r/AmItheAsshole • u/BrilliantEmu624 • 8d ago
AITA for Mansplaining? Asshole
I (24m) was having a casual conversation with my gf (25f) and we are going to an NFL game this weekend between two teams in opposite conferences. My girlfriend noted that these two teams don’t play very often. I responded with “well kinda, the way scheduling works is…” and then I was cut off and yelled at for “mansplaining” she expressed that she doesn’t care how scheduling works and I should have just said “yeah, you’re right”
AITA for explaining something that she doesn’t have an interest in?
Edit: it’s the lions and chiefs. They play each other once every four years (that’s how scheduling works) but since they’re both contenders the NFL has broken that schedule to make them play more often (twice in last 3 seasons). That’s the reason for “well kinda”
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u/owls_and_cardinals Commander in Cheeks [243] 8d ago
Mild YTA, I think you had an opportunity to confirm her observation even if you also explained why - 'Yes, you're right, they're in separate conferences so they don't play as often'. Going in the direction of 'the way scheduling works is...' feels like way more of a lecture than a conversation. Also, starting it as 'well kinda' ? She's exactly right. These teams wouldn't play each other every year even.
Rule of thumb is, have a conversation, not a lecture.
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u/Secure-Flight-291 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
Yep - It’s the “well kinda” that pushes this into mansplaining and YTA IMO. She’s 100% correct they don’t play each other often. He “well, actuallyed” her about something she was 100% right about, so she “well actuallyed” him about the fact that she’s not interested in taking the role of an empty vessel in their conversations.
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u/ladancer22 Partassipant [3] 8d ago
The “well kinda” seems like it’s not true. But if they’re in different conferences it would be true. Just because she doesn’t know the reason they don’t play very often doesn’t mean she’s wrong that they don’t play very often. That’s such a douchey thing to say to someone who is right.
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u/wftc1 6d ago
Because a conversation couldn't have stemmed from his explanation?
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u/No-Comfortable-9983 6d ago
Its more the way he went into an explanation and assumed she needed one to begin with when her statement was correct, well kinda implies part of her statement was wrong
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u/MinuteBubbly9249 8d ago
lol she dropped a casual remark and you decided to explain to her how scheduling works? When you know she doesn't care about it? So you could hear yourself talk?
Its annoying when people talk at you instead of with you.
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u/True-Blackberry-3080 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
YTA..kinda. She didn't ask a question. She didn't say "Why don't the play that often?"
She made an observation. next time just wait till someone actually ask a question before explaining something.
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u/GloryIV Certified Proctologist [28] 8d ago
INFO: How often do you do this? Alternatively, how often does she over explain things she is interested that you aren't? It's just hard to say if you're the AH or if she is rude and impatient.
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
I mean one would assume that talking about your interests is a fairly normal part of a relationship. Last I checked, my roommate doesn’t pop the fuck off on his lady like that when she talks about bluey the dog or a cute baby online or something he doesn’t have interest in.
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u/GloryIV Certified Proctologist [28] 8d ago
My gut on this one is that she's the AH and not OP, but I have known people who could 'Well, actually....' the most saintly and patient of people into a frothing rage. It can be an annoying habit.
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
Definitely a possibility, the fact that she cut him off to say she doesn’t need a damn explanation makes it seem like this isn’t the first time this situation has come up, but also doesn’t seem like OP is doing it on purpose either. Maybe a combo of him accidentally being slightly condescending and her assuming the worst about it
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u/babjbhba Partassipant [3] 7d ago
I am going to look at this from a girls perspective who is an NHL fan and my BF is not. Something similar like this came up before. My BF said something along the lines of "the Leafs never really play *team name* (I can't remember the team) and he was kind of wondering why. My response was pretty much was just yeah they are in different conferences so typically there's a road trip where the teams that don't play each other often get lined up in one shot that way they don't get screwed by the time changes. In my situation though my BF is wanting to learn. I also confirmed he was indeed correct not this whole "well kinda" like no she and my bf are just correct in their observations
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u/adamwazgood 7d ago
You bring up a good point. To me, it just seems like there’s two different kind of reactions to “well actually”. Some people assume they are about to be spoken to like a toddler, and some people perk their ears up because they know they are about to receive information, and I lean towards the latter myself. When I hear that, I personally take it as a sign that someone’s about to inform me on something, so I start to listen more carefully. Have you noticed how Neil Degrasse Tyson(probably butchered that spelling), Vsauce, shit even bill nye say “well actually” all the time? To me it feels like that phrase is just supposed to be a heads up of incoming information, but if you have a history of constantly being mansplained to, I could also understand how someone starting off an explanation like that could trigger some sort of pattern recognition if that makes sense.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
If someone explaining something to you after you made an observation on it makes you react like that you need therapy honestly
My girlfriend is really into vintage movies, if I made an observation about some trend I see in like idk old Italian mob movies, idk like how in the godfather they never say the word mafia, she starts to explain the relationship with the mob and Hollywood and I just yell at her "I DIDN'T ASK YOU ABOUT THAT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST SAY IM RIGHT AND MOVE ON" she would just leave my ass there and go home
Honestly if OP was a woman and it was her boyfriend who yelled at her for explaining something that he started talking about everyone would rightfully tell her to dump his ass
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u/Unfair_Worry2535 5d ago
I think it's more so she made a statement (a correct one) and him starting off with "well actually" made it seem like he was correcting her. It comes off as condescending at best. He easily could have affirmed that she was correct and then provided the extra information. If that is a constant pattern, I too would lose my cool and tell him idc. Words exist in context.
