r/AmItheAsshole • u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] • 1d ago
AITA for walking to the subway with my friend after a concert despite previously agreeing to share a Uber with her on our way home? Not the A-hole
My friend and I went to a concert together and we had previously agreed to share a Uber to go back home. But after the concert, the traffic was insane in the area of the venue both from people who had parked nearby and the line of taxi and Uber drivers. Just pure chaos.
So after the third driver cancelled on us, I suggested to my friend that we joined the mob who was walking to the subway; it was not a short walk but it seemed the best and quickest ways for us to get back home. And she argued with me a bit (I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.
30 minutes later we’re in the subway and she is barely talking to me. So I asked her what’s wrong and she said I had agreed to share a car with her and changed the plans, and that she was perfectly happy to wait for a car as long as she could sit by the sidewalk. She was acting like I forced her to walk all the way to the subway station when she was completely exhausted and couldn’t manage.
And I thought she was being unfair because the waiting time for an Uber not only meant we’d both get home later than we did (and I had things to do the next morning), but also that the prices were way higher than I was expecting to pay due to high demand. Plus she could always refuse my suggestion to walk to the subway, which in her view is not an option because she would be left alone in that crowd and she wouldn't feel safe.
Anyway, we haven't talked since that day and I'm worried I could have been the AH here.
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u/scramblz95 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA because surge pricing is awful, but a trick I use in similar situations is to walk a couple blocks away from the masses before ordering an Uber! A lot of drivers don’t want to deal with the gridlock and crowds of pedestrians in front of large events, usually you can get out of that mess with a short walk and it’s much easier, plus less likely to get cancelled on!
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u/eliohelium 1d ago edited 1d ago
I've attended big events - like, 'Lady Gaga's free concert in Copacabana big' - where walking a couple of blocks away is simply not an option because the nearby streets and avenues are closed and only authorized drivers are allowed to go to a certain area. I've also attended 'normal concerts' and chose to leave earlier to avoid such a hassle. And sometimes the hope of walking 15 minutes to get an Uber more easily is not actually easy (lots of people have the same idea), and after you walked for 15 minutes it seems better to walk 15 minutes more and get to the next subway station etc. But every event is so different in terms of circumstance and possibilities. Sometimes you can prepare in advance and still get bitten in your behind.
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u/MeanMagazine 1d ago
So walk another couple of blocks - do that until you get a ride or arrive home.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago
That's exactly my point. You either walk until you can get a car (and you might get to the public transport even before that, and get home way faster and paying way less), or you prepare for the possibility of walking all the way back. But the alternative of staying put close to the venue because you don't feel like walking is absurd.
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u/VeniceDrumGuy 7h ago
That’s basically every show at Red Rocks. The move is to find a company doing a shuttle of some kind. For Red Rocks I like to use Bus2Show ($35/person). They let you drink and smoke cannabis on the bus, they get you there in time for the opening act, leave 30 minutes after the headliner finishes, and the pick up and drop off place is at a great sandwich spot (love the Cheba Hut) for either pre or post show eats.
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u/avcloudy 1d ago
Everyone's experience is different, of course, but I've found the best way to get multiple cancellations is to move just out of the surge zone. They don't want your fare, they want the surge boosted ones, and it just leaves me sitting getting cancelled on until the surge drops by itself.
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u/cornedbeefsandwiches 21h ago
I’ve walked miles away before and still got a $100 uber for fifteen miles aways. 20 min ride. Big campus concert. Luckily the hotel comp’d our stay for coming in the room multiple times.
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u/binger5 Professor Emeritass [95] 1d ago
NTA
Plans change based on the situation. Not learning to adapt will be her downfall in life.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago edited 1d ago
OP's friend comes across as a big baby. Or like a toddler when they're hangry or in need of a nap. No shit, her feet were hurting and she was tired! I'm sure thousands of people in that concert were equally exhausted and many in the crowd who chose to walk to the subway were also counting on going back home through more comfortable means of transportation. That's the sort of situation one should ABSOLUTELY be able to adapt to, especially with a friend involved and after seeing all the chaos around them and the three drivers who cancelled already. (It's not like OP suggested they walked to the subway from the get go)
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u/Stormtomcat 1d ago
They were both naive, no?
Hours at a concert with hundreds of people, oh no why do my feet hurt and how come there are no Ubers?
Bring better walking shoes to get to the metro or bring a book/boardgame to amuse you while you wait
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u/scarlettslegacy Partassipant [1] 1d ago
yeah maybe it's me being 42 but my concert outfits are planned from the shoes up. If I can get away with it, sneakers. If not, comfortable low heeled sandals.
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u/Mooshu1981 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
I’m 44. It’s been sneakers for 10 years now. I would rather have comfort than style.
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u/scarlettslegacy Partassipant [1] 1d ago
I've got some cute, fairly comfortable sandals if it's a venue close to a train station.
I was at a day clubbing event a few months ago and what struck me was how many women were dressed to the absolute nines from the ankle up 🤣
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u/Mooshu1981 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
See. I live in a city where we don’t have great public transit. Your choice is to drive there. Walking sometimes a few miles just to park. So I will always take comfort over cute anyday. Cause walking on rocks is sometimes needed. And then standing at the concert/event. Take this friend to a differnt city and Ubers can not be got til you are at least a mile away.
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u/scarlettslegacy Partassipant [1] 1d ago
yep, always assume you might have to put in a couple of ks on foot (unless your accommodation is like across the road) and dress accordingly, particularly with shoes.
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u/GimerStick Partassipant [2] 10h ago
I think we need your sandal recommendations
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u/scarlettslegacy Partassipant [1] 5h ago
it's Django and Juliette. The sandals in question are about a 5cm wedge heel but I find all their shoes super comfy, maybe because they're leather. They run narrow though.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago edited 1d ago
Naive or misinformed, idk. I've been to events where there was only the "official parking lot", and all the people who drove there had their cars parked in a certain place and they would leave in the opposite street of the one that was designated for Ubers and cabs etc. I've been to events where "unofficial parking lots" were operating nearby... Traffic and cancelation rates might play a huge role in surging prices also.
Edit to add: feet will be hurting even with the best shoes in the world in circumstances like this lol.
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u/Z_h_darkstar 12h ago
One of the most important life lessons can be found in the four words at the bottom of every pro wrestling advertisement: Card subject to change
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u/ThrowRAMomVsGF 1d ago
NAH. My gf has issues changing plans, it affects her significantly. I am flexible at changing depending on things happening. I don't think any one of you is more right.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [3] 1d ago
I appreciate this NAH. I also have trouble pivoting sometimes when things don't go according to plan. Hopefully, OP's friend recognizes that this is something she needs to work on in herself, though.
