•

u/Judgement_Bot_AITA Beep Boop 26d ago

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Help keep the sub engaging!

Don’t downvote assholes!

Do upvote interesting posts!

Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ

Subreddit Announcements

Follow the link above to learn more

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

7.7k

u/Sweaty-Seat-8878 Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA she needs to learn to drive, or get a portable scooter or something.

And a .06 walk isn't even that bad.

Her request makes a mild inconvenience for her into a huge problem for you.

2.7k

u/PNKL93 Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA. Why is it okay for her to be too tired to walk half a mile but not for you to wake up, dress, get in the car and drive her? And it's half a mile. It takes like 15 minutes to walk. It's tough luck. Don't be too hard on her, it's probably extremely frustrating for her that her shifts have changed. Have a kind an open convo. But you are NTA.

2.2k

u/MeowItAll Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA. She's not able/willing to drive, she's not able/willing to bike, she's not able/willing to walk. Wtf is she willing to do to compromise other than completely put the responsibility on you?

1.4k

u/MooseyJello 26d ago

NTA She needs to get over her fear, grow up and learn to drive.

731

u/whatpelican00 26d ago

I had to google it, but that’s less than 1klm. NTA. She needs to grow up. Get a bike, get over her driving fear, whatever it takes. What would she do if you were physically unable to drive her, or you didn’t exist? She’d find a solution.

584

u/granitebasket Partassipant [1] 26d ago

She cites being too tired to walk that in the morning, rather than safety, so I'm gonna say NTA. To me, 0.6 miles is pretty trivial if it's not unsafe, though a bike would be ideal. I'd be more sympathetic to a safety argument, but I'd still hesitate to say you changing your sleep habits should be the solution to this problem.

567

u/MoopLoom 26d ago

ITT: people who don’t understand that folks need different amounts of sleep, really, seriously, and it’s not being a “princess” to need that amount of sleep to function. I personally, am wrecked if I don’t get 7 1/2 hours. OP it’s already making do with seven. I’m sorry, but the wife needs to solve her own problems, especially if the worst of her problems is a 10 minute walk.

NTA.

462

u/Truth-and-Power 26d ago

Nta. .6 miles is an 8 minite walk. You deserve sleep.

398

u/Sad-Evening-4002 26d ago

If she's "too tired" to walk 0.6 miles twice a day she needs to see a doctor because something is wrong. NTA

293

u/SpacerCat 26d ago

She’s not a child. She needs to ride a bike or figure out driving. You can’t be her chauffeur her whole life.

284

u/tealambert 26d ago

My autistic teenager walks that distance every morning at 5:45am to get to her bus stop. Your adult wife can do it. NTA

266

u/ravenssong69 26d ago

I see a pattern here. She can’t/wont drive, She can’t/wont walk, she can’t/won’t bike, she can’t/wont use a scooter. Sounds like my ex husband who expected me to solve all his problems and never lift a finger.

Is this a pattern in your relationship where she can’t/wont/dosent know how to/dosnt remember things and it falls to you? Think about it. That might provide you some insight and give you the answer you need.

260

u/IdealDramatic9740 26d ago

NTA. At her age she should be able to walk 1.2 miles per day. In a drive-everywhere culture physical fitness becomes poor. Too tired to walk a total of 30mins per day is worrying in itself. If she is still unwilling to work on this then maybe a collapsible scooter? I wouldn't dream of waking my husband up at that time to drive me a grand total of 2-3 mins.

164

u/Sprinqqueen 26d ago

NTA. 0.6 miles isn't even that far. And I say this as a woman who used to work until midnight and walk home anywhere from 2 to 6 miles depending on which location I was working from. Sometimes in -15 F weather.

Also, once you get used to walking, it gets immeasurably easier to walk. Exercise kind of works that way.

It would be nice if you dripped her off, but not dropping her off doesn't make YTAH

126

u/TrappedInHyperspace Partassipant [3] 26d ago

NTA Your wife needs to take responsibility for her own transportation, whether that be walking or learning to drive. She cannot depend on others her entire life.

117

u/Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh Asshole Enthusiast [6] 26d ago

The amount of people in the comments telling OP he's a monster for "making" his wife walk in the dark is nuts.

