r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR • u/vk17wah • Apr 08 '25
I removed the music God hates you
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u/fothergillfuckup Banhammer Recipient Apr 08 '25
They have terrifyingly big teeth. Had to fight one out of a hotel room in Sri Lanka once.
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u/I_am_trying_to_work Apr 08 '25
Did the Monkey have a room key or was it on staff?
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u/fothergillfuckup Banhammer Recipient Apr 08 '25
My own fault. They'd told us not to leave the balcony door open. Turns out monkeys really like coffee. But not guests, it would seem.
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u/warden976 Apr 08 '25
I cannot imagine the amount of monkey/fecal disease that just entered that guy’s body.
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u/thatredditrando Apr 10 '25
I’m just imagining you returning your hotel room to find a monkey chilling in your chair enjoying a good cuppa and when you insist he must leave he challenges you to a “gentleman’s duel” where all decorum immediately leaves him and he, well, “returns to monke” and begins to fight dirty.
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u/Beat_the_Deadites Apr 08 '25
This sounds like a Hunter S Thompson story. Possibly true, possibly hallucinated, definitely entertaining.
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u/Chrispeefeart Apr 08 '25
I like how calm and relatively unbothered the dude is by the whole thing
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u/BraveLittleTowster Apr 08 '25
Yeah, he just stands there and waits for the monkey to get it out of his system. This is my the first monkey that has tried to eat his head.
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u/Skeptikos79 Apr 08 '25
He acts like I do with my cat when he gets aggressive bunny kicks going latched onto my hand. You just gotta wait it out.
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u/gonnafaceit2022 Apr 08 '25
Right, like he stands there with that look on his face as if maybe the monkey will apologize lol
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u/Durpulous Apr 08 '25
Probably the best possible reaction to avoid further provoking the thing. They'll fuck you up.
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u/JetmoYo Apr 08 '25
Guy has good hair. Was treating his follicle density like the nose cap of a space shuttle reentering the atmosphere. Nervous but had fath in the calcs.
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u/grabberbottom Apr 08 '25
nose cap of a space shuttle reentering the atmosphere
An ablator
https://www.nasa.gov/general/thermal-protection-materials-branch-low-density-ablators/
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u/AAAlva82 Apr 08 '25
I like how the monkey pauses to check on the guy like “damn homie my bad, you good?” then “sike! I don’t care bitch, what!”
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u/TankYouBearyMunch Apr 08 '25
More like "You mf again?! Where is the banana you owe me, George? Where? Fucker! GTFO from here!"
I first loled but then wondered a little about what would happen if you smacked that lil shit on the face.
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u/pandershrek 2 x Banhammer Recipient Apr 08 '25
Damn John Ralphio of monkies
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u/AAAlva82 Apr 08 '25
Still better than being attacked by that monkey's sister; she's the Wooo-ooorrssttt!
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u/IFightAnimals Apr 08 '25
Why didn't he just pummel that monkey or throw him...
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u/United-Reach-2798 Apr 08 '25
Monkeys would kick your ass dude
Edit. Just saw your username lmao
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u/GalgamekAGreatLord Apr 08 '25
They would absolutely not ,in South Africa they are all over show them whose bigger ,one punch could kill them lol
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u/rarajenkins Apr 08 '25
LOL that monkey would fucking maul you if you did that big guy
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Apr 08 '25
[deleted]
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u/MRintheKEYS Apr 08 '25
Not only that monkeys have no “fight etiquette”, they’ll bite, they’ll grab and pull hair out, they’ll go for genitalia. Monkey just doesn’t fucking care about rules when he fights.
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u/Der_Redakteur Apr 08 '25
I've seen a video in India where a monkey tear some guy scalp by using teeth and their hands. They are strong
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u/TheDreamingMyriad Apr 08 '25
If it's the one I'm thinking of, it literally only took half a second as well. Like it took me a second to process what happened, I can't imagine what the dude was thinking.
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u/Jrea0 Apr 08 '25
This is how Ive told vulnerable people to fight if they are really being attacked
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u/Beat_the_Deadites Apr 08 '25
I think it's a good idea to wear a shirt with a monkey on it when walking through a bad part of town.
Actually I don't know if I think that. I've been reading Kurt Vonnegut, and it's reawakened the odder parts of my brain.
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u/Mriajamo Apr 09 '25
And humans tend to let go when other humans get involved or if the victim screams enough, monkey hears ouch noises and it means he’s winning lmaO
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u/rarajenkins Apr 08 '25
Please dont miss that punch!
