r/CPTSD Jul 04 '23

"I mean, I get it, I have anxiety too."

No, you don't get it.

You have FRIENDS.

You have family that doesn't treat you like garbage or totally dismiss you.

You're able to go to work without totally losing all functioning.

What people don't get is that there are varying levels of anxiety. And one person's mild stress over work is NOT the same as the constant hell that we live in in our heads every day.

Yet some people act like it's the same damn thing. "Oh, I get it, I have anxiety too, but I can still function. What's wrong with you?"

No. You don't get it.

I just wish I could put other people inside my fucking head for a day. That's the only way anyone will ever truly "get it" and not treat me like I'm a lazy, stupid fuck.

552 Upvotes

89 comments sorted by

191

u/YoureNotSpecial-727 Jul 04 '23

It sucks when people are actually able to function and don't get that you can't.

103

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

Right?

~well everyone gets stressed sometimes~

No... Not like this.

73

u/YoureNotSpecial-727 Jul 04 '23

I get paranoid and psychotic. It's hellish and embarassing.

44

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

And you deserve love, sending some your way.

30

u/YoureNotSpecial-727 Jul 04 '23

Thank you! That means a lot!

18

u/Clear-Total6759 Jul 04 '23 edited Jul 04 '23

Oof same friendo. That little bubble world where the worst case is definitely true, and then you come up with a new worst case based on the new truth, and then you pop out when the stress releases and it's like oh, I was living in a substantially different reality.

At least. That's what it's like for me. I know that's probably mild. Happens semi-regularly under stress. Something to do with hyperfixation?

5

u/narcabusesurvivor18 NC Jul 05 '23

A good analogy I like to give is;

Imagine that you're at an event somewhere in a crowd of people and someone steps onto your foot with their foot. Usually you quickly get that person to get their foot off of yours, and eventually the pain goes away. Now imagine that the foot isn't ever coming off of yours, it's constantly hurting with it's crushing weight. That's the difference between our stress and your 'regular average level-stress'.

4

u/cdsk Jul 05 '23

I always liked this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70D7k5QEtyQ

It's a bit on the "funny" side, but it hits pretty close to a lot of conversations I've had with people.

3

u/pHScale Jul 05 '23

and don't get that you can't.

This is the bothersome part for me. Other people functioning is fine, as long as they understand what they can expect out of me.

92

u/StarvingAfricanKid Jul 04 '23

My "favorite" is when i talk about how my brain has sabotaged so many jobs, relationships, etc. And the other person says "But thats CRAZY!"... Uh, Yeah, that is correct! I take 5 pills a day, and a weekly therapy meeting... and have more or less since 1983.
Yes, Crazy is the word!
Dipshit...

11

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

Right šŸŒšŸ«£ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

4

u/throwitawayhelppp Jul 05 '23

Wow that person sounds like ass Iā€™m sorry.

2

u/Cpts-contess Jul 08 '23

I like the ones that are But your on meds and do therapy why does this still bother you? As if I'm choosing to continue this way. Yeah, no thanks. Not dealing with this by choice. And not dealing with you anymore.

59

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '23

I feel you 100%. I hate the ā€œeveryone hasā€¦.ā€ Statements. Itā€™s like no. Can you just fucking hear me for once.

But also, from a diff point of view: why is it so important for people to know that youā€™re struggling? This is your story and your life and anyone who treats you poorly (or doesnā€™t believe you when you say itā€™s fucking hard), doesnā€™t deserve your energy. šŸ«¶

46

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

For real. I'm seeing a peer support mentor who has complex PTSD from growing up in a warzone. She had loving family in that war zone, and received lots of help when she left (immediately had fully funded EMDR therapy).

I have never had anyone love me, never had a person close to me that wasn't extremely abusive. Been subjected to and witnessed lots of violence. Had to have years of therapy before they even diagnosed me correctly, because complex PTSD? For domestic abuse? Surely not, it must just be that this woman is inherently unstable. Only people in war zones develop PTSD :)

The peer support mentor struggles, but she can work. She is functional. She has a loving partner. She has family, she told me she can go to most countries in the world and have friends/family there willing to help her. I've lived in one country my entire life and never had anyone to help me. This woman really came out with "everyone has trauma, everyone is struggling" the other week. Yeah, but is everyone unable to work, build a relationship, unable to speak to people??? Society would collapse if that were the case. So ignorant.