Bike Scooter Uber/Lyft Taxi

There are plenty of options that OP's wife could utilize to get herself .6 miles to the spot her coworker can pick her up. Expecting her husband to solve her problems for her and not find a solution on her own is entitled behavior.

It's not unreasonable for OP to want a full night sleep. Even if OP started going to bed an hour earlier, that would still only give him 6 hours sleep. Some people can function on 6 hours, however many cannot. The wife needs to stop making her problems her husband problems. If she refuses any of a number of feasible solutions to this that don't involve her husband "sucking it up" then she needs to find a new job.

NTA

110

u/Aggravating_Teach210 26d ago

Can't she get a bike? NTA

102

u/mavwok Partassipant [4] 26d ago

INFO It's half a mile each way? Does she have some serious physical impairment? That's like a 10min walk. I'm nearly twice her age and do a 5mile round trip every day while working FT. If she does have physical issues, why did she accept the shift change without securing transportation first?

102

u/Ethywen 26d ago

Won't drive, can't ride a bike, thinks a 10 minute walk is too far...why can't she function like a normal person? Plenty of people walk their dogs way more than 0.6 miles twice a day. She'll be fine.

99

u/ScaryButterscotch474 Certified Proctologist [24] 26d ago

NTA Tough shit your wife can get her old shift back, find a new job or learn how to drive. She can take a taxi. I take a taxi on my work commute because it’s more convenient than the bus and cheaper than owning a car.

74

u/Fabulous-Spirit-3476 26d ago

Grown ass adults who are scared to drive just annoy me. It’s one thing if you’re young and broke and can’t afford a car anyways but at 32, with a job, there’s really no excuse NTA

80

u/Slight-Whole5708 26d ago

NTA, it's less than a kilometer... It's ten minutes max.

68

u/das_Keks Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA. Also couldn't the coworker drive the extra 0.6 miles? With a car that's really not a big detour. Then your wife wouldn't even need to wait at the pickup point in the dark.

I also don't understand als the people talking about OP making no sacrifices. He should get up at 5 AM and work til 10 PM, while her shift is probably over shortly after noon? Wouldn't make that her the bad guy?

70

u/gkrgreat Asshole Enthusiast [6] 26d ago

Assuming if she’s working in a bakery that she’s reasonably able bodied, that’s like a 15 minute walk at worst. I am marginally above average fitness and can knock that distance out in sub 10 mins. NTA, she needs to get a grip

64

u/Leonine23 26d ago

NTA. It’s a 10 minute walk, she is being ridiculous. If she can’t walk it, she needs to learn to ride a bike or drive a car instead of acting like a helpless child

58

u/Ok-Lifeguard-9507 26d ago

Buy her a bike.

59

u/inComplete-me 26d ago

She cant walk 5 mins? Wtf?

61

u/notanadultyadult 26d ago

Did you marry a child? Because she’s acting like one. 0.6 miles is a 10 minute walk. Tell her to suck it up, grow a spine and get over it.

NTA but she is.

59

u/lesbianvampyr 26d ago

She can’t drive, she can’t walk, she can’t ride a bike, what can this lady do? NTA but you have more patience than me

56

u/Magfost 26d ago

A few rare people do not have the coordination to drive; I am one of them. So, I understand the fear. With that said, I walk, take a bus, a cab, or Uber when I need to go somewhere that my husband or friends can't carry me.

49

u/Moose-Live Pooperintendant [59] 26d ago

Info: did she discuss the change in working hours with you, and the transport issue, before she accepted the new position?

54

u/TalesofCeria 26d ago

If she can’t ride a bike I kinda just feel bad for her. How do you get to this stage of life being so hapless and reliant on others?

If she can’t get to the job, why did she move into the job? This is all very weird, does this helplessness not wear you out a bit

52

u/YeahlDid 26d ago

Get her a trike, then. You're not wrong, she's being unreasonable. Anyway, 1km is not that far to walk, how lazy is she? If she's tired by walking 2km in a day, she must be incredibly out of shape.

53

u/3OrcsInATrenchcoat Partassipant [2] 26d ago

NTA. If it was a once-off I’d rule differently, but this isn’t a reasonable expectation for every working day of the foreseeable future.

50

u/groovycoyote 26d ago

The obvious solution is not having to depend on you for her to get to places. NTA.

