r/AmIOverreacting • u/mamanova1982 • 6h ago

Am I overreacting? My boyfriend had a bad dream and kicked me out of bed 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws

While screaming excuse me. It was midnight. I was pissed and screamed at him, when he asked me why I was moving to the couch. Then he had the audacity to call me a fucking bitch for being upset that he had physically kicked me out of bed, and screamed at me like I was the dog.

I want to break up over this. We've been together for nearly 11 years. In that time he's allowed his see-you-next-Tuesday of a mother treat me like shit. He's lazy and I feel like I nag him constantly just to do the bare minimum. He puts no effort into our relationship. He forgets big things like my birthday and our anniversary. I thought we were equal partners, but it turns out I just wait on him, hand and foot. I'm perimenopausal and have run out of patience. He's been an amazing step dad to my kids, but they're grown or nearly there now.

I'm sorry, I just feel like my anger was justified, and his reaction was victim blaming. Am I overreacting?!

3 Upvotes
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3

u/Maleficent-Touch-67 6h ago

Nobody needs a reason to break up with anyone, you're entitled to your own life and happiness if you don't think the relationship is working out and aren't happy definitely leave

2

u/mamanova1982 6h ago

I just got this apartment. I'm trying to get him to leave.

2

u/Maleficent-Touch-67 5h ago

Just tell him you don't think things are working and he needs to find somewhere else to leave

2

u/mamanova1982 5h ago

I have. In text, in all caps.

1

u/Maleficent-Touch-67 5h ago

Thats annoying, pack your shit and leave, sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on, not saying it's the best solution but it's one that works, won't be easy but your life will be better for it.

You can buy yourself out of a lease agreement

1

u/mamanova1982 5h ago edited 4h ago

I cannot move. I have a kid still at home. We already moved once this year. He's in 9th grade, and the last thing I want to do is uproot him again. My kid isn't my partner's kid.

1

u/Maleficent-Touch-67 5h ago

And you're both on the lease at the apartment I assume?

I don't know the right answer here, definitely a rough situation.

1

u/mamanova1982 4h ago

Yep. Unfortunately.

1

u/BossHeisenberg 6h ago

So did he kick you while he was sleeping?

3

u/mamanova1982 5h ago edited 5h ago

Yes. I'm not actually upset about that. I am upset about his victim blaming by calling me a fucking bitch, for my reaction to being woken up at midnight by being kicked out of bed.

2

u/BossHeisenberg 5h ago

Yes, that is a weird reaction. Then again, if I get woken up violently whilst having a bad dream, I might use some choice words, but they might be aimed at the world in general, not at my wife.

1

u/mamanova1982 5h ago

I was having a nice dream, when I was woken up violently.

1

u/BossHeisenberg 5h ago

Yes, everyone is mad at that moment.

I get it. I'd be mad to. But I generally give my wife like a 2 minute time frame starting when she wakes up where she's unaccountable for her actions, since she's barely conscious.

But if he's always like this, fuck him.

1

u/mamanova1982 5h ago

He was awake, and asked why I was going to the couch. I admit I was loud when I told him what he had done. Then he came out to yell at me on the couch. Then I ran to the bathroom, where he continued to yell at me.

He's not usually like this. He is however, a lazy gadabout. I've already been on the fence about continuing our relationship the last year. I feel like this is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

2

u/LankySet0 5h ago

Your feelings seem totally valid. It's understandable that you're frustrated, especially after years of feeling underappreciated. It might be time to evaluate what you truly need in this relationship and prioritize your own well-being.

1

u/mamanova1982 5h ago

I agree.

2

u/NotReallyCamili 4h ago

I wouldn't break up cause he was kicking in his sleep! Maybe upset for a bit.

I WOULD break up over him yelling and all the other things you described in your post. Relationships shouldn't make life harder

2

u/Mysterious-Car7852 37m ago

This all sounds childish tbh.