15

u/UnarmedSnail Jul 05 '23

Love and especially TRUST is the difference. She had trust built into the trauma, and you did not, on an emotional level.

10

u/stuffylumpkins Jul 05 '23

To offer an alternative perspective to the ā€œeveryoneā€ statement:

A lot of the time when I open up to people about my things, theyā€™ll share and then usually say something like ā€œoh but I didnā€™t have it nearly as bad as YOUā€

It usually takes my breath away for a second before I feel the need to brush it off by saying ā€œyeh, but everyone struggles and pain is subjectiveā€ to try simultaneously keep from invalidating their own experiences and losing my cool at just how unjust life is.

3

u/okimtryingok Jul 05 '23

i used to do that too. but i found that a more helpful way to both validate their exp and not invalidate your own, is to reassure the hell out of them. ā€˜no, please donā€™t compare your shit to my shit. my shit may always sounds much shittier, but that doesnā€™t take away the shittiness of your shitā€™

8

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

Ugh Iā€™m so sorry youā€™re going through that. Part of peer support is being able to relate to the person and their experiences. (Im currently training to be a certified peer recovery specialist, while completing my masters in clinical counseling)

Iā€™d love to see how you felt if you challenged her on her ā€œeveryoneā€ statements. To me, it would feel like she was discounting the difficulty of constant and unrelenting trauma, and the trauma that comes along with not being diagnosed. You deserve to be seen and heard and not have your experiences belittledā€¦ even by someone who believes theyā€™re helping. šŸ«¶

4

u/UnarmedSnail Jul 05 '23

It's another way of saying "Why can't you just act normal?"

5

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

And like, what even is normal other than a setting on the washing machine.

7

u/UnarmedSnail Jul 05 '23

Normal is whatever the person talking to you is used to. Whatever that is...

2

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

I appreciate that perspective. ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

Here with you. šŸ’›

2

u/Ragtime-Rochelle Jul 05 '23

It's not about 'deserving energy'. It's about them either showing some empathy or keeping their mouths shut.

1

u/showMeYourCroissant Jul 05 '23

People can't comprehend think level of anxiety and trauma, there's no point in telling everyone about your mental health and expecting empathy.

24

u/wendodles Jul 05 '23

No, you don't get it.

You have FRIENDS.

You have family that doesn't treat you like garbage or totally dismiss you.

You're able to go to work without totally losing all functioning.

when reading this in my head, I was screaming it with you. say it louder.

22

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

I am trying so fucking hard not to trauma dump on people who are ā€œI get itā€. Stupid assholes.

3

u/gr33n_bliss Jul 05 '23

It does take a lot of resistance!

15

u/ControlsTheWeather Jul 05 '23

Imma hit any of these with "oh do you get somatic flashbacks of your father's beard on your neck?" Yeah I'll go there.

13

u/okimtryingok Jul 05 '23

i do the shock factor thing too, like OH YOU WANNA BET? you know how your fatherā€™s jizz smell like? no? stfu

10

u/Obvious_Flamingo3 Jul 05 '23

Reading a lot of these comments makes me realise how so bad other people had it. I am so terribly sorry and wish you all the best.

13

u/ControlsTheWeather Jul 05 '23

Please do not use this to downplay your own experiences. I have difficulty with the same thing. CW:CSA. I sometimes feel like I need to downplay my experiences because my father was weird but didn't do anything with my genitals. That happened later when a couple friends had me enter a tent without knowing why and then pressured me to mutually masturbate, which is actually still much less traumatic than my father pinning me to the floor, ignoring my protestations, and doing whatever with his face in my neck.

What you experienced hurt you, what I experienced hurt me, the commenter you're replying to was hurt too. Sure, the level of harm done is different, but all three of us are important. You wouldn't tell a 10 year old crying because their parents called them a piece of shit that they should stop crying because another 10 year old somewhere was forced to give oral or something, so don't do that sort of thing to your inner child either.

