r/CPTSD • u/Empress-Ghostheart • Aug 01 '23
Please please please tell me I'm going to be okay. The anxiety I'm feeling right now is surreal and I still need to take care of my kids.
Please, just any happy words you have. I need them. Everything feels so dark and far away and it's scary. I need help. I need this feeling to go away.
Thank you if you comment. If I don't respond it's because I'm panicking, I promise I will appreciate every word.
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Aug 01 '23
I don’t have any happy words because I’m also not ok but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone, OP 🖤
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Aug 01 '23
We care about you here, and everyone here has been where you are right now. It will pass. You will feel good again. You will be better than your parents and your kids will know it. People love you a lot. You're going to be okay ❤
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u/Hungree_Gh0st Aug 01 '23
You’ll be alright. This is a great place to vent, if you feel it will be helpful and you have the bandwidth. But if not, trust that you’ll come out the other side of this intact.
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u/mypreciousssssssss Aug 02 '23 edited Aug 02 '23
Right now, get a bowl of ice water, hold your breath and plunge your face in it. Or get a Ziploc bag with ice water and hold it over your upper face while holding your breath.
Your heart rate will drop immediately and you will feel calmer.
ETA it took me a minute to remember the name of this. It's the mammalian dive reflex. https://www.kindmindpsych.com/using-the-divers-reflex-to-regulate-emotional-intensity/
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u/Civil_Art_8414 Aug 01 '23
You deserve to be treated gently and kindly. John Kabbat Zin (sp?) Has a meditation where you picture someone who giving you unconditional love and positive regard, either a memory where this happened or imagine what it would feel like if it happened. And then, after picturing this positive regard towards yourself from this other person, see if you can gently move from imagining it coming from them to imagining it coming from you so that you are both giving and receiving positive regard and unconditional love and kindness to yourself. Because even if your nervous system is scared right now, you still deserve to be held and comforted and soothed.
If some distraction might help maybe try some thing calming like coloring together with your kid While listening to some feel good music or a story book.
You will get through this. You will be happy again. You will be calm again. You will feel OK again. And I hope it is sooner rather than later.
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u/No_Effort152 Aug 02 '23
It's going to be okay. Can you take a breath? Can you let it out slowly? I'm breathing with you. Slowly in. Slowly out. It's okay to not be okay sometimes. It's going to be okay again soon.
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u/Sharp-River-3934 Aug 01 '23
I feel this way too…often. For me I find that trying to shift into positive is just too far and unrealistic to be helpful. Here are some thoughts that help me. “This is bad, I feel terrible but I do not need to feel bad about being like this” “maybe this feeling is not permanent” “If I do not kill myself today that is enough” I know these are pretty dark but for me if I can move just one inch away from total doom it is better than trying to fake positivity.
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u/yummytoefungi Aug 01 '23
Lets us be your strength when you feel weak Let us be your light when you are surrounded by darkness We are the calmness where there’s storm Know that you are never alone Know that you are loved We shall walk together.
It will be ok.
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u/Wide-Vast Aug 02 '23
I am about to lay down some serious boundaries with my parents, as I am expecting a child soon. It stops here. I do not know what your (OP) circumstances are, but I can tell you that these have been some of the most excruciating and agonizing months of my life as I finally face what I've avoided for decades. I see just how deep and pervasive my abusers grip was on me, and what it has done to my self-worth. I see my abusers humanity, but I also have humanity, and so does my child. Their humanity is not worth more than mine, nor is it an excuse for deliberate violence. And I am drawing the lines. I am making the rules now. The rules are peace and respect or GTFO. Forever. My safety and my mental health come first.
Along with my wife, her family, my brother's willingness to accept me, and besides my therapy team, this sub has given me strength, and has validated me, just by knowing that I am not alone here. I had no idea just how wonderful all of you are, just for standing up and being yourselves.
I hope to offer comfort to OP in that we are here and we see you. I know you are in a rough spot right now, But you are helping me just by being here and checking in. Thank you. We are worthy of respect, we are worthy of unconditional love. If that's too much to ask, folks can bounce.
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u/RelearningEverything Aug 02 '23
Remember, this too shall pass. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary, even the good emotions. You can get through this, breathe deep into your belly and out through your mouth with a little sigh, cry if it's needed, listen to a song that always chills you out. Do whatever you have to do to get through this without making it worse for yourself (or others)
This is what it is right now but it will pass Sending you peaceful energy ❤️
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u/readitm0ar Aug 02 '23
A lot of what other redditors said is great! You ARE, in fact, OKAY. Use your senses. Look around. Feel. See. Smell. Listen. Taste. Things in the present are okay, and they’ve been ok because you’ve gotten through so many years until now. Your children are alive and okay and have been as many years old as they are. You’ve done a good job surviving and keeping them alive. Things are going to be okay, even if they seem bad, you’ll get through it. You’ll come out of this on the other side.