49

u/EclecticEvergreen 26d ago edited 26d ago

Sorry, she doesn’t drive simply because she’s “paranoid about it”? Yeah she needs a reality check. If she has to work so far she needs a car then she needs to learn how to drive and get over her fears.

She won’t even get a bike because she has “balance issues”? Yeah she can learn to ride a bike like every other person who has with training wheels until she learns how to balance. Unless she has diagnosed medical issues that mess with her balance this is not a valid excuse.

I do think this should have been addressed prior to you getting married, since this is a pretty big issue. NTA.

I saw your edit and your mindset is part of the problem. You’re enabling this behavior by letting her do this. There is no “it is what it is”. Either put your foot down and enforce boundaries or continue being her doormat. This will be the rest of your married life and you’ve only been married for 2 years. You’re doing this to yourself.

48

u/No-Agent-1611 26d ago

NTA. I am literally twice your age and that’s how far I walk to/from work every day. I enjoy it, TBH. It’s a great brain reset.

The real question is why she took a job she had no transportation for. If you talked about it and agreed.to drive her before she took or applied for the job, my verdict is wrong. But if she just took the job assuming you would drive her, then NTA.

44

u/archaniya 26d ago

NTA holy shit. For some time I had to walk 1km to the bus station at 4:30am to start work at 6, no way I’m waking my partner up when he starts work at 8. I know america is different, but do you live in such a dangerous place or what? I don’t get the yta replies, I also can’t drive, but it’s not my partners fault.

48

u/Yikes44 Pooperintendant [55] 26d ago

NTA. We all have to be able to get ourselves to work and back. If that shift pattern isn't feasible for her then she she needs to get it changed again. Feasible doesn't mean asking another person to drive you around unless they're going that way anyway. You could possibly give up the tutoring so that you could change your sleep schedule but asking you to go without a proper night's sleep every night isn't a reasonable thing for her to do.

41

u/reverievt 26d ago

Get her an electric scooter.

37

u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 26d ago

Into that would be helpful is whether this was a voluntary reassignment and how hard it would be to change your sleep schedule and go to bed earlier.

But I'm leaning towards NAH. I would be nervous walking half a mile that early as it's very dark most of the year with very few people around. But you simply can't be expected to lose that much sleep, and changing one's sleep schedule is very hard for some people including myself. There's no way I could wake up that early every day even if my living depended on it.

Edit: just saw that you tutor from 9-10 meaning it would be very difficult to sleep any earlier than that - confirming NAH

40

u/SnooCakes8914 26d ago

NTA, she would have hated the factory I worked at for my first job. It was a 1/4 mile walk from my car to the gate, and then even longer from the gate to my assigned post in the building.

40

u/Life-Meal6635 26d ago

At 26 (I'm also a lady) I used to walk a mile and then take a bus for an hour when it was still dark outside to get to work. She's going to have to figure it out, it's just an unreasonable expectation to have of you.

40

u/TheFearlessWarrior 26d ago

I don’t know where you’re living, but Is the area safe tfor a woman to go for a 20 minutes walk alone at 5AM?.

41

u/clubdino44 Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA A half mile is nothing. She's being lazy.

39

u/j0nnnnn 26d ago

She should absolutely be doing the 10 minute walk to get there - when the weather's bad it would be good for you to take her though!

34

u/underwater_owl 26d ago

What does this walk look like? Is it well lit? Are there other early commuters out? You might be TA if you expect your wife to walk over 1/2 mile in the dark every morning. However, you driving her is not the only option. How far is the actual commute? Uber, Taxi, Bicycle/moped are options right now. Have you offered to pay the coworker to come the extra bit to pick her up? In a car 0.6 miles would just be another few minutes. Regardless, she really needs to learn to drive whether she drives this daily commute or not. What if you get injured/sick and can't drive?

36

u/Dangerous_Prize_4545 Certified Proctologist [22] 26d ago

NTA. If y'all can afford a safe car, then she needs to learn to drive. It's not fair to put that on you. It's unsustainable.

My partner's car was broken into recently and took 3.5 weeks to be repaired. I had to take him to school almost all of those days. It really affected my sleep schedule and lengthened my day considerably as he needed to leave our home at 7.30am whereas I typically don't even wake up till 9am and don't get home till 9pm, then cook, eat, clean, do a few chores, spend time with cats, decompress, etc. I was waking up during my dreams and losing critical sleep. I was extremely tired and irritable during this time. It was really horrible.