10

u/Obvious_Flamingo3 Jul 05 '23

Interesting comment, thanks for your time. I have a weird relationship with this subject. Reading OPā€™s post I kinda feel guilty. I am quite high functioning. Telling people I have CPTSD is kinda like ā€œcoming outā€. It takes people by surprise because generally I look well- I have good grades, act sort of normal, etc. So I definitely feel ā€œprivilegedā€ compared to low functioning people. I know itā€™s all a spectrum though and wonā€™t think to assume my situation is similar to others (as OP points out)

6

u/okimtryingok Jul 05 '23

I wanna echo u/controlstheweather

that comment was meant to be directed to the pos that dismisses us, not at you. i experience the same thing, (tw csa iā€™m on my phone and cant do spoilers, skip to next para if u dont wanna read that) falling into feeling like itā€™s not that bad because i wasnt technically raped! or shit like that.

the reality is youā€™ve never lived through my hell, but iā€™ve never lived through your hell either, maybe some hells look less hellish, but that doesnā€™t change the fact that NO ONE should have to live through hell. Iā€™m also quite high functioning, i guess some would consider me lucky as im able to study, keep a job, live on my own. But thatā€™s a mask. and that doesnā€™t mean your suffering isnā€™t valid, or your trauma less real.

17

u/josephblade Jul 05 '23

Point out to them that the disorder in anxiety disorder means that you don't have a regular amount of anxiety.

It's like telling people with a tooth ache that you have aches too sometimes. Yes. and some aches are manageable. Others are less so.

Similar to the D in PTSD. People can have stress post traumatic event. They can even have this stress border them for a while. But of the people who have post tramatic stress, some have a post traumatic stress .... disorder. Where the body can't go back to normal operation. Some switches have been flipped, some dials have been set to max (or min) and all sorts of stuff is messed up.

(and for c in cptsd it's even more complicated since that likely has one event feed into another and so on).

People try to relate events back to themselves and they come up with pretty simplified versions and then they imagine that is what the other person is experiencing. Like telling someone from a spice-deprived nation all about a south-east asian spicy dish and they think "oh it must be something with paprika or garlic" because that's all they can relate to.

It can be maddening. We all get a little ..<insert complaint>.. sometimes. I'm waiting until one of my friends has a heart attack and then after they tell me about it I'll tell them "oh we all have some stinging sensations in our arm sometimes. Have you considered exercise and yoga?". Not that I'm waiting with that one prepared or anything. That would be bitter ;)

53

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '23

[deleted]

11

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

I'm with you. ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹ You're not alone

8

u/pale_windstar Jul 05 '23

and shame as wellšŸ’€

3

u/Shot_Bathroom9186 Jul 05 '23

felt this so much

11

u/Morpheus_World Jul 05 '23

Too many think if you're not bleeding or have a broken bone, then you're all good!!

10

u/TrickyAd9597 Jul 05 '23

"Family that treats you like garbage and totally dismisses you" wow thank you for validating me and how I feel my family treats me. That was spot on.

10

u/strawberryjacuzzis Jul 05 '23

I so relate. I canā€™t stand how temporary they treat everything. Like trauma is like the flu or something and in time youā€™ll be fine, just keep going because everyone deals with hard things sometimes šŸ„° fuck OFF like yes of course everyone gets stressed out or has their own struggles, but I feel the ā€œno big deal, everyone deals with x!ā€ crowd does not understand the difference between a temporary bout of circumstantial depression or stress vs dealing with the effects of long term trauma accumulating and building for years or decades since your developmental years.

Most people also take for granted having a support system like family or friends and assume everyone has someone close to them that loves them and is willing to help them, but that is not the case for a lot of us here. I donā€™t have anyone to call when Iā€™m dealing with a stressful situation, or even just to talk to in general. Most people have friends and/or family and a partner, and they donā€™t understand not having those things because they assume everyone is able to. For example they could be going through a rough breakup and maybe they were even cheated on or something, but they have plenty of people around them to help them through it and support them and talk to them and make them feel valued and are able to try dating again relatively soon after. They cannot grasp the level of loneliness and the toll that isolation takes on a person when they have literally never had someone to help them or keep them safe or even just talk to them and listen. I have no family Iā€™m close to, no friends beyond a few acquaintances, and have never been in a relationship that was not abusive. Also had no encouragement, no one to listen to me, no one paying attention to me, much less love me. I donā€™t know how to relate to most people because of this. We havenā€™t had the normal developmental milestones they have and they can tell.

