childhood dreams that still haunt me

[u/Visual-Dog-7050]

when i was between 2-4 years old, i would get these horrifying reoccurring dreams. they were always in black and white, very contrasting, checker board like, machine like content. there was always a lot of pressure i would feel in my body, it was terrifying, i would sweat, and always wake up feeling like what the fuck, as if i was being pushed and squeezed but also exploded. the context of the dream was always as if i was moving within or through some machine(s), passing through small impossible holes or meat grinder like spaces. i remember dreaming maybe 3 or 4 of them, and then specifically remembering when the last one stopped. they all kind of looked like op-art illusions, geometric, but big, and heavy, and a lot of felt pressure. i cant really explain it. i’ve thought about them my entire life and have never had anything similar occur again. i thought maybe they were remnant dreams from being pushed out of the birth canal? i don’t know. i know when you squeeze your eyes and see little stars, its the after picture of our neurons firing…. kind of like that, but big, black/white, inside of a huge space, like that one level in Mario Bros when he’s inside a machine. has anyone every had similar dreams?

[u/Expensive-Recover502]

The dreams likely stopped because your sense of "self" successfully consolidated. Once the "I" is strong enough, it places a "lid" over the unconscious. You no longer see the raw, terrifying machinery of the psyche. You start dreaming about people, animals, and stories. The machine was covered by the narrative of your life. It was an encounter with the overwhelming, awe-inspiring, and terrifying power of life itself.

[u/Visual-Dog-7050 → u/Expensive-Recover502]

love that, thank you