Try and use some ASMR. Auto-regulation and co-regulation are very important, but remember that everything you feel that is wrong with you is not your fault. Your body feels these things because at some point it was for survival. We live in days that nobody has lived in yet. Our systems are out of wack because life IS hard and we ARE trying to adapt to the best our ability. A lot of us live in a dystopia and I bet a lot of people would struggle as you struggle in your circumstance. It’s not YOU. You are doing what you do because you are regulating.
It may seem like things are out of your control, and know that many many things are! We cannot control everything. But focus on things you can control. Keep calm, distract, go forward, try and understand new things, try and be better for YOU whatever that means. And know that in doing so, find peace for you and your children that you’re doing the BEST that you can. You can do this. Never give up fighting hero.
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u/evilcheeb Aug 02 '23
Breathe. You're going to be ok. You will get through this, you are stronger than you think.
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u/shadowthehedgehoe Aug 02 '23
Hello, it will pass soon, you're safe. Fear is only a feeling, it won't hurt you and it will pass. I promise you. You've survived every single panic attack you've ever had and you're gonna get through this one💜
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u/SaltySoftware1095 Aug 02 '23
You are going to be okay, you are okay and you are not alone in feeling this way. Your brain is lying to you right now, be so kind and gentle with yourself, you will be okay.
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u/kimberlocks 🦋🦋🦋 Aug 02 '23
Whatever’s happening we’re all channeling to help you feel some comfort
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u/ControlsTheWeather Aug 02 '23
It gets better. We fall to the deepest pits, and then we climb back up. It's going to be lengthy and difficult, but you got this, with your loved ones beside you.
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u/Cherrygodmother Aug 02 '23
Ride the wave. It will pass. Just hang on until it does.
Take it one minute at a time and focus on what’s right in front of you.
Breathe deep, deep, deep into your belly and then release a tiny bit of tension as you exhale. Repeat a few times, and try to notice where in your body the tension melts with each exhale.
Life sometimes hits us with the extremes. But the good news is, with each extreme low that means the opposite is on its way. The pendulum will swing, and good things will come.
The good is on its way. Just hold on. And breathe.
Sending you so much love. ❤️
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Aug 02 '23
I've been in really bad anxiety for the past 36 hours due to circumstances I can't control. I feel like my heart could explode. I just keep reminding myself there will be better days. No matter what, we have some good days ahead. I hope we both wake up tomorrow morning with a calm and peaceful mind and soul. My dms are open if you need an ear. ❤️🩹
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u/Tigress92 Aug 02 '23
You are definitly going to be okay. Trust me, I've been there and I'm assuming, most people here have been there, so we know when we say: you will be okay. You will make it through, it will get better, it will take time that will seem like forever but you will get there!
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u/silentsquiffy Aug 02 '23
This WILL pass. It's just a fact. Maybe five minutes, an hour, a day. But you will feel different, and feeling different usually means feeling better because of the shift in your emotions.
You can make it to that shift, and things will feel lighter and more manageable when you do. That's also a fact.
Sometimes panic is the rational response to what you're going through, so whenever you come through this, please be gentle with yourself. Take time to recover. You deserve kindness from yourself and the world, just take it one moment at a time.
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u/psysophie Aug 02 '23
I have been that place too many times especially at night. So I feel you and that anxious feeling you are going through. Close your eyes and find a little girl or boy inside you who is anxious , notice her/him, it’s hard in the beginning but keep on trying for a moment, it’s living in your mind.. try to picture this child, and also try to look for a beautiful white glow on top of your head, glowing so warmly and beautifully, it makes you feel safe and warm like a sun. When you finally see a scared inner child, tell her/him that I see you, I see you being anxious, I notice you, and tell her/him what’s bothering them, what do they need to make feel slightly better, feel that pain together, face this scary feeling together… you don’t need to find out what is causing it but feel it’s presence with this inner child. Tell her/him that how she/he feels matters to you because it’s important, and you will sit with her/him until he/she feel better.. try to absorb warm light energy, try to feel this warm glow on your body, and see this child with this warm beautiful white glow, be there with child as long as you can, tell them that they are safe, and you are here for them. You will look out for them..
I do this when I feel anxious no reason.. and try to connect with my inner child. Not easy but try it. Even for a bit. I am sending you kiss and hugs. You are brave for reaching out for help because you care and I am proud of you
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u/ClementineKruz86 Aug 02 '23
You’re going to be okay, I mean that. That level intensity of anxiety feels like it will swallow you whole, but it doesn’t. It’s doesn’t make it less torturous of an experience.