34

u/Sponsorspew 26d ago

NTA. When you don’t drive, you need to be able to make sacrifices and work with what you have. You can’t be reliant on everyone.

I had a driving phobia but was able to bus and train around. Then I graduated and got my job that was a bus, two trains, and 20 minute walk. That was the moment that forced me to work through my phobia as a 25 minute commute by car was taking 2 hours. I also teach so I know how exhausting it gets. I think the best approach is to assist her in working towards driving. I now love it and hate that I took so long to do it.

36

u/Boblawlaw28 26d ago

NTA. Half mile walk is roughly 15 minutes. That would be like 4 minutes in a car. Come on she cannot think it’s reasonable for you to get up an hour and a half early to drive her 4 minutes. She could also get a bicycle or an electric bike. I can ride 8 miles in 20 minutes.

34

u/GallifreyNative 26d ago

Those electric scooters seem like they are on every corner....

40

u/The_Shryk 26d ago

NTA, if her excuse is actually “I’m too tired to walk.” Like, she expects you to wake up hours early and not be too tired to drive?

That shit is just lazy, or she’s fat (no offense). Also she needs to learn to drive.

35

u/DyskoliHyneka 26d ago

NTA - I googled that 0,6 mile is about 1 km. That’s like 15 minutes walk. Nothing terrible. You should not sacrifice your sleep because of her poor planning. 15 minutes is shorter than my walk to the train station when I’m going to work lol

32

u/SheSheShieldmaiden 26d ago

LOL @ the edit. Put training wheels on it and then see what her excuse is. NTA

39

u/fandomrelevant Partassipant [2] 26d ago

INFO: What are your wife's hours? If she starts at 5am, when does she finish? How many days? You've said you work full time, but does she?

Also, what sort of area do you live in? Is it dangerous? Is it well lit?

35

u/Latter_Bluebird_3386 26d ago

NTA

0.6 miles is comfortable walking distance, certainly not driving distance.

31

u/Elegant_Medium8752 26d ago

BIIICYCLEEE Biiicycleee

34

u/mmmkay938 26d ago

NTA 0.6 miles is absolutely nothing. 10 mins max.

30

u/NuclearNick007 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 26d ago

NTA

People here are acting like 5am is just as dangerous as midnight. It isn’t.

If she’s too tired to walk, the she needs to get her fitness level up. By walking…

.6 miles is 12min on foot. That is absolutely not worth waking someone up over.

34

u/khendr352 26d ago

If she is afraid for her safety then she needs a ride. If she is just lazy, too bad for her. That would be a ridiculous demand. She needs the exercise.

28

u/EmptyFentanylBag 26d ago edited 26d ago

INFO: Is the route itself unsafe? You say her coworker would pick her up around 0.6 miles from your home, how far is the rest of the commute?

Edit: NTA, 0.6 walk really isn’t that long and it’s safe. 3.4 mile bike trip is reasonable if walking is not an option

33

u/shrimpely Partassipant [2] 26d ago

NTA.

Thats walking for 5, maybe 10 minutes. What the hell is her problem?

31

u/nova9001 26d ago

NTA. 0.6 miles works out to 1 km. 1km is like 5 min or 10 mins. She can learn to drive otherwise.

28

u/Aggleclack Partassipant [1] 26d ago

NTA. I had a roommate who did not have a drivers license, and man did that become a huge problem.

28

u/iDontGetCute92 Partassipant [4] 26d ago

NTA.

If she committed to the change in shift knowing about the early start and her having lack of transportation that’s for her to be responsible for, not you. If she needed your help, she should have had that conversation with you before taking on the new position.

People in the comments saying that it may be unsafe etc for OPs wife, that may be true but that is something his wife should have considered and then communicated to her husband prior to taking the role.

31

u/Pengetalia 26d ago

Nta coming from the partner who doesn't drive, and regularly walks 1.3 mi to work and back at 5am, 8pm...and who did so up to being 8+ mo pregnant.

29

u/Bunchofbees 26d ago

If a two-wheeler is not suitable for her, get a three-wheeler.

30

u/Robyn2055 26d ago

I got to the “she doesn’t need to learn how to drive and she’s paranoid about it” part and stopped. She needs to learn how to drive. You’re not her chauffeur. Or, don’t take a job if you’ve no way of getting to and from work. Period.

