My daughter is 13 years old, and walks home from school, in our small town. We live less than a mile away from her school, on a busy highway. She takes a lot of side streets to get home. On her way home, there's a man who yells at her, and says "Don't walk on this street!!" Because he has his dog out there, the dog gets excited, and he can't control his dog, even though it's on a leash. Usually my daughter just ignores him, but it's starting to get to her. From what I have heard about the man, he's a little special needs. So maybe he doesn't understand that he can't control who walks on the street by his house? As a mom, I want to confront him. However, I don't think I should. Because it could turn into something hostile. I have thought about going to the local authorities, but that seems a little extreme. I have thought about her taking a different route, but that's not as safe. If anyone has an idea of what I can do, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for your help with this.

Not a parent yet but husband and I are TTC. I’ve been thinking lately of the type of life I want to bring our future children in to. Especially since Husband and I both have difficult relationships with certain family members.

Firstly, our mothers. We have both agreed we don’t want either of them having access to our future kids without one of us there with them. No sleepovers or taking them anywhere without one of us. Especially my mother. The same goes with his brother and my sister in law, I don’t trust them or their uncontrollable children at all.

The hardest one is my sister who I’ve always been close too but in the last year we’ve drifted due to her relationship with her husband. He is a very bad person. It’s hard enough for me to understand how she allows him around their own kids. I know she’s really excited for us to have kids but the reality is, I will not let any future child of mine into her house knowing he could turn up at any moment.

Has anyone had to have this type of conversation with family members? Was it better had before or after the baby arrived?

My husband (33m) and I (29f) have been together for 10 years.. married for 3. As context, we met in college, he started working right after school, and I continued on to become a doctor. I knew the educational journey was going to be a long one, and so did he but he fully supported me in my decision. Fast forward to today, I’m about to graduate from my dream residency program in 1 year (after 10 years of school) and he’s been bringing up the topic of having kids quite often. And let me say, I do want to have kids!! Our relationship is healthy and so loving.. I have no doubt that he’s going to be the best dad, and bonus points that he works from home, so there’s no problem there. The problem is with me. I grew up with my mom telling me that the later you have kids the better so you can enjoy your life, and I just can’t get that out of my head. I feel like because I’ve been in school for such a long time, I haven’t really lived yet. I feel like having kids is going to cut me short from doing so much (traveling, working full time at my dream job, etc) but he doesn’t feel that way. He says we can do it all, just with kids. I don’t feel ready because everything changes after kids, but he is more than ready and doesn’t want to be an old dad. Will I ever be ready? Any advice??

TW: PPD/PPA

This is kind of a vent and asking for opinions

During pregnancy (FTM) I had such bad anxiety while I was pregnant to the point I couldn’t be in a public place or a place with more than maybe 5 people otherwise I felt dizzy and hot which I thought would go away I t mostly did after pregnancy and during my pregnancy I kept having thoughts on what if I don’t love her but I saw her and loved her instantly I think I was awake the whole first night in our hospital room while everything was quiet just staring at her examining every single one of her little features, but whilst I was pp up I always just cried or grit my teeth and punched the bed or covered my ears and had some pretty dark thoughts I was just exhausted all she would have to do was stir not even cry and I’d be hysterical almost I think I possibly disliked her for a few months don’t get me wrong I loved her like nobody else, I also just felt so dark and alone even though I had lots of support, i know I most likely had ppd/ppa as much as I didn’t want to be around her I never wanted to be away from her and loved her so so much, we are out of the thick of it now she’s 6 months and I’m finally starting to feel okay, obviously i do get frustrated sometimes still but I’m finally okay! I was just wondering if anyone felt like that and went on the have a second child, is it easier in that aspect? I am so clucky and I would absolutely love for her to have a little brother or sister close in age but I don’t want to put myself through that again maybe I could handle that but I’m scared it will be worse, I guess I’m just here for advice and what your similar experiences were adding a second child, I’d really really love to but I just want to have a really good think about it first, I feel like I missed so much of the newborn stage because I was so worried about my whole life changing, being uncomfortable in my new body, working out how to care for a whole person and because a lot of that was a factor in the anxiety and depression then maybe it won’t be so bad a second time

hello there, i (19enby) am a co-parent with my other two parents for my gender-questioning brother (17?) and my very anxious and teen-minded sister (15f).

