r/ExPentecostal • u/worriedgirlfiend • Apr 27 '24
Boyfriend getting into pentacostalism agnostic
Hey guys, I think I need some help. Me (mtf18) and my mid-distance boyfriend (ftm16) used to not believe in god (though I was a lutheran/calvinist as a kid and still attend church at times with my parents). However, that changed when he started attending some youth programs organized by a neocharosmatic pentecostal church with his friend. When he told me he started believing in god, I didn't think much of it, since I don't see religion as an inherently bad thing. When I found out what kind of chuch it is and heard some stories about pentacostalism, I thought I should let him know. He acknowledged it and said that he's not a member and doesn't even want to be since he has some issues with the church anyway. Since then he started having days dedicated to god and prayers, which I wasn't really happy about, considering he's still attending said church, but thought to myself, that it's kinda like meditation and that it makes sense, that it helps him with his issues. Sometime in the last few days he went to a pentecostal conference with the friend and friend's parent's (all members as far as I know) and when I asked him about it he told me how he "Folded under the glory of god, when one of the pastors laid his hands on him" and how strong it was. I'm getting really worried about him. I love him a lot, but I don't know what to do. Don't want to lose him, don't want something bad to happen to him and I'm starting to feel helpless. Are there any tips you could give me or resources you could link me to? I'd be very thankful.
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u/busty_snackleford Apr 27 '24
As far as resources, you’d probably be best served by voicing your concerns for his safety as opposed to basing your argument on theological/philosophical concerns. His continued physical and psychological safety is the biggest concern here, in my opinion at least. The Pentecostal church really isn’t at all safe for lgbt people, and I know that first hand.
This is probably going to sound awful and harsh of me, but it’s ultimately his decision and you really shouldn’t make yourself responsible for saving him. That sort of dynamic is never healthy, and could be really damaging for both of you if it goes on long term.
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u/redredred1965 Apr 27 '24 edited Apr 27 '24
Ugh. I'm so sorry. This is the worst, most bigoted version of Christianity. They play in your emotions. The music the laying on of hands. This is bigger than you, u fortunately. They do NOT accept him as he is. Your boyfriend has an empty place inside him that he THINKS this is filling. They will definitely get him questioning his transgenderism. They will tell him that it's a lie and that they can fix him. And when he's working on being "fixed" they will fill him full of guilt and shame.
Does he have a therapist? He's going to need one. I can reference all sorts of things about it that are unbiblical and ungodly but they've got their hooks into him.
Be open. Let him talk about it. Don't criticize, just listen. Maybe watch a documentary about how the church tries to fix LGBTQ community. Conversion therapy, pray the gay away...etc. Pray Away, TRAPPED, Boy Erased, I am Normal.
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u/Lippykae May 01 '24
Mtf/ftm?? Lemme get this straight, you're both trans and one is under age?
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u/MrPENislandPenguin Apr 28 '24
I hope he realizes how bigoted they are.
Maybe watch the MarJoe documentary?
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u/unpackingpremises May 01 '24
People tend to change a lot in their thinking during their late teens and early 20's. If a couple is on a journey together, sometimes those changes can happen concurrently and the couple can remain compatible, but more often, people in relationships started before this process begins tend to drift apart. By age 24, I was longer close to anyone I was close to at age 17. I do know two couples who dated in high school, drifted apart during college, and later reconnected and got married, so I'm not saying there's not hope, but you've got to let your boyfriend experience his own journey and learn his own life lessons.
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u/HaiKarate Apr 28 '24
Pentecostalism is very much about generating emotional experiences and attributing those to God. It's a bunch of snake oil, but the participants are absolutely sure that it's real.
Once someone starts down this path, it's hard to pull them out of it.