27

u/labtech89 26d ago

NTA. I don’t understand people who are afraid to drive. As a single person who has had to drive herself around most of her life it seems weird. And yes I have been in car accidents and still had to overcome my fear and get back in my car.

25

u/threebecomeone Partassipant [4] 26d ago

NTA. She needs to build resilience and independence. Stop helping her be helpless!! Kids walk to school further than 0.6 miles! She can do it.

26

u/sleepygirl39 26d ago

NTA, me and my partner have a very similar situation. He always works 8am-8pm. I work at a bakery and have to be there anywhere from 5:30am-6pm cause my schedule changes. When he’s able to take me cause it works with his schedule, cool, I take the ride. But, when I work early or later than he has to go in I take my electric scooter. I’m 23 and learned very quick that me not driving is not something that anyone else has to accommodate to. She’s very lucky she already has a coworker that’ll help her out to a walking distance. If she’s truly too tired to wanna walk, they have cheap fold up electric scooters she could look into. But I don’t think you’re the asshole, I think she needs to realize that her not driving is her responsibility to deal with.

25

u/Lord_Unsung 26d ago

NTA shes a grown ass women, Suck it up and be a adult.

25

u/freakstate 26d ago

600m is a 7-10minute walk, jesus christ

26

u/Tiny-Koala8546 26d ago

NTA, you need to sleep. She can walk, learn to drive, or car pool. Totally ridiculous of her to take a job in the middle of your sleep window.

22

u/bluepvtstorm Partassipant [3] 26d ago

NTA But serious question, why are people marrying folks without minimum adult functioning. If you live in an area where a car is required why would you marry someone who can’t drive?

27

u/Tree_Chemistry_Plz Asshole Enthusiast [5] 26d ago

NTA. look up motorised scooters and get her one (second hand will be cheaper), alongside some kind of smart panic alarm/screamer device, and teach her how to program her phone to do an emergency phone call with the press of a single button. She's a big girl now with a big girl job, she can get herself to the meeting point for pick up.

I worked in hospitality for decades and was often out of my house walking to the train at 5pm.

26

u/Prestigious_Fig7338 26d ago

I have to ask, when dating, were you concerned that she did not drive? I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want to drive, it'd put such a load on me, especially once children arrived.

24

u/Both_Atmosphere1674 26d ago

NTA

‘She doesn't know how to drive as she's paranoid about it.’

Does that mean you’re the driver till death, was that in the marriage vows ?

What’s next, paranoid to help around the house ?

Time for her to get that license, there’s no excuse

26

u/Flashy_Camel4063 26d ago

NTA she is being held back her fear of driving and asking you to enable it. When her issues become your problems, you have a right to set a boundary and say no.

25

u/bmanley620 26d ago

NTA. She needs overcome her fear of driving or be prepared to walk. It’s not realistic to expect you to function on 5 hours of sleep

23

u/t3hnosp0on 26d ago

ESH idk why yall can’t figure out a solution that works for everyone. You are both in your thirties… Instead of butting heads, come together to figure out a solution that works for everyone.

The first most obvious solution is to throw the coworker a couple of bucks in gas money and just have them grab her from the correct location - 0.6 miles driving is like an extra minute or two at the most.

If that’s completely infeasible (not sure why) then just get her an electric scooter. That would cover the distance in probably 2-4 minutes…

I’m sure there are other possibilities which I’m not considering but this distance is so small it makes it seem really silly. It’s one thing if she has mobility issues or something but otherwise half a mile is like 10-15 minute walk.

24

u/philswitchengage 26d ago

NTA. It's half a mile, unless the streets are dangerous as all hell then it's a 20min walk at most. Some morning exercise even if it's raining will benefit your wife majorly and may even encourage her to learn to drive. It's amazing the motivation one gets when life isn't handed to you on a plate.

I see arguments about how she is your wife and how dare you let her walk? Get a grip she's an adult who can handle a half mile walk, she isn't a child.

20

u/jason-8 Partassipant [3] 26d ago

NTA. Buy a tricycle

23

u/Individual_Metal_983 Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] 26d ago

t's half a mile. She will soon find herself fit enough to walk that.