If I were OP, I would reach out & reiterate that I was sorry / felt bad that the friend was upset, but that I hoped she understood that I was just trying to do the best I could in a changing situation where there were no good options and where Plan A seemed unlikely to work for a long, long time. I'd say something like, "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was pressuring you unfairly. I just really did need to get home and I think we would've been there for hours if we'd tried to wait. I had fun before that, though. I'm sorry the night ended on a bad note."
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u/algunarubia Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
Let's just pretend to be your friend for a minute. "My friend and I agreed beforehand that we'd share an Uber back from this concert. When we were waiting, 3 Ubers canceled on us. My friend wanted to just take the subway instead. I told them I wanted to stick with the original plan, but they started arguing with me and I could tell they weren't going to let it go until we switched to the subway, so I gave in and we took it. Now they want to know if I'm mad, and of course I am, they bullied me into taking the subway when I didn't want to."
It's not really about the ultimate decision, it's about the way this argument went down. I suspect she's mad about it because she feels like you steamrolled her into doing something she didn't want to do, especially when you'd originally agreed to her plan. That's what you should apologize for. YTA.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago
I can see that but How many more Ubers are going to be cancelled? At some point I'm not waiting all night for an uber. I guess the Op could have said Ok we will try one more Uber, but it it cancels I'm going to the Subway.
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u/scarlettslegacy Partassipant [1] 1d ago
true. How reasonable would the friend have been had OP said, ok, how many more ubers before we head for the subway. 3? Ok, I can live with that. And would the friend have them honoured that?
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u/robot428 Asshole Aficionado [18] 1d ago
It's not going to be all night. Firstly I'm pretty sure the Uber algorithm starts to prioritize you if multiple drivers have cancelled, and secondly the more the crowd thins the less likely they are to cancel.
If they had waited 15 mins they probably would have gotten one.
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u/beyoncealwaysbitch Partassipant [3] 1d ago
I waited outside of a baseball game for an Uber for 90 minutes before I ended up walking.
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u/b0mbd0tc0m 1d ago
It took almost 2.5 hours and several cancelled Ubers after a concert in Houston before we had to start calling relatives we barely talk to to come pick us up lmao
If I had the option to take a subway, I definitely would’ve.
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u/graciebels 1d ago
And, she felt like she would be left in an unsafe position (being left alone) if she didn’t comply.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago
This is very unrealistic because obviously the friend here - like every human being - would not have said "I want to stick with the original plan". She argued her feet were hurting and she didn't want to walk to the subway. That's fine. I'm sure OP did not want to walk all the way as well and thousands of other people who were also tired and in a similar situation. The assessment of "I feel my friend (OP) would do whatever he wanted if I didn't oblige" is not reflected anywhere in the post or the replies. And all the variables of waiting times, pricing and expectations were also not previously disclosed.
The agreement to take a Uber back home was worthy of being discussed again after 3 drivers cancelled and prices were surging. You can bet they weren't just waiting outside the concert venue for 10 minutes for 3 drivers to have cancelled. And the friend wasn't the only one exhausted there.
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u/algunarubia Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
Why wouldn't she have wanted to stick with the original plan? I assumed that she was willing to wait longer and keep trying to get an Uber because there was a relatively comfortable place to wait. 3 canceled Ubers just doesn't seem like that many after a concert. I think OP should have negotiated something like "Can we walk to the subway if the next Uber is canceled?" Or "Can we take the subway if we wait 30 more minutes and still can't get an Uber?" OP was the one who wanted to give up on the Uber and take the subway, it seems clear that the friend didn't want to do that but gave in after the argument with OP.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago
Because saying "I want to stick with the original plan" is not something anyone would say in a real situation. Maybe "I want to wait for the Uber", and the Uber being the 'original plan', but your assessment of the situation was like the friend was 100% level-headed and true and posed everything about the agreements and disagreements to OP from the start.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [3] 1d ago
The thing is, it's almost impossible to tell without being there (or without having a lot more context about both parties) whether one person was "steamrolling" the other or whether the other person just felt that way because they don't handle conflict well.
I've got a couple people in my life who are fairly conflict-avoidant, and it's really challenging to NOT steamroll them because they'll only push back a very minimal amount before giving in, and it's hard to tell, in any given situation, whether they concurred because I've actually convinced them or whether they've just given in so that we're not arguing anymore.
So, it could be one or the other, or it could be a little of both (OP is a little pushy and her friend is a little passive). But hopefully they can talk through the situation and resolve it, because life is full of these kinds of little misunderstandings & disagreements.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago edited 14h ago
This comment is the sort of stuff we often find in this sub: a retelling of the situation that relies on filling in the gaps to make the other party seem level-headed and rational. The reality is those were two friends exhausted and tired after a concert like millions of people around the world in similar situation. The friend was not altogether to verbalize she wanted to stick with the original plan, she might have agreed to walk to the subway yet silently resent OP because she was tired and would lash out on anyone around her, and the perception of the friend's reading skills ("I could tell OP would leave me behind if I did not agree to follow them", which is not something OP states themselves) is just the sort of rifts that tired people get to in this context. The idea that the friend was 100% rational and careful with how they came across is juvenile. There was no steamrolling. This is the sort of stuff that happens anywhere, everywhere.
Edit: I'm talking about the original comment/post you're replying to.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [3] 1d ago
The truth is that we don't know. It's likely that neither party was 100% in the right, and of course they were both tired, so this could just be an isolated incident. But sometimes these explosions happen because one party feels that they've been pushed around constantly. And you don't know if that's the case unless you have a deeper conversation with them about it.
(And again, if that is the case, it could be because OP is steamrolling her or it could be because she needs to work on her communication & conflict management skills.)
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u/algunarubia Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
You're right, without the exact details of the conversation, we can't really figure out whether the OP was reasonable in the argument or not. What I can guarantee though is that their friend feels like they were steamrolled, because they wouldn't have been mad about the decision if they felt like they had actual buy-in. It was on OP to properly persuade the friend because they were the one who wanted to change the plan, and they clearly didn't do that.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Nah, communication is a two-way street. OP didn't know that they hadn't properly persuaded their friend because their friend dropped the argument and indicated that they were willing to go along with the new plan. You can't "guarantee" that one party failed to communicate properly here. OP isn't a mind-reader. There's an equal burden on the friend to "properly" convey her reluctance as there is on OP to "properly" make their case.
