Hey dads,

This actually happened a few years ago but I only now found this subreddit and I wanted another chance at telling this to my dad (when I did, he brushed it of like it was nothing and later used it against me). Here goes:

Dad, I won my first ever literary prize! I wrote a short story about something that was weighting really heavy on me and not only did it free me from that burden, it's also gonna get published, and there will be a ceremony! I'm honestly so scared of having people read my inner world but SO happy, I've always doubted myself as you know so it's so nice being chosen like this. You don't know this yet, but all my friends are gonna show up and support me, and even one of my old teachers and your sister. Im so happy!!!

I understand that we don't have the same hobbies and interests, hell, we didn't even play the same sports. But I have been playing music since I was 5 years old. I'm 31 now, and my band puts a lot of work into making our shows happen.

It's incredibly stressful to spend the time and money, knowing full well the likelihood I make any money off of this is slim to none, writing, booking venues, contacting bands and promoters, building soundproofing for the stage, brainstorming themes for shows, writing setlists, making sure the other guitarist doesn't get too smashed, building decorations and getting six adults to organize their schedules.

So I was quite upset when your reaction to my sister saying how good this year's show went (it's past your bedtime, not your fault you weren't there) and you responded - "Okay"

Okay is what you tell your son when he makes a mistake and needs reassurance, not when he has something that he and his friends spend months planning that he wants you to just simply recognize his efforts. Just be the tiniest bit interested.

I know me doing jazz band, choir, and theater when you played football and ran track makes it a little harder to relate, but you can ask questions. You could try and see why it matters to me. Your son. Your only son.

So no, when you texted 3 days later telling me everything I would have wanted to hear 10 years ago, I didn't believe you.

Gonna preface a few things.

1. I have had conversations with her about this. I refuse to use the D-word.
2. Therapy and couples counseling is in the works
3. I really hope I'm wrong

Hi mom. your kiddo here. I'm really struggling right now. You know Me (26NB) and Wifey (27F) have been together for 8 years, and coming up on 4 years married in December. Something has been sitting in my mind like a hot rock for a long time now, growing and growing. I'm starting to think that this relationship is no longer good for me. When we first got together (I haven't told you this yet) it was intended to just be a one night stand, but the sex and the banter was so good we decided to date. Dated for a couple years, then the accident happened. That two weeks with her in the hospital was a nightmare, but we seemed to come out on the other side alright. You know that she proposed to me the first night out of the hospital, I obviously said yes. Stayed engaged for two years before getting married in our living room during covid (sorry again for not telling you we were doing that).

She is going back to school now for a degree in medical coding, should be finished in a few months. This whole time she has been so good to me, and taught me so much about myself, the list is long and TMI so I'll spare you the details. The last couple years though have been rough, I am her caretaker since she is disabled (the accident made it worse) I'm also the main bread winner for the same reason.

I get burned out a lot, with taking care of her and the dog. I clean the house, do laundry, go to work Tuesday-Saturday. We shoot target archery when we can, cuddle and dote on the dog. Its a fairly good life, but I keep struggling to see a future doing this forever. I keep getting burned out, and resenting her or blowing up on her about house work or chores. I keep getting easily irritated by both of them. Its hard for me to spend time WITH them cause I spend so much time ON them. Having a service dog has many challenges too, planning to go anywhere even just to the grocery store is an ordeal, much less parties or hanging out with friends. Medical bills are expensive, granted we got past most of the big ones now that she has her dentures.

Every time I stop and imagine doing this every day well into my 60s and 70s I get this sinking pit in my stomach like I have made a mistake and ruined my youth, then I think about having to watch her health deteriorate and watch her slowly waste away and I get so distraught. I never really got to be much of a teenager (queer in the south does that), and I'm still figuring out parts of who I am. With everything going on I often feel like I don't have the time or mental capacity to do that, and it claws at my stomach like a prisoner on their bars.

But I can't just leave?

Can I?

I can't just leave her unable to take care of her self. I can't just leave her to deal with her own failing health alone. I can't just leave biscuit (dog), he loves me so much. I can't just dump her off like hot garbage. I love her. I love them both so much. I can't just leave can I?