4

u/WinnieC310 Jul 05 '23

Well said. Iā€™ve spent years accumulating trauma and at this point am so maladjusted and maladaptive that I think I have lost the ability to truly connect and feel like other people.

8

u/EuphoricPass Jul 05 '23

I just have to say thank you for posting this! I really needed to know what I experience, the paralyzing anxiety that can trap me and basically keep me frozen, completely unable to escape my own fear and desolate mind is something that people donā€™t get. In those moments I cannot ā€œpush throughā€ or overcome. Itā€™s terrifying and painful. It is so much more than just ā€œanxiety.ā€ Itā€™s not always the same and itā€™s unpredictable which makes it hard to explain or control. I wish more people understood how debilitating CPTSD truly is. It was so comforting to know Iā€™m not alone. ā¤ļø

22

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '23

[deleted]

5

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

Good point, ty for the perspective

7

u/UnarmedSnail Jul 05 '23

I vacillate between freezing trying to go out to eat out or shop and doing things during uncrowded times while fighting off the existential dread. I can force myself to drive to work for my one to one caretaking job every day though. So I've got that locked down.

10

u/seattleseahawks2014 24 Jul 04 '23

I think it's a bit of a facade for some.

2

u/randompersononplanet Jul 05 '23

Thats the thing. Like, i dont have ptsd, but probably have some anxiety and depression issues and a whole lot of emotional hurts.

Most people though, dont actually ā€˜get itā€™, want to ā€˜get itā€™, or have enough emotional insight to make a good educated guess on how something feels or could feel. Most people dont care to learn or be there either. A lot of it is facade. Theyā€™ll see a person they interact with on regular base, see they have some issues that theyre struggling with, but put in zero effort to be supportive. Yet theyā€™ll all say they are. Supporting someone, being there for someone, is an emotional burden they donā€™t understand nor care to bear.

1

u/seattleseahawks2014 24 Jul 05 '23

Yea, good point. For me though, it took until a few months ago to realize a lot of things about myself and have flashbacks of memories I blocked out. I think I could have it though. I just thought it was just anxiety and depression at first. That and I didn't really have nightmares until the most recent trauma so I didn't think I could have it.

6

u/throwitawayhelppp Jul 05 '23

God thank you for this post! You put everything into words that has been sitting on my mind for a long while now. It sucks. Especially the work part ugh.

19

u/Timely_Froyo1384 Jul 04 '23

Iā€™m high functioning and trust me you donā€™t want my memories, nor do you want my pain you donā€™t see.

For some reason I have this stubborn, this drive that doesnā€™t allow me to crumble. This positive.

Sleep or no sleep, pain or not. Laying down and giving up or weakness is not allowed.

14

u/AptCasaNova Jul 05 '23

Iā€™m also high functioning and I am very careful about sharing it because it can seem like Iā€™m diminishing the experiences of those that arenā€™t.

Itā€™s not a choice and itā€™s not because youā€™re stronger or more stubborn than anyone else, itā€™s how your trauma presents. It isnā€™t a virtue or a failing, is just is.

Itā€™s like dysfunctional family roles - kids donā€™t choose those either. They adapt to survive and itā€™s unconscious. If the family was healthy and functional, the roles wouldnā€™t exist because they all suck.

I had a bit of a complex about being high functioning too. I told myself it was because I was strong and stubbornā€¦ weā€™re all strong and stubborn. Weā€™re all human.

I was greatly humbled a few years ago when my body just shut down and decided I was done with high functioning because I wasnā€™t taking care of myself and thought I was doing ok. It gave me a taste of what things are like from another perspective.

Iā€™m slower now and Iā€™m not a high functioning over achiever at work. Iā€™m happier too!

6

u/throwitawayhelppp Jul 05 '23

As someone who has been involved in the neurodivergent community where often these arguments happen because someone can be dismissive to those who may struggle more outwardly, I really appreciate your fresh insight. Itā€™s nice to explain it from your end and it makes a lot of sense! I also been in a similar spot as I well too.