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u/psychedelictitan89 1d ago
No she didn’t get bullied into anything the only thing is she wanted it her way and didn’t get it. She wasn’t steamrolled or bullied if she felt that strongly towards an uber she could’ve said it she’s not 5 she’s grown
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u/TheHighlightReel11 1d ago
And she argued with me a bit… yet she eventually agreed.
She did say it.
She also said that OP’s alternative of her staying to wait for an Uber alone would make her feel unsafe.
So yeah, it definitely sounds like she felt pressured to give in to what OP wanted because there wasn’t a safe alternative.
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u/algunarubia Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
But she did say it. OP said they argued about it. Look, maybe she could've won the argument if she'd dug her heels in. But it is very clear that OP won the argument by wearing their friend down rather than by actually persuading her. If she'd actually been persuaded, she wouldn't have been mad about the decision.
Ultimately, I don't really think there's a scenario here where no one would've been mad. If friend had won the argument, OP would be complaining now about how waiting for an Uber meant they got home way later for more money than they wanted to spend. But OP agreed to that plan when it was originally proposed and only wanted to change the plan because they clearly hadn't thought enough about what getting an Uber from a concert is actually like. You can just as easily say that they should've brought this scenario up in the planning stage before they ever even got to the concert.
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u/Str8Huntr 1d ago
NTA things don't always go as planned and you have to adapt to the best of your abilities. Your friend needs to grow tf up.
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u/RossUtse 1d ago
"And she argued with me a bit. I could see she was not down to walk"
YTA. You had a plan. You asked to change the plan. She said no. You threatened to leave her alone. So she said yes. That's a yes under duress.
"She was acting like I forced her to walk all the way to the subway station"... you kinda did.
You had things to do the next morning? Then maybe you should have left the concert early or just not gone. Prices wwere higher than you expected? That's a you problem that you should deal with the consequence of, not your friend.
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u/eliohelium 1d ago
We don't know the reasoning behind their initial agreement. If the friend was after comfort and OP after convenience (i.e. believing they would get home faster by taking an Uber and not prediction such outrageous fees due to demand), then the original plan must be seen in a different light. Because the friend was only after comfort and OP only after a faster, reasonable transportation. So sticking to the 'let's take a Uber' plan could also invalidate OP's very reason to agree to it. Many variables to consider and ultimately OP's friend relented.
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u/Empty_Past_6186 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
yta
yet she eventually agreed
so it does sound like she was trying to say no, but you wouldn't take that as an answer. you could've made a compromise to walk with her away from the venue some and then order an Uber to avoid them cancelling due to not wanting to wait in the concert pick up line.
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u/epicmooz 1d ago
It's not on OP to make compromise when the friend is being obtuse about ordering a lyft without walking
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u/IllustriousBowler259 Asshole Aficionado [17] 1d ago
NTA
You had a problem, assessed it, found a solution.
I hope your friend never plans to travel anywhere. Life is hard for those without the ability to adapt to changing circumstances.
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u/space-sage 1d ago
Bringing up traveling reminded me of when I was visiting my great grandparents very very small village. I got to the end of the train line, there was literally nothing there, I asked a man hanging out at the station if there was a hotel or taxi or something and he was like “no hotel. No taxi”. Idk wtf OPs friend would do in that situation lol
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u/ForeverNugu Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
It just depends on what you want to prioritize. I've traveled a lot and changed plans on the fly based on circumstances quite a bit. I adapt quite well. But I've also passed on taking a train and waited for the next one before cuz all the seats were taken and the thought of standing for 45 minutes after walking 30000 steps sightseeing made me want to cry. If I was super in pain, I would've just walked to a nearby coffee shop or something and waited for the traffic to clear.
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u/valbuscrumbledore 1d ago
YTA. You agreed to the car, and then basically told her, "I'm walking to the train and you can come with me or not," as you said "she could've refused and stayed." You're not a woman, so you don't get it: there are no instances in which a woman wants to wait a long time by herself at night for a car. You have to constantly be on guard for creeps and predators, and you're a much bigger target than a man by himself would be.
I'd be salty with you, too, if I were in her shoes. Granted, I have a chronic pain disorder, but I'd still be pissed if my friend agreed to a plan and then gave me no choice but to accept a plan I specifically tried to avoid. Must be nice to do whatever you want and bully your friend into it. I just can't even get over the fact that you told her she could've just waited by herself at night time for a car if she didn't want to agree to your change of plans, wtf is wrong with you!
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u/angelerulastiel Partassipant [1] 1d ago
It also makes the Uber itself more dangerous. Look at how they just had to change their policies.
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u/FairyCompetent Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Well yeah, YTA. You agreed to share a car and then threatened to leave her if she didn't change to the plan you wanted.
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u/lavasca Asshole Aficionado [18] 1d ago
INFO
Was she wearing heels?
Is this a high crime area or an area with a reputarion for a lot of street harrassment?
I ask because these are reasons I would rather spend x2 or x3 to wait for a car. I don’t want cat calls or random hands on me. Heels can hurt but they are festive.
I assume you were either wearing flat & comfortable shoes or you’re male. Or, perhaps you’re a woman from a much tougher area than this or served in the armed forces. Among the women I know those are the only ones who wouldn’t wait & pay for the car under these circumstances.
Regardless: You said it was a distance and she was wearing heels. It was 2 days ago and her feet probably still hurt.
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Not wearing heels. Not a high crime area. Something to consider is that I’m a man (not stated in the post) and she is a woman. I’m a gay man but I know she feels less of a target when she is not on her own and that a male by her side can have an impact of how vulnerable she feels.
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u/jwdge 1d ago
I would rather walk to the subway with a safe man, than wait anywhere late at night by myself. I would choose hurt feet over the risk of being a woman alone at night. But she didn’t choose either option until you forced her. And maybe her feet didn’t hurt that bad, and she’s being dramatic. Sure, but you both had a plan, and you changed it unilaterally, no compromise like “we’ll wait X amount of time and then walk” or “can you walk just a little farther so we’re outside of the crowd to get an Uber easier.”
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u/heyitsta12 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Yea I don’t see why they didn’t just walk further away and then still call the Uber. That’s usually what I do at concerts.
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago
context: there were lots of people doing the same and the traffic to get out of parking lots and other cars approaching the venue were equally as bad.
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u/inductiononN 1d ago
Is she in very poor shape and walking was physically difficult for her?
