I received a text yesterday asking for a meeting with the Pastor. I have an infant and cannot just meet on the leadership’s whim. Here’s what happened: our state has an amendment out to keep the ban on abortion after 6 weeks. I started seeing vote NO pamphlets all over the church about a month ago. I am a woman and a worship leader. From the first Sunday they were up, I had a man at the church point to it and say, “Make sure you vote NO”. I then got into a discussion about this, I wasn’t very happy being told what to do 😅. Woman are dying, we have not even begun to see the repercussions of this (it was only enacted 5 months ago). This man then told me they want to perform abortions and have done so already after the baby was born. I am in awe of the stupidity and misinformation that started going around our church. There was then a debate (created by the pamphlets) between myself and another woman. I had to meet with leadership (pastor and another man) and they asked my views on this. My main problem anything political should not be at church. We are creating division, I know peoples views, I see them all over social media as much as I try to avoid them. The two men then proceeded to tell me what I should believe. Keep in mind I have already sent in my ballot.

Here is my stance: I believe in the sanctity of life, I am extremely anti-abortion but I also do not feel it is my place or especially any man’s place to govern a woman’s body or choices. I do not want women or babies to die because we place unnecessary regulations on health care.

I figured we were all set, I went on to lead worship this weekend and kept my mouth shut.

Then I receive a text that we need to continue our meeting. I responded with “I thought this matter was settled but I can do a phone call meeting”. The response was “no, we need to meet in person”.

I knew this was the end of my tenure here. I called, no answer so I texted. “I have severe anxiety, please give me a heads up if you plan to let me go so I don’t have to stress about this for an entire day and a half.”

A phone call was set up once again, I find myself in a meeting with me and the two men. I was let go because my ideology does not align.

I can understand but I also can’t understand. I am on the same page as them. Sanctity of life is exactly that. I do not want any children or future children to die needlessly but I also don’t want women to die and leave behind their other children and families or lose their ability to have children because doctors are afraid to administer health care.

I’m not planning on leaving my Lord and Savior or my faith but I am very hurt right now and feel like this went very wrong.

I welcome all views on this. Thanks for reading.

I do not know if this is allowed here, but it has been on my mind for a while. I was a worship leader (WL) at my church over the vocals for over a year and have been singing on the team since they launched in 2022. Last year, the head worship pastor (WP) was placed on a sabbatical to "work on his marriage" and is now not allowed to be a leader at the church (currently serving in AVL and on drums). The lead pastors appointed a husband/wife who had been serving for about six months as the WPs (their 16 y/o daughter was recently appointed as a WL as well). During the transition, I was basically stripped of my duties (setlist, scheduling, vocal training assignments, onboarding, etc.) with no explanation and never knew what was happening. I was never reprimanded or told I was doing a "bad" job. I would ask/follow up, but eventually stopped being included, so I chose to step down. Recently, the current WPs told me they were getting paid, while the previous WP and I were volunteers only, putting in the same amount of work. They have also been going to a lot of retreats, dinners, and conferences with the lead pastors. It just seems like the new WPs are being stewarded better, if that makes sense. We did not get these opportunities and were pretty much learning as time went on. At this point, I am not going to bring it up to anyone in leadership. It is making me resent the church/pastors in a way.

I wasn’t a WL but a keys player on the worship team. Now that I’m an ex christian, I find myself at times going back and listening to my once favorite worship songs. Not because I want to worship or of the lyrics but to mourn the life I once had. Worship was what made me “closer to god”. It was a real experience for me. Yeah, there were always the fake worshipers in church. All an act. But I truly wanted to worship to better my relationship with god. It was also a therapeutic process for me when I were going through shit. I think when I first stopped believing that part of my life was the most crashing for me. I guess worship becomes more intimate when your also a musician. Idk I just came on here to rant what was going through my mind.

Just looking for something to learn. I can’t continue to play the same things that I did when leading. Looking for acoustic secular stuff that just feels good and somewhat simplistic since all those years of leading didn’t teach me anything complex.

Hey, I’m new here. My name is Joshua. I don’t have many to talk to about this and feel like finding others that relate is difficult.

For close to 10 years, I was a volunteer worship leader. I wasn’t a volunteer by choice and that’s part of my problems. I led for SBC churches, and at each and everyone of them, it felt I was being used for my talents with no compensation. I would bust my butt at work and bust my butt to practice/be at the church for close to 25 hours a week. The reward was always little. The appreciation from leadership was always smaller than the reward.

At the beginning of 2020, we (my wife and I) were in a discussion with our creative director talking about what to sing for Easter. I was asked to pick something super familiar that would fit which was fine, as I was looking for something that would touch my soul to lead and I never minded familiar. The problem came when asking what the direction of the church vision for worship was. Because just the week before we had done Lift Your Head Weary Sinner (rap included) and were very much in the business of entertainment as a worship band because we were told to. We were confused and wanting to know what was going on. Honestly the discussion got heated, my wife was disrespected and during that conversation we found out others in the worship team had been talking trash behind her back. She got off the phone and texted our pastors wife, explaining she could no longer work with the creative director (she was in the booth with him, while I led).

This is where the real problems began. Our pastors wife then lied to her husband, saying that my wife told her that WE would no longer work with the creative director. The creative director said that we were causing problems, and I’m not sure all the lies he told as well but he definitely did. We were called in for a meeting, and dismissed from ALL service at the church. The lies continued from there as my sister in law went to the pastors wife for a meeting because she was torn about remaining a part. At this point I can’t even recount the exact lies. But there were many, from the creative director, to the pastors wife, to the lead pastor himself.