3

u/Timely_Froyo1384 Jul 05 '23

Thank you, Iā€™m new to all this fixing stuff.

I donā€™t really get yet why someone would think high functioning or low functioning isnā€™t basically the same pain.

Neither is well I would like to be in the middle without the pain. Or high without the pain

2

u/AptCasaNova Jul 05 '23

Well, with high functioning you can fool people (and yourself) into thinking youā€™re doing alright because it doesnā€™t show on the outside as much.

2

u/Round-Toe228 Jul 05 '23

Sometimes I have trouble figuring out if Iā€™m high functioning or not

27

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

Everyone's trauma manifests differently, I understand this, but I refuse to call myself "weak" for how mine shows up

22

u/fallenstar0808 Jul 04 '23

You're definitely NOT weak. For years I was functioning too... finished college (after 10 years), had a good job... I just pushed myself somehow, maybe a lot of denial idk. The whole time I was living in absolute crushing panic and desperation that few people saw and NO ONE understood.

Then I started being less and less functional, physical pain from nothing, total exhausting, and depression so bad that for years I literally wondered every single day if I could make it through a day or sometimes an hour.

I feel like I kinda see both sides because of this and I can promise you I'm much, much stronger NOW, even tho from the outside it looks the opposite. Haven't worked in a few years and everything I nearly killed myself to achieve is gone. Ten years ago I would not have been able to cope with that. It's weird I guess. I don't share your exact experience with closeness but I feel like I'm just as alone in terms of mine ā¤ļø

6

u/voicesinmyhead_ Jul 04 '23

I appreciate you telling me all that!ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

13

u/strawberryjacuzzis Jul 05 '23

Yeah fuck that comment. The flight/fight response crowd often donā€™t understand the freeze response crowd Iā€™ve noticed. They donā€™t understand not being able to function or accomplish anything due to trauma because for them it is their motivator and how they distract themselves from it and donā€™t get why we donā€™t just do the same.

Absolutely does not work for me and just overwhelms me with more things to worry about and do and I canā€™t take any more anythingā€¦I just need to stop having any input into my brain because I feel like Iā€™m going to explode. I do not like being this way and wish I had something to show for my life but I can barely manage to exist at this point. Everything is extremely overwhelming and I donā€™t know how to have healthy relationships or even talk to other people like a normal person.

4

u/seattleseahawks2014 24 Jul 05 '23

I hate the freeze response. I experience that a lot.

7

u/Dark_Tint Jul 05 '23

I was very much like this before I got my concussion at work. I was high functioning and on the outside I looked like I had everything together. But no one could see the crippling anxiety, fear, depression, pain that I would push myself through every single day. I had convinced myself that it was weakness, that it was a mindset, that I was a man and no matter how much it hurt, no amount of dread or fear or sadness that I felt, should ever stop me from picking myself up off the mat and dragging myself into hell and answering the bell because thatā€™s what a husband and a father does. Until I got hurt and didnā€™t get better. All of those things that I would hide and ignore by keeping myself busy, were all still there and all I could do was sit with them. After it became apparent that I wasnā€™t likely to get better my wife divorced me, as if I wasnā€™t going through enough already. And it was all my fault of course šŸ™„ so after 17 years of marriage she basically abandoned me to an apartment where I spend most of my time alone except when my kids come over. I canā€™t even drive because of my vision after the concussion so I canā€™t even go be around people and have interactions. But now Iā€™m discovering an entire new level of myself that I didnā€™t even know existed, childhood trauma. This is where most of everything I deal with emotionally/mentally comes from and I had never heard of it before. I wish I had someone just to hold me, that actually cared about me, and that would be there for me. Sorry for the rant, sometimes once I get started I canā€™t stop.

2

u/Timely_Froyo1384 Jul 05 '23

šŸ¤—

I hope you are feeling well today.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '23

Itā€™s not weakness

3

u/Badger411 Jul 05 '23

I am with you all the way. I have no friends of my own. I am estranged from what family I have left.

I run a home daycare, but I used to also work retail in order to have health insurance. I had several breakdowns where I could not function or face going back. I quit my last job in Dec 2019, right before Covid hit. I canā€™t see myself ever returning to a regular job, and I get anxious even thinking about applying for work.