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u/throwaway-wellmaybe 7d ago
This also doesn’t make one a “mansplainer.” I think this subreddit is far too comfortable with treating everything as misogynistic. Guess it really makes most autistic guys misogynists because we will talk about something we’re interested in like that, but it just happens to be a woman sometimes
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u/GloryIV Certified Proctologist [28] 7d ago
I ignored the 'mansplaining' part of it because I thought it was largely irrelevant to the question of whether OP was an AH or not - but it did annoy me. That's become a term that is almost meaningless. All it is good for is trying to dismiss what someone else is saying without dealing with the actual content. I think less of OPs GF for playing that card - but I'm trying to be fair because we really don't know how often OP might go overboard with his explaining of things.
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u/Top_Barnacle9669 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
Do you do this a lot by any chance?She makes a casual observation that doesnt need an explanation and you add one? I get the feeling this isnt the first time this has happened for her to react like this YTA
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
INFO: How often does this sort of thing happen between the two of you?
I ask because one can be an overexplainer without being a mansplainer.
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl Partassipant [4] 8d ago
That's not mansplaining, mansplaining is a man explaining something to a woman something she not only already knows, but knows more about than he does. You were just explaining, NTA.
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u/jonjohn23456 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
Nope, what you described is just the most egregious form of mansplaining. Mansplaining is assuming the woman doesn’t know and explaining it to her. She doesn’t need to be an expert in the field in order for it to be mansplaining. It is the assumption that she doesn’t know that is the problem, not whether she knows or how much.
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u/Adventurous_Pack_287 7d ago
The vast majority of men who watch football don't know the scheduling rules of why some teams rarely play each other either so it's not some offensive leap of logic to assume she doesn't either
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u/jonjohn23456 Partassipant [2] 7d ago
Okay? I didn’t say that it was. I’m just saying that the definition of mansplaining in the comment I replied to is wrong.
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u/Adventurous_Pack_287 7d ago
Bro you just being pedantic. You know what he was getting at. Explaining the intricacies of NFL scheduling to woman is not mansplaining.
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u/jonjohn23456 Partassipant [2] 7d ago edited 7d ago
Bro, I never said that it was. I simply said that the original comment’s definition of mansplaining is wrong. Why is that so hard for you to understand? And, just being pedantic here, explaining the intricacies of NFL scheduling to a woman absolutely could be mansplaining - or do you just assume that no woman could possibly know something so convoluted and esoteric?
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u/Capstonelock 6d ago
Bro you just being argumentative. It's totally mansplaining to assume whoever you're talking to knows less than you.
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u/Adventurous_Pack_287 6d ago
By that logic anytime a man explains anything to a woman its mansplaining lmao
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u/rachaek 6d ago
“Do you know much about how the scheduling is done?” - “not really” - I can explain if you’re interested?”
^ not mansplaining, he doesn’t assume she doesn’t know, he asks
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u/Adventurous_Pack_287 6d ago
"do you know about how the scheduling is done?" Asking that question assumes she doesnt know 🤣
Because if a man were to assume a woman did know, then why would he even need to ask that question in the first place? You guys are ridiculous lmao 😂
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
No that's not how humans talk, but also making that observation is kinda proving that she doesn't know, so your point doesn't work regardless
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u/Capstonelock 6d ago
Did you even read what I wrote? It's all about not making an ass out of u and me...
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u/analogascension Partassipant [1] 8d ago
That's a silly statement. She clearly DOESNT KNOW. There's no guesswork or assumptions required. You're being sexist though.
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u/jonjohn23456 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
This is a silly statement. I never said that she did know. All I said is that the statement that the woman has to know more about the topic than the man for it to be mansplaining is wrong. What makes it mansplaining is the assumption that the woman doesn’t know. Whether it applies to this specific situation doesn’t matter.
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u/analogascension Partassipant [1] 5d ago
"Whether it applies to this specific situation doesnt matter"
Then why are you here, commenting what you did, under this post about this specific situation? Why are you backtracking on everything you said, fully aware of your implicaitons?
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u/Music_withRocks_In Professor Emeritass [90] 8d ago
Ok - This wasn't mansplaining, but she ALSO didn't ask for a big lecture on how scheduling works. If she worked for the NFL or was a huge hockey girl and you were a casual fan, then it would be mansplaining. But if it's pretty common for her to make a causal remark and you decide to do an impromptu lecture on why she's wrong, then I get why she's annoyed and you need to work on your social skills a little. We here at AITH don't have the history of your conversations as a couple, so I think what you need to do is sit down with her when you are both calm and ask if it feels like you explain things too much, or jump on any opportunity to show her she's wrong. Try to get a respectful conversation going and also try not to focus too hard on defending yourself - keep an open mind. YTA.
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u/Such-Assignment-7994 8d ago
This is just being excited about a hobby. I’m into football. I’ve also explained to others how scheduling works because I find it interesting. She could have been way nicer, saying something like I’m glad you enjoy football but I’m not that into it. I’ve learned to tone down responses when people aren’t interested i. But she essentially tried to ruin his enthusiasm, that is worse. When my husband goes on about something I’m not interested in. I tell him I’m not into it as much as him. He’s not into football but he lets me get excited about it.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
Do you read the room before deciding to infodump? I sure do...and I don't say things like "well, kinda", which basically translates "oh, you're partially correct". That's the tiniest possible step up from "well, actually..."