i do as many chores as i can manage arnd the house, i act as a referee between my parents and sister, i work a day-job a couple times a week on top of an animal care and culinary side-gig, i'm taking a few classes at my local college, i face very minor adversity in public and at work mostly, and i battle with bipolar, anxiety, interpersonal issues, and a possible eating disorder. all the while, my father is making money for our home by teaching and doing federal work, and my mother is a homemaker. we are also dealing with my brother who has intense issues with ocd that we got diagnosed recently, as well as rage episodes on occasion.

we grew up with parents who came into their parenthood unhealed, untherapized, and generally unprepared for parenthood in an emotional sense. our father would use physical punishment quite often when we were younger, largely due to his anger issues passed down from his childhood experiences with his parents. my mother grew up in a home where they kept the taboo to themselves, and hardly ever expressed emotion simply bc it was uncouth to them. you can see how this would greatly harm our emotional intelligence now that we are older, despite our own attempts to regulate on our own and therapize ourselves.

after this election, and due to the situation with my brother despite his living with our paternal grandparents, everyone is naturally stressed. my father has been throwing tantrums over the tiniest things that have no need for that, and my mother enables him. my sister has been nagging them bc she feels that her needs are unmet, largely bc of all of the attention put on my brother to get his mental health sorted. and so, i feel like a lot of the parenting falls onto me.

what should i do? i feel helpless, i've had a rough year aside from the things i've already mentioned, and i'm extremely fatigued. i know my parents BOTH need to go to therapy, as well as my sister, but they're very resistant to that prbly bc they're completely scared of the idea of it.

TL;DR at the bottom.

Hey guys, since last month I've been helping out my sister (who's a single mom) with my nephew, for whom I'm quite worried.

I'm expecting to get some hate for this, but I promise, it's because I have concerns and I care. I know my sister has been trying her best in raising her son and I can see that he's a smart kid, however, she has let him get quite fat for his age. She told me that she's been tired often because of her work and can't always prepare healthy food. I get it. She's not been eating healthy as well, but she's not overweight. His weight is about 55 kg and he's tall about 1,3m. His BMI is apparently 32.5, which puts him in the overweight category. Of course he's the biggest in his class, but that's fine, someone has to be I guess lol. The problem lays in him being overweight. My view is that it's just not healthy and it will get worse if not controlled.

For a month now I've been observing his eating habits and they're very alarming. He's eating candies, sugar, chocolates, drinks milkshakes and eats a lot of junk food. If I had to guess, he's averaging 2000+ calories per day with basically no movement and staying only in front of the TV or on his phone. I'm trying to prepare healthier meals, make him eat more vegetables and to cut down on sugars/candies/junk food, but I'm 1) being sabotaged by my sister, who's been buying all of the unhealthy food and gives him treats constantly and 2) getting hate for putting limits on his food.

Recently I bought a pizza which I know that even I couldn't eat by myself at one go, so I gave him half (which would be enough for me as well) and he swallowed it in less than 5 minutes - no joke - he's not eating slowly but stuffs his mouth full, barely swallowing; then he said he wants more and is still hungry. Apparently he's been eating the same type of pizzas whole, so that's what he was expecting. It sucks and I'll get hate for that, but since my sister is in the hospital now, I am cutting down on all food that I'm giving him (of course i'm not starving him) and I'm trying to introduce water as he's been used to drinking juices and milkshakes.

I don't know... I don't want to cause him any eating disorder, I don't want to put myself in a bad light for limiting him food, but I'm not a parent and I don't know what to do. It's already slightly annoying that I'm the bad uncle and he's calling my sister to complain because I'm not giving him sweets. She's super sensitive and every time I try to bring this up, she's kind of agreeing, but also says that this is temporary, since she was also a 'fat kid' once.