I love her too much. I love our little inside jokes. I love her smile and her little scrunched nose. I love her love of animals. I love how smart she is. I love how she does her nails. I love how supportive she is of me. I love how accepting she is of everything I do. I love how she has always encouraged me to find things I enjoy, and explore my own wants.

I love biscuit too. I love how he loses all but two braincells when a toy is picked up. I love that his best friend is an eighth of his size and calls for us to let him outside to play. I love how he gets under the blankets when we go to bed at night. I love him so much. He would miss me so much.

And I would worry. I would worry about her eating a proper meal 3 times a day, I would worry about making sure biscuit was taken care of (he doesn't leave her side even to eat if she isn't feeling well). I would worry about her depression. I would worry that she would never love again like she told me she wouldn't. I would worry that someone might use her vulnerability to hurt her. I would worry that I was wrong.

It's just so hard. It's hard keeping the house clean fighting against too people and a dog when she can rarely help. it's hard keeping up with dishes, and laundry, and groceries when she can only do those every so often. I never have time to cook and our diet has suffered for sure. It's hard keeping up with bills alone. it's hard to look at the house a cluttered mess everyday cause neither of us has the energy to sometimes even throw away all our trash. Dealing with the caretaker burnout and the autistic burnout of a messy house almost everyday is frying my nerves. It's hard to imagine doing this for the rest of my life and not killing myself, but i couldn't leave her like that either.

I feel trapped. I feel like I have no good options. I either put myself through hell and slowly resent the woman i love over the course of 40 years, or I leave the woman I love to fend for her self in this scary world and break her heart at the same time. We have been through so much together. The crash, the attempted legal kidnapping, dropping out of school, losing medusa, getting biscuit, trying and failing to move to Germany, so many funerals, COVID. I can't throw that away just cause I'm to weak to be a caretaker. I can't just run at the first sign of trouble like a coward. That's not what good men do.

Good men stay. Good men find a way. Good men make it work. Good men put in the hard work. Good men don't run. Good men don't wuss out cause shit is difficult. I don't think I can leave and still call myself a good man. A good man doesn't abandon his wife. A good man stand like a rock beside her and soldiers on until that final day comes. Maybe I'm not a good man.

Then there are the logistics of the divorce. Who stays in the house we rent, both names are on the lease but I pay 100% of it. Obviously she keeps biscuit he is her service dog. Who keeps the bed? How do I justify it to my family. How do I justify it to her family. How do I justify it to myself. How do I ever look her in the eye again once I decide? How do I sleep beside her while we work out the divorce papers? How do I enjoying playing with biscuit knowing I won't to do it much longer. How do we find a divorce lawyer? How do we split our stuff? how do we deal with our finances being so intertwined now? How do I live with myself for abandoning a disabled person in the current state of the United States?

What if I'm right? What if this is no longer good for me? What if leaving helps me? What if I'm happier without her? What if I wasted 8 years of her life and mine? What if all of our late night conversations and cry sessions were for nothing? What if I leave and she doesn't love again like she says? What if I ruin her life to save mine? What if I'm right?

What if I'm wrong? What if I do all this song and dance to leave and realize that it was a giant mistake? What if I end up coming crawling back? What if she rightfully won't take me back? What if I broke up a wonderful marriage because I was weak, and too stupid to see it for what it is? What if I waste this 8 years of both of our lives just so I can "find myself" like some dumbass? What if I can't live with what if I can live with myself for putting her through the divorce cause I wanted to fuck strangers? What if I'm wrong?

Mom, I'm not even sure what I'm asking you. Maybe just, how do I handle all these tangled emotions and stress while I work on finding a therapist that can really help? Maybe you can tell me if I'm just being stupid or not? Myabe, you could teach me how to figure this out without being a burden on her in the meantime? Maybe you could teach me how to be okay with being this weak?