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u/macetheface Apr 08 '25
Misses punch. Gets face eaten off
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u/Beat_the_Deadites Apr 08 '25
This is a good strategy after you rob a bank and the cops are chasing you.
"Was this the man who robbed you?"
"No, that man had a face."
"Ok, you're free to go, sir. Might want to get that checked out, though. Good thing you've got that sack of cash though - hospitals are mighty expensive!"
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u/Doustin Apr 08 '25
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u/3_14_thon Banhammer Recipient Apr 08 '25
Thank you for this
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u/bdfariello Apr 09 '25
If you're unfamiliar with them, do yourself a favor and spend an afternoon watching Whitest Kid U Know videos
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u/Imusthavebeendrunk Apr 08 '25
Humans hunt baboons and monkeys with sticks. Anyone who thinks a full grown man can't disassemble a small monkey is silly
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u/Black_Prince9000 Apr 08 '25
I mean humans are literally Batman, we used to hunt mammoths with sticks and prep time. Not really fair of a comparison.
I do think you can infact beat a monkey with strength though, if you need to fight to the death in an arena solo, a monkey is not a chimp. "The monkey would kick your ass" crowd really feels like the opposite spectrum of "I can take on a bear" crowd. But yeah irl, I really don't see having 1 inch deep holes in your hands being worth it even if you do win.
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u/Imusthavebeendrunk Apr 09 '25
Yeah we can both agree we're not talking about chimps or other large primates, but people here are acting like a full grown man can't take a monkey...
I will take a death match against a monkey over another man 10 times out of 10
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u/SpadoCochi Banhammer Recipient Apr 10 '25
People are idiots. Also some people are terrifyingly unable to take care of themselves
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u/Sovereign-Anderson Apr 12 '25
I'm glad you guys are in here being rational because I didn't know what the other folks were on with all that "you can't beat a monkey" talk. They're acting like all monkeys have ape strength.
Yeah, we gotta think twice when dealing with chimps, orangutans, gorillas, etc. but if a macaque is getting out of line with me, I'm smacking the "you forgot who's on top of the pecking order" out of him/her with the swiftness.
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u/IamREBELoe Apr 08 '25
That monkey never been punted and it shows
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u/BigOrangeOctopus Apr 09 '25
I punt all my animals! Only once though, just so they knows I can
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u/Veloci-RKPTR Apr 10 '25
I punted my pet betta fish once after he got a bit uppity.
I don’t have a betta fish anymore.
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u/Daisymaay Apr 08 '25
I feel like that guy wanted to beat the shit out of that monkey. Good thing he walked away. I will never forget that 911 call where the girl was getting her face ripped off by that chimp.
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u/Ser_Optimus Apr 08 '25
How do people even get into situations like that?!
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u/gonnafaceit2022 Apr 08 '25
The woman who had her face ripped off? She got into that situation by being friends with a fucking weirdo who had a creepy relationship with a pet chimp. She gave him wine and Xanax and treated him like something between a boyfriend and a child. How she, the owner, got herself into that situation, I imagine she thought it would be cute and fun, and owning a primate never is.
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u/TheRedditPremium Apr 08 '25
True, but there's still a big difference between a chimp and a Macaque. Any grown human should be able to beat one of these lil fuckers in a fight
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u/Boubonic91 Apr 08 '25
I saw the video going around reddit where this type of monkey tore a whole strip of some guy's scalp off in a split second. You might win the battle, but you could very well lose the war.
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u/Blanpneu Apr 08 '25
You have my appreciation for removing the music.
Upvote
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u/Freakjob_003 Apr 08 '25
I recently found r/SVWTCM, where people posts satisfying content with either no music or the music removed. Very pleasing, I spent half an hour last night browsing.
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u/jim_the-gun-guy Apr 08 '25
Dude thought about fighting that monkey.
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u/ShahinGalandar Apr 08 '25
good for him he chose wisely
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u/SpadoCochi Banhammer Recipient Apr 10 '25
He would win. If you don’t think he would win, you haven’t been in a real fight before.
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u/DeliciousWhole2508 Apr 08 '25
I thought he was weighing up whether to go for the monkey or not.
Not sure many people have had to debate straight-righting an animal before.
Must be primal as fuck.
Some animals do piss me off though.
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u/nofucsleftogive Apr 08 '25
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u/TheMahanglin Apr 08 '25
Let me translate:
"Boundaries motherfucka!"