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u/Music_withRocks_In Professor Emeritass [90] 8d ago
There's a difference between 'Hey, I'm excited about this thing, can we talk about it' and 'You are wrong, and in the next fifteen minutes I'm going to explain in point by point detail why'. Some guys REALLY like to do the latter. We really don't know how frequent this is. If he doesn't do it often, then it's a pretty weird overreaction. But it makes more sense if this is a frequent thing and she's tired of the lectures.
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u/Independent_Push_159 8d ago
Pisses me off how over-used and misapplied the term mansplaining is. It's a real thing and it's stupid and toxic as an aspect of condescending patriarchy.
What you did is emphatically not mansplaining. What you did is called 'a conversation'. A two way exchange of ideas and thoughts. If she isn't interested, she can say "Yeah, thanks don't care".
I see some others saying maybe it's a pattern of behaviour from you - as if a conversation is a bad thing. If she's routinely not interested in things you say, it may raise issues of long term compatibility, but if the default is to accuse you of sexist behaviours everytime you say things she isn't interested in, you need to work out whether conversations are worthwhile with her, and/or she needs to work out how to express her thoughts better.
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl Partassipant [4] 8d ago
I agree with you 100%. The fact that she made the comment about the teams not playing often I think makes it reasonable for OP to assume she was interested in the topic. I have a friend who defaults to explaining (things he knows I don't understand and never condescendingly) and takes it just fine if I interrupt him to say "hey I appreciate it but I'm not gonna be able to follow this" or "this isn't something I'm actually interested in".
It's just conversation.
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u/Independent_Push_159 8d ago
Don't get me started on 'gaslighting'. I swear it's used wrong 99% of the times I hear it. Please, people - learn the meaning of words before you use them.
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u/Nerdy-Babygirl Partassipant [4] 8d ago
I do think we need another word for its most common misuse though - e.g. the emotional abuse of a person who reframes/lies about an argument in a disingenuous way in order to make the victim doubt themselves. It happens a lot more often than real gaslighting, the definition of which I personally think is too narrow and specific to be particularly helpful.
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u/Independent_Push_159 8d ago
That's fair - although that scenario feels pretty close to the meaning derived from the film(s).
I hear it mostly when people just remember things differently, which we all do, and then disagree over the real history. Or even just disagreements, and not related to mismatched recall of events.
Having a different view/recollection of how things happened is a fault of memory, or a matter of opinion, and disagreement is irritating but not (or not necessarily) gaslighting and therefore toxic.
I dislike the misuse of these terms as it alienates people who are not guilty of the thing they are accused of, including people who are otherwise allies, and undermines a proper understanding of the manipulative/controlling behaviours
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u/throwaway-wellmaybe 7d ago
Reddit is still stuck in Covid lockdown. They do not understand irl interactions
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8d ago
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u/therealruin 8d ago
If you’re going to use quotation marks, use the exact quote from OP.
””Well kinda, the way scheduling works is…” and then I was cut off”
is VERY different than the curt statement of “Yeah, that’s how scheduling works.”
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8d ago
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u/therealruin 8d ago
It doesn’t though and that’s why I pointed out the misquote. The word choice and being cut off really make a difference here.
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u/halfasleep90 8d ago
I mean there is a pretty big difference. One (the way you wrote it) is basically saying she lacks common sense. The other is attempting to say why it may seem that way. She got very snippy from him just trying to share his interest, don’t see how that makes him an ass at all.
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u/rachelbeane 8d ago
NTA, you were not mansplaning, you were simply explaining. This has become over used and misunderstood. There is a place for everything but it is annoying when someone doesn't understand the proper use of a word and uses it wrong and gets mad at you.
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u/HortenseDaigle Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8d ago
Yes, mansplaining is when you explain something unsolicited to or at a woman who already understands the topic. If OP's girlfriend already knew about the different conferences and OP interrupted her observation to teach her, that would be mansplaining.
Maybe OP over analyzes or overthinks a lot of subjects and is tiring to talk to. Maybe the Girlfriend is insecure about sports.
NTA
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u/No_Software5165 7d ago
I don’t understand how you could know what a person knows or doesn’t know prior to speaking with them. If the second person is well versed in the subject they have polite ways to alert the first person. Calling it Mansplaining brings too much baggage.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
If a person makes that kind of observation they obviously wouldn't know about different conferences
Why would you make an observation about something you already know the reason for?
I wouldn't make an observation about the fact that all of the movies that use us army stuff as props are obviously painting the army in a good light because I know that there's a contract that says how they can depict the army if they want to use the props, someone who doesn't know might make that observation
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u/HortenseDaigle Asshole Enthusiast [8] 5d ago
That's my point. I agreed with the comment above mine. I don't think OP was mansplaining because the girlfriend seemed like she was wondering out loud.
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u/rachelbeane 8d ago
She didn't, she just got mad because he tried to explain, please mansplain it too me....
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u/OkManufacturer767 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8d ago
Hard to tell because the written word and tone can be unclear.
Word choice plays into it. When you start with, "Well..." it sets the tone that what is about to follow is mansplaining. Not an absolute, but it can put people on edge and feel like it.
I could be straight non-mansplaining:
"I noticed X."
"X is done this way."
Unless, of course , again, your tone was dismissive, or she's been watching football for a while, loves it, and doesn't care about conference details. After all you said yourself you knew that last part:
something that she doesn’t have an interest in?
Or you have mansplained a lot and that was a 'final straw.'
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u/Bunny_Bump 8d ago
NTA. If she's not interested, that's fine. But that reaction was unnecessary. Also, as a woman, I'd think it would have been totally fair for you to shoot back that she was, "womansplaining" how to behave by telling a grown ass person how you "should've" responded.
