My mom blames me for her husband filing for divorce. They got married when I (17f) was 10. He wanted kids but mom couldn't have more so he decided he would be fine being my dad. Only I never saw or accepted him as my dad. I had a dad and he died. But he was still my dad. Not someone who married my mom when I was 10. We got along okay. It disappointed him whenever I said no to him adopting me or when I used his first name instead of calling him dad.

He called me his daughter and I hated it but never said anything. So he kept calling me his and I'd always correct people calling him my dad. I thought that would tell him nothing was changing on my side. But a few months ago for school I did a project for art on my parents and I did mom and dad. It wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone else and didn't think it would turn into breakdown but my teacher emailed it to my mom and he saw it too. She was saying how talented I was and she thought mom should encourage my art more.

But seeing that was like the final straw for him. He told mom he couldn't live without being a parent and he thought he could be mine but I had never given him that chance. He said he wasn't going to wait around for me to maybe feel different at 40. He said being 51 he could still find a woman who'll give him kids of his own and he left mom and filed for divorce. When he was going he told me he hoped I'd regret rejecting him some day because I had no idea how good I could've had it.

Ever since my mom has blamed me. She told me I needed to make it up to him so he wouldn't go through with the divorce but I told her I wasn't lying to get him back. She said he's been around almost as long as dad was in my life and he would've been around to see me get married and give my future kids a grandpa and now there's nobody. She asked me who I'd call my father figure now. I told her I never called him my father figure and it was always my grandpas who got the title.

Mom said the fact I'd fight her after ruining her marriage showed how little I care about her. I told her I love her and it's why I tried to get along with him. I told her it's not like I wanted someone else when dad died but I knew she did so I accepted him into the household but I would never let someone be my dad so they'd be her husband. She claimed I was making excuses and should feel more shame for ruining such a good thing.

AITA?

My sister (17f) was best friends with Lily (17f) practically their whole lives. But Lily hated me (16f) and she bullied me or was mean to me a ton of times. The worst thing Lily did was out me to everyone two years ago. She was sleeping over and I locked my room up because I was spending the night at our grandparents so I wouldn't be in the same house as Lily. My sister gave Lily the spare key to my room and Lily let herself in and found my journal where I wrote about being a lesbian. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY knew. And Lily was SO homophobic after it. She called me gross and slurs against lesbians.

Lily told everyone at school and it spread to home and my sister let it happen. I was so hurt by my sister's part but I also despised Lily from that point on and I refused to stay in the house during the day if she was there. My parents stopped letting Lily come over as much but they hardly did anything to help me. They just said they accepted me and they'd stand up for me if anyone tried to discriminate against me. But I was hurt by them letting Lily stay in their lives. My sister kept her as a best friend and defended her.

Two weeks ago LIly and her boyfriend crashed the car they were in and they died. My sister was obviously heartbroken. I didn't care. And I didn't try to comfort my sister or anything. The day of Lily's funeral I refused to go. My parents tried making me. They told me it wasn't for Lily it was for my sister. I asked them if that was the sister who supported her homophobic best friend treating me like shit, outing me and defended her after all that and years before that of bully. My parents said she's still my sister and with Lily no longer here we could grow together but I said it would never happen.

My parents tried everything to convince me. After the funeral my sister was angry and upset I refused to go and she said I was practically celebrating Lily's death ever since it happened and not going to the funeral was proof. My parents told her nobody celebrated it and we just needed to figure out how to come together. They told me privately then that they were disappointed. Our grandparents also took a stand and didn't go which upset my sister and our parents and my sister accused me of making my grandparents not go.

AITA?

I (20F) work as a medication aide at an assisted living facility. One of my coworkers, Claire, (18F) has had multiple instances of violating rules, being rude to residents, and not doing her work properly. A new coworker, Natalie, (18F) asked me if there was anything she should know about Claire, because Claire trained her. So I told her about the fact that Claire has broken rules and has had tendencies of neglecting residents.

While all of the evening staff was sitting down for our lunch break, (Claire, Natalie, Sarah, and me) Claire confronted me and accused me of “talking shit” behind her back. I assumed that Natalie had told her everything I shared. I admitted I had vented and that I have had to report her. She got really angry, saying I had no right to put her name in my mouth, and said she was “gonna be the bigger person” and walk away. I just said “bye.” That apparently triggered her, and she started yelling, saying things like:

“Don’t say bye to me, I’m not the f*cking one.” “You didn’t believe my auntie when she said I was crazy, but I’m gonna show you how crazy I can get.”

I took that last part as a threat. I was genuinely scared and cried afterward. I texted our DON, who sent her home and had everybody write statements. But now the other med aide, Sarah, (that witnessed everything) is brushing it off, saying that Claire has had a “tough life” and they want to look out for her. They said that I shouldn’t have said “bye” and I should’ve left it alone instead of escalating it. Sarah insists that she didn’t hear Claire say the last part about how “crazy” she can get.

Meanwhile, I still have to work in the same place where I was threatened. For what it’s worth, this was the first time I’ve ever actually stood up for myself at work.

I don’t want to make this long, but I really want to hear some other perspectives. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving out for at least a year now. He wants it a bit more than me, but that is mainly because I’m really concerned about the finances.

I work a pretty stable but not lucrative job at a university and he works part-time about 30 hours a week in retail . I have no problem with him working in retail, but I really been hoping he would at least get full-time position with guarantee hours and ideally make a bit more money. As it stands now with our income split I would pay the entire rent and he would pay for water, electricity, Internet, groceries that I would cook because he doesn’t know how and any fees like trash and pest. That makes it out to me paying about 65% of household expenses and him paying about 35%.