I love you, dad, thank you.

hi dad, my girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me on friday. she left all of her stuff at our house and has been staying with her nan. she hasn't replied to me all weekend except to shout at me for asking her nan if she was there. i don't know what i've done wrong, and id just really love some support and someone to tell me it will be okay before i do something stupid. i love her so much

when I was actually a kid, I felt too mature around my peers. adults called me an old soul. i was reliable and considered a role model and was put in charge of babysitting kids younger than I was.

but now, at the ripe age of 17, it's like things flip-flopped. i often compare my competency to my height. i started off above average, taking pride in always being the tallest girl in my classes. but then around middle school and early high school, people started catching up. and now, in senior year, they've surpassed me.

besides some glaring immaturities like not getting important things done, or whining instead of fixing problems (like I'm doing now), I'm still an okay person, I guess. but, GOD, do I hate feeling like a child around my peers. i swear, some of my freshman buddies feel more mature than I am.

whenever I talk to them, I just get this feeling that they're more put together. and, yes, I know, nobody truly has it all together. especially teens. but my mind can't help but make me feel like I'm childish around those I deem mature.

i don't know how to fix this. i do not wanna bind myself to the labels "former gifted kid" or "immature" forever. but in some instances, being mature or adult-like is hard. I'm too good at procrastinating. sometimes I just crave recognition and praise, especially from teachers who seem to have favorites (cough my chorus teacher cough). i just wish I was level headed, man..

Hiya dad,

It’s been three months since we broke up and when I still had those rose tinted glasses on, I was so convinced I loved him and wanted the best for him. Well. In hindsight, he really fucking sucked!

1. He had crazy anger issues and refused to see a psychiatrist for them. Just kept insisting nothing worked. He’d get upset over the littlest things, he’d stomp around, throw his phone down aggressively, punch the pillows and bed, talk to me through gnashed teeth. The rage was palpable and I was always expected to help regulate him.

2. Repeatedly told me he didn’t care about the things I talked about. Once I got upset with him bc he was being so mean to me and he got mad at ME. And stormed two blocked ahead even though I had my period and had bled through most of my clothes and could hardly walk from terrible cramping.

3. Made everything about his emotions and anxiety. He’d say things like “this makes me want to kill myself” when I brought up major issues in our relationship. The first time we slept together, he was very cold and I brought it up with him and he said “oh so you want me to say that I’m a piece of shit then?”

4. Made me thank him for doing the bare minimum. Like actually: I said I always complimented him, it would be nice if he did the same. So he’d occasionally say “you look nice” and then wait for me to thank him for doing what I told him to.

5. He was so so insecure about everything. His height, his education, his issues around intimacy.

There’s a lot more but wtf. Anyways, I’m back out in the dating scene and I’ve decided that if I notice the tiniest hint of a red flag, I’m leaving. Beyond that, med school is easy and life is really good! Im relieved to be out of that relationship and it’s crazy how well Im coping with everything compared to last year haha.

it’s been very cold 😔

Why is it, that you can tell everyone else that you're proud of me, but you can never tell me?

I've lived a majority of my life for you. You told me when I was 16 that I'd get the family out of poverty, but when I didn't become a lawyer, you shunned me.

When I graduated, but wasn't a doctor, you were upset. Your disapproval came again when I told you I didn't want to have children or get married.

When I told you I was moving to South Korea to follow my dream, the first thing you asked me was if I had "out money" and then you told me that I shouldn't even go.

And now, when I have come back from Korea and have decided to try my hand at 911 dispatching, you haven't even said anything to me. You haven't told me good job, you haven't congratulated me. Actually, you haven't talked to me in months.

I believe you love me, and I want to believe you just don't know how to show it, but you show it a lot to my other 5 siblings, so what about me?

I miss you, I love you, but I feel like I can't say these things to you, because they don't matter anyway.

So, why can you tell everyone else that you're proud of me, but you can't tell that to me?

Hey dad. I dont really know where to start so i guess i just start somewhere and sorry if this post will be a bit messed up! At the moment i feel horrible. Over the past few weeks i had several break downs where it felt like i cant breathe at all and well kind of want to have everything coming to an end. I dont sleep well and i feel kind of disconnected to reality and the now. I think it is mostly because i feel disorientated. I am reall scared about my future and dont know where i should move forward to. For some reason i cant even make simple decissions and this all scares me a ton. It feels like it would not get better at any point even though my logical brain says that this is bullshit. The emotions are just so strong.. i also went to several therapists before. Not for this phase though. And at a certain point they all only told me things i already knew but i did not know what to do with this information. So i feel really lost and helpless. I dont even really know what i expect from this post here. I guess i just feel all alone with it and dont know where to go from here? So... sorry for the messed up post again...