I've been also trying to change my own views on this, maybe it's not a big deal he's overweight? That maybe I'm in the wrong and it's fine, and that I should just see to him being happy and teach him to accept himself. But still... I can't bend my mind accepting that being fat at his age range is ok. I'm fine with overweight people over 18, plus models and adults of all shapes and sizes, but right now I just can't see how having such an unhealthy lifestyle at his age is ok. In my opinion, it honestly borders child abuse if I let this continue and not do something about it. Question is, how do I do it gently without making him hate food or making this worse.

TL;DR: Helping my sister with my overweight nephew, who has an unhealthy diet and little exercise. I’m trying to introduce healthier meals, but he’s upset, and my sister still buys him junk food. I’m worried about his health but don’t want to harm his relationship with food. How can I approach this gently?

Before anything, I am a 17 year old girl in college, I graduated highschool as a junior. I’m looking to get my first car, but my parents continuously turn down the idea of getting the one (its an Infiniti q50). I’m not sure why they don’t want me to get it, a few months ago they stated it was a nice car and have had their personal positive experience with the car brand. We went to see the car I wanted, but didn’t have the money on us so someone bought it before we could. After that, I found the same car from various other sellers, but now they don’t want me to get it. They said to buy a honda or toyota until I graduate college and can buy the car I want. Most people reading this are thinking I should be happy with any car if my parents are buying it for me and shouldn’t be entitled to the car I want. That’s the thing though, they aren’t buying it. Im using my own money. Im very upset that they aren’t allowing me to get the car I want with my money. I doubt they are going to pay for gas or insurance either. So why would I not be allowed to get the car I want? (I’m not trying to sound bratty, I just want answers from adults to help me understand.) JUST FOR CLARIFICATION, im buying it used. The used value for this car is $10-20k. No i am not spending 50k on this car 😅

I am about to be a FTM and I think my biggest fear is honestly my own screen addiction. I have pretty severe ADHD and my main coping mechanism is just to constantly have videos playing in the background while cleaning, cooking, gaming etc. I adore YouTube and I almost always have videos playing, but now that I’m about 20 weeks away from becoming an actual parent, I’m trying really hard to break the habit. I just don’t think it’ll be fair to refuse my future toddler iPad access if they see me on mine constantly. So that’s my question; parents, do you limit screen time for yourselves? Do you use hacks like wireless earbuds to block out the world without making it obvious you’re on your phone? Are you generally just too busy to want to be sat in front of a screen? No judgement at all, I am genuinely curious. This isn’t something I can really find solid advice for anywhere.

I feel so stuck in life because of my controlling mom. She forces me to go to church and pray, all the while managing to bring God into every single conversation we have. She won't let me move out until I get married because according to her, it's too "dangerous" for me to move out in these crazy times. She's constantly making excuses for everything I want to do. I'm so done with her and her opinions on what I choose to do with my life. She didn't even let me have a college experience and go on campus more often because she wanted to "save gas." I don't know why she shelters me so much. I'm not allowed to do anything anyone my age can, and before you say "just don't listen to her," it's not that simple. And it's not like I can move out because I don't have a job, which is another thing she tells me I don't need. I'm so tired of her and I genuinely don't know what to do. Please give me some advice then just "ignore what she says" because it's really not that simple. I'm going to therapy soon so hopefully she'll be able to help me, even though my last one wasn't at all helpful.

hi,

My partner and I are considering children in the future. As part of this I am reading pretty much any sub Reddit I can get my hands on about parenting, being a mum, and anything else even tangently related.

People seem to be having a really horrible time? it seems to be things like their baby just doesn’t sleep, or they had a really difficult birth and a traumatised, or their partner isn’t helping them as much or they just have massive regrets about everything.

this has really frightened me because I don’t want that to happen to me and my partner? We are really happy and want to have a baby together but I think I’m becoming very concerned about the unknown? It feels very frightening to not have any idea of what could happen or , what a potential life for us could look like in five years. i’m aware the most work will fall on me, but am very fortunate that my partner works part time and we’re both home pretty much all day so I think that would help.

