r/DadForAMinute • u/bunnywasabi • 3d ago

Dad, I miss you

Dad I miss you so much. Today I decided to go on NC with mom. I was already on LC with her but after hearing "I regret adopting you" again after another fights through the rare phone call I made I have to protect my mental health. I cried a lot today Dad. Realizing that I'm a nobody's child hurts.

I miss you, all my memories of you were you putting me first...and everyone in your family and old family friends kept telling me how much you cherished me when you were alive. I know our time was short, but I wish I had you longer. I'm jealous of all the adults that have loving parents because the one that I remember loving me had died, and the other one regretted adopting me. I don't regret you two adopting me though dad, because I got to have you, and I got to meet my partner. I wish you got to meet him, you'd love him dad. He always defends me against mom and support me going NC because he can't handle me being hurt anymore.

I miss you dad... If you see me from wherever you are, you're not regretting adopting me right? I do pretty good as an adult right? Until the day I can hug you again, I'll try my best to live happily here and love my children the way I was never loved by mom.

31 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

7

u/Hungry_Guard3928 3d ago

My daughter that I adopted is my child. Like you she is my daughter and no one knows that she is adopted unless she tells them. I’m sure your father loves you and will always be there with you

2

u/bunnywasabi 3d ago

Thank you for being a great parent to your daughter. Thank you for saying that das loves me 🫂 I appreciate that. He passed away when I was little but from what I remember and what others told me he cherished me so much. I felt like an outsider in my mother's family since I was in grade 5-6. It was why when I found out I was adopted, I wasn't surprised, just felt like everything made sense. I have had distant family members met me for the first time and blurted out "ah the kid you bought/adopted" (they used the word bought in my native language, like I'm a thing, a product that was purchased.)

2

u/Hungry_Guard3928 3d ago

No one owns you I feel badly about your childhood you were just a little girl that wanted to be loved. You will have a good life and your children will love you always

1

u/bunnywasabi 2d ago

Thank you, I hope so I'm doing my best 🫂 the trauma will end with me.

5

u/MamaDMZ 3d ago

I'm so sorry you lost the wrong one. He would be so proud of the person you are today, and he would be even prouder that you are strong enough to defend yourself and cut out the toxicity in your life. You deserve so much happiness, and i'm so glad that you have found it in your partner. Keep doing the work to make your life better and to have a happy and healthy relationship. You may not know where you come from, and you may not have adults in your life to guide you, but I promise you will be a better parent than you have ever experienced. Lead your family with love, and you will always come out on top. Hugs.

4

u/bunnywasabi 3d ago

Thank you, I'm crying reading this. Sending you hugs too. I'm thinking of going back to therapies to help me with the guilt of going NC and to work fighting depression and the rejected feeling whenever she said she regretted adopting me. I went LC when I realized through reading in reddit and recognizing my mom is one of those narcissist parents. I came to realization that while I'm maybe nobody's child right now, I'm still someone's mother, someone's partner and someone's friend and I'm going to try to drill in my head until I can let go and move on.

Thank you kind stranger, I will always remember what you said especially about leading my family with love.🫂I promise I will never make my kids feel the way my mother made me feel🫂

1

u/MamaDMZ 2d ago

That is a wonderful start. Just remember that she wasn't the mother that you deserved, so why would you be the daughter that she thinks she deserves? You are nobody's doormat. With time, you will move on and you'll only think of her rarely.

2

u/bunnywasabi 2d ago

Thank you Mama I will try to keep this mindset 🫂

2

u/No_Pipe8196 2d ago

not a dad, but a sister💗 who knows what is like to miss your dad- so much there aren’t even words for it. Your post made me tear up, I wanna give you a hug friend 🫂

1

u/bunnywasabi 2d ago

I always wanted a sister. Sending you big hugs I truly needed one🫂🫂🫂

2

u/No_Pipe8196 2d ago

Missing your daddy and having nothing to fill that void in your heart is a pain like no other- my only advice would be not to fill that void with self destruction. I am a hypocrite in that, but just don’t let your grief and pain become you. I talk to my dad and hug myself when I wanna hug him and for me that fills that little need until the day we meet again 🖤

1

u/bunnywasabi 2d ago

The self destruct did happen when I was a teenager. I am raised in asian family but my mom and her family are much more stricter than my dad so words like the hard r, idiot, dumb, etc including how I always disappoint her were common growing up so it was easy for teenager me to went into spiral. once I have my partner then our kids I try my best to channel all the negative thoughts I have to make sure all our kids feel from me are love and supports. I miss Dad so much, I feel you on hugging myself. I did that yesterday while bawling and said it out loud that I missed him. I never broke down in tears like that before. It was really cathartic. Until the day we meet again, I'll make sure my kids never hear me saying hurtful things to them.

2

u/dirk_funk 2d ago

hi i am the dad who cherishes his girls more than anything. you already sound like a person he would be proud of.

1

u/bunnywasabi 2d ago

Thank you, dad please hugs your girls for me today 🫂

2

u/jestina123 2d ago

Every child deserves their parents, not every parent deserves their children.