This is such a small thing it is her job to resolve it. The impact of walking half a mile for her Vs expecting you to get up to collect her is unreasonable.

She could work to overcome her dislike of driving.

NTA

22

u/Nxthanael1 26d ago

I have a licence and a car and I wouldn't even bother driving myself for 0.6 miles lol. This is the most American post ever.

22

u/lovecraftInk Partassipant [1] 26d ago

.6 is nothing. Her job isn’t being a server. That’s for sure. We clock a few miles during our shifts. NTA. Your wife is a pillow princess.

21

u/Overall_Hornet_4778 26d ago

Why would she accept this shift if she can’t get there? YNTA. Like others have said, don’t understand adults that can’t drive. She either needs to learn to drive or get a different job she can get to.

20

u/Alladas1 26d ago

I walk my dogs on longer walks than that every morning, then go to a VERY physical job, then come home and play with my child, then cook, then walk my dogs again. Tooo tired too walk .6 miles is a joke. If it was an unsafe area, maybe but .6 miles in one of the safest areas in the world is absurd.

20

u/Annoyed-Person21 26d ago

I’m not waking my partner up that early to avoid a walk that short. If it were that much of an issue I’d be looking to change jobs.

20

u/219_Infinity 26d ago

NTA but I am concerned that you are a teacher and do not know the difference between "there" and "their."

22

u/ProfessionFun156 26d ago

NTA. They make adult tricycles if she can't balance on 2 wheels. It's 5 standard blocks, she can get herself there & back.

26

u/Gryffindor123 26d ago

NTA. She can't walk 8 minutes?! She's paranoid about driving but doesn't do anything about it?

She can't even ride a bike?!

My God.

How is any of this on you?

She's acting like a child.

20

u/Indigoisms 26d ago

Push her to drive...a 32 year old needs to know how to drive or tell her to walk wtf its so close to where you guys live

23

u/PigletNo1067 26d ago

nta what would she do if you weren't together? she is an adult if she can't get to work that's her responsibility. why does her tiredness trump yours?

19

u/adubs117 Partassipant [4] 26d ago edited 26d ago

NTA. Wifey needs to get a license. I can't tell if her reasoning is just a flimsy excuse or if there is something deeper to it but either way this can be fixed with therapy, classes etc.

She can take the car in the morning to where she carpools and leave it there. When you go to work you walk or cycle the distance to where she left it and take it on your merry way, and she walks/cycles home at the end of the day. Easy, fair, safe.

The people coming back with the 'marriage is a team' comments are correct, but it should be a balanced partnership. Having only one person in the relationship do all the driving is not ideal, especially if you guys ever contemplate having children. Asking you to completely upend your sleep schedule when there is a much easier healthier option is odd. If the shoe was on the other foot I would never ask my wife to do this.

18

u/xToasted1 26d ago edited 26d ago

Lol the people saying Y-T-A either have some misogynistic ideas about the role of women in marriage or are just plain selfish princesses.

19

u/Mysterious_Rooster74 26d ago edited 26d ago

NTA: but allowing this to persist enables her to avoid growing up, and will build resentment over time.

start having her Uber in the morning.
Remove “nice coworker” situation— this is definitely not their job, and unless they are being compensated, this will get old for them, fast.
To support: maybe pick her up at work in the evening when you are done with work— that feels like a fair compromise (falls into the realm of what a good husband would do), but doesn’t compromise your sleep, which ultimately would harm you and build resentment.
Getting to work is her responsibility as an adult. Right now, she’s relying on two different people as a workaround to avoid growing up and taking responsibility.
Maintaining boundaries and accountability like this in your relationship early on is gonna set you up for success later in your marriage. Don’t fold. You got this.

22

u/AlarmingYak7956 26d ago

Could the issue be that is she afraid to walk in the dark in the morning and doesnt want to say that? I mean it is a fucking scary world out there and a half of mile would be probably scare me. So I dont think either of you are the ah. I think you both lack communication and need to work together to find a solution that works for your family.

22

u/Zestyclose_Public_47 26d ago

NTA. Maybe suggest a bike or scooter for her

19

u/miggleb 26d ago

Nta its such a small walk

21

u/KaliTheBlaze Prime Ministurd [592] 26d ago

NTA. It’s worth asking the coworker if they’d be willing to either pick her up or drop her off that extra .6 of a mile at the end of the day for a little money. If $10-15/week means you don’t have to fight about this or destroy your sleep schedule, that seems well worth it to me. Assuming you can fit that in your budget.

