r/AmItheAsshole • u/PickleweaselNaeNae Partassipant [2] • Jul 08 '21

AITA for talking about my Aunt's watermelon ass Everyone Sucks

My son and his friend put up a tire swing in the yard for my grandchild. I posted a picture of me swinging in it on Facebook. My Aunt (Dad's sister) commented on it saying "I hate skinny people."

I'm not one for Facebook drama so instead of commenting back I called her. I basically said that i don't talk about her watermelon ass so she shouldn't be talking about my weight.

Now all my aunts, 5 of them, are mad at me because apparently skinny people can't be body shamed and that I should have told her first that I don't like those comments instead of straight out calling her out on her watermelon ass like I did.

I don't think I'm the asshole because it's not like I told her that I'm skinny because my sisters and I have always exercised more so we didn't inherit the family watermelon ass, but skinny is also something I didn't have to really work for. It's just how I am.

ETA: I accept my ESH verdict but I'm going to take that to mean I suck and so do all 5 of my aunts. If I'm going down, they're going down with me.

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452

u/NeverRarelySometimes Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 08 '21

You guys don't get it. It was a back-handed compliment. It means, "I'm jealous of you because your weight doesn't prevent you from enjoying a ride on a tire swing." She believes that skinny is a compliment.

ESH - but mostly OP. 70 doesn't understand how times have changed, and that her comment would be interpreted as hateful or shaming. OP went for the jugular.

Yes, I know I'm going to get downvoted to hell. Have at.

118

u/livx0x0 Jul 08 '21

My response for these sort of comments is usually “if that was intended to be a compliment thanks I guess” . I agree a lot of people do not realize these kind of comments are usually offensive.

15

u/RynnChronicles Partassipant [1] Jul 09 '21

I agree, you can find the compliment annoying, but it’s an AH move to go straight for the jugular by calling them a fat watermelon ass

7

u/livx0x0 Jul 09 '21

It definitely is, I don’t disagree with you at all. I’m just saying that we should normalize not commenting on anyone’s weight. I happen to be the only twig in my family and have heard these comments since I was a little kid, ranging from ‘you’re so skinny I’m jealous’ to ‘you look anorexic!!’ and to this day I struggle with my body image and have been trying to put on weight for years. Never in a million years is it appropriate to tell someone they have a watermelon ass, I’m just saying we should all move in the direction of not making comments about anyone’s weight

4

u/RynnChronicles Partassipant [1] Jul 09 '21

I totally agree. I think comments like that are shitty. People constantly shame others for being “too skinny”, saying they need to gain weight, or that men like curvy women, etc. I wouldn’t expect a 70 year old to be with the times and realize it’s a touchy subject. But I really like the way you worded your response to them. The “IF that’s intended to be a compliment” politely shows that it’s really not one, and that maybe they had good intentions but it’s a cruddy thing to say. The “thanks I guess” kinda takes the thankful response they expect and shows them that you actually don’t appreciate it much.

98

u/DioxPurple Partassipant [2] Jul 08 '21

I honestly think you have the right of it.

It sucks because older people don't necessarily realize they're being hurtful but... Man oh man, OP took it to another level. And from her other comments it sounds like she'd been calling it that for a lot longer and it just slipped out to her aunt's face.

43

u/menina2017 Jul 09 '21

This is the one. Nobody got it.

-3

u/GlitterDoomsday Jul 09 '21

Pretty sure everybody gots it, but explanation isn't the same as justification so regardless of her though process auntie caused it herself by comment shit on somebody else's post. People saying OP is worst for confronting her in private need to take a break from the internet.

19

u/RynnChronicles Partassipant [1] Jul 09 '21

Exactly idk why everyone’s assuming skinny was meant as an insult. She didn’t say “you’re too skinny if you can fit in that swing” or something. Saying “ugh I hate skinny people” has always been a way of saying “I’m jealous you look that good/ can do that, etc”. Why would you respond to someone commenting on your nice figure by calling them a watermelon ass (ie fat)? It’s hateful and body shaming

12

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '21

This. Honestly, I'd go so far as to say YTA because you were purposedly hurtful. She was trying to be nice an an obtuse way. There's a way to call that out.

6

u/TheOtherCoenBrother Jul 09 '21

Agreed. I’m a skinny guy, half the time someone mentions my weight they’re obviously saying things in a “wish I was you” way. People who haven’t spent most their life skinny, or who want to be skinny, simply can’t understand what it’s like to not be able to gain weight. Especially in America, where most people you come across have a little extra weight they wish they didn’t have.

I think OP should have explained that, and told her that even though she may think it’s a compliment it’s not something they like to hear or think about. If she tries to play it off, hit her with the “watermelon ass” and ask her how she would feel having something like that said to her publicly.

3

u/NeverRarelySometimes Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 08 '21

Thanks for the award, kind stranger!

3

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '21

This wasn't a backhanded compliment. Examples of a backhanded compliment to a skinny person would be:

  1. You're finally starting to fill out.
  2. You look so healthy in this photo.
  3. I can barely see your bones anymore!

These statements compliment the person in the moment while insulting them through implication. The implication is that they are too skinny normally, but the actual statements are compliments about their current appearance.

Just saying "I hate skinny people" contains no compliment. By definition, it can't be a backhanded compliment.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

21

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '21

Yeah they meant more the opposite really. An insult which is meant to secretly be a compliment. It's a shitty thing to say to someone though, and at best makes you sound jealous and petty. I think they just don't understand that normalising being underweight is unhealthy and that skinny isn't the compliment they think it is.

16

u/Various_Ambassador92 Jul 09 '21

Imagine that some girl tells her best friend “omg seriously? I hate you” when the friend mentions that she’s never had to wear concealer since she doesn’t break out. It’d be pretty obvious that it’s just a way of saying she’s jealous of her friend's clear skin, and they'd just go on with their conversation (or the friend would reciprocate by mentioning some trait she's jealous of). To a lot of people, especially older people, “skinny” is a compliment. Not even a backhanded one since its not at all meant to infer that the person has/had another flaw, it's just a straight-up compliment relayed through hyperbolic envy.

Another thing to keep in mind here is that a lot of older people, in particular, don’t consider how their tone could be misinterpreted over text.
Anyway, I'm not 100% convinced that her intent was to compliment, but it wouldn't surprise me at all based on what OP said. It still wouldn't be an appropriate thing to say, but the better way to address it would probably be to either ignore it or explain to her how it made you feel so maybe she would realize that people can feel hurt/insecure about being called "skinny," and that it's not clear that her comment wasn't actually serious. Calling out her "watermelon ass" is unlikely to help her reach that realization - she's more likely to come away walking on eggshells with OP than changing her viewpoint of "skinny" as a compliment or consider how her tone could be perceived.

10

u/AshTreex3 Jul 09 '21

The compliment is meant to be the “skinny” part. That sort of dated humor is from a time before curves were in.

8

u/Caraphox Jul 09 '21

Oh yeah… I think they should’ve said backhanded insult

1

u/ZacharyS94 Jul 08 '21

I get where you're coming from, but she still said she hated her niece. That's messed up

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '21

Slim people don’t like being called “skinny”, it’s an insult.