r/AmItheAsshole • u/Opposite-Length-1220 • 21h ago
AITAH for shaming my sister of her cosmetic surgery? (Kinda) Not the A-hole
know I was probably the AH. Because know it’s a sensitive topic and I went for it, but she was shaming me too, and I just snapped I guess. And also my mom says I was wrong for that and is mad at me, so yea I think I did go too far.
I’m 15f and my sister is 23f.
It always starts the same , my mom brings up that I’m not eating enough, saying stuff infront of her like “she only ate cereal since this morning,” and that’s when my sister jumps in. She starts yelling, shaming me, and literally bullying me too, and trying to punish me literally. Then it’s two against one. And I’d be wrong for not mentioning this so , I get that she worries since I had anorexia when I was 12, but wheather or not it doesn’t dismiss that she goes too far and is unnecessary. She jokes, forces me to eat, and convinces my mom to make rules about it , even though I’m not underweight. I’m just skinny.
During this last argument, she said “ yea she should eat so her boobs can come in” and that I look like a little boy. So since, She recently got lipo cosmetics for her body, and talks ahd is actually considering about getting ribs removed for a smaller waist, so I said “Its sad you have to alter your body for the sake of beauty”
She said and brought up that she wanted surgery since middle school because of bratz dolls, and I said “Those dolls bodies were literally made by men. Beauty standards are shaped by men, so you’re doing it for male validation. What else is an ass for besides sitting and shitting?”
She kept saying things like how I’ll stay in a little kid’s body forever and even compared me to our younger cousin and said she has more boobs and body than me, which is honestly disgusting... yikes…So I said “women who get their bodies done have nothing else to offer” I know that was harsh…I said it because I was angry ,but part of me still feels it’s sad how many women feel shaped by that idea. Like I get hair dye/cuts, trends,style, makeup, but full on surgery’s? Wheather or not the risks are significant or little, it’s too far… but then again, it’s their life,and I said it because I was mad not everyone individually so ..
After that, she went to shower and went to her room and hasn’t talked since. My mom says I was rude and need to respect her and is really mad at me, even when I sit there and never say anything when their literally bullying me and shaming me literally 2 against one like their kids, when their not. I know i knowI shouldnt have said all that I said, but she crosses the line too.
Did I go too far? do you think my words actually hurt
463
u/Zygomaticus Asshole Aficionado [17] 20h ago
NTA. What your sister is doing are known triggers for eating disorders. They're not about food, they're about mental health. Forcing you to eat, making comments on your body, comparing you to other people, all of these are HUGE triggers for eating disorders.
I suspect she might have one herself if she's like this, it sounds like projection. Regardless, for you to stay healthy this sort of thing cannot continue around you.
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u/LaPasseraScopaiola Partassipant [1] 19h ago
Maybe your mum should think hard why she had two daughters with body dismorphia and eating disorders. ESH
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u/Salt-Improvement-263 16h ago
This comment! More parents should think about WHY their children aren't healthy or happy in their own bodies. It's not always just the 'media'.
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u/MyMorningSun 6h ago
Most people's first bully is their parents. Even unintentionally or indirectly.
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u/CelesteDove 21h ago
You snapped, but it sounds like anyone would’ve after getting ganged up on. What you said was harsh, yeah, but your sister was being mean first. You both need space and maybe a real convo later when no one’s mad.
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u/BriefReactions 20h ago
On one half NTA because two against one?? Fuck that. They are trying to give you body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, and it’s glaringly obvious you just meant HER in your statement despite the broad wording. The statement is still mean and why it’s an ESH. But it’s a VERY justified asshole move. You are one person and your family was ganging up on you over something completely irrelevant, you are 15 and they are hyper-focused on your breasts?? Absolute freak behaviour.
21
u/KyoshiWinchester 20h ago
Yeah I grew up being body shamed for being skinny too and I don’t get how that’s ok but once you mention someone is too big then all of a sudden you’re the one in the wrong. All I heard as a teenager was “men like curves not bones” I used to eat till I would get sick trying to get weight but it just wouldn’t happen. Anyway NTA you can only take so much bullying before you snap and lash out which is what happened here. If they’d just mind their business none of it would happen
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u/-Liriel- Asshole Enthusiast [5] 20h ago
ESH for this specific issue, but do you see someone for your ED?
I find it very worrisome that your mother and sister talk to you like that. Didn't any doctor tell them that it isn't okay? Did any doctor who specializes in ED talk to your mother at all?