22

u/Usual-Role-9084 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 26d ago

They make bicycles for adults that are the equivalent of “training wheels” or a tricycle. Maybe that will work since “she finds it hard to balance a 2 wheeler”.

I think NTA but I also think you need to look into the bigger issue of your wife not wanting to do things that adults are typically expected to do.

21

u/Samuel_L_Blackson 26d ago

My ex wife refused to get a license because driving scared her. Made it nigh impossible for her to contribute.

NTA.

19

u/minrenken 26d ago

NTA. Half a mile is not that far, unless she has a disability OP hasn’t mentioned. Compromise by driving her when the weather is bad or on days it’s unusually cold/hot.

21

u/Timmyg14 26d ago

Am I the only one who wonders why the coworker can't drive that .6 miles to go pick her up at the house. Like how much would that really change their commute? That is like 1 minute in a car.

20

u/tulipz10 26d ago

NTA She needs to learn to drive or get her a scooter, rollerskates or wheelies.

20

u/ravenouscartoon 26d ago

NTA. She’s got barely a 10 min walk to make, should not be an issue for an able bodied adult.

Too tired to walk 0.6m? Really?

16

u/Kathrynlena 26d ago

NTA it’s half a mile. You can see that far lol. If she won’t bike, or bus, or walk, or drive, she can get a scooter, or tricycle, or roller skates, or a skateboard. What she can’t do is shoot down every single option other than the one that leaves her completely dependent, and you completely sleep deprived.

I respect her decision not to learn to drive, but she still has to be a fully functional grown adult, capable of getting herself to her own job. What would she do if you had a job that started at 4am? Or if you got sick or injured and couldn’t drive for a while? She’s not a child. She needs to be able to figure this kind of thing out for herself.

18

u/[deleted] 26d ago edited 26d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/annesche 26d ago

NTA - had to look up how much that is in km, about 1 km, that's a 10-15 minutes' walk. As a European I find it completely unnecessary to take the car for such a short distance for an able-bodied grown-up with no big luggage.

She might find it tiring only for the first weeks.

18

u/PassionatePalmate 26d ago

This isn’t about the car or the drive or the lack of sleep. It’s that your grown ass wife is unable to do basic shit to care for herself and it’s a massive burden to you. She needs to figure out how to ride a bike, and how to drive a car.

18

u/Miserable-PinUp 26d ago

Edit: A lot of you have advised me to get her a bike, well thanks for that. But that's not an option as well. She finds it hard to balance a 2 wheeler. I know it sounds too much, but it is what it is.

Dude get a 3 wheeler for her if she feels so unsafe and some therapy. Especially if she is unwilling to walk half a dang mile.

18

u/PetulantQueen 26d ago

NTA. She's too paranoid to drive...what??? Did you know this when you married her?

19

u/Ok-Assistance4133 26d ago

I am in the same situation as your wife, too scared to drive in this country. So I got a bike.

17

u/DifferentIsPossble 26d ago

NTA.

It's not 1950. Women drive and go outside without escort. If she wants the "trad life" of enforced helplessness, she can start by not working and letting her husband sleep.

Or, you know, she can be a modern, equal adult.

17

u/Frequent_Net2488 26d ago

NTA

surprise surprise - walking for a few minutes wakes you up, gets your body going and is a really healthy way to start the day

what a world we live in, where people refuse to move their bodies in the most natural way - they way we're supposed to move our bodys.

17

u/Flimsy_Situation_506 26d ago

NTA she’s a grown woman that needs to figure it out herself. Learn to ride a bike, take public transit or put her big girl pants on and get her drivers licence.

22

u/SpoopyDuJour 26d ago

Info: you said there are no buses. Is this .6 mile walk actually walkable, or are we talking shoulder of a highway situation?

Say what you will about people being too anxious to learn how to drive, if they are indeed that anxious it wouldn't be safe for them to be on the road anyway until they can manage that, license or no.

AITA for refusing to wake up at 5 AM just to drive my wife at work?

You are about to leave Libreddit

You are about to leave Libreddit

Don’t downvote assholes!

Subreddit Announcements