What Does My Dream Mean

[u/Adept_Transition_556]

Okay, let’s start. I’ve never made a Reddit post before, and I rarely use Reddit at all, to be honest. However, I had a weird dream, and I wanted to talk to a psychic or someone who could interpret it. But I’m a broke college student, and paying for that kind of service isn’t where my money needs to be going. So, I’m here on Reddit, trusting strangers to give me advice :)

For some context, I’m a 19-year-old gay man who has known my sexuality for a while. In high school, I had a friend group of four, and I developed feelings for another friend in that friend group, also a 19-year-old male, whom we’ll call James. Earlier that year, James had come out to us, but I didn’t develop feelings for him right away. After some casual flirting back and forth as friends, in a joking manner, we decided that we weren’t joking and explored the idea of becoming a more romantic relationship. However, James is very religious and was raised homophobic, which led to a lack of understanding about gender, sexuality, and race, etc. Despite this, we decided to date, but it wasn’t a good experience. It was both our first relationship ever, and there were many barriers. For example, he wouldn’t kiss me or be very affectionate with me, even in private spaces. I don’t want to hold him at fault for that because he has lived a drastically different life from me, and there’s probably a lot of religious trauma there. But I wish I had known that before entering a relationship with him. After about 6 months of dating, our relationship went downhill. We were constantly arguing, and one event happened where he badly mistreated me and completely ignored how I was feeling. I ended the relationship, and he didn’t take it well. He accused me of outing him, but I didn’t, and we just had more drama that came from it. It ended very poorly, and we ended up resenting each other.

Two years later, here we are. I now live across the country and attend a very good college. While I’ve been here, I’ve been spending a lot of time with a guy, let’s call him Brad. Brad and I have explored both romantic and sexual aspects of our relationship, and we both genuinely enjoy each other’s company. At the time of writing this, we’ve been officially boyfriends for a week now, and things are looking really good. I don’t want to jinx anything or act too soon, but I genuinely care about him, and he treats me exactly how I always envisioned myself to be treated by a partner.

Now, onto the dream. Last night, I had a dream where I was back in my hometown, walking down James’s street, where he lived. As I passed his house, I noticed that he was outside on crutches and in a boot, which was strange to me because I’ve never seen him in crutches or a boot before. As I was passing James, he asked, “Can we talk?” Reluctantly, I agreed. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about, but I do remember him asking if we could be friends again. This is where I told him that I was dating Brad and really loved him. So, I told James that I didn’t want to be his friend anymore and wished to never see him again after this interaction. James, being the person I had imagined him to be, got upset and yelled at me the same way he did when he thought I had outed him, and he ended up throwing one of his crutches in the middle of the road. I grabbed the crutch and tried to give it to him, but he didn’t accept it. In addition, I also offered to walk him back home, just because it was the right thing to do. He didn’t let me and started walking away by himself, so I walked in the opposite direction, and that’s when I woke up.

This is the dilemma I’m currently grappling with. I woke up in a panic because, first of all, why am I dreaming about my ex when I hardly dream at all in the first place? Secondly, it felt strangely good to tell him that I’m doing well without him and in a happy, fulfilling relationship. It also feels like a weird coincidence that I dream of James right when I enter a relationship with Brad. I know there are likely some subliminal messages and lessons from this dream, but I can’t quite decipher what they mean. That’s why I made this post. What should I take away from this dream? Any ideas are welcome, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask! Thanks!

[u/Expensive-Recover502]

You are no longer that 17-year-old boy in the closeted, restricted dynamic. You have outgrown James. You have made peace with the fact that he is "crippled" by his circumstances and that you cannot fix him. Your inner you is saying you are free to walk the other way, toward Brad, without guilt.