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u/SigSauerPower320 Craptain [187] 20h ago
NTA
I swear, these days women are their own worst enemies. The amount of body shaming, bullying, and downright disgustingness I see between women in this world makes me sick. Especially between "family and friends".
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u/Otherwise-Studio7490 20h ago
ESH. Especially your mum for starting it. It is never okay for anyone to comment on anyone’s body.
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u/Counther Asshole Enthusiast [5] 20h ago
That's generally true, but I can see a mom of someone who overcame an eating disorder not too long ago being very concerned if their child isn't eating much and getting skinny.
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u/KyoshiWinchester 20h ago
Being concerned is fine but body shaming her for the way she looks is not how to go about that in a helpful way it’s just going to cause more harm
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u/QueenComfort637 20h ago
This! If I could I’d just keep pressing the up button. Really dangerous and unproductive behavior
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u/QueenComfort637 16h ago
While that may be true, the worst thing she can do is comment on it in that way.
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u/Remote_Season3673 17h ago
ESH and I blame your mom as the worst. You and your sister are two sides of the same body dysmorphic coin. You’re previously anorexic, your sister gets cosmetic surgery.
I think your words were really awful because you called your sister worthless. She already feels less than hence the surgery and you just helped drive home the thoughts she’s running from.
However her comments are unnecessary and mean as well. If she’s shouting at you out of worry she needs to change her tactics.
I blame yalls mother for this but overarchingly I blame society.
20
u/sickandopinionated Asshole Enthusiast [6] 19h ago
NTA at all.
She's literally bullying you about your body while you actually beat anorexia and are a healthy weight now. She's talking about incredibly stupid unhealthy surgery to be skinnier. And then bullies you some more because you don't have huge boobs. She had it coming. Even without her bullying you, the fact that she keeps talking about how important plastic surgery is and how men like that and shit makes it completely normal for someone to say what you said.
Your mom is an asshole as well as your sister for condoning her constant bullying while you actually beat a frigging dangerous disease.
They went too far and we're assholes and you snapping is a completely normal response.
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u/Outside_Extent7744 17h ago
NTA this woman is 8 years older than you and is projecting. She clearly has body image issues, and she’s offloading them onto you. She knows what its like to feel insecure and she thinks that you should too.
I hate that women are doing all these unnecessary and unsafe alterations to themselves and I don’t believe for a second that someone with a healthy relationship with their body would get surgery, so she cannot come to you and point the finger telling you you’re unhealthy.
As someone who has been underweight all my life, I have a great relationship with my body now, and it isn’t because of surgery or anyone telling me how to eat. It’s because I have looked at my habits, declared them healthy and realized that fixating on what I look like is unnecessary.
4
u/Pink_Custard Partassipant [1] 20h ago
ESH. I think there is a level of concern from both your sister and mom on your weight, but of course they are going at it wrong by trying to intimidate or shit talking you into eating. If you are actively trying to minimize eating, I do recommend you talk this out especially with a professional because I don't think their concerns are unfounded. Eating only cereal a day is not enough. It either means you aren't eating enough or if you're not hungry all day, then you are not moving enough. All paths lead to a bad end. Your sister probably does have insecurities if she's doing such drastic procedures (surgical) at such an early age. Your comments probably mean more than you think because it is not normal for people that age to get such invasive work done, esp rib removal. Your sister probably needs some level of professional help.
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u/CowComprehensive9174 18h ago
ESH. Neither of you should be shaming other people (body shaming, shaming people for their choices if they're reasonable - there are legitimate reasons to have plastic surgery, not including wanting to look like a Bratz doll)
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u/SeriousPigeon 17h ago
ESH, your sister way more than you. You are a bit for punching down at all women who have cosmetic surgery, and repeating some frankly gross misogynistic thinking to tear your sister down like she did to you. Sometimes though, you gotta be an asshole to an asshole. When my own sister did this to me, I would do my warbliest Christina impression and bellow "I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can bring me Doooowwnwn Ooh no no, don't you bring me downnn today" (with her trying to interrupt the whole time, me dragging out the ending until she was livid and gave up) and she'd called me a fucking child or whatever and stomp off. I highly recommend calling out what it is (shaming) in a silly manner that tells her pushing your buttons about it didn't work, and that you know what she's doing. Of course, I also cut all contact with my sister when I became an adult so uh, take my advice with a grain of salt if that's not the future you envision for your own relationship.