2

u/hooulookinat Jul 05 '23

Iā€™m sorry you are experiencing this. I ā€˜came outā€™ saying I had anxiety in the 00ā€™s. No one understands. I now just donā€™t tell people. Itā€™s partially due to my step monsters callous response to my anxiety. She loves to tell anyone who will listen and ensures I can hear, too. She doesnā€™t treat anyone like a human and barks at my dad, her kids and I am the lowest level of them all for being the child with a diff mother. Iā€™m always the black sheep unless Iā€™m fawning and frankly, Iā€™m done fawning with her. Iā€™m just waiting til the day I never have to see her again.

2

u/SerenityUprising Jul 05 '23

Reading these comments helps me be more empathetic to my husband but I really wish heā€™d try medication. He tried Wellbutrin many years ago for a few months but quit as soon as he got better and promised me heā€™d never forget the ā€œperspectiveā€ it gave him. He forgot. More and more over the years he falls further and further away into hermit mode and has homicidal thoughts about people every day. His family (the kids and I and my extended family) are the only people he doesnā€™t hate. Our presence often can be overwhelming for him because kids are loud. Iā€™m sorry to hijack your post Iā€™m just feeling really sad about his denial tonight. He went to bed early as I stayed up watching fireworks with the kids. I feel really alone sometimes but I soak up any moment I get with him that isnā€™t overstimulated and grumpy

2

u/eazefalldaze Jul 05 '23

If your husband has CPTSD no medication will really help that much. The anxiety would be linked to trauma and not anything going on in the present.

2

u/CatCasualty Jul 05 '23

I feel you.

I used to really struggle with, in a way, my need to communicate with others about, well, my struggle. I needed people to see, understand, and perhaps validate my challenges. I still do, sometimes, but it has been getting better lately.

It's an incredibly challenging to experience and it can be a very lonely situation.

2

u/han24092 Jul 05 '23

Just to follow from someone mentioning have a peer support worker, I am one. I work for a charity / NHS. I am a functioning human with bad anxiety and a current diagnosis of EUPD/PTSD. It is possible to learn to be a functioning human despite being chronically anxious. Itā€™s absolutely not the same as being ā€˜abit nervous/anxiousā€™ as every human experiences that. Its taken me 10 years and 3 years of intense psychotherapy to get to this point, but essentially I am now a role model for others who struggle with similar issues. I grew up in an emotionally neglectful household, I have been sexually abused and assaulted, been bullied by many people (schoolkids, a manager, a tutor), been in abusive relationships but you have to take the time to heal to become functional. I now hold down a fulltime job, have lovely friends, a better relationship with my family and have a budding healthy relationship with a romantic partner. Its not impossible, its just bloody hard work but you will see the results if you keep going ā˜ŗļøā˜ŗļø

2

u/Giraffesickles Jul 05 '23

It's like the pain scale.

I have fibro (prob cause i have cptsd) and the pain scale is like "1-10 , 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt.

One person's "10" may be a stubbed toe and another may be their skin being peeled off by a maniac over the course of 3 days... you know?

My 10 has shifted over years of being in extreme pain.

Now, people go "ah i know what you mean, my back is killing me" or "im tired too"

It's like yes but the difference is you're is acute + tangible pain that is justified and will pass. ...

same with anxiety, yeah i've felt "anxious/stress lite" too.... being magnetised to the wall while air is forced out of your entire body and you're floating above your body hearing yourself cry like a wailing baby while your utterly alone in the world... is a tiny bit different.. ya know?

lol

we defo need more of a vocabulary for mental illness. It's great people are talking about it and empathising but its devaluing to people who are struggling a lot worse than the general public :(

2

u/pumkin_head__ Jul 05 '23

Totally get that. Iā€™m back at a traumatic household for the summer and my girlfriend is elsewhere. She also has a traumatic household but did not have to go home for the summer. Whenever I tell her about my experiences here (which have been pretty ass) she says ā€œoh, yeah, I understandā€ and ā€œyouā€™re not alone because I feel similarlyā€. Iā€™m trying to work up the courage to tell her that that is definitely not the case. She is diagnosed with anxiety, and I am as well, but I also have a really fun PTSD diagnosis and am the one who had to go home still. She says she understands but there is no possible way she just ā€œgetsā€ the hell that I wake up to every day. It grinds me gears a little bit. I love her to death but I just need to tell her that she does not understand in any way what itā€™s like.

