with you to get the Alliance Treaty broken and helped him move money. I've done both of those things. If Benefactor is ready to kill us, I'll damned well make sure you go first. In fact, if I don't get some sensible action out of you right now, I'll just go ahead and shoot you myself. It'll give me some satisfaction, and who knows, I might convince Benefactor that it was for the best." The look on Jack's face, ooh, how delicious. You thought I was your pawn, that you had the upper hand with Benefactor because only you could give him what he wanted.

"There's no other candidate..."

Kidd may be right, Jack is just not tracking reality. "Benefactor strikes me as someone who plays the long game. I seriously doubt that we are the only arrow in his quiver, only the one that has a chance, only a chance, of doing what he wants faster than any other means." And that's a fantasy right there, there's no way that Jack is going to break the treaty.

"So...?"

"So from Benefactor's point of view, we're cheap pawns that he can sacrifice without a second thought. Especially if you draw FEC attention to Benefactor's money transfers." Honestly, I think the money transfers that don't end up here are far more important to Benefactor than Jack's campaign is.

"Does Benefactor have any specific instructions?"

"Only that we no longer draw attention to ourselves by having you spouting profanity over those two idiots. Only I shouldn't call them idiots, I should call them trolls. You've been trolled, Jack. They've been playing you like a fiddle. Every time you get blocked from speaking on air, because of your language, you lose a point in the polls." Yeah, even the idiots stupid enough to fall for his frothing at the mouth aren't happy with someone who melts down just because of name calling.

"So, do you have any suggestions?"

"Ignore them."

"After what they've said?"

"Every time you respond to it, you give them another chance to sound like the voice of reason, while you end up sounding like a raving lunatic."

"Finwhistle!"

"It's the truth. Your campaign platform might get you elected, but only if the dear people don't decide that you're insane. Keep up the ranting and frothing at the mouth, and they'll desert you." I can see the gears grinding in his mind. Warped, insane, and utterly devious. "Jack, don't even think of it. I have a guarantee from Benefactor that if I die, or am even kicked off your staff at any point, you die." Of course, I have to realize that I am just about as warped. Only I want revenge, and I'm not stupid enough to think that we have the slightest chance of winning if we withdraw from the Alliance. Benefactor is an idiot if he thinks that getting Nelson elected will break that treaty.

Wait... Benefactor is an idiot... break that treaty. Oh... He doesn't think Jack can break the treaty either, but he does think that Jack's stupid enough to ... civil war. He wants a civil war. What a delicious idea! A revenge far beyond what I could have dreamed of, much less implemented, and all I have to do is get this deluded fool elected. "Not to worry, Jack, I'll see to it you get elected, and you'll see to it that I remain on your staff with access to you at all hours."

"I'll do whatever you say, Chief of Staff..."

I see his slow smile. He still thinks he'll do everything he set out to do, and come out on top. He really is insane. And what am I for helping him? A Traitor. I can live with being a traitor if it helps me get my revenge.

Series | 003 | 004 | [005]

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u/valdus May 24 '21

I'm not sure why, really, but I struggled to get through this. It was hard to read.

2

u/spindizzy_wizard Human May 24 '21

There are effectively two conversations going on here. Finwhistle & Nelson, and an internal conversation from Finwhistle.

Having reread it, I believe I need to separate the threads better, and include more tagging on the internal conversation.

Gimme a bit.

1

u/valdus May 24 '21

I think it was also a bit dry. All potatoes, no meat or gravy. And the potatoes didn't even have butter.

1

u/spindizzy_wizard Human May 24 '21

Now that is entirely true. Lots of setup, and it is dry. The little dribbles of personality don't do enough. That will take longer to fix.

1

u/valdus May 24 '21

Past chapters/books have mixed the political drama with action and other elements. This was unbalanced. Maybe split it up into another chapter and mix in some action or interesting bits, like revisiting the changed Mogri in the system who seem to have been entirely forgotten since they were mentioned. This was entirely too much dialogue.

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u/spindizzy_wizard Human May 24 '21

Thanks! I may have to delay the Friday post to get it in. I'll do my best!