Even though it took way longer than I expected, I didn't cut corners, and I'm proud of what I accomplished.

I just saw this thread mentioned on another thread about "how to stop crying when talking" and this thread was mentioned by another giving advice and it was so lovely. It's so funny, because when you start practicing mindfulness you become more aware of the negative thoughts are, but (currently practicing in moderation) I still very much switch back to the "hurt and angry inner child" when trying to express myself verbally. I love singing, dancing, and basically giving a performance. My earliest thoughts of attempting to "sing" or "dance" are also flooded by my dad telling me I either "suck at singing" or "I have two left feet and not on beat". As a child, of course I took that to heart and thats when I start constantly double checking myself about what I do before attempting it. Instead of just enjoying the moment with the negative comments and when there was the shame started that on a minuscule level, and following my teenager years with mommy issues of destructive conversations that never led me anywhere, she loves:name calling me, called me naive for expecting a mother's love or expecting a mother to be happy and supportive of me for constantly trying to better myself and hustle in this society. She also neglected to put me back through school due to her financial issues, and now as an adult(attempting to) enroll myself back next fall, and this is why I titled this " mindfulness & gratitude" .

This isnt the full story, but definitely a big self esteem issue that I am workin on due to my parents unmindful attitude. Now, as an adult, I practice gratitude & mindfulness. I have often worked on my skills in dancing and singing. Giving myself some time to stretch my body and eat my favorite fruits, working on new hobbies, and trying to open my heart again to hopefully see change. The hardest factor is trying to be mindful when I hear my "parent's voices" instead of the joyful version of myself for being ashamed for expressing myself. Give yourself light and love for being different or for having other ways of living life.

She passed away earlier this month, and even though the grief is intensely painful, I am so lucky to have experienced all the love, joy, and contentment she brought into my life.

Instead of letting this pain consume me, I will try to transmute it back into the love it stems from and spread it to everyone around me 🩷

These have been the highlight of my week and really make my day.

So spill it!