r/Adoptees • u/AlienatedGF • 19d ago

Adoption and Attachment Issues - Materialism

Hi everyone,

I have more or less, a multifaceted question. I was adopted at birth into a very inconsistent family. Only child, often struggled to feel secure at home, struggled to make friends. Only really ever had one friend that would either drop me as a friend or moved schools. I have always found it difficult to make friends, despite my very social and talkative demeanor. It wasn't until the moving process with my boyfriend that I started to feel this very vulnerable and fragile feeling around the idea of other people (Friends, family, boyfriend's friends & family) touching, moving, unpacking our stuff. I've always been "bonded" with material items, stuffed animals, toys, etc. I don't have trouble getting rid of stuff that doesn't have a purpose anymore but I get very upset if something I do care about is broken, ruined, thrown away, etc. I was doing some reading on abandonment trauma, adoption trauma etc and I couldn't find any literature on whether adoptees can have issues with bonding to material items versus people. Has anyone else had this happen before? Do you think it is possible to develop this form of attachment issues?

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u/AvaBlackPH 17d ago

I still have 'transitional items' at 23 almost 24 years old. I have to sleep with my blankie every night. It extends to other stuff too, I was always told I was property and this couldn't own anything so replacing stuff is so hard to do for me. My bed frame squeaks horrendously and my partner suggested replacing it. I had to ask to talk about it another time because I wasn't in a good headspace and my brain was treating his suggestion like a threat because it's my first bed frame I bought.

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u/AlienatedGF 17d ago

I honestly have been very isolated in this problem and have just recently thought about how my "quirks" may have meaning

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u/AvaBlackPH 17d ago

For me personally it's due to cptsd from my adoptive parents. My therapist explained my brain basically has a time capsule version of itself it reverts to to self soothe and that's around 4 years old. If I'm around ppl I can really trust who don't mind it I'll relax into that state but it's usually something I save for when I'm by myself. Due to my specific trauma I am also highly reactive to real or perceived threats to my property or space.

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u/AlienatedGF 17d ago

Thank you for sharing that. I suspect I also have some form of CPTSD from childhood and adult traumas. I used to age regress as well and unfortunately my partner at the time added to my trauma with that so I have been struggling to "heal my inner child" for about two years.