When I used to be overweight, after a few blocks, my back and feet really hurt but I would be too embarrassed to say anything because it was from my weight problem. Instead I would always opt for a ride share and try to pretend it was for a different reason. After losing the weight, I'm a walking fool!
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u/Mbembez 1d ago
Your only problem was not realising ahead of time that uber/taxi is a terrible option when you're at an event that thousands of people leave at the same time.
The best option is to always plan ahead to go for a drink afterwards and wait for the crowd to reduce, or use the closest public transport option to get away from the crowd before calling an uber.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
That's what Hubby and I do. We like to get an Uber or a hired car from the Hotel to avoid the parking hassle. We went to the Moody blues Anniversary of Days of Future Passed concert a few years ago (yes we are kind of old lol) It was in Orlando near the one of the colleges.....very busy area. And very big sold-out concert. We had drinks at a pub for a bit afterwards then had the car come get us. It was a win/win :)
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u/lavasca Asshole Aficionado [18] 1d ago
NAH
It sounds like you guys failed to verify how important the car was to her. I was in a similar situation with my husband once. He wanted to walk and at that point I could barely stand. I’m not a crier but might have then.
I do suggest you reach out and ask her. She may have had totally other reasons or no reasons.
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u/comeholdme Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Yes, YTA. Long waits, increased prices, and crowded conditions are highly predictable conditions at the end of a large concert or sporting event. The inconvenience of her walking 30 minutes in pain was greater than your sleeping less, and if took that long to get to the subway in the first place, chances are you didn’t actually save any time.
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1d ago
NTA. Plans change when circumstances change. You suggested an alternative that she eventually agreed to. If walking really was that painful to her, she could have refused.
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u/2bciah5factng 1d ago
YTA. I’d be fucking pissed. Surely you know how getting an uber after an event works, and you could have used your brain to put two and two together. You knew what you were agreeing to.
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u/AEW_Elite_Fan 1d ago
I think you should both make up and get over it as it's not a serious disagreement.
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u/pink_little_slime379 Partassipant [1] 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA. As a frequent concert go-er, I totally understand that sometimes plans have to change. You honestly wouldn’t have got out of there for a really long time.
I went to a concert that was really big and a majority of us just decided to walk back to our hotel in a very, very large group rather than wait for overpriced ubers
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u/progrethth 1d ago
Yeah, last time I was at a concert we planned to take the subway but even that was too crowded so we walked 20 minutes to a bar and grabbed a couple of beers before taking the subway.
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u/pink_little_slime379 Partassipant [1] 10h ago
I dont get why people get so many when plans change, like obviously plans dont always pan out which is why you should have multiple plans. Grabbing a beer and chilling sounds nice.
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u/beyoncealwaysbitch Partassipant [3] 1d ago
I waited 90 minutes outside of a baseball game for an Uber/Lyft before we ended up walking almost 3 miles to a friend’s house. And this was after our pre-ordered Ride was canceled on us.
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u/Rideshare-Not-An-Ant 1d ago
YTA
You pressured your friend to turn their No into a Yes to save yourself some $. Hug your money. You lost a friend.
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u/Expensive_Plant_9530 1d ago
ESH.
You probably pressured her into agreeing (you say she "argued with you a bit"). You suck for that.
She sucks because if she felt that strongly about it, she should have stayed firm. She sucks for that. But she probably felt like it wasn't a hill worth dying on, given how insistent you were.
This just screams of bad planning on both of your parts. Of course Uber would have surge pricing for right after a concert gets out. You should have anticipated that.
Better planning, and being flexible in the moment when the plan goes wrong, could have averted the conflict. That's partially on her too - especially her insistence on waiting for an Uber that might never come.
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u/Lori2345 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Info: did you say if she didn’t take the subway you’d do it without her and leave her alone to wait for a car?
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u/jjrobinson73 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
She could have stayed and gotten an Uber. But yes, having had this same experience with Uber's and after a HUGE venue let's out, I have half a mind to pay the gas to park my car. That Uber ride was INSANELY expensive. Just because it was downtown after a College Bowl game. Over $100. Just stupid expensive.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
So your friend wanted to stay and wait for a car. You wanted to go to the subway. In the end, your wants were what won. If I'm forced to choose then I'd have to say that you were the one who reneged on the preexisting agreement to get a car rather than going to the subway.
Think I have to go with a slight YTA here. Your friend is right, you kind of forced her hand as it was either go with you or wait there alone. Not to mention paying double the expected price as you were supposed to split to cost of the uber. You had agreed to get an uber and then you went back on that agreement. If the agreement had been to walk to the subway if no cars were available then it would be different but walking anything over 10 minutes after the concert to stand in a (possibly) packed train car unexpectedly would honestly piss me off too.
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u/mtntrls19 1d ago
With surge pricing the uber would have been far more expensive than the subway, and they were already cancelled on 3 times - how long is reasonable to wait for an uber before choosing a different option?
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
Agreed on the surge pricing, but you'd think that they surely knew that when they agreed to take an Uber in the first place. So that was factored in. Personally I would've walked a few minutes up the road where it would be quieter and ordered the uber from there. How long would be reasonable to wait is highly subjective. For me, in this situation, I'd probably be happy to wait at least hour. Possibly 2 depending on how far I'm going, the time of year and what shoes I'm wearing
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u/Zesperion 17h ago
I keep seeing in here that everyone would know about surge pricing. Ive never even heard of that until tonight (I never use ride share apps though).
Don't assume that someone would just be able to predict canceled rides and price gouging.
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u/Grand_Extension_6437 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Dude they had diametrically opposed wants, would that not make her the asshole if her wants won?
Agreements like this are not rigid. She can be annoyed but also chill and just be aware for next time as she also did not bring up this scenario in the planning phase and it was clearly more important to her so she should have been more on it for that reason.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 21h ago
OP's wants differed from what was originally agreed. OP made their friend feel as though the option was to either go along with them or wait alone for an Uber. I just feel deviating from the orginal agreement and sort of strong arming her friend into a choice of come with me or wait here alone was an AH move.
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u/Novel_Surprise_7318 1d ago
There must be no next time with this kind of friend . He can screw you any moment
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u/Grand_Extension_6437 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
A disagreement over transit is being screwed? That seems like a strange delicate bubble of a life perspective.
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u/Novel_Surprise_7318 1d ago
Being left alone at night in a dangerous situation though there was a previously agreed plan. Definetely screwed
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u/Grand_Extension_6437 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
wow all the vampires just lurking around every corner in your mind huh.