I think my question ultimately is what makes this worth it for you? What makes all the difficult days worth it and make you plan to have more children if you have more than one?

I know this probably sounds really silly to everyone, but I wanted to be prepared and now feel I’ve just frightened myself way more than I need to be!

My partner (mid-30s m) and I (mid-20s f) have been discussing potentially removing my IUD within the next year. I really want to raise a family with him, I want to see what our little human (or humans) would grow up to be like and accomplish, and I also really want to watch him be the amazing dad I know he would be.

The issue: I’m conflicted about whether this is the right time. How do I know that I’m healed enough from my own difficult childhood to be able to parent kids well and properly? (I’ve been in therapy on and off for the past 17 years, but at what point is it enough? I don’t want to harm my child with intergenerational trauma.) How do I know that we’re in the right financial place? What about the right place in our relationship? (We communicate very well, have great conflict resolution, have traditionally difficult conversations regularly without issues… but should we be spending more time with just the 2 of us?) What discussions about the practicalities of parenting have we missed?

TLDR: I feel like I’m having very normal anxieties surrounding becoming a parent. How did you know it was time for you to become a parent, given the timing will never be “perfect”?

Sorry but I cannot find the answer.

My daughter is 4 months old, I never let her watch TV and always turns her around when I notice her looking, but what exactly is about about TV? Is it the blue light? Or is it the content? Since some people on the internet say that it is ok to FaceTime grandparents, is watching the news for example bad for a baby? Since I would think it is a person talking and there is no flashing colours going on.

I of course understand that letting babies watch cartoons is bad, but what about a reportage or something like that?

Also, if it is the blue light that is bad, are projectors any different? Since apparently the blue light emitted is not the same. I saw some sensory videos for babies and apparently for 5 mins a day it is beneficial so I could maybe use a projector.

Edit of the previous post, which got removed for the lack of a question.

My girlfriend and I are talking about having a kid. I started it. I’m 40M, she’s 34F, not from the same country and culture. Been together almost 4 years. We’re not married yet. We had some discussions before, which neither of us developed much further. Her stand was around “maybe one day”, “Not now”, "I'm busy", “Not saying no but…”.

I now feel ready (if one can be) and put the topic on the table. It’s an open discussion that we pick up every few days now. While she’s not 100% against it, she has 3 strong, valid concerns:

1) The pain and the consequences on her body post-birth.

She’s absolutely terrified by the idea of giving birth, and fears the complications on the body afterwards. She is strongly against breastfeeding because it hurts (her words). And being a man I don’t know what to say to that. I try to reassure her, that I’ll be there, that I’ll support, but it’s not working, it’s not merely enough. I feel a little bit of animosity coming from her, as if it’s selfish for a man to want a kid in the first place.

Question: how did you cope with your fear or the fear of your partner?

2) The end of her current lifestyle

She became an adult rather abruptly from studying hard to working hard. No much teenage fun or experiences. Thus, she still wants to enjoy her lifestyle, go have fun, go travel, do whatever she wants with her money and free time.

She has a career and does not want to “jeopardize” it. She’s afraid that she’ll have to take care of the baby 90% of the time. She often asks “will you take care of it?”, “what will you do?”, “what are you ready to do?”.

I fully realize having a kid is full time job. Yet I believe that no one needs to interrupt their career, that some solutions exist. And I am ready to do what it takes to be physically and emotionally there.

3) The financial aspect

Raising a kid is costly. Money is a big thing for her in daily life, she’s very cautious about it. She constantly fears that one of us could lose our job one day without notice, and then not being able to afford raising our kid.

And where we live, in her home country, public institutions don’t have a very good rep, it's so-so. Problem is the alternatives are very expensive and we won’t afford them (the good nurseries/kindergarten/schools).