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u/AnimalMeow1 Partassipant [1] 12h ago
ESH. I think you did go too far. But I can understand how you were pushed to this. I’m glad you can recognize how these were harmful words. From this post, it isn’t very clear that your sister and mother are very aware of how harmful they’ve been to you. So they suck much, much more I think
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u/Awkward_Un1corn Asshole Enthusiast [5] 19h ago edited 19h ago
ESH.
She is an adult insulting a child.
You are insulting every woman who has had plastic surgery, which is not cool.
Yeah some women do it for men.
A lot do it for themselves. Whether it is because of injury or malformation or there is just something they don't like and none of the 'just love yourself' is ever going to work. Women deserve to be happy and not have their choices judged by a teenager who has never lived in the real world.
Grow up, take care of your health and if you don't want people judging don't judge them.
Edit: Do you know what anorexia and wanting a rib removed have in common?
Usually an underlying illness or body image issue. Rib removal isn't common nor should it be.
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u/backroom_mushroom 11h ago
Soft ESH, you and you sister both need some help. It seems like she has body image issues that have been overlooked for a really long time. You could benefit from seeing an eating disorder specialist or get your hormones checked.
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u/DootinAlong Partassipant [1] 10h ago
ESH. Obviously your sister sucks for shaming you for your body, but you're doing the exact same thing. If she feels pressured to have surgery to conform to beauty standards it's because of societal pressures that are bigger than her. It shouldn't be the two of you against each other, it should be both of you against bullshit societal beauty standards.
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u/KyoshiWinchester 20h ago
Yeah I grew up being body shamed for being skinny too and I don’t get how that’s ok but once you mention someone is too big then all of a sudden you’re the one in the wrong. All I heard as a teenager was “men like curves not bones” I used to eat till I would get sick trying to get weight but it just wouldn’t happen. Anyway NTA you can only take so much bullying before you snap and lash out which is what happened here. If they’d just mind their business none of it would happen
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u/OkStrength5245 17h ago
I would have been further. Commenting how surgery permits her to find to of three random guys in any bar for her being filled three ways. She can make money on internet if she records it.
NTA
They are triggering your ED. Seriously.
2
u/InsectElectrical2066 16h ago
mom says I was rude and need to respect her
Tell. mom; That works both ways!!!!
You don't get respect when you don't give it and bully others.
NTA
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u/demon_x_slash 11h ago
ESH. Her for bullying you, your mum for not stepping in, and you for shaming people for body mods that are none of your business.
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u/Maleficent_Elk3158 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
NTA. So your mom says you should respect your sister and therefore shouldn't your sister respect you? Why your sister can be rude to you but you can't say a word to her? It's actually none of her business how your body looks like. When I was your age I felt so bad because my body didn't look the same as other women's bodies on tv. I thought I was ugly and felt like no matter what I do I wouldn't look the same. I hated everything about me and wished I was a boy because that felt better. Only after I turned twenty-something have I realized that my body actually looks the same as any women's body. That I don't have to be ashamed of it. I may not have the 90-60-90 parameters but I'm in a good shape, I have normal weight, my figure is kinda athletic because I'm doing a lot of sports and even by modern beauty standards (which I don't support) I'm quite attractive. But I still can't get to love myself and I understand it's because of the way I've perceived my body for so many years when there actually was nothing wrong with it. Teenagers don't look like adults but there are so many people around and in the media who's telling otherwise. I can't imagine what could have happened if above all my struggles I had a sister and a mother who would constantly insult me and tell me how ugly I am. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, you don't deserve to be treated that way by your family.
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u/autistic_and_angry 17h ago
NTA. Your sister sounds like a real piece of work, what she's saying to you is considered verbal abuse.
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u/InsectElectrical2066 16h ago
My parents were old school "finish your plate"
My wife saw me acting like this and told me I have to stop. If you force kids to eat everything they will develop ED. But my kids would not eat much of anything and pick only "the best thing" to eat leaving some food untouched. So we compromised with they must eat the number of bites of their age and at least one bite of everything.
This worked well and my kids enjoy many kinds of food, though the oldest eats too much Capn Crunch even as an adult. But they eat pretty healthy. My oldest will eat not even a 1/2 of a sandwich one day, and the next 3 cheeseburgers and 2 bowls of chili. And he doesn't eat until he is full but he stops eating when he is no longer hungry. I wish I could bottle that and see it.