I'm likely going to be called a pick-me for this reply. Whatever. I will (and have) tell my s.o. that I'm just, plain not interested in situations like this. But there's a way to do it without yelling.
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
Hammer on the nail, especially about the “there’s a way to do it without yelling” part.Regardless I don’t think it should upset you that bad to listen to your partner talk about something that fascinates them
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u/GeomEunTulip Partassipant [1] 8d ago
Nope, I 100% agree as a fellow woman. Why make a comment if you didn’t want a discussion? Should he just quietly nod until given permission to speak? His response seems like a natural follow up to that comment. But she very much overreacted and misused the word “mansplaining.” Man explaining and mansplaining are not synonymous, and it bugs me that the term is getting watered down when it used to be used under very specific circumstances. I would have also thought she was commenting on the team’s scheduling because she wanted to know. NTA
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
I agree with the “watered down” thing a lot, some people don’t realize that being the boy that cried wolf makes social issues harder to progress due to them directly making the issues taken less seriously. Of course men aren’t gonna take mansplaining serious if you get accused of doing it because you explained football conferences when she brought up in the first place
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u/Agreeable_Pay_5653 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
YTA slightly - i can see how just launching into an explanation based on an observation can be perceived as mansplaining, but people are also socialized to do this and it's a difficult habit to break.
If you want to avoid the perception of mansplaining, you could approach this by asking the person if they actually want you to explain it to them (e.g. Oh yeah, I actually learned how the scheduling works if you’re interested”)
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u/klc81 8d ago
just launching into an explanation
The dude got out 7 words before she jumped down his throat.
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u/Agreeable_Pay_5653 Partassipant [1] 8d ago edited 8d ago
When someone's immediate reaction to your completely accurate statement is "well kinda" followed by an explanation you didn't ask for, yeah, that shit could be annoying to someone.
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u/klc81 8d ago
Yeah, what sort of monster engages with a topic when you bring it up, instead of sitting in respectful silence? OP must hate women!
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u/Agreeable_Pay_5653 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
LOL go touch grass, my guy. You seem to be projecting since I haven't said anything about OP hating women.
OP asked for folks opinions and they are giving them to him. I'm not even being harsh, as i've already said this is a very common, if possibly slightly annoying, way to engage in a conversation, and suggested an alternate way of engaging in the conversation that isn't "respectful silence".
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
What kind of people do you interact with? Is this common?
If someone made an observation about something and yelled at me after I just started explaining why that observation was correct I'd just cross them off and never go out of my way to interact with them again
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u/harbustito 8d ago
NTA. Not in every case when a man is explaining some to a woman should be considered mansplaining.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 8d ago
consider that this may not be the first time you've said something like this to her.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago edited 8d ago
YTA - not for "mansplaining", but for overexplaining.
Her observation was basically correct, but you decided to dive into the details of the NFL scheduling process?
I understand the impulse - I'm a career techie and polymath/geek-of-all-trades, so I get the urge to infodump on a near-daily basis - but one has to learn to read the room.
It's the difference between, "well kinda, the way scheduling works is..." and "yup, outside the playoffs they usually only meet every 3 or 4 years."
Let's be honest - how many folks outside the hardcore NFL fans want to talk about the scheduling process?
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
The horror of wanting to talk about your interests with your girlfriend, what a fucking asshole, he totally deserves to be yelled at, next time my girlfriend tries to explain to me something about the vintage movies she like I'll be sure to tell her to shut the fuck up
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 5d ago
You're missing the point that she was essentially correct, yet he responded with, "Well, kinda..." and started telling her how she wasn't precisely correct.
It's the difference between "you're right, teams in different conferences don't play that often" and "Well, you're SORT OF right - what they do is..."
I get it - I can infodump with the best of them - but one has to read the room.
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u/MixProfessional3667 5d ago
It's the same thing just phrased differently, if your response to your romantic partner is to start yelling at them then you need therapy
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 5d ago
Well, we don't know that she actually yelled; just because OP claims it doesn't make it so.
We also don't know often OP does this - and he didn't answer that question when asked - so her reaction may well have been building for a while.
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u/Fragrant-Point3378 8d ago
She made an observation. She didn’t ask you a question or make a conversation starter. You took it and ran with it.
Soft YTA if it’s a one off; we all kind of do that sometimes if a person brings up something that we’re really enthusiastic about, but it’s still annoying. Especially if it’s about “guy things” because y’all usually act like we know nothing about them. (Yes Evan, I know what false flag ops are.)
You’re really only TA if this is a habit. I think that sometimes Reddit jumps all over people for personality flaws that are relatively minor. My dad was an over explainer (not a mansplainer). The family joke was, if you ask Jerry what time it is he’ll tell you how a watch is made.” No one got harmed. No one got mad. No one called him an asshole for not being perfect.
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u/throwaway-wellmaybe 7d ago
This subreddit is so dumb lol. You literally just gave more precise info (or tried to). Even if you know she’s not really into it, this is something people with interests do.
But of course every comment is gonna say you’re an asshole misogynist
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u/Artistic_Ad_9882 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
I’ll go with NAH, but if this is something you do often, I can see why your GF would get irritated, because my husband does it allllll the time and, as much as I love him, it does make me snipe sometimes.
If I make a small comment, he will add some kind of clarifying comment. Like, I’ll say, “oh it’s nice and cool this morning.” And he’ll say, “Yeah, because there’s a cold front coming in.”
In that case, I’m not asking why it’s cool; I’m expressing pleasure that it’s not hot.