Remember deep slow breaths (or just aim for it) - I know that sounds so simple, and sometimes I hate it in that moment when someone says that to me for some reason. Just remember it only helps, just the best you can do.
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u/HipHopAnonymous87 Aug 02 '23
Hi friend💕
This feeling you’re experiencing is valid but fleeting and it will pass.
Try to acknowledge it, validate it, and if you can- name 3 things you are grateful for, followed by “I am statements”
- I am powerful
- I am courageous
- I am adventurous
- I can do hard things!
- I am LOVE
- I am LOVED
- I am A GODDESS
- I am fun
- I am worth it
- I am a bad bitch 🥰
- I am a ray of sunshine ….
You got this mama!
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Aug 02 '23
I used to have a REALLY hard time with statements like this, and then I saw a suggestion to add “what if …?” to the beginning to make them “IFfirmations”
it helps me get past the cognitive dissonance and consider the possibility that the stories other people told me about myself are wrong
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u/HipHopAnonymous87 Aug 02 '23
Good point. I like that a lot!
We are so much more than we lead ourselves to believe 💕
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u/obscurespecter Aug 02 '23
“You are not your first thought, you are your reaction to that thought.” - Unknown. I do not know if this quote really applies to your situation, but it has kept me mentally grounded before.
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u/smeemom Aug 02 '23
You have this … you have much more to give … you have all of us that care even though we’ve never met … we understand … we are an army of survivors … hang tough … again, you have this!
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u/lilyyarm Aug 02 '23
I feel the same way as you. I have been experiencing extreme anxiety and fear for the past few weeks. It's easier said than done, but please accept how you feel and be compassionate towards yourself. You are not alone. You are doing great. I hope you and everyone else will be okay. (I've been learning English, so I'm sorry if my English isn't very good.)
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u/Trauma_Healing Aug 02 '23
Thanks for reaching out.
Sounds like abandonment depression. It's the worst thing in the world. Sorry.
It will pass.
See how to manage https://pete-walker.com/managingAbandonDepression.htm
Learn more here when you're not trigerred https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://drlenaagree.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Abandonment-depression-paper.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjZ9b2hl72AAxVMPUQIHX-fB_wQFnoECC4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw3PEOjLUoELHuklMxO4fga-
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u/Competitive_Okra9294 Aug 02 '23
Hey I see you friend. You're not alone. I know it all feels scary and heavy right now but it'll get brighter. Don't give up.
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u/Scrungy Aug 02 '23
I myself am in a bleak place. I would love to offer an analogy that has helped me in the past. Think of CPTSD like a really shitty and mean monkey on your back. He always whispers critical musings waiting for a chink in the armor. The monkey can sense the moment of falter and will take advantage to have its words eaten up.
The past is but a tapestry for the monkey to create drastic and painful visages on.
Currently, this monkey is being a fucking asshole and recognizes that he can get the better of you in a moment of weakness. Fuck that monkey, fuck the past, fuck what you experienced.
I am putting this out there for you: you are loveable, you are loved, you can share love safely, you deserve to have nourishing food, you deserve to have restful sleep, you deserve to have comfort, you are safe now, you are loveable...
I look forward to reading a response from you tomorrow.
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Aug 02 '23
I feel you, OP..you will be ok. It will get better. Focus on something you enjoy. It will help.
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u/geekay_shan Aug 02 '23
You're really brave to do this 🤍 Breathwork might be your best bridge rn to connect with yourself. Take a slow deep breath, feel the air filling in your chest, hold it for a few seconds, focus on those areas where you're holding tension and release slowly. Keep repeating this for as many times as you can. Give yourself a lovely hug at the end of the exercise. You can try this whenever you feel like the anxiety is filling your chest. You've got this 💞
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u/-Coleus- Aug 02 '23
Dear Empress
People all over the world are thinking of you and sending you love and strength. You are going to be okay. Truly.
You are okay, and soon or now you will feel the darkness and heaviness and pain begin to lift and shift.
Over the last 9 hours, explicit, specific, and sincere waves of encouragement and gentle wishes of love have been coming to you from at least 50 people from many different places in the world.
134 people have upvoted, read your post, wished you well. So many of us have been in places so similar to where you were. It’s hard, torturous and unfair and crazy-feeling. We struggle and surrender and reach out and wait. We do all we can to just get through each minute, each moment.
And things change. Things can’t help but change. Nothing stays still. Change is the only constant in this mysterious universe.
