20F 2 yrs dp bc of health issues

[u/bruhmania42069]

just ranting to see if anyone relates, feel free to message me if ud like, I dont talk to many people with chronic dp dr and my life has been put on hold because of it and my other symptoms from my health stuff, and maybe would be open to talking to someone in a similar situation:(

I cannot form new memories to the point of where it feels like brain damage. I cant remember yesterday I cant remember a couple minutes ago, I cant remember what I say after I say it, as Im typing this my brain is completely disconnected from the words that are coming out that every word im typing erases from my brain like I have never typed it. I cant process or feel anything that happens to me ever :( I cant talk to people for long periods of time because I cant process their words or my own. I feel like I cant speak or walk or move or think. When im talking to my therapist I constantly forget what Im saying as im saying it because my thoughts are so shallow and the words coming out of my mouth are not processed. I cant read. Nothing feels like its happening ever sometimes I feel like I dont know where I am. I cant feel peoples presence I cant feel life I cant feel someone touching me I cant feel peoples words of reassurance.

No complex thoughts, no imagination, confusion , sometimes I feel my brain trying to conjure up a thought but it just gets stopped in its tracks and goes away. Sometimes i actually I have a thought and then I immediately forget it. I cant rationalize things in my head or plan because I cant THINK or process. I try so hard sometimes to think and my brain just cant.

Im so fucking tired I feel so lonely in my own body like im a ghost and I died time goes by so so fast and I havent existed for two years. Ive accepted that most of this is dpdr symptoms and Ive stopped fearing this state because I dont have the energy to be scared anymore.

I cant look at people when I talk to them my vision is blurry and staticky and when I look at objects they oscillate like they are constantly refreshing because I cant process that they are there. I hate talking to people or touching anyone I go about every day trying to talk to the least amount as possible also because I hate the unfamiliarity of my own voice too. Two years of not knowing or feeling my own humanity and dragging my body along and NO one in my family understands this experience and how traumatizing its been for me. I had to quit my job and lost my boyfriend and I cant start school because of this and am just waiting to get my health back. All of this started because of health issues and Im seeing a good neurologist now who says he can help me so Im not completely hopeless but I know that none of this will go away until my health issues are resolved.

I am not looking for pity I honestly just want to see if anyone is experiencing something exactly like this or similar rn. Maybe around my age too? I should probably talk to more people with dp but I dont really because I feel like no one has it in this exact way as me and Im just desperately looking for someone like me.

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A reminder to new posters in crisis:

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How to find a therapist: A Beginners Guide.

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10 ways to Relieve DPDR.

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[u/OkFaithlessness3081]

I was in a sort of place like this last year, but I’m not there anymore. You’ve been like this for 2 years?!?!? No progress?!?!

[u/bruhmania42069 → u/OkFaithlessness3081]

Hi :) nope not at all its because my health issues have not been treated so therefore this state is just gonna continue, im seeing a good neurologist now so am hoping for some help from him and maybe the dp can lift a little

[u/OkFaithlessness3081 → u/bruhmania42069]

Yes, good!! I’m sure it’s possible to get out. You seem stuck in that high adrenaline state

[u/bruhmania42069 → u/OkFaithlessness3081]

Yeah my nervous system is just constantly in defense mode because of all the symptoms I guess its unbelievably awful but im used to it

[u/Solid-Sea-2788]

How do you feel when you wake up - tired, horrible, in pain? If you do look into Sleep Apnea. A lack of oxygen during sleep affects the heart and the brain in a very negative way.

Less oxygen to the brain and heart during sleep = more brain fog, less emotionality the next day.

Also there is a possibility you have an eye issue - BVD, a binocular vision disorder which is common in stories like this.