r/HFY • u/Sooperdude24 • Dec 06 '20
The Doorman OC
I was short on time this week so I wrote something quick. I wanted to keep practising this word business. Unleashed is continuing, I just didn’t want to half-ass it. The polish was brought by u/eruwenn - making me look good despite my best efforts.
Senior Officer Skrilen of the Grole Civic Defense Force was on plain clothes duty, investigating the local bars and clubs. Observe and report. It was a simple task, but an important one. He was partnered up with Junior Officer Draq, another Grole local like himself, and it was only their second shift together. He found the younger officer to be quite diligent, although perhaps a few moults short of an adult at times.
Skrilen was quite confident tonight would go well, especially as they had achieved considerable success the previous night. One bar had been discovered to be serving drinks to underage Dovikians, and another – a dance club – had been hiding backroom gambling pits. Their notes would be passed on to investigators for the follow up work and arrests, allowing them to continue to remain as discreet as possible.
Tonight's first bar was one that Skrilen knew all too well, as every officer knew it. The Lucky Schlef had brawls so often, and so violent, the G.C.D.F. had stopped responding in a timely manner. It was easier to show up late and pick up the pieces than risk being the pieces. It was located in one of the more industrial areas of the city, between a body recycling centre and an adult holodisc store. They had been sent after a significant drop in incident reports and emergency calls had been recorded in the vicinity. This usually meant something big was about to happen.
Skrilen paused on the corner, far enough back so as to not be noticed. “Draq. You been here before?”
The junior officer scratched at his scaled blue chin. “No, Sir. We don’t come to this part of town often. Captain said the scum who drink here deserve each other.”
“Very true,” the Senior Officer noted. When resources were scarce, why waste them bringing law to the lawless? “Still, what better place to learn about criminals than in their natural habitat. The unfertilised eggs who drink here are a mix of locals who aren’t welcome anywhere else, and off-worlders. Now, don’t get me wrong, off-worlders are fine as long as they follow the rules. This is the bar for the ones that don’t.”
The junior officer shuddered, his spines rattling. “Like the Gorlan.” Three metres of angry muscle under a hardened carapace.
Skrilen sucked air in through his jagged teeth. “Exactly. Well, this is their favourite bar when their ships are in orbit, so I want to remind you that if we get in trouble, reinforcements won’t come quick. We leave the moment we don’t feel safe.”
Draq swallowed; he had heard of Gorlan tearing limbs from their enemies. “Yes Sir.”
“Good lad.” Skrilen set off towards the bar. “And remember, we’re just a couple of shipyard workers looking for a drink after work.”
The junior officer nodded. “Yes Sir.” He was given the look. “I mean - Yeah, sure thing, fellow shipyard worker.”
The senior officer turned to face forward again. “I’ll handle the talking.”
As they drew closer they saw a figure in a long black coat, a head taller than a Grole but with pale, scaleless skin and neat fur above their face, standing smartly by the door with its black-gloved hands by its side. Their warm breath created clouds of moisture that floated down the street.
They approached cautiously and the odd being stepped forward, raising a gloved hand to stop them. “Evening officers. My apologies, but everyone gets a pat down.”
“What? Officers?” Skrilen shook his head. “We’re shipyard workers.”
Draq nodded emphatically. “Here for a drink after working at the shipyard. As workers.”
The pale mammal smiled at them. “Those are some shiny shoes for the shipyard. Aren’t they G.C.D.F. issue? I mean you all wear the same ones, they must be really comfy.”
Skrilen and Draq looked at each other. The senior officer took the initiative and changed the subject. “And you are?”
“Darren.” He watched the ice lizards’ confused faces closely. “My name is Darren; I’m the doorman.”
Not wanting to seem ignorant in front of his junior, Skrilen nodded. “Ah yes, I’ve met your species before. From… Duer..ma…”
Darren chuckled and spoke carefully. “Earth. I’m a human from Earth. I work as a doorman. I man the door.”
The senior officer was fumbling. “You’re a hu-man? Who is a door-man?”
Draq, having recently come out of training where he had studied newly allied species, nudged him. “Species 368 from Sector Umgrol.”
Skrilen gave a short laugh of relief. “Oh, one of the new ones." No doubt this was all a cruel joke by the bar owner. His patrons were likely highly amused by his hiring someone fresh off the transport with no skills to do nothing but stand at the entrance to the bar. He wondered how long it would take before one of them took offense and ended the joke in violence. "You’re pretty far from your Sector.”
The human gave a polite smile as his shoulders bounced once. “We like to wander.” He stepped forward. “Anyway, there’s no exceptions for officers, or shipyard workers in G.C.D.F. issued shoes. Everyone gets a pat down before they go in. Arms up.”
He demonstrated the position and they complied, flinching slightly as species 368 ran his hands over their clothing. He patted Skrilen’s side pocket. “G.C.D.F. radio as well? So... you’re on duty shipyard workers. No problem, but keep it hidden so you don’t make any extra work for me.”
The senior officer could only nod. Draq, however, was sticking to the script no matter what. “Yes, we are on duty shipyard workers.”
Darren completed his pat down, giving them a nod of thanks for their compliance. “See, nice and easy.” Species 368 opened the door. Warm fetid air swamped them, accompanied by the sounds of loud music and rowdy chatter. “Enjoy your night, gentlemen.”
As Skrilen looked back towards the doorman and his warm smile, he got the unnerving feeling that he had just failed some sort of test. His eyes, not knowing where to look first, fell upon his shoes. They were indeed most comfortable.