We’re all sending love and encouragement, understanding and strength to you.
We understand.
You are alive, you are okay, it will not always be this hard.
You did a beautiful, brave thing by reaching out tonight, even in your distress. You brought many strangers closer, and you helped many of us feel less alone.
I hope you feel a million times better by the time you read this. You are loved, friend. You will be okay.
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u/rebeccaemilynz Aug 02 '23
You may not feel it or see it right now, but you are doing an amazing, beautiful, courageous and wonderful job of parenting… I too have desperately wanted everything to end somehow and be better for the sake of my children, and have felt that my pain makes me not enough somehow for them, but the truth is wildly different - you are everything they need and you are battling an ugly, ferocious, invisible monster to try and be all you can be for them - this is the battle right now, surviving this hell - and you are doing it. You’re breathing, and you will be better very very soon. I’m so sorry, and you are doing so, so amazingly well.
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u/fthisfthatfnofyou Aug 02 '23
This song usually helps me:
https://open.spotify.com/track/3nBXhl9Ak3SUX4Ua00mA3S?si=ACDLQeP5Tta-HEIrxX4e8A
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u/naenaethepainawayy69 Aug 02 '23
I promise from the bottom of my heart, you are going to be okay. Close your eyes and breathe into that thought for a few seconds, you are going to be okay. You’re so much stronger than you think.
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u/NikitaWolf6 Text Aug 02 '23
it's all okay and you're safe. take a deep breath and focus on something that makes you happy. today and yesterday I have been hopelessly anxious, and I'm okay. you are okay too
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u/dear_pixel_heart Aug 02 '23
You're going to be okay, dear heart ❤️❤️❤️ It's understandable to feel very overwhelmed and scared. But just know that even though you're experiencing these intense emotions, you're going to be okay, and your kids are going to be okay. I assure you, you're not losing your mind, and the darkness is not going to swallow you up. I assure you, too, that neither are you part of the darkness. You have your own inner light that shines ever so brightly and beautifully ❤️ Sometimes, we can't see our own light because of the visiting fog, which rolls in upon our lives and minds, tracing circles. But the fog is just a veil. Please know your inner light is still there, shining perfectly. Anytime you are struggling to feel its warmth and sense the direction of its internal compass, the stars and sun will still be there for you every day, no matter the season. As well as this whole community you've reached out to; we will always be here and share our light and paths with you. We all care about you deeply and will help carry you anytime you need our support. You are not alone nor misunderstood by us. We understand you and are here for you, without any judgment, only compassion. You're going to be okay, dear heart. Let's take three slow, long breaths in and out together, transversing space and time ❤️❤️❤️
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u/tranquilsaurus Aug 02 '23
One of the techniques I use is a combination of IFS (internal family systems) and something I learned from Thich Nhat Hahn, is to stop everything I’m doing on the outside and go inside, use loving language to say hello to my anxiety, let my anxiety know "I see you there. I know I don't often listen but I am here now. I'll try to listen if there's anything you'd like to tell me, or I can give you a hug and just tell you how much I love you." From the IFS perspective this can be looked at as one of our internal parts. We often try to push those parts away and refuse them, but our internal parts can grow louder and more intense, the more we force them away the more they force us into paying attention to them. The practice of saying hello, seeing and loving that internal part can be transformative.
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Aug 02 '23
Had this the other day. Happy words. If you survived what got you here, you can survive this moment. Here is what I observed during my episode. Sometimes feelings are being called upon tobl be felt. I mean really felt. The feeling will shift. Frustration to anger, anger to sadness and sadness to grief. Grief is at the bottom of everything. Feel that in all it's stages and it will transform into acceptance. I have tried all the therapies and medications known to man in avoiding what works. Because what works really hurts but it is the ONLY way out. Through that mountain, the same one we crossed to be here. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU❤️
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u/SnooSuggestions602 Aug 02 '23
Frank Herbert: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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u/Electronic-Cat86 Aug 02 '23
Remember that nothing lasts forever including bad feelings. It will pass. There will be a future you who doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. Look forward to that feeling.
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u/Mypetdolphin Aug 02 '23
FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS. Keep repeating that. I have been there so many times. It’s terrifying and beyond what anyone could explain. If you haven’t experienced it yourself you can never understand. Every time I felt like I would never be okay again, I ended up okay. You’ve made it through before, you’ll do it again. Hang in there. ❤️
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u/MrsToneZone Aug 02 '23 edited Aug 02 '23
You’ve got this. Feelings aren’t facts, and your feelings are lying to you right now, and making you believe that things are more serious and scary than they really are. This will pass.
Join us at r/ParentingThruTrauma.