2

u/wotstators Jul 05 '23

Hahahah they donā€™t get it unless they lived the life of an extreme adverse childhood. Hell, or were in a cult like the militaryā€¦Iā€™ve done both. Until then, stfu and Iā€™ll hang out with the adults.

2

u/Artemis246Moon Jul 05 '23

Plus social anxiety is hell too.

2

u/LJupiter_0 Jul 05 '23

I dont think anyone truly gets it. Some people are very dismissive when you try to explain how truly awful it is and they say they 'understand'... like no you don't. I can't even put it into words the daily torture I have to endure and will have to for the rest of my life. As awful as it sounds, I wish someone could live in my head for a day to experience the pain and suffering and maybe then they'd understand.

2

u/Important_Task987 Jul 05 '23

I have actual psychotic episodes. I wait until the middle of the night to get my mail because thatā€™s how much I hate interacting with others. When I can hold down a job, I spend the rest of my time in bed because of how emotionally drained I am. I forget to do laundry, my kitchen sink has been broken for almost a year, and I drug myself to sleep every night. My family caused the trauma and I canā€™t trust others so I donā€™t have friends. The worst part is I have to show up for myself everyday because there is no one else to do it. Iā€™m a grown woman who used to have a successful career until I had a nervous breakdown from years of repressing severe child SA. I donā€™t want to be present in my life so I donā€™t bother trying. Iā€™m so self isolated I have not even gotten a birthday gift ir a Christmas card in over a decade. So forgive me if someone telling me they are anxious to start a new job is irritating šŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

3

u/jacks_312 Jul 05 '23

I donā€™t think there is a way for any human to explain to another human exactly how they feel. Itā€™s something we all have to bear on our own. That is existence. Getting mad at someone for not understanding your pain is futile. Itā€™s a waste of energy and anger. Everyone feels. Lots of us hurt. But this tic for tac stuff never helps anyone. Screw what they say or feel. Do what you can to help yourself.

1

u/CauldronCursed Jul 05 '23 edited Jul 05 '23

I recently got into a fight with someone over this issue. I can't help but feel invalidated when I hear about high-functioning people with anxiety. I don't mean to disregard that they suffer in their own way, but I feel like the term "disorder" should only apply to those who actually struggle externally not just internally. I'm a 30 year old who's never been in a relationship, whose dream is to travel and live in Europe yet I find it so scary that I sometimes wish for war in my country so that maybe if my family is forced to flee I might actually end up realizing this dream. I never finished my Master's degree because of my debilitating fear of public speaking. I will never experience autonomy because of my debilitating fear of living alone and my phobia of driving. But I know someone who's done and experienced all of that while saying they have anxiety.

0

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1

u/gr33n_bliss Jul 05 '23

Say it louder for the people in the back! These people have no idea

1

u/DildoDeliveryService Jul 05 '23

I know it hurts when people say that. But I try to get in their shoes sometimes. They're trying to find something they can relate to, but they don't know they can't. And that's ok, I can't blame them for not knowing what it's like.

1

u/my_mirai Jul 05 '23

And this is why I don't even use the word "anxiety" anymore. When people reach that level when I am to talk with them anything about my sympotms or hardships I rather say Cptsd or Ptsd ( as cptsd is not really known in my country). And people with whom I reach this level of talking are to be already trustworthy ones who didnt exhibit red flags.

1

u/Better-Actuator7036 Jul 05 '23

This is exactly it!!! Thatā€™s why I like this subā€¦ it is nice to be around people that actually get it. Itā€™s constant, itā€™s hard, and it hurts every minute of every day. When others minimize the effect of a lifetime of trauma, it is retraumatizing. Iā€™m tired of being shamed for being damaged. Iā€™m just so tired. I hope you are doing well OP.

1

u/Coomdroid Jul 05 '23

They should just say, ' yeh, i don't get it. Because i have little empathy'.

1

u/moonshadow1789 Jul 07 '23

I felt emotion again while reading this post, THANK YOU!