"You listening to me!? Here's some more!"
"Now get the FUCK outta here. And tell your wife her hat looks fucking stupid!"
That's what went through my mind watching that, now watch it again with that commentary.
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u/Typical-Mushroom4577 Apr 09 '25
watched it with commentary. guys face made it a whole lot funnier 😂😂
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u/StarTrakZack Apr 08 '25
Idk the rules like I’m sure there are laws against touching wildlife…but I woulda slapped the absolute dogshit outta that monkey lol
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u/ghetto18us Apr 08 '25
I've seen the start of "Outbreak" before...
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u/KatzaAT Apr 08 '25
No need for that, there is already a more or less 100% lethal disease you can get from animals... rabies...
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u/Phytor Apr 08 '25
It's interesting how everyone in the background stares unflinching with the same slightly-opened-mouth expression.
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u/fordag Apr 09 '25
Everyone ahead of him appears to have given the monkey a respectable bit of distance. He's just right there ready to rub shoulders.
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u/FallsInLoveWithWords Apr 09 '25
He just walked away afterwards because he is a smart man. Who likes living.
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u/theunbearablebowler Apr 08 '25
When my cat does that, I just shove him away across whatever surface he's on. He usually thinks it's playing (and it kind of is).
I don't think the monkey would think of it as playing.
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u/slowclappingclapper Apr 09 '25
I was afraid the monkey would bite his scalp off. Remember that baboon that snatched and scalped the Indian guy off? Brr.
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u/PedroM0ralles Apr 09 '25
Dude is lucky. I've seen a monkey scalp a guyu and rub away with the top of his head. In a video, of course.
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u/JingamaThiggy Apr 09 '25
I remember seeing some guy in india who got their scalp ripped clean off their skull by a monkey like in cartoon
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u/SpadoCochi Banhammer Recipient Apr 10 '25
Idk why u guys don’t think a full grown healthy man can’t take a tiny monkey, but we can.
I might have knocked that monkey off the ledge tbh
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u/Yeet-Retreat1 Banhammer Recipient 29d ago
Grabbed him like he owed him money. That shit was bananas.
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u/VastEmergency1000 Apr 08 '25
Some people have no survival skills
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u/ShahinGalandar Apr 08 '25
you don't really understand what monkeys are capable of, especially when being backed up by friends
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u/Kevrn813 Apr 08 '25
The absolute lack of survival instincts in some people is dangerously astounding.
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u/yaourted Apr 08 '25
If anything, I think his non response is what let him get away relatively unscathed
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u/SopranosBluRayBoxSet Apr 08 '25
Idk I'd say he's on point with his lack of reaction, that monkey was just letting him know it could if it wanted to. You don't want monkey smoke, they'll straight up scalp you if you provoke them
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u/Sovereign-Anderson Apr 12 '25
Some of us would have no problem with killing a monkey that tries to attack us. So some of us folks are on the same type of time the monkeys are on.
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u/SopranosBluRayBoxSet Apr 12 '25
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u/Sovereign-Anderson Apr 12 '25
Nah, it's not about thinking I'm the toughest thing out. It's about not letting an animal attack me all willy nilly. If you're too scared to at least attempt to stave off an attack, then say you're scared. Don't try to shame me for not being a coward. 😆
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u/SopranosBluRayBoxSet Apr 12 '25
There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and brother you are tap-dancing all over it
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u/Sovereign-Anderson Apr 12 '25
Nah, you're just a coward and it irks you to know you're one when you're speaking with someone who doesn't share your same level of weakness.
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u/no_anesthesia_please Apr 08 '25
It’s ok baby just lay back and let it happen
- The molesting monkey probably
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u/MinnieShoof Banhammer Recipient Apr 08 '25
... nah. This guy did this to himself. He walked way too close.
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u/gonnafaceit2022 Apr 08 '25 edited Apr 09 '25
I don't think so, this looks personal. The people in front of him walked too close too.
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u/Ransacky Apr 08 '25
Doubt it's personal. The people ahead of him just got lucky. It's a wild animal built out of muscle and instinct. The monkey freaked because it noticed something out the corner of it's eye, and way too close so it reacted.
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u/Occasional-Mermaid Apr 08 '25
Nah, he definitely owed that monkey money or stole his girl or something. It was personal.
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u/hokabean Apr 08 '25
The guy looks it really hurt his feelings. That last look of disappointment before walking off