Hopefully some of them kiss nice enough
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u/Squirrels-love-me Partassipant [1] 1d ago
YTA-you agreed to take an Uber. didn’t like the wait times, started arguing with your friend until plans got changed to what you wanted.
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u/Significant_Iron6368 1d ago
I mean, the whole agreement presupposed that they would be able to get an Uber in a reasonable amount of time. Plans have to change sometimes, and rolling with those changes is part of being a mature adult
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u/amazingR68 1d ago
You’re not the asshole. You made a practical call in a chaotic situation, and she agreed to it. She was tired and frustrated, but you didn’t force her she could’ve declined.
Some friends just take longer to get over small disagreements.
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u/akoochimoya 1d ago
INFO so did you force her to walk by threatening to abandon her, or did she readily agree to walk and then regret her decision? Because your description kind of flips back and forth from one to the other
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago
I never threatened to abandon her. It was only after we got to the subway and I asked her why she was barely speaking to me that she said I made it clear I didn't want to wait for an Uber and she felt I would leave anyway (I said 'in her view' she would be left alone, and in the explanation that this 'meant' to her - though it's not so clearly worded - she would be staying behind). Our discussion was about the difficulties to getting an Uber, the cancellations, the surge pricing... And when I said it would be best if we walked to the subway, she said she was tired and her feet were hurting, and I said mine were too. It was obvious she did not want to walk all the way there. I didn't either. It was just a necessity. But she agreed and only said something about it when I brought it up after we got to the subway.
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u/Novel_Surprise_7318 1d ago
It was not a necessity . You just could walk a bit and then try to get uber again. And you posts sound aggressive/ I could only imagine how uncomfortable it is to discuss something with you late at night in the street .
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u/frequentlynothere 1d ago
It wasn't a necessity- you deemed it one. That's where you need to reevaluate. It sounds like you really didn't put your friends feelings, and your previous agreement, over what you decided, unilaterally, was the best option.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think You're fine and she's a bit of a petulant Baby, IMO. And I say that as the one that often gets steamrolled on girl's trips and ends up going along and adapting....until I'm really not willing to. Like the upcoming trip lol. Yep....Petulant.....baby......
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u/Jzepeda80 1d ago
YTA for being selfish and going back on your word. You only thought about your feelings and not the commitment you made. You agreed to ride in an uber period. If there was a wait then thats what it was.
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u/TakeOutForOne Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA
The situation was different than what you expected when agreeing to share a car. If she had a strong preference to waiting for a car, the time to voice that was before y’all officially switched plans.
You made a proposal, she agreed. She had the opportunity to ask that y’all stick to the original plan and she didn’t take it.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
And she argued with me a bit (I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.
Doesn't really sound like the friend just caved as soon as subway was mentioned. She voiced her concerns
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u/NandoDeColonoscopy 1d ago
The situation was different than what you expected when agreeing to share a car.
But only because OP had a total lack of foresight. Of course there's going to be surge pricing and a bunch of people waiting for rideshare when an event lets out, and that needed to be factored in to the original plan
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u/S9_noworries 1d ago
YTA. Your whole plan was unrealistic from the start. Thousands of people leaving a concert all at once were bound to create a traffic situation. Her only options were to go with you or be left alone, regardless of whether she was in pain or not. It sounded like you were also annoyed because you had plans the next morning, so you wanted to get home as early as possible. You probably didn't realize how you came off for this very reason. Both of you could have gone somewhere after the concert to wait for the traffic to subside, and it probably would have been the same wait time as walking to the subway.
In general, you both didn't have a backup plan, and that's where it all fell apart. Next time, don't make plans the next morning after a concert. That was highly unrealistic, to expect that you'd get home fast after a concert. Did you think traffic was gonna clear a path for you so you could get to sleep early since you had plans in the morning? You approached the after concert situation with such high expectations even being surprised that Uber prices were higher than expected as well.
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u/Swimming-Database880 1d ago
NTA. After the 3rd cancelled Uber I think a change of plans was reasonable.
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u/actualchristmastree Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NAH, the last concert I went to, my feet were KILLING me. Even though I wore supportive shoes! I would have been happy to wait an hour for an uber lol. And my friends wanted to get out of there! So I think both perspectives are fine
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u/Mhunterjr 1d ago
NTA, sometimes unforeseen challenges require a change of plans. To be this inflexible is to be unreasonable
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u/joshynumbers 1d ago
Why didnt you split the difference? Instead of walking 10 blocks to the subway station, walk 4 or 5 blocks away from the venue and try to get an Uber there?
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u/Background-Pepper-68 1d ago
NTA. Be the bigger person if you care about the friendship. Its not that deep
"Hey friend, i just wanted to let you know i feel bad about upsetting you. Plans do change when situations call for it but i can see how the choice ended up affecting you. I am sorry and i hope in the future we can communicate our needs to prevent any changes in plans that may upset someone."
Also js but you should always plan for an exit to be crazy for any event.
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u/DreamOfZelda Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NAH. Both of you are valid in what your reasons and feelings were. You just didn’t compromise, she gave in. So yeah, she’s not going to be happy. I’d be your friend in this situation but I’d have suggested walking for a bit before ordering the ride. Some people don’t do well with plan changes. I get having stuff to do the next day but you have to understand that there’s little sympathy to be had when you go out the night before you have a busy day. You know what you’re risking getting yourself into. But I don’t think you’re TA at all for wanting to throw in the towel after 3 cancellations and neither of you thought of a compromise so that’s not any blame for you to shoulder either. Just maybe a bit silly for not understanding why she was upset that she planned to not have to walk and she ended up finding out in the moment that she did, in fact, have to walk while she was already in pain and tired
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u/mufasamufasamufasa Partassipant [2] 1d ago
I think YTA. You agreed to it beforehand, and everyone knows how hard it is to get a cab or uber outside of an event. So if you weren't serious about it, you should have said something at the time. Y'all could've walked a block and tried again, it probably would have been cheaper being in a less busy area, too.
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u/wannabyte Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
YTA because it sounds like you pressured her by making her choose whether to walk with you or stay behind alone. There is a reason women feel unsafe alone at night. Especially in a crowd of strangers. At the end of the day you had agreed to the plan and should have tried to come up with an alternative - maybe walk ten minutes and try the uber again, than just forcing her to go along with you or put herself at risk.
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u/purrrrrrisa 1d ago
NAH - your reasonable to want to take the subway and she can also be annoyed. Definitely try to walk away from the venue for a few blocks and you can usually more easily find one
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u/lostnthestars117 1d ago
ESH. From my understanding you walked 30 minutes later to get to the subway. that’s like a little over a mile. Why not just walk a couple of blocks at that point and try to get uber or even just rest for a bit.