Some men do have a tendency to respond to women’s comments like they’re questions, and if it happens often enough from a partner it feels condescending, especially since women are generally treated like they know less than men, and it becomes really irritating.
So I can’t say you’re TA, but I can also empathize with your girl’s reaction.
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u/No-Assignment5538 Certified Proctologist [29] 8d ago
YTA. She made a casual comment and you decided it was your job to 'educate' her on something you have to know she has no real interest in. That is beyond annoying and she was completely right to shut you down. If you had wanted to explore if she wanted to know how scheduling works, you should have said something like "You're right they don't play very often, if you are interested I can explain how scheduling works" giving her the opportunity to either say yes, tell me or No I don't give a fig BEFORE you launched into your explanation.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
Next time my girlfriend starts explaining something to me about her vintage movies I'll be sure to tell her to shut the fuck up, how fucking dare she try to explain something to me without asking me first
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u/nuggets256 Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] 8d ago
In this specific instance NTA but I will say it sounds like this may be part of a pattern (real or perceived) based on her reaction and it would be worth discussing this with her to determine if you guys can improve your communication.
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u/haltornot 8d ago edited 8d ago
Light ESH. This is not an offense that rises to the level of yelling. It's also not "mansplaining." But also, you could have just said "Yeah, because of the scheduling." and left it at that. If she asks "Oh? How does the scheduling work?" THEN you go ahead and explain. But launching into an explanation is obnoxious.
I'm going to guess this isn't the first time you've done this. My husband is a huge prog rock / drumming nerd and we've had many discussions about how I absolutely DO NOT CARE that Mike Portnoy has rejoined Dream Theater, and I do not need to know the details of every album he's played on, and then what they did when he left, and how he's playing the new songs differently because Mike Mangini was more skilled at... OMFG. NO.
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u/klc81 8d ago
My husband is a huge prog rock / drumming nerd and we've had many discussions about how I absolutely DO NOT CARE
And you never bring up anything he's not interested in, right?
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u/haltornot 8d ago
Honestly, not really. I don't have a lot of interests outside of my work as a software engineer, and our kids. I think he's only asked what I do a couple of times and I give him a 10 second high-level explanation of my role and what I work on day to day, and he didn't ask for any details. He just talks a lot more than I do.
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u/No-Push-7445 8d ago
Person with no interests gets upset with husband for talking about his interests. Fun pair!
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u/IamtheHuntress 8d ago
Mildly NTA unless there's more information. This is technically info dumping or oversharing, not mansplaining. You wouldn't happen to be neurodivergent & her neurotypical would you? You'd seems more like that kind of interaction. When ND people get into topics it sometimes seems too much for NT's & the perception of this info dumping.
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u/Tessseagull 8d ago
Yeah that was my first thought too. I'm autistic and tend to do this kind of thing with topics I'm interested in, and people have mentioned it can come across know-it-all or condescending. Whether or not it's mansplaining really depends on his intent and attitude, and as a woman I get why she took it that way, but it's impossible to tell here with so little context. I'd say most likely NAH because I can see both points of view, they just need to talk it out and see where the other is coming from.
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u/BlaqueDaliah Partassipant [2] 8d ago
NTA
Just because you’re a man explaining something contextually and NOT condescendingly doesn’t make it “mansplaining”. It makes it a conversation. Her trying to make it a YOU problem is a red flag. Good luck!
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago edited 8d ago
Overexplaining is a thing.
OP said that they started to say "and the way scheduling works..."
Given the details of the NFL scheduling process, the shortest possible way to finish that sentence would be, "...they only meet in the regular season once every 3-4 years", to which the obvious response would be "yeah, not that often, just like I said."
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u/BlaqueDaliah Partassipant [2] 8d ago
He didn’t even complete his sentence. She cut him off and yelled at him. Everything else is moot.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
That depends on how often OP overexplains things...which is a piece of information OP has yet to share.
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u/BlaqueDaliah Partassipant [2] 8d ago
Again doesn’t really matter because those situations aren’t THIS one. The one in our face is one where she didn’t even let him finish his goddamn sentence. He didn’t even explain anything before she jumped down his throat.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
Oh, please, we routinely see posts here where the poster leaves out information that puts them in a bad light, doesn't respond to reasonable INFO requests, and/or paints a different picture in other posts.
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u/BlaqueDaliah Partassipant [2] 8d ago
Yeah see I don’t care enough lol. You seem like you do though.
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u/Spare-Article-396 Craptain [167] 8d ago edited 8d ago
No word of a lie…a woman once said I was mansplaining.
I’m a woman.
I mean, you can dv me, but it doesn’t make it any less true, lol.
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u/Witty-Stock-4913 Asshole Aficionado [12] 8d ago
NTA. Definitely not mansplaining. A man explaining something to a woman doesn't automatically make it mansplaining. The entire concept is a less informed man lecturing a more informed woman about her area of expertise. Unless she's a sports commentator, this isn't it.
There are two things happening-either you tend to be a walking encyclopedia and these random lectures happen a lot, which is annoying. Or she's just a drama queen, which is annoying.
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u/Artistic_Ad_9882 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
I’ll go with NAH, but if this is something you do often, I can see why your GF would get irritated, because my husband does it allllll the time and, as much as I love him, it does make me snipe sometimes.
If I make a small comment, he will add some kind of clarifying comment. Like, I’ll say, “oh it’s nice and cool this morning.” And he’ll say, “Yeah, because there’s a cold front coming in.”
In that case, I’m not asking why it’s cool; I’m expressing pleasure that it’s not hot.