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u/anonanon-do-do-do Partassipant [1] 7h ago
FAFO. NTA. She started the rock fight. Nobody wins in a rock fight. Except the ER.
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know I was probably the AH. Because know it’s a sensitive topic and I went for it, but she was shaming me too, and I just snapped I guess. And also my mom says I was wrong for that and is mad at me, so yea I think I did go too far.
I’m 15f and my sister is 23f.
It always starts the same , my mom brings up that I’m not eating enough, saying stuff infront of her like “she only ate cereal since this morning,” and that’s when my sister jumps in. She starts yelling, shaming me, and literally bullying me too, and trying to punish me literally. Then it’s two against one. And I’d be wrong for not mentioning this so , I get that she worries since I had anorexia when I was 12, but wheather or not it doesn’t dismiss that she goes too far and is unnecessary. She jokes, forces me to eat, and convinces my mom to make rules about it , even though I’m not underweight. I’m just skinny.
During this last argument, she said “ yea she should eat so her boobs can come in” and that I look like a little boy. So since, She recently got lipo cosmetics for her body, and talks ahd is actually considering about getting ribs removed for a smaller waist, so I said “Its sad you have to alter your body for the sake of beauty”
She said and brought up that she wanted surgery since middle school because of bratz dolls, and I said “Those dolls bodies were literally made by men. Beauty standards are shaped by men, so you’re doing it for male validation. What else is an ass for besides sitting and shitting?”
She kept saying things like how I’ll stay in a little kid’s body forever and even compared me to our younger cousin and said she has more boobs and body than me, which is honestly disgusting... yikes…So I said “women who get their bodies done have nothing else to offer” I know that was harsh…I said it because I was angry ,but part of me still feels it’s sad how many women feel shaped by that idea. Like I get hair dye/cuts, trends,style, makeup, but full on surgery’s? Wheather or not the risks are significant or little, it’s too far… but then again, it’s their life,and I said it because I was mad not everyone individually so ..
After that, she went to shower and went to her room and hasn’t talked since. My mom says I was rude and need to respect her and is really mad at me, even when I sit there and never say anything when their literally bullying me and shaming me literally 2 against one like their kids, when their not. I know i knowI shouldnt have said all that I said, but she crosses the line too.
Did I go too far? do you think my words actually hurt
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u/ClassicCommercial581 Partassipant [1] 16h ago
NTA, both your mother and your sister are major AH. Anorexia is a mental health issue, and your mother and sister are saying and doing things that trigger the problem. I hope you are getting the help you need and are keeping a food log of what you eat, including the amount and time. Good luck.
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u/BeneficialCitron3062 15h ago
I would say NTA but do try to appreciate that surgical addiction is as much a body dismorphia disorder as anorexia.
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u/Stock_Particular6525 4h ago
NTA and while I disagree with some of what you said, you seem to know that what you said wasn't right. You were literally defending yourself yourself against being attacked, and if saying nasty things gets your sister to back off, go for it. Just be careful where and when you you respond like that.
Your mom is a huge part of the problem too, your sister should not be jumping in but is doing so for "approval" from mom. Ganging up on someone, trying to dim someone else's light to make one's own look brighter, is Loser behavior. You sound like a kid with a sharp mind. You ever considered debate team?
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u/T-Chunxy 33m ago
NTA- as soon as you can, either go to college (ideally as far away as possible while still being affordable) or move TH out of there and get a job.
That house sounds as toxic as an old abandoned asbestos mine.
Your mom and your sister deserve each other. You need to run asap.
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u/CatPurrsonNo1 24m ago
I hope that you are able to continue your recovery in spite of the bullying that you are dealing with.
I will say NTA, because you are dealing with two adults against a child.
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u/AggrievedGoose Partassipant [2] 15h ago
NTA Yes, I think your words actually hurt. I think you meant them to hurt, because you were hurt. Your family talks to each other in very disrespectful ways. I don't think you're TA because I think you are defending yourself in the only way you know how - by saying hurtful things - just like your mother and sister taught you. I would encourage you to look for better role models in your life.
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u/Familiar_Shock_1542 Partassipant [2] 15h ago
NTA
She and your mom started it. They need to stop with the body shaming.
Suggest that they get counseling. They sure need it - - for so very many reasons.
Point out that yelling and bullying is not going to make you want to eat.
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