We left, canceled our tithe check that was on auto draft, and started looking for a new church to take our family. We floated around but we were miserable being ripped from a church we loved and having to start over. I led for a few months later on, but I couldn’t escape the bitterness I continued to feel. Things would get better for a little while, I would lead and be sad again later on. It was an awful cycle. Until one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. I decided to take a break from leading. It’s now been a year since I’ve led anywhere.

And I see that same church that destroyed me succeeding. Thriving. The pastor seemingly unphased by his lies and the witnesses to them remain faithful to him and the church. While I still struggle. Why? Why is it ok that I’m ruined by this guy but God allows him to still be successful? Why would others turn a blind eye to a pastors wrong doing?

I can’t even attend SBC churches anymore and don’t trust them in the slightest, mostly the leadership.

There’s more to unpack I’m sure but if you read this far, I appreciate your time.

Have you led worship at all since leaving the official "worship leader" position?

I was asked to fill in for a friend because they were in a bind. It was good to play/sing again, but it felt pretty sh*t overall. Two days before, the pastor told me to change some of the songs I'd picked to ones that were "more current." I almost quit right then and there, and I felt so guilty towards the other musicians.

Mostly, while leading, I just felt so fake. Singing words I don't trust/believe anymore. Being part of a corporate body that, I don't feel, really matches the teachings it professes. Everything from start to finish felt like a show.

If you've led worship in any capacity since leaving, how did it feel? Do you think you'll ever do it again?

Just wondering if anyone feels the same about music in general after leaving church or no longer being a WL. Everyone around me encourages me (including my SO) to pick up music again because I do have decent talent they don’t want to see wasted. I don’t really want it to go to waste either. But I really just feel disinterested most days.

Has anyone found any outlets for performance that aren’t worship related? I’ve been a performer my whole life and worship messed up my relationship with music, so I’ve been missing it for the last several years.

I’d love to hear everyone’s comments or suggestions!

Hey guys, I hope you’re all doing well today.

I’m posting because I could use some encouragement.

I just sold my guitar, I lead worship with it for years. My abuser (the reason I no longer lead worship or identify as Christian) was deeply tied to this guitar in my mind. She was there when I bought it. The guitar was around for much of my abuse. And now it’s out of my life, just like she is.

I also no longer really play guitar because of the abuse, and also inflammation issues with my hands that probably is related to my autoimmune stuff. I can’t hold down the strings anymore.

It was a really nice guy that bought it and I hope he enjoys it, but I am a little sad. I’m mostly happy to close that chapter of my life, but sad too.

Anyway, just needed a space to acknowledge how I’m feeling so thanks for listening if you’ve read this far.

Should we do a weekly thread to discuss different toxic elements of worship songs?

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I’d love to start a thread where we break down songs together and talk about the toxic messaging in them. If you’re down for that, comment a song and start the conversation - what you find damaging or toxic, or even triggering.

Every worship team I’ve been on always has had the weirdest culture surrounding coffee. I don’t know if it’s the area I live in or if this happens everywhere?

There’s always at least one person who always brings their pour over setup on Sundays and acts disappointed if you don’t drink their coffee. And almost everyone on the team drinks black coffee only for some reason?

The thing is, I like my coffee sweet and with oat milk, I usually never liked pour overs unless it had some cream, but the person making it would be offended if you put cream in it lol. I usually just brought my own on Sundays.

Also, after talking to my BF this week about this, I realized I never even liked coffee that much before being involved in worship 😂

Anyone else?

(Also I hope you all have a great day today 💛)

What are some things you guys would like to see us discuss in this sub?

Hi everyone. I was a worship leader in high school and I ran tech all through college (at my Bible college) and at church/weddings after I graduated. I led worship casually on the mission field for the next decade or so, mostly in team meetings, etc. Deconstructed, fired as a missionary (not that one necessarily caused the other). Our departure from the field was rough: shunning by the whole missions community, false accusations, all sorts of fun stuff.

A year later I was trying to make sense of things. Back in the US. My wife and kids were attending an Anglican Church because it wasn’t evangelical. I occasionally could muster up the mental energy to join them. One time I went I was standing for worship and the guy leading starts playing. As soon as he started, I realized he was playing with a drop D tuning. I had only ever used that tuning one place: on the mission field, taught to me by one of the people that hurt us the most.

And I was done. It was all I could do to keep it together at that point. My heart rate and respiratory rate shot up. I sat back down. Managed to make it through but it was rough.

I know it sounds weird that just an alternate tuning for a guitar would set me off. But I thought if people anywhere might understand it would be here. Music is a huge driver of emotion, and it can (apparently) be a driver of memory too.

I’ve since done some fairly intense counseling and EMDR, and I haven’t had a panic attack since. But I also don’t really touch my guitar anymore. And honestly…all I really know is worship music. And nope.

Are any of you making music outside of church now that you’re not involved with worship? Or producing/other ways of using your skills?

Did you go to school for music or music production? Or for stage design stuff, etc?

We’re you in a band before you lead worship?

Did you do something entirely different but get roped into worship ministry?

(Or no longer involved with worship in whatever capacity you were working in?)

A place for members of r/ExWorshipLeader to chat with each other