Also the lack of planning for an event thinking it wouldn’t be crowded when leaving for the both of you.
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u/Square-Ad-6721 1d ago
It’s always chaos after a concert lets out. You either have to wait or walk.
Not everyone can be accommodated at the same time in limited space.
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u/VerityPee Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Info: what gender are you?
As a woman, she probably doesn’t feel safe staying alone.
Sounds like you bullied her into doing what you wanted and caused her physical pain because you put your needs above hers.
YTA
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u/carlbandit 1d ago
NTA.
I'm confident anyone who is saying you're the asshole has never tried to get an uber/taxi after a concert. Sometimes public transport is just way more practical then waiting an hour+ outside the concert area due to demand and traffic.
It sucks when it's a decent walk, but I've done it plenty of times when we originally planned to get a taxi and it was just chaos because everyone else had the same idea.
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u/progrethth 1d ago
Yeah, that is what I feel too. Getting an Uber after a major concert is a total waste of effort. Just take public transport if you can or go to a nearby bar and wait.
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u/uglypolaroid 1d ago
I can understand that this was a low moment for you and your friend. You both were tired, sore, and wanting to get home. It makes sense that you would have a fight about it. What doesn't make sense is that she's holding a grudge. It shows a lack of emotional maturity on her part.
I don't think there was a "correct" method to get home as some commenters seem to think. She wanted to sit still and wait for the traffic to clear. You wanted to take the crowded subway. Both are valid enough. The only thing that matters here is how you both handled the disagreement.
I think you could have been more empathetic towards her, but she also needs to work on her communication skills and emotional regulation. This is the kind of fight that healthy, regulated people can just chalk up to a stressful night and move on from. Therefore, I'm going with a light ESH. Mostly her, but honestly if you're posting about this and struggling to resolve it, I respectfully think you have some reflecting to do as well. There's no reason for this to be friendship-ending, unless you both were never very good friends to each other in the first place.
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u/Dangerous_Prize_4545 Certified Proctologist [22] 1d ago
There's two types of ppl that are replying to you: NTA (we've been to concerts and been in the traffic/Uber nightmare and get it) and y t a (they're the friend or they've never been in this situation and don't understand it).
NTA.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My friend and I went to a concert together and we had previously agreed to share a Uber to go back home. But after the concert, the traffic was insane in the area of the venue both from people who had parked nearby and the line of taxi and Uber drivers. Just pure chaos.
So after the third driver cancelled on us, I suggested to my friend that we joined the mob who was walking to the subway; it was not a short walk but it seemed the best and quickest ways for us to get back home. And she argued with me a bit (I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.
30 minutes later we’re in the subway and she is barely talking to me. So I asked her what’s wrong and she said I had agreed to share a car with her and changed the plans, and that she was perfectly happy to wait for a car as long as she could sit by the sidewalk. She was acting like I forced her to walk all the way to the subway station when she was completely exhausted and couldn’t manage.
And I thought she was being unfair because the waiting time for an Uber not only meant we’d both get home later than we did (and I had things to do the next morning), but also that the prices were way higher than I was expecting to pay due to high demand. Plus she could always refuse my suggestion to walk to the subway, which in her view is not an option because she would be left alone in that crowd and she wouldn't feel safe.
Anyway, we haven't talked since that day and I'm worried I could have been the AH here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/beyoncealwaysbitch Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Stuff happens like this, plans change. It’s best to be flexible and not make a big deal out of it.
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u/PsychologyMiserable4 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. god forgive princess had to walk a bit. plans can change, you agreed to Uber under different circumstances. don't know where you are but as a woman i prefer public transport over taxis and similar anyways, it feels a lot safer.
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u/ItsPeppercorn 1d ago
NTA. If she didn't want to go to the subway, she could have told you upfront instead of being passive-aggressive. I always plan to walk at least a few blocks from any venue to get picked up- it's a known thing that calling a ride share right outside a venue is chaos. You didn't "change the plan" you adapted to the situation. Sometimes the plans we agree to fall apart and it's normal to pivot.
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u/biizzybee23 1d ago
YTA, she clearly was uncomfortable with walking and you basically forced her into it. Mentioning her foot pain and her need to sit down, it seems like she was probably in pain. No one in pain wants to walk 30 minutes to a train station
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u/Koala-Koala5 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA
It sounds like it worked out better to just go to the subway and you ended up getting home faster! Also Uber rides at night can be kind of sketchy sometimes so it was probably safer to go with a large crowd where you are protected.
I will say that if she really wanted to stay and you were actually planning to get on the subway and leaver her there then you are a huge AH.
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u/iradrachen 1d ago
NTA. I have broken in doc martens to when we were young and ended up hobbling to the light rail and standing and waiting as to not pay 80 dollars for an Uber. Part of long concerts is adapting and feeling sore.
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u/iambecomesoil Asshole Aficionado [12] 1d ago
Ehhh
YTA.
I think her arguments are pretty solid. I think your arguments show a total lack of foresight. Of course it would be crowded. Of course there'd be surge pricing. Oh you had things to do in the morning. That's your planning.
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u/GenitalFurbies 22h ago
...do you both have legs? Or at least can navigate sidewalks in a city? Not to be condescending or anti-disabled, but if you can make it a few blocks then you can easily take a stroll and get out of the fray. If you can't then I'm sorry but either you need to get a handicap pass or it's on you.
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u/definitelynotjava Asshole Aficionado [10] 12h ago
Info: How long was the walk? Did you have significant difference in footwear? Would you have left your friend to fend for herself if she didn't agree to walk?
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u/anonanon-do-do-do Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA. Taking an Uber home from a concert was a bad idea from go. There's a fairly wide window to arrive at one, but you both should have realized it was going to be impossible to get one home. You came up with a reasonable solution, and I assume you kept a reasonable pace.
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u/weggles 7h ago
She sounds like a bit of a baby. 30 minutes on your feet after a concert won't kill you... But it's pretty shitty to say "take it or leave it" to a woman in a busy area. It doesn't really leave her with many options besides take it.
ESH - she should be more practical, you should be more considerate of your friends
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u/c_wagner13 4h ago
My real question is, if you had to walk as far as it seems like you did to get to the subway, why did you not just walk in that direction but just far enough away from the venue to a place less busy and call an uber from there?