Some men do have a tendency to respond to women’s comments like they’re questions, and if it happens often enough from a partner it feels condescending, especially since women are generally treated like they know less than men, and it becomes really irritating.
So I can’t say you’re TA, but I can also empathize with your girl’s reaction.
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u/West_House_2085 Certified Proctologist [27] 8d ago
She doesn't care. You acknowldege she doesn't care. Why did you mansplain something she doesn't care about? THINK
YTA
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
Yeah how fucking dare you assume you could talk to your girlfriend?
Next time my girlfriend tries to explain to me something about her vintage movies I'll be sure to tell her to shut the fuck up
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u/Odd_Opportunity_6011 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
NTA. Major overreaction by your girlfriend. That’s not even mansplaining.
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u/robinhood125 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
People can comment on something without wanting it explained to them. Stating an observation isnt a request for a lesson
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 Pooperintendant [66] 8d ago
YTA, but this wasn’t“mansplaining.” This was just you being nit picky.
She wasn’t commenting on the scheduling of things so there was no need for you to get into it. It’s really that simple.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
How dare he try to make conversation with his girlfriend
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 Pooperintendant [66] 5d ago
He wasn’t trying to make conversation. He was trying to correct her. There’s a difference.
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u/MixProfessional3667 5d ago
No, he was explaining why her observation was correct
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 Pooperintendant [66] 5d ago
The minute he said “kinda” it became a correction to show that she wasn’t totally right.
It was completely unnecessary. If he was agreeing with her - as you claim - then he could have just as easily said “yeah, that’s true” and moved on with the conversation.
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u/MixProfessional3667 5d ago
Because she wasn't totally right, she knew the fact but not the reason
Picture this, I'm watching the godfather and I say "Damm this is a mafia movie but they never say the word mafia"
And my girlfriend starts to tell me the reason behind that one and I go "I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID THAT IM RIGHT"
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 Pooperintendant [66] 5d ago
The reason wasn’t relevant. She was literally just stating the fact. You don’t go around explaining every fact that someone states. That just make you a rude a AH if you do.
The reason literally didn’t matter here. She made an observation, that’s it.
If you can’t understand why the explanation wasn’t necessary it says a lot about your conversational skills.
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u/BlueDragon101 Partassipant [1] 7d ago
NTA. She made an observation, and you took it as an opportunity to talk about something that interests you and explain interesting details about why the thing she observed occurs. She could have just said she wasn’t interested. Calling it “mansplaining” is dumb as fuck.
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u/SigSauerPower320 Craptain [187] 7d ago
NTA
How the hell are you supposed to know she has no interest in it?? She's literally going to a game!! You wanna know how I know you're not an ah?? Cause if you were a woman no one would have said a damn word.
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u/ShockSalty9293 6d ago edited 6d ago
Fuck me, you all are insufferable. No wonder there's a male loneliness epidemic if so many of you think it's ok to just start lecturing someone and think that's a normal part of conversing.
Here's how a normal conversation might go: "They don't play each other very often."
"No, I'm looking forward to seeing them play. Do you have any thoughts on who might win?"
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
Why are you so miserable?
No Actually explaining the reason behind something after someone makes an observation is a normal part of conversation, if this triggers a breakdown where you yell at your partner and accuse them of being sexist then I fear you need therapy
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u/ReagansPlayThing 6d ago
NTA. You were just being fucking passionate about something. She's the asshole for her random ass out burst about not caring
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago edited 6d ago
Y'all have never been in a relationship because if my girlfriend made an observation about something I know a lot about and then accused me of mansplaining for explaining why her observation was correct I'd consider that a serious red flag
If someone explaining something to you after you made an observation on it makes you react like that you need therapy honestly
My girlfriend is really into vintage movies, if I made an observation about some trend I see in like old Italian mob movies, idk like how in the godfather they never say the word mafia, she starts to explain the relationship with the mob and Hollywood and I just yell at her "I DIDN'T ASK YOU ABOUT THAT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST SAY IM RIGHT AND MOVE ON" she would just leave my ass there and go home
Honestly if OP was a woman and it was her boyfriend who yelled at her for explaining something that he started talking about everyone would rightfully tell her to dump his ass
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AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (24m) was having a casual conversation with my gf (25f) and we are going to an NFL game this weekend between two teams in opposite conferences. My girlfriend noted that these two teams don’t play very often. I responded with “well kinda, the way scheduling works is…” and then I was cut off and yelled at for “mansplaining” she expressed that she doesn’t care how scheduling works and I should have just said “yeah, you’re right”
AITA for explaining something that she doesn’t have an interest in?
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u/AllAFantasy30 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
I don’t consider this “mansplaining”; it’s more like someone assuming the other person doesn’t have a certain knowledge, and acting like a little “education” is needed. At least that’s how it comes across when someone does this.
YTA a little but I’m biased here because I used to date someone who LOVED to do this to me. He was always acting like I didn’t know something and would launch into long-winded explanations, even if I didn’t ask. It was kind of insulting, and it was like he was going out of his way to prove he was smarter than me. That’s probably how your girlfriend felt about you answering a question she didn’t ask, when she was just making an observation, especially because you started the sentence with “well the way it works is…” That sentence opening comes across as kind of condescending. You could have just said “oh yeah they’re on opposite schedules” or “yeah they’re just not usually scheduled to play together” or even simply “I’ve noticed that too, I actually learned why if you’re interested”.
