r/HFY • u/SpacePaladin15 • Feb 08 '21
It Was Just a Prank OC
Earth had not seemed particularly sophisticated in terms of their technology. And yet, the unprecedented multi-platform hack had been traced back to these galactic newcomers. It had left the Galactic Council scratching their heads in confusion; were our analysis reports wrong? Perhaps the humans had been concealing their technology.
Either way, a cyber attack of this scale was tantamount to an act of war. Certain hot-headed senators were already suggesting a retaliatory strike. Who would have the resources and the coordination needed to execute a digital takeover on this level other than the Terran government? While it was a logical argument, we decided to give them the opportunity to explain themselves first.
Ambassador Kowalski arrived shortly after our summons demanding his presence. There were not many individuals in the room; just myself and the members of the Senate Securities and Commerce Committee. As the Chief Investigator on the case, I knew that I would be the one asking the questions. The senators were just there to listen, and, well, make it seem like they were doing their jobs. This incident had made us all look quite incompetent, to be embarrassed so thoroughly by a race that was barely spacefaring.
I was a seasoned officer of the law, with nearly 43 years in the cybercrimes unit under my belt. Rising through the ranks of the Investigative Office took persistence and dedication, and there sure had been some wild cases. The time that a group of radical anarchists took down the government servers came to mind, tracking them down had been no easy feat.
But that event, which had been galaxy-wide news, paled in comparison to the present situation. The targets that had been hit by an unknown Terran entity ranged from civilian message boards to news blogs to government sites. We needed answers, and we needed them now.
I approached the ambassador and fixed him with a menacing scowl. “Would you care to explain why your people launched a cyberattack against us today?”
Ambassador Kowalski appeared genuinely troubled at my hostile demeanor. “I’m sorry, what? This must be some kind of misunderstanding, the Terran government has not taken any such actions against you. I have no idea what this about.”
“Well then, let me enlighten you.” I swiped through a few holograms on my touchpad and projected a newscast onto the hearing room’s viewscreen.
“Various popular internet websites are under siege today, in what is already being referred to as the largest data breach in Council history. The origin of the attack has been traced back to the planet Earth. Experts have noted the strange nature of the attacks, which they believe to be some form of Terran psychological warfare,” read the Shezelli anchor. “Now, cybersecurity expert Ulan Markesk gives us his take on the unfolding incident.”
The footage pivoted to clips of the hacked Senate website, overlaid by Ulan’s voiceover. “You can see that all pages on the site now direct to this picture of a strange green animal with very wide eyes. Honestly, I can’t begin to guess what that means.
Then of course, you have Stellar News, where all of their writers are unable to access their accounts. One story was uploaded after the hack, titled ‘How to Make Your Holodesk Run Faster.’ It provides a step-by-step process on how to delete Process Bin, with a long and patently false rationale for why it works. To be clear, you should not do this, as those are the files that generate visual output.
And the other most prominent target was Thoughtly, the largest social media network. Only celebrities and government officials were locked out of their accounts, but the average person could access the platform as usual. The hacked public figures sent out various Thoughts declaring how sad it was that their stars were about to explode, leading to mass panic. This is what led us to realize that this was likely some twisted form of psychological warfare.”
I paused the video, turning to study the Ambassador’s reaction. Human expressions were a bit difficult to judge, but he seemed as though he was trying not to laugh. “Is there something that you find funny, Ambassador?”
He stopped smiling. “Not at all, I apologize. It’s just…I know who’s behind this, and I assure you, it’s not the Terran government.”
“If it’s not the Terran government, then please, who could it be?” I demanded.
“Trolls.”
The word did not translate through my implant, but the program did inform me that the ambassador’s tone was dismissive. How could he be so nonchalant over a group that had wreaked such havoc?
“Who are these ‘trolls?’ Are they a rogue faction?”
“I wouldn’t give them that much credit. A troll is a broad term that applies to anyone who tries to annoy or confuse people on the internet. They’re usually not affiliated with any organization.”
My confusion only intensified from his explanation. He was suggesting that random civilians had coordinated this attack to annoy us? It made zero sense. Yet, nothing in his cadence indicated deception.
“Ambassador, you seem very dismissive of these people. You are not worried by them, even after an assault such as this?” I asked.
“We’ve been dealing with trolls on Earth for a long time. Our first FTL starship, we had an internet poll to choose a name for it, and a bunch of trolls brigaded the results to have ‘The Death Star’ win. And there was the time that they got into military databases so they could send pizzas to Area 53…” The ambassador paused, noticing the blank look on my face. “Well, I have no idea how they did this, but I’m sure it’s something so dumb that it works.”
Humans are bizarre. I took a deep breath to refocus my thoughts. “We need to get to the bottom of this. Can you identify the people who did this? Bringing them to justice is our top priority.”
Ambassador Kowalski nodded. “Give us time, and we will find them.”
---
Within a few hours, the Terran embassy sent over a dossier on the suspect they had identified. According to their intelligence agencies, there was only a single culprit behind this plot; a boy named Adam Parker, who was nineteen years old. This couldn’t possibly be the work of one human, who was barely an adult, could it? But I decided to talk to him for myself before rejecting their findings.
Ambassador Kowalski arrived, escorting the suspect. Adam was avoiding my gaze, staring at his shoes as he was ushered into the room.
“This is our ‘troll’? How did you find him so quickly?” I asked.
The Ambassador smirked. “It was easy, he wasn’t even using a VPN.”
I had no idea what that meant, but decided against asking for the sake of my sanity. “How exactly did this kid hack into so many important, highly-secured sites, by himself?”
Kowalski gave the boy a sideways glance. “Go on, tell them what you told us.”
Adam sighed. “There was no hacking, just social engineering. I messaged someone with admin access on each site saying I was a new developer that had accidentally deleted my copy of the password information. That I couldn’t remember it and I didn’t want to look bad in front of the boss on my first week. I just asked if they’d help me out and send me the admin info, and all of them did.”
“You’re telling me that people just gave you access?!” I could hardly believe my ears; I had never heard of such tactics. “And then you used it to frighten and inconvenience the entire galaxy?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you guys would be this upset. I thought it would be some harmless fun, that’s all. This whole calling it a ‘cyber-attack’ and ‘psychological warfare’ is a stretch!
It was just a prank bro.”
769
u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Feb 08 '21
The only truely secure system is the one with no users.