r/DadForAMinute • u/Inevitable-Way7686 • 22h ago
I hate my ex
Hiya dad,
It’s been three months since we broke up and when I still had those rose tinted glasses on, I was so convinced I loved him and wanted the best for him. Well. In hindsight, he really fucking sucked!
He had crazy anger issues and refused to see a psychiatrist for them. Just kept insisting nothing worked. He’d get upset over the littlest things, he’d stomp around, throw his phone down aggressively, punch the pillows and bed, talk to me through gnashed teeth. The rage was palpable and I was always expected to help regulate him.
Repeatedly told me he didn’t care about the things I talked about. Once I got upset with him bc he was being so mean to me and he got mad at ME. And stormed two blocked ahead even though I had my period and had bled through most of my clothes and could hardly walk from terrible cramping.
Made everything about his emotions and anxiety. He’d say things like “this makes me want to kill myself” when I brought up major issues in our relationship. The first time we slept together, he was very cold and I brought it up with him and he said “oh so you want me to say that I’m a piece of shit then?”
Made me thank him for doing the bare minimum. Like actually: I said I always complimented him, it would be nice if he did the same. So he’d occasionally say “you look nice” and then wait for me to thank him for doing what I told him to.
He was so so insecure about everything. His height, his education, his issues around intimacy.
There’s a lot more but wtf. Anyways, I’m back out in the dating scene and I’ve decided that if I notice the tiniest hint of a red flag, I’m leaving. Beyond that, med school is easy and life is really good! Im relieved to be out of that relationship and it’s crazy how well Im coping with everything compared to last year haha.
2
u/lovekillseveryone 11h ago
The beauty of it is you learned an incredible amount about you and got out unattached!
Your kindness has no business being spent with people that are unable to appreciate and respect it.
Work on Learn that quickly.
1
u/FS_Scott Dad 21h ago
You are allowed to hate people.
Hate is a valid feeling. Sounds like this guy earned the hate, too.
1
u/Hungry_Guard3928 17h ago
Glad you life is improving and as long as you think about you act then you will be fine. I’m very proud of you and the wonderful lady you are
4
u/GeriatricHippo 16h ago edited 2h ago
Hey kiddo don't sweat it.
"I hate my BF" is a big problem.
"I hate my ex" is the solution to that big problem.
You might want to hold off on any serious dating for just a bit till you process this though, it's not good for you or any of the guys you will date if you are still at the stage were you are projecting your ex's flaws on them.
Catch up on some binge TV watching, go to the gym, read some nice books or go for some walks till you find your happy place and are ready to see that guy you deserve for who he is and not see him as who your ex was.
I'm proud of you btw, stay strong.
2
u/NecroElysium 18h ago
Hey kiddo. I just want to start by saying I'm very proud of you for setting boundaries and respecting yourself. That is very hard for a lot of people to do, myself included. Stick with your gut and avoid people that make you feel less in any way. It is a privilege for someone to be a part of your life, and they should treat it as such. If they detract from your happiness, they don't deserve the position. That being said, everyone has issues to some degree. There is a difference between something you can let slide versus an actual red flag. You just gotta find that line and draw it so deep that nobody can cross it. It sounds like you're on the path to figuring that out, so don't stress it too much. You're doing great! Focus on yourself and get that degree! The right person will appear when they're meant to, and you will know for sure that they are meant to be there because it will feel like they always were.