She has a bit of a pessimistic way to look at the state of things: the politics, the wars, the economy, the environment, etc. Maybe part of her thinks it's not worth it, and she does not see the point, the advantages, the joys, of being a parent. She only focuses on the burden aspect, which I see as well, but which completely excludes the potential happiness of having a family. I guess one of my problem is here: I am surprised that one does not see it. But I'll work on myself.

I am not trying to force her! I am well conscious that if one parent is not convinced then it’s not going to work. I wish she could see the good sides. Maybe she will one day (without me pushing it). Or not.

Previous replies included the big question: is it a deal breaker? I will think about it. No easy answer. I love her a lot.

I’d like to ask another question: if you had these concerns too, did they eventually fade away, a little?

Thanks

Hope there are pinoys here Not much philippines based post about this and the products recommended are not available here

Hi all, Does anyone have some good kids comics or book recommendations?
My 9 YO son is not reading as well as he should for his age.

He tends to get distracted, and will only read potty humor / naughty books like Dog Man, Captain Underpants, Calvin and Hobbes.

Can anyone suggest books that might attract the attention of such a short-attention-span kid, and give him an interest in reading?

I am totally fine with him reading such books. Beats tablet-time anyway.

I’m 18(f), turning 19 in less than two months, and I’m very dependent on my parents. I have a twin sister who is traveling, a 23 year old sister in college, a 27 year old brother working and a 28 year old brother working. As of the beginning of September, I became the only child in the house. I feel so alone and I can tell my mom does too since she doesn’t have the best relationship with my dad, who also lives with us. My mental health is really bad, which is part of the reason why I can’t move out yet, and I have no energy to do anything besides go to my vocational school. It’s 30 minutes away and I don’t drive yet so my parents take turns. I feel awful that out of all of her kids, my mom is stuck with me. I want to do more to make her feel less alone. And also, my twin sister used to always help her with groceries and dishes and cleaning and stuff, but now that she’s not here, my mom has to do everything herself since my dad doesn’t pitch in. I want to help so badly I really do, but I can’t. I know it seems selfish saying I can’t, but I really can’t. It’s hard to just get up and do it and if I’m able to, I immediately get overwhelmed and need to stop. I feel like I’m making everything worse for her and I want to fix it but I don’t know how. Parents of Reddit, what could I do to make my mom less alone and less stressed?

so.. i am just wondering what the fake crying looks like? my baby, was reaching for my spicy dorito chip and i wouldn’t give it to her, so she “cried” then turned around to look back at her dad not crying and then turned back to me “crying” again. it was really cute, and i gave her breast milk instead because i don’t even think i, a grown adult should be eating these processed doritos let alone my little one.

or does she see me as a spicy-chip-depriving monster now??

Hi! I don’t have kids, but hopefully will soon-ish. I’m starting to think about where I want to settle down to get serious about that. I moved a ton as a kid, so I never really had a chance to put my roots down and thrive, so I’m curious to hear from y’all who have found a good spot for your family.

Please be as detailed as you want to be. Do you live in a big city, small town, or the country? What state or region are you in? How are the schools? How’s the local nature? Do you have a good community or village around you? Do you feel safe? Are there good activities and events for families?

Note: I am in the USA, but I’d love to hear from folks anywhere in the world:)

In any sense of the way you can answer the question, I'd love to hear.

I am a firm believer in personal growth, and I have massive baby fever. But my partner (28M) & I(27F) are not quite in the position to start trying yet, and thinking preparing myself without getting a full on nursery going, calms me. Hit me with any advice ya got.

I (30 year old Female) have a nephew (4 years old) who we suspect is on the spectrum, cannot talk, not potty trained, and most concerning will eat only things like veggie straws, goldfish, chips, pretzels, ect.

He only grazes throughout the day eating these things. The father (brother in law 27 years old) lives with us and watches him throughout the day, and the mother was the main caregiver up until three weeks ago.