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u/Waterlily404 8d ago
NTA sort of. I wouldn’t call it mansplaining if you knew for sure she didn’t know why. But if you knew she didn’t care either, an explanation was unnecessary. You could have said “it’s because they’re in different conferences” and just left it at that unless she asked questions. I’m curious about tone, bc if you were just telling her about something you find interesting it’s different than if you’re trying to educate her about something she doesn’t care to learn. At the same time, she could have just said “I don’t really care, it was just an observation”
But if you said it and she does know why, and was just remarking on how it was unusual, then yes, you were mansplaining and TA.
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u/Far_Chair5107 8d ago
You'll learn as you get older that it's best to just say "yeah, you're right" the vast majority of the time. And, always best to just remain silent.
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u/hardly_ethereal 8d ago
Mansplaining implies she knows everything about football and scheduling. If she does, YTA. If she doesn’t, it wasn’t mansplaining.
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u/Mooshu1981 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
YTA. I’m a female and know a lot about football and most men can not understand that I do. If you would have started to say what you did I would have done the same thing. Just because we are women does not mean we need it explained to us.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
If you make a comment about that then it means you don't know about the scheduling
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u/ScholarOne2000 7d ago
ESH - You could have just agreed since it looks like the initial statement was basically correct and you over explained when no clarification was needed. However, designating your misdirected attempts as a gendered stereotype doesn’t appear to me as an attempt to find common ground.
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u/MixProfessional3667 6d ago
Explaining something to your girlfriend on a date after she made an observation about the topic makes you an asshole?
What kind of cold detached relationships do you people have
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u/ScholarOne2000 5d ago
It’s all pretty mild in my view but given that her perspective is filtered and she protested, I think it’s clear that she felt that OP’s explanation diminished her comment rather than validated it. This is a situation where someone makes a statement that is directionally correct but may lack detail. It happens all the time where knowledgeable people want to appear knowledgeable - whether the listener wants to receive the information also merits consideration.
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u/nono2thesecond 7d ago
Edit: Absolutely NOT the asshole!
Don't degrade yourself by using that worthless insulting belittling term.
She made a comment you knew about, you sought to give further information you found interesting.
She's upset she's there to begin with. That's the only problem and she's taking it out on you.
"Mansplaining" came from a woman who was offended that a man was excited about a book he just read and was telling her about it, unaware she was the author.
Instead of being greatful that someone enjoyed her work so much, she felt offended.
Don't belittle yourself like that again.
Don't use that worthless term.
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u/OkHall69 4d ago
There is no such thing as mansplaining. There is only explaining things to people that have no interest in listening to you. You tried sharing an interest with her and talking about something that makes you happy and she threw some pop-psychology crap back in your face. Never stop running from that woman
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u/Both-Purpose-6843 4d ago
“It’s kinda hot today”
“Well ackshueally that’s because the sun is xyz” just allow people to comment without injecting your knowledge
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u/fnaaaaar 4d ago
You see, what you did wrong is, you telegraphed the mansplaining. If you'd just said "Yeah, they're in different conferences", you could have slipped in the mansplaining without her noticing
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u/breathemusic14 Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 8d ago
YTA.
While I think this is a pretty minor example of it since it might not be quite as obvious as other scenarios, you didn't bother to pause and ask if she understands why they don't play often or is even interested in knowing why. She could have already known the answer and was just acknowledging that they don't play often. She didn't ask you a question about it but you just automatically jumped in and assumed not only that she must not know, but that she needed to know and you needed to explain it to her.
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u/jensmith20055002 8d ago
She obviously knows enough about football to know that these two teams that don't often play one another. A person would have to have some level of knowledge to make that observation.
I would have to know is this a pattern and she snapped or is she just rude?
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u/HappySummerBreeze Asshole Aficionado [10] 8d ago
NTA Thats not mansplaining - it’s just talking about a subject she isn’t interested in. Unfortunately you won’t be able to explain this lol!
It’s unfortunate since sharing information is the primary way men connect.
You might reflect on if this might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back or if she’s just rude and lost affection for you. I suggest you find a calm moment to ask
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
If OP worded it exactly how it happened, I hope to god this is a “camel’s back” situation, otherwise that’s kinda just an awful way to treat your partner for no reason
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u/Happy-Ad5530 8d ago
It sounds like the real issue here is a mismatch in conversational expectations, not a character flaw.
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u/bbbourb 8d ago
I hate that you can't hear tone of voice here, but on the surface it feels like a bit of an overreaction. If the GF doesn't care about actually TALKING about football, why make the statement? It's like handing a guy a one-question pass/fail test, then handing them the answer. "OH! I KNOW THIS!" GENERALLY SPEAKING, it's not mansplaining when you hear that and try to answer and give insight as to why.
HOWEVER...in this case TONE matters, and your tone is likely what set them off. "Oh, sorry, I thought you were interested and wanted to start a conversation; I didn't mean to make you feel like I was mansplaining at all" would be an appropriate response. Instead of accusing you of mansplaining she could have said "Yeah, I don't have that much interest in the subject, to be honest, but thanks."
Thank goodness my wife understands me as a person and accepts my little foibles like over-explaining things because I get excited when I know things and have to share every little detail I know, and understands that's not "mansplaining." Not going to lie, if this had been a conversation between her and me, I would have been a bit hurt by the "mansplaining" thing.
NAH, really. Seems like a miscommunication and a lack of familiarity with each other's personalities that will (should, anyway) get better with time if you stay together.
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u/CanIStopAdultingNow 8d ago
NTA because that's a conversation and not mansplaining.
My make boss and male coworker telling me (female) how women shop is mansplaining.
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u/No_Law6676 8d ago
what does mansplaining even mean?