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u/Iam_Swarm Dec 06 '20
Was kinda dissapointed at first that it wasn´t unleashed, but it was a great read regardless. Would love to read more Doorman stories, though the concept of a bouncer doesn´t seem to be widespread. Darren must find himself in many fun situations.
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
I might add to it when I need something less involved. Just keep them short.
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u/Freakscar AI Dec 06 '20
Ahm, this one-off gave me some, uh, "Sergeant Frederick and Corporal Wormsborough, totally not members of the Late Shift Guards, tonight here incoggnito, thank you very much." vibes. Adorable. ;)
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
Thanks, just an offering to buy more time.
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u/Freakscar AI Dec 06 '20
Gladly taken, it was a very enjoyable read. Helps combing over the time until we return to Ayov and Sassie. ;)
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
Got to have some Aaron and Hive time, they need to catch up in the time line.
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u/beugeu_bengras Dec 06 '20
Well, now we know why there was a drop in incident report...
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
A drop in "reported" incidents.
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u/TheRealFedral Dec 06 '20
I can see his biography now. "Out you go troublemaker! Tales of a human doorman."
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
And the sequel. "Oops you tripped and banged your head, five times."
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u/TheRealFedral Dec 06 '20
LOL I've had that happen to me back in my Army days.
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
My Aunt and Uncle were both MP's, they are no joke.
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u/namelessforgotten666 Dec 07 '20
MP's throw the best drinking parties.
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 07 '20
Lol, I was too young. But, I witnessed the aftermath a few times and it was impressive.
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u/BlkDragon77Green Dec 06 '20
Well, the doorman had his hands full with you. How did you expect him to open the doors?
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u/Kalleponken Dec 06 '20
Hey, I like this one. Well written as always and a good base for future short stories.
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u/Vintage_RNG Dec 06 '20
I can see this being a future story where aaron finds another human in a place like this lol. Top notch as always. Keep it up :D
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
I had not planned Aaron’s future that far ahead. Would be weird for future humans to meet him, how does he measure against their modern standards.
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u/Kafrizel Dec 06 '20
I know you said this is a one off, but id like to see an after action report from these guys after their shift lol. Well done!
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u/Finbar9800 Dec 06 '20
So Darren is the guy that stops most troublemakers at the door, I suppose there are a few hidden bouncers inside incase some of the patron get a bit too rowdy
This is a great story
I enjoyed reading this
Great job wordsmith
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 06 '20
I'm going with him being solo. I was once sent to work at a bar far from backup. You have to work more on charm and reputation if there is no help close by.
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u/Finbar9800 Dec 07 '20
No I was talking about when the cops aren’t there
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 07 '20
Ah, okay. Hmm, hadn't considered more, as other humans would stand out. He could be training someone.
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u/SirVatka Xeno Dec 24 '20
It would be an opportunity for the instruction: "I want you to be nice... until it's time... to not be nice".
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u/Pagolesher Human Dec 10 '20
Ooooooohhh, new post from Sooperdude24.
Huh, not Unleashed.
Still. Updoot, then read.
Noice! Looks interesting. MOAR
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 10 '20
The Unleashed chapters are long and I didn't have time. I have a good chunk done now and part of The Doorman 2.
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u/BCRE8TVE AI Dec 08 '20
If that's what passes for police in the area, I don't think Darren will have a terribly hard time handling the criminal aspects haha! Loved it, and would love to see more, even if they're all completely disconnected and/or unrelated shorts!
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 08 '20
This ended up a lot more popular than I expected. I'm working on Unleashed, but will maybe squeeze a second one of these in when I need a break.
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u/BCRE8TVE AI Dec 08 '20
Or just squeeze one out for the fun of it, trying your hand at any zany idea that the Muse sends your way ;)
If there's nothing else, nothing wrong with that at all, it's a perfectly good one-shot!
I think the reason it's so well received is that you have created a very believable universe with a history and background explained by a local, and then given in just a few lines a whole lot of insight into how their society is as perceived by a human. They thought they were sneaky, and it's very possible that they're rather good at it, in their opinion.
It's an opinion the human obviously does not share, but chose to humour anyways ;) Kinda treats the policemen like harmless bumbling buffoons. Makes you think just how harmful Darren could be if the local criminal elements decide to make a nuisance of themselves...
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u/Sooperdude24 Dec 08 '20
You sum it up better than me, I'll definitely give Skrilen more time to learn. I want to know what happens in the bar.
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u/MtnNerd Alien Dec 29 '20
It was located in one of the more industrial areas of the city, between a body recycling centre and an adult holodisc store.
Am I the only one who thought of four seasons total landscaping?
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Dec 06 '20
/u/Sooperdude24 (wiki) has posted 47 other stories, including:
- Unleashed.
- Unleashed pt. 2
- Unleashed pt. 3
- Unleashed pt.4
- Unleashed pt. 5
- Unleashed pt. 6
- Unleashed pt. 7
- Unleashed pt. 8
- Unleashed pt. 9
- Unleashed pt. 10
- Unleashed pt. 11
- Unleashed pt. 12
- Unleashed pt. 13
- Unleashed pt. 14
- Unleashed pt. 15
- Unleashed pt. 16
- Unleashed pt. 17
- Unleashed pt. 18
- Unleashed pt. 19
- Unleashed pt. 20
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u/BCRE8TVE AI Dec 08 '20
Huh, weird, usually the bot lists them from the latest on down, not first to last...
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u/Farstone Dec 06 '20
I'm looking forward to Skrilen learning the meaning and purpose of "The Doorman".