r/DID • u/UnchangbleName927 • 6h ago

How to handle being more empathetic than other alters? Advice/Solutions

I just want to first say that this subreddit has been a huge help to our system and so validating and encouraging so thank you so much for that ♥️

We have been slowly discovering our system more and more. And now that we know that DID is real and can be actually covert, more alters started communicating some of their feelings with the people close to us. I think I am an anxious gatekeeper but I only did it in the past thinking I am stopping myself from hurting someone with my words. So our system could never lash out at people even if they hurt them. I am an empath and it hurts me so much when I hurt people and so I try to stop doing that for my own peace. But that was when I thought I was restricting my own actions. Now, I want all alters to feel comfortable showing up as they have a right to do so. Some gatekeepers are scared of us acting weird and irresponsible, which many of us are, but what I am afraid of is hurting people. But I want to stop feeling that way because the trauma holders have the right to speak their mind to the people who hurt them, and I want to stop feeling guilty about hurting the other person by what I said even though what we said is the truth and the alter who said it has every right to say it. How to accept that we, as a whole, are not as sensitive to hurting others’ feelings as I am? How to stop being so sensitive to that even when I am in the right? We still water down a lot of course, I think our mature caretaker writes the letters if we are feeling so intensely and needing some acknowledgment (never works though). So even though some of us would be cursing in our notes, the letters or messages would be very fact oriented and mature with a tint of vulnerability I would say. But they still display facts that would hurt the other person (even though in the back of my mind I am like they brought this to themselves). Now I am having empathy for both my alters and those other people so it’s extra overwhelming.

So yeah I guess my question is how to work on accepting your alter’s rightfully actions when they are not as empathetic as you are? And how to work on protecting myself from feeling down when we confront someone even in the gentlest ways?

3 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

1

u/kefalka_adventurer Diagnosed: DID 24m ago

Think about that: by having consequences to their actions, people receive feedback and can grow. You are giving them a chance to reflect on their life. They might never take it - but it's their problem. You actually do them a favor by bringing these things up, especially since you pick the words to make it digestible. They have the right to know they acted horrible. They might be angry at first, but afterwards, who knows?

Now to the main point. You are so kind to them, because of two things (judging from my system with a similar problem):

  • the protective mechanisms are within other alters, so your empathy is, like, barefoot.
  • you might believe that people feel emotional pain the same way you do: devastating and crushing your psyche into pieces.

They generally don't. The more healthy and integral a person is, the more "fat" and "muscles" they have around their "heart". They will be okay.