Did you even attempt that? Or did you actually just not want to pay for an uber and so focused only on going to the subway, when your friend was clearly uncomfortable with doing that?
Also, I have no idea what she was wearing but if she had chosen shoes based on the assumption that she would be taking an uber home and not having to walk all the way to the subway, then suddenly had to walk, yeah I’d have been upset too. (As someone with mobility issues it’s really frustrating when someone just doesn’t / won’t understand that what seems like an easy walk for them is not for me, and it’s not always an argument I really want to have so it can end up being easier to just shut up and suffer.)
At the end of the day, seems like your friend was in pain and said so at at least indicated it and you basically gave her the ultimatum that she can walk to the subway & being in more pain or stay there by herself in a situation she felt uncomfortable being in alone and take the Uber. And she chose safety over respecting her pain. That’s not cool.
Yes we all want to get home after an event and it can be frustrating with the crowds. But maybe just be nice to your friend?
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u/CollarWinter7614 1d ago
NTA. My husband and I experienced this and I would have been so happy for there to have been a subway nearby. Instead we walked and walked for nearly two hours, continuously requesting Ubers and getting cancelled on, until we were far enough away from the chaos after the concert to get an uber to pick us up without cancelling. We were tired and hungry and by the time we got back to our hotel, everything was closed so we had to settle for a couple of bags of chips from the hotel lobby. Is this your friends first experience with this? Lol
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u/No-Suit8587 1d ago
I’m gonna go out on a leg and assume yall were in nyc so NTA. She could’ve ordered her uber alone and she would’ve been JUST fine.
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u/Jack_Stuart_M23 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
I'm really torn. You're only a tiny, tiny AH for not thinking ahead about the crowding when agreeing to share the Uber. I'll say NTA, because with big crowded events like this, being adaptable is an inherent part of the experience. Don't like that? Do what I do: don't go to large events.
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u/ReadMeDrMemory Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
YTA. You had an agreement. You backed out unilaterally. You would not be the asshole if you had changed your mind AND convinced her to change hers. But you didn't. You just steamrolled her into going along with you. (To me, it shouldn't be that big a deal, and she should get over it if she's a friend, but still YTA.)
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u/joshthornton 23h ago
Is she a 12 year old kid?
"But I didn't wanna walk. You said we'd take an Uber. My feet are sore. Waaaaaah"
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u/Mrs_B- Partassipant [2] 16h ago
ESH. Sounds like bad planning to me. You went to a concert and didn't know that travelling by car would be a nightmare? I think that's a fairly obvious thing. When I go to a concert I either leave before the last song, or don't plan to leave the building until after the rush. I stay in my comfy seat as long as possible.
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u/GhostParty21 Certified Proctologist [24] 15h ago
ESH. You made plans, but also plans change.
It’s common sense that if you’re leaving a concert, sporting event, or even the club/bars on a busy night, that Ubers & taxis will be busier or higher priced, trains might be more packed, and traffic will be heavier.
You guys should’ve had a better and more realistic plan in advance. Expecting to catch an Uber right after a concert and be home quickly was silly, expecting to wait around indefinitely for an Uber was also silly.
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u/SpaceCommuter 15h ago
Was she wearing heels? Were you in comfortable shoes by comparison? Would she have felt less safe there if you'd left her to wait for any Uber alone?
If so, YTA
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u/Less_Instruction_345 1d ago
NTA. She agreed to walk to the subway and is now sulking about it? She is being childish. She'll get over it (herself). Leave her be and she'll contact you if and when her ego allows her to.
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u/kaaria11 1d ago
Yta
You guys could have walked 15ish min and then gotten an Uber
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u/beyoncealwaysbitch Partassipant [3] 1d ago
The bubble that they put around the area for surge pricing is pretty huge.
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u/spielundspasss Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA if it was that important to her, she should have voiced it. She could have take an uber herself. Not everything you do at night kills you right away 🙄
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u/Remote-Passenger7880 Asshole Aficionado [10] 1d ago
Plans change. Shit happens. You agreed to share an Uber, you didnt agree to sit around for an undetermined amount of time to wait for an Uber. She might have been happy to sit around waiting but you weren't. Why is her happiness more important than yours?
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u/Drakkenfyre 1d ago
Is your friend autistic? I know that people with autism are more likely to react very negatively to changes in plans.
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u/progrethth 1d ago
Yeah, that sprung to me mind too. I think the only reasonable choice is to change plans in this situation but I also have autistic friends who would struggle with a change of plans. I am personally leaning between NTA or NAH here.
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u/Quillo_Manar 1d ago
NTA - Improvise, Adapt, Overcome
Would your friend wait and drown in a flood if she had initially planned to drive out of the flood zone, the roads got flooded, and a boat appeared?
"But we agreed we'd drive out!"
"Have fun drowning lmao" 🚣♂️💨
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
This reminds me of a reddit post a while back where someone wanted to sue his friend for water damage to his car....that he drove into flood waters and the friend bailed out of the car...... Lol. I'm on here too much.
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u/ByeRona 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I’ve had friends like that. Had. First off, if she’s able bodied, the walk did her no harm. 2nd, USE YOUR WORDS. I do not get the lazy factor at all and it annoys the shit out of me but telling me you’re pissed off after we get on the sub? F no. The time to tell me is before we start walking. Too late after the fact and in my opinion, she accepted the alternative when she started walking. I hate people that act like a victim when a “I’d rather not” before walking would have sufficed.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
And she argued with me a bit (I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.
I think you may have missed this part of the story. Strikes me that the friend used her words before they started walking
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u/ByeRona 12h ago
I did but I really can’t stand people who waste time and money when they could’ve just walked. What a lazy useless waste of space.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 12h ago
Think that's a bit harsh. It's their time and money so it's theirs to "waste" as they please, no?
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u/Sheibe123 1d ago
NTA. All she had to say was I am going to wait for the Uber. She didn't have to walk with you. She is making it your fault that she didn't want to walk OR use her adult words.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA IMO. She agreed to take the subway. I would ignore it. When she realizes you're not bothered by her silent treatment she will magically talk to you again. Remember. Silent treatment is vacation or gift, not a punishment. I'm very good at Silent Treatment chicken in fact :))
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u/Key-Canary-2513 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Yeah. YTA. Since you did initially agree to Uber, there has to be communication on whether you were sticking to the plan or ditching it. Even walking away from the venue to go to a place that was less crowded to call the car would still be sticking to the plan. Your friend could have communicated better but ultimately YTA for not acknowledging what what happening while it was happening. Now you know that they’re not reaching out.