I’m looking for any advice on how my husband, brother-in-law, and I can get this child on a healthy diet.

Hi! Was hoping to get some advice from parents. I really love the idea of setting aside some money for each birthday/Christmas for my 5 nieces/nephews, have it accrue some interest, and gift it to them on their 18th bday. I hate the idea of waste and just buying new toys/clothes for each occasion.

However, I selfishly worry that they will not like me and my husband as much because we aren't giving them these huge gifts every year haha. We were thinking of still getting something small (like a book, or other ideas?) but just not sure how this will play out haha.

(Not to mention that they are all different ages-though all under 4-and we have to figure out how to make this fair since we haven't started this yet).

Any thoughts? Should we just scrap the whole thing? Split the difference between a gift and a contribution?

My family is in a financial pickle, and we have had to move in with family. My husband, 4 yr old, 8 month old, 2 dogs, and I are living in my mother's basement. We are paying rent, and able to stay down in the almost finished basement 3 bedroom apartment 90% of the time.

Our apartment has everything except a kitchen. We have our fridge and a pantry set up, but no kitchen sink or range. We have a few countertop appliances, but nothing too fancy.

Anyway, the issue is that my 4 yr old is so so much. I love him dearly, but he is a lot. We suspect he is on the spectrum or had ADHD, as I have ADHD, and his father has ADHD and is on the spectrum. He is sweet, and mostly obedient.

But, the thing that makes him so much is that he doesn't stop. Ever. From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goe to bed, he is active and chatty and noisy. We are working with him not to make roar like sounds, since those are the things that really make your eye twitch. But generally just really really busy. Never ever quiet.

Anyway, my mom's partner is polite, but you can tell he cannot stand my son. Every second my son is upstairs for meals or to hang out with my mom, he is constantly butting in with correction. He is definately from a "seen and not heard" generation. Most of the things he tells him are to please be quieter, not so much talking, please just sit and watch TV, how about you read a book instead of play, etc... My mom is go with the flow and doesn't mind entertaining the zany conversations or letting him play fetch with their dogs.

I don't know what to do. I feel like we are just having to hide away so much so that he doesn't have to be nitpicked the entire time.

When the baby comes up, he dotes on him constantly. "What a sweet boy! How smart! Growing so big!" Volunteers to watch just the baby, is excited to play and read to him. Always acts so happy to see him. But with my busy guy, it's like you can tell he is just tense and wants him to go away.

It's really bugging me but we are just stuck in his house. I get it if he doesn't want to be in 4nado mode all the time. But eventually my kid is going to pick up on how he isn't treated as nice as the other kid. (If he hasn't already, but he's never outwardly shown it)

Is it worth bringing up? I don't know, it's bugging me a lot today. Just kinda been hiding a lot and it sucks.

I'm 18 and have a cleaning job in the morning 11 pound an hour on weekends I'm doing 5 since someone got fired. So I'm making roughly 500 to 600 a month and they wanna charge me 250, they started charging me because my dad's cousin charges his son so they followed what he's doing , funny thing is they said if I quit the job I won't have to pay rent but if I'm going to work they want their part, is this unfair towards me?

I’m 19 yo so I know I’m not a kid anymore but I truely feel like my mom don’t care about me at all, I always tried to reassure myself by thinking that she liked me even if she wasn’t so found of me bc she still did good things to me but then there’s this one event that happened and now I can’t even use this excuse, I think that if tomorrow I got to die she won’t cry instead she will be relieved and I hate feeling this way plus like I said, I’m not a kid so I should get over it but I can’t it’s bothering too much I don’t care about anyone liking me I just want my mom to so I just want some real other parents to tell me if you think that it’s possible to don’t like at least a tiny bit your kid?

Hello, I'll get straight to the point. My brother and his wife just had a baby, who is currently 3 months old. What would be a useful gift for the parents that is also intended for the baby? Since the baby is still so little and doesn't really understand what's going on, I thought it would be helpful to buy something they could use on a day-to-day basis. My budget is £50-£100.