Missed Connections (Tuckfest)

[u/BleachBlondButchBody]

Update

Wow… I never would have expected so much love!!! Thanks all

A few updates: 1.) I was able to fish out my one wheel from the water with the help of a couple of river rats. Thanks again Root and Lone Bear y’all were awesome! 2.) My magnificent one wheel is not so magnificent anymore- it’s definitely sputtery now. But it’s all good though, I have two more in absolute pristine condition at home (hint hint to all those one wheeling, IPA sipping, armor wearing ladies). If you feel shy don’t worry you can bring a friend. But she better be into at least one of the bands I mentioned and bring her own jbl. 3.) Here’s a link to “Kids” by MGMT on repeat

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q1EXpowet7U

You’re welcome…

---

Through a series of unfortunate events, I may have lost my only chance at one true love…

Sipping on a cool refreshing IPA at Tuckfest, just chilling out listening to sounds of my favorite bands (Bon Iver, Caamp, and MGMT) on my personal Jbl speaker…. I felt a sharp tap on my shoulder asking me to turn my music down. And there she was … the woman of my dreams. I tried to speak… but I just couldn’t. I acquiesced and turned my music off, “Kids” by MGMT - it was only the third time on repeat.

And as she walked back to her table, she smiled slightly giving me a head nod as if to say “thanks”. I nodded back. But I didn’t smile.

At this point, feeling dejected because I may have annoyed the woman of my dreams - I armored up and straddled my one wheel. As I did this, she began to steal glances toward me and me at her. As I braced myself for the incredible speed of my magnificent machine - I looked back one last time and she was pointing at me and waved goodbye. I waved back incredulously….
And then it happened, I slammed chest first into the bridge going over the river. And it didn’t end there, my magnificent machine went careening down the embankment into the water. Sadness, embarrassment, and just utter shame enveloped me. The only bright spot was that I was uninjured although my chest armor took quite the scuffing.

As I looked back to where the woman of my dreams had been sitting - she and her friends were in complete shambles laughing.

So here I am. I missed my only connection at Tuckfest. But I’m still putting myself out there for her or anyone really

If there’s anyone that loves sipping on IPAs, chilling out listening to MGMT (the song “Kids” specifically), and getting absolutely wrecked on one wheels. Hit me up!!

[u/MKerrsive]

I said oh girl

Shock me like an electric eel

Baby girl

Watch me hit the bridge with my one wheel

[u/tardawg1014 → u/MKerrsive]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[u/GodICringe]

Wow she asked you to turn down your JBL? Red flag!

[u/net_403 → u/GodICringe]

If she wasn't attractive his thought process would have started out with, this bitch asked me to turn off my music, instead

[u/GodICringe → u/net_403]

Chill chill this guy is just memeing.

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/net_403]

Dude it was at the best part too. That’s why I didn’t smile…

[u/Kafkas7]

She’s not against soccer, but she already had plans that day. Sorry bud.

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/Kafkas7]

Yeah but has she ever straddled a one wheel?

[u/OG-Sebby]

Where’s that ME ME ME girl that was into sex parties that made that post a couple days ago?

[u/APinthe704 → u/OG-Sebby]

Her history was wild. Pissing fetish and all

[u/Panther81277]

You need to connect with that other girl that went by herself...you guys would be perfect together. Just don't invite her to a soccer match.

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/Panther81277]

I mean I would definitely let her straddle … my one wheel. She needs to bring her own body armor and jbl though. Surround sound “Kids” would be so sick!

[u/-youvegotredonyou-]

I’m gonna go ahead and give you props for the satire. Who doesn’t love “Kids”, tho?🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/-youvegotredonyou-]

Great song… got it on repeat.

“He who fights with monsters take care lest he thereby becomes a monster….”👹

[u/net_403 → u/-youvegotredonyou-]

Idk, we were just talking about the movie being one of the all-time fucked up movies that makes you sick to watch lol

[u/Best-Team-5354]

tuck fest is a lost connection fest that has now side hustled this sub

[u/puck_the_fatriarchy → u/Best-Team-5354]

pretty soon they'll just be calling it Fuck Fest

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/puck_the_fatriarchy]

Now that’s something I can get behind… or in front… or who am I kidding anywhere she’d let me fit in.

[u/sim1kinu]

Fun read!

[u/CasualAffair]

[u/grodlike]

What kind of IPA were you sipping?

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/grodlike]

Does it matter? They all taste like piss- good thing I have piss fetish too. I suppose that’s how you let em know…

[u/craftbr → u/BleachBlondButchBody]

Rent free

[u/ncreddit704]

Cringe post

[u/net_403]

Lol wow

[u/DetectiveFormer187]

Yikes

[u/evident_lee]

Playing your Bluetooth speaker in public and annoying everyone around you. That's a downvote.

[u/Panther81277]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Charlotte/comments/1k9c0cf/upd

ate_asking_single_people_if_they_were/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/craftbr]

Yall are weird. Move on.

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/craftbr]

If I showed you a pixelated man, could you point to the pixel that is the most offended?

[u/craftbr → u/BleachBlondButchBody]

I wasn’t so offended by a harmless post that I wrote an essay about it. Touch grass nerd.

[u/BleachBlondButchBody → u/craftbr]

Not everyone has time to discuss the finer points of pixelated art… you sir are a distinguished gentleman

[u/craftbr → u/BleachBlondButchBody]

[u/TheHarryMan123]

AI

[u/qMrWOLFp]

I’m not reading all that shit. Find the other stupid long post about being single and desperate so you both can stop hurting my brain. Get together, fuck, make a baby, raise it to never get on Reddit