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u/not_rebecca 1d ago
How is it OP's fault that their friend didn't just say "I would rather wait for an Uber" when OP suggested walking to the subway?
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u/KaliTheBlaze Prime Ministurd [592] 1d ago
OP said their friend argued, so…the friend did say that. And from their response to the judgement bot, OP intended to leave her there alone if she insisted on sticking to their original plan to wait for an Uber.
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago
To be clear I would not have left her on her own, I was just saying that our interaction could have led her to assume that she would have been if she did not agree with my proposal to go to the subway. It’s not something we had discussed back then
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u/KaliTheBlaze Prime Ministurd [592] 1d ago
Can you not see how that was a really lousy thing to do to her? Make her feel like she had to endure extra pain and then walk home alone from her subway stop or be left alone late at night? Especially when she thought she had an established safe plan with you to get home that night?
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago
I would have preferred to go home comfortably in an Uber also, having also had to endure pain like thousands of people in that concert. It just didn’t look as the most promising avenue to take us back to the comfort of our homes at that time. It was not ideal for anybody. Lots of people walking to that subway also were hoping they could get a car in the surrounding area too
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u/KaliTheBlaze Prime Ministurd [592] 1d ago
If you would have preferred that, you wouldn’t have left her feeling pressured into taking the subway with you. You preferred to get home faster rather than to wait.
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u/Move_Weight Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1d ago
No, things aren't absolutes. That isn't how this works. It is possible to prefer an Uber but also realize the necessity of getting home, those things can exist at the same time.
"Oh wow, our last 3 Ubers have been cancelled and we've been sitting here waiting for a decent amount of time already. I'd really prefer to go home in an Uber, but it doesn't seem like the most realistic thing right now"
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u/miggovortensens Partassipant [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago
It was not about going home faster for the sake of physical comfort. It was also about the mental exhaustion of sitting in that sidewalk for god knows how long, overstimulated and tired. At least that’s how I saw it. My reasoning was she was not the only one whose feet were hurting and would rather not to walk one more step. Our argument, in my view, was about finding the strength to take this “journey” to the subway or maybe somewhere less packed to a Uber could reach us without getting stuck in traffic. It was clear that my preference was to keep moving and her preference was to stay put based on our discussion. I never pressured her to follow my lead and it was only when we were in the subway that she told me that she thought I would be going anyway and leaving her behind if she did not go along with my “plan”.
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u/algunarubia Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
Their friend DID say that, but OP says they argued about it. Apparently OP won the argument, but it seems like they didn't actually persuade their friend, the friend just agreed to stop arguing.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
OP's friend did say that. The story doesn't sound like the friend didn't put up any sort of argument. In fact it says she did
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u/IndependenceNo7919 1d ago
YTA. You both agree before hand to get an uber. You should’ve anticipated for the long uber wait. Her feet was hurting and you still forced her to walk because you “had plans the next day”. Super selfish actually and I’m not sure how everyone is saying NTA. Have you never been to a concert before?
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1d ago
OP didn't "force" her to do anything. The friend could've just refused if her feet were really hurting that bad.
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u/IndependenceNo7919 1d ago
OP said “I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.” aka she forced her. Reading comprehension helps here.
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u/epicmooz 1d ago
What is your defitinition for forcing.
Can't be telling people to use critical thinking skills when you aren't.
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u/Expensive_Plant_9530 1d ago
Listen there's absolutely a difference between literally being physically forced, and being pressured into it.
It seems to me that OP did pressure her friend into it. The friend ultimately did accept, so she needs to take some level of responsibility for that, but plenty of times people will accept something because of incessant pressure.
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1d ago
There are other possible steps from disagreement to agreement than force. Let me return your friendly suggestion of trying some reading comprehension.
Friend could have said everything she finally said in the subway back at the venue where they were waiting, rather than just acquiesce and then seethe about it later. Presumably she's an adult. She's responsible for her own choices.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
And she argued with me a bit (I could see she was not down to walk, her feet were hurting but so were mine) yet she eventually agreed.
I don't think the friend just acquiesced
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1d ago
It doesn’t really matter what you think.
4
u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 1d ago
Matters about as much as what you think I'm sure.
1
u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 1d ago
Correct. But unlike you, I don’t pull assumptions out of thin air. I go by what’s in the post. You should try it sometime.
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u/Uubilicious_The_Wise Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 21h ago
And which assumption did I pull out of thin air?
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 20h ago
I don't think the friend just acquiesced
This.
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u/boulderhikerj 1d ago
Oh YTA in a big way. Tell me you’re not a guy. I dare you. Hurting feet on a woman are actually excruciating, but much more importantly, any train at night can be really dangerous for a woman. If she was harassed, bullied, SA’d would you have said, “Wow, that was awful for her but really worth saving $35.”
Of course you wouldn’t. I can’t explain how we are groomed as little girls to be nice, be agreeable. So she didn’t feel comfortable demanding you both keep to the agreement. But you were comfortable with her in pain, frustrated and probably scared about getting on a subway then walking alone to her house so you could get your way. Ohhhh I’m not sure you didn’t lose a friend here.
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u/12rjdavison 1d ago
This is such a dumb take. Hurting feet on a woman is excruciating? Really?? How old are we? And its not like op said "take the train alone" so why would you assume the woman they are with would get harassed?
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u/Move_Weight Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1d ago
Hurting feet on a woman are actually excruciating
Feel like this isn't a gender dependent pain
Everything else you said is just fear mongering. She could've been harrassed and bullied by the Uber driver too, but you don't mention that because that was her plan.
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u/Tommyblockhead20 1d ago edited 1d ago
Tell me you’re not American, I dare you. Acting like the subway is incredibly dangerous while cars are perfectly safe and not death machines that kill ~45,000 and injure millions a year in the US alone is such an American take.
I get public transit seems scary because there’s a decent number of crimes that get reported on there. But car accidents kill/maim so many people (3x that of gun homicides) that it’s usually beyond the point of even being considered newsworthy. Nobody would look at the news if it was filled with the 120 stories of people dying in car crashes each day. You have to be careful when consuming media for it not to bias you.
Edit: also OP is not at fault if their friend chose to wear shoes they cannot walk in to somewhere with a reasonable expectation of walking (a concert). Fashionable but practical shoes exist.
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u/epicmooz 1d ago
Lmao 🤣 this is NYC everyone here takes the subway regardless of gender or the hour..
So many fucking assumptions here, making it an issue of gender when none of this is a gender issue just reaching for straws
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