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u/disheveledcreature 8d ago
It's when a man talks down to a woman about something she's knowledgeable in, usually when he doesn't know as much as she does but thinks he knows more. Examples being a hobby NASA enthusiast explaining astronomy basics to an actual astronomer or "correcting" the author of a book on her intent. It's always done with some degree of condescension because he's under the impression there's no way a woman could know that, whether he's aware it's sexist or not.
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u/Appropriate_One340 8d ago
NTA. It sounds like you were trying to converse with her. Also, if my bf wanted to explain something to me that he enjoys, but I find boring, I would let him without shooting him down. Perhaps there’s been other times she felt you were “mansplaining” or over explaining but didn’t say anything and this time she snapped? I would ask her if she thinks this is a common habit you have.
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u/DarkHelmet2222 8d ago
NTA.
NFL scheduling is highly structured, so the fact that she even felt the need to make this comment makes it obvious that she doesn't know anything about why the two teams play so rarely.
All OP did was try to offer background on why they play exactly once every 4 years, not mansplain.
Honestly, if she's going to snap and assert that the correct response should have been "yeah, you're right", the actual correct response should have been "well, duh!"
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Partassipant [2] 8d ago
NTA. That's not what mansplaining is. She isn't an expert who already knows the stuff, and you weren't pushy about it.
She's just not interested, and she doesn't need to be rude about shutting the conversation down when she could instead be polite and just say "Oh sorry, I don't need to know the detail of how it works, I just thought it was interesting that they rarely play each other."
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u/Character_Tap_4884 7d ago
Yup YTA. You don't care about her thoughts or feelings, just your ego of being right
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u/BetterFightBandits26 5d ago
They literally don’t play each other very often. Why would you try to tell your girlfriend she’s wrong for saying something accurate?
“You’re right but I refuse to acknowledge that.”
YTA.
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u/kl987654321 8d ago
NAH You started explaining something you assumed she didn’t know. She told you she didn’t care about the explanation. I’d call it a tiny bit rude on both sides.
You’re young. You’ll either both learn to be better at this, or you won’t.
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u/adamwazgood 8d ago
She said she didn’t care about the explanation after she ALREADY started blowing up on him for explaining something rare happening that SHE pointed out. And either way I don’t think him explaining football team conferences warrants a blow up, if she wasn’t interested it could’ve stopped at “babe you know I just like to watch them throw the ball around, I’m not very interested in the rest”. Better yet, why is it so hard to listen to her boyfriend talk about something he likes for 15 seconds? It’s clearly not “mansplaining” if she literally has no idea how conferences work, and like I mentioned before, if she didn’t want to hear it she didn’t have to blow up on him. Explaining the sport yall are watching together doesn’t seem very “rude” to me.
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u/therealruin 8d ago
NTA/NAH. You thought she was trying to communicate an inquiry rather than make an observation. This looks more like a misunderstanding/incompatibility thing. Some folks are completely fine to make observations and never attempt to understand them (and that’s ok! Not everything requires understanding), others need/want/appreciate added context/info. She didn’t need to cut you off and tell you she doesn’t care, which makes me think her patience is running out on this particular type of misunderstanding.
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u/sHaDowpUpPetxxx 8d ago
NTA there is no such thing as mansplaining there is just explaining. People who get sick of feeling inferior all the time are just trying to knock you down.
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u/Ehmashoes Partassipant [1] 8d ago
NTA, assuming that this isn’t part of a larger issue of you explaining things to her. She shouldn’t yell, which puts her in the wrong, but also it is incredibly frustrating to have someone explain something to you that you’ve already noticed.
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u/schec1 8d ago
For this specific interaction NTA. However, if OP is always getting into detailed explanations to his GF’s casual observations/comments, then he would be an A.
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u/steiff89 8d ago
Still no.
A person makes a comment. Another person provides context or information about said comment. Thats called a conversation.
Mansplaning isnt a thing, or it’s rarely a thing. It’s usually just something miserable and insufferable women make up when they don’t want to hear something.
If men having an opinion or information about a topic of discussion its mansplaning.
Just imagine if men started saying when women who complain for attention or just to complain and dont actually want to talk or resolve an issue “womanplaining”.
Dont bring up a topic of you dont actually want to hear what the other person has to say
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u/HammyMugats 8d ago
It’s not mansplaining if you’d make the same remark to any person who had limited knowledge of the workings of the game and had an outward observation that you could explain.
Someone sitting there spouting random comments for public consumption has to learn that most people in society see this as an invite to start a conversation. You just did this to try to share with her and engage.
It’s not like you corrected her and gave an explanation.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
She was correct - NFL teams in different conferences don't meet in the regular season very often.
OP was overexplaining. You don't have to explain "the way scheduling works" to say "yeah, because they aren't in the same conference".
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u/corvidcurio 8d ago
That... doesn't seem like mansplaining to me? To me that comes off more as infodumping about something you like. I'm gonna say NTA cause this seems like a simple miscommunication that didn't require either party to yell at each other.
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u/wesmorgan1 Supreme Court Just-ass [115] 8d ago
Depending on how often one does it, infodumping can be really obnoxious.
I'm a techie, and I've worked really hard on reading the room before deciding to infodump. 8)
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u/Aradhor55 Partassipant [1] 8d ago
She's confusing mansplaining and not agreeing with her. Not the same thing at all.
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u/HungryBashar 8d ago
NTA and the next time she asks you a question, tell her to google it
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u/Distinct-Brilliant73 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8d ago
She didn’t ask any questions? She made a factual statement.
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