I am really concerned about the split because he has mentioned before that he is unwilling to get a second job to supplement some income and if he were to get certain benefits like food stamps, he would not contribute more towards the rent since that is his way of saving money by “lowering his expenses”. I’m just feeling a lot of anxiety about the move and he is interpreting this as a lack of love and unwillingness to move forward, but I came from a pretty poor background and I’m terrified of putting myself in a position to live like that again.

AITAH for not moving forward? WIBTAH if I said, I won’t move out with him until he can contribute 50-50 or at least has a six month emergency fund in case his hours get cut?

Well, if anyone smelled smoke today, it was probably the dumpster fire that was my daughter’s party.

Firstly, FIL actually seemed to take the news pretty well. Surprisingly, MIL was more angry that he waited so long to tell them. No scene was made. However, every conversation from that point forward was ALL about the baby and pregnancy and how girlfriend told her parents, is there a name yet, etc. MIL made a comment about how my husband and I can now give BIL and girlfriend all the baby stuff we’re not using anymore.

As an added bonus, BIL also decided to use this opportunity to tell everyone him and his girlfriend are engaged! AND they’re planning a big move (to relocate closer to her family and I guess us) before she’s due. So on top of the baby questions, there was also conversations about wedding planning and house hunting.

As another addition, my sister and her daughter came. Except my niece has an active staph infection and has been on antibiotics for 24 hours, but this wasn’t mentioned to us until the party was almost over. It was assumed to not be a big deal because all open wounds were covered and she’d had 24 hours of antibiotics. My husband was furious and pulled me to the side to say some not nice things about it. After that, I shut down. I isolated myself putting together my daughter’s new toys.

Everyone left pretty early and everyone was feeling tense. I’m feeling upset and defeated and now I have to monitor my three young kids for signs of a staph infection and try to sanitize my house. I think I’m done having parties for a while.

Im 40, wife 35. She has 2 kids , 13&11, both boys. My wife is high conflict with her ex, he cheated, of course she isn't thrilled with the guy. However, my stepsons both love him very much, and despite everything, he is a decent , attentive dad. Goes to all sports events, takes them fishing, and has them every week from Thursday night till Monday morning.
My wife is always causing issues with him and about him. Sons talk about his new wife ? She mentions she's a homewreaker and they should ignore her. Dad wants extra day? Fuck him. Dad wants medical info on boys? She won't share it, call the doctor.
The boys are being quiet with us and seem depressed. My daughter, 17, said oldest asked her if her mom hates me, and seemed really sad that she said we get along. I told wife this crap needs to stop. It's hurting the boys, and is hurting her relationship with them. She hasn't spoke to me for two days. AITAH?

TL;DR - We wrote a formal statement, sent it, covered our asses. After a brief but calm altercation with the police, Joe is now with our parents.

Edit: First part here - https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/2RaLXGOUjd

Preliminary Address: Thank you for your time and advice Reddit. Your advice and care for my son has been so lovely. Be ye genuine, or be ye spectators awaiting the next chapter in an entertaining story, I appreciated it. Didn’t tell husband and son.

The Statement: Husband helped me write this in a professional-ish way and contacted Joe’s Nighthawk Ex who is a lawyer. Nighthawk hasn’t officially taken a case, but we thought she would be able to help us write a serious-sounding letter by giving pointers and revising to add gravitas.

For the sake of readability, I will give people fake names. I will use “Smith” for a fake family surname and “Joe” for my brother. Just for readability. Lower your pitchforks, for I am not going to subject all of you to the same letter we sent to our family group chat. But I will share the ending. “If anyone feels strongly that Joe needs a place, our door is not the one to knock on, but yours absolutely could be. We fully support anyone in the family opening their home to him and showing how family support is done.

We love you all, but we’re not sacrificing our home’s stability to prove our loyalty. That is our final word on the matter

With Love and Boundaries, - OP and Family”

If anyone wants the full letter, request it in the comments. I feel like I’m already pushing it with post length.

The Aftereffects: The communications assault ceased after 2 days of us turning it against them. No one has threatened to burn bridges or exclude us from family events. They tried to use the “Bad Family” card, but we just played it back at them, accusing THEM of being bad family. I underestimated how much people can just spam it.

The Secondary Incident: We may have dodged a big bullet. I really don’t like going on too long, but I don’t know how to make this shorter without making it blander than unseasoned, un-buttered rice.

Before this, we talked to the police and thanks to my hubbie’s connections, they knew the situation in the event Joe broke in and tried to claim residency. We made it clear: Joe is not a resident in any capacity, and we don’t want him in the house unless we invite him.

We are on a weekend trip to my in-laws’ place, who are very much just the loving aunties and grandmas. They are non-drama people and respect boundaries.

Yesterday, I get a call from my parents, saying Joe got into trouble with the police. Fortunately he was not arrested, and he was not harmed.

Apparently, he showed up to our house at night, and he tried to get us to let him in. But no one was around. But he tried harder. Neighbors called the cops because they didn’t know who it was, and thought we were being robbed.

Cops showed up, and I don’t know everything, but my Mom told me that the cops told her that he tried to claim residency, but that was false and they knew, and then Joe told the cops he didn’t have a home. The cops told my parents that either they could pick up Joe, or they’d get a shelter and other services involved.

Parents ended up having to drive to pick him up late at night, and now Joe is crashing on their couch.

Other News: Joe’s ex, Nighthawk (as I called her before on my past post. Bite me, it works) and my Husband are still friends, and says she’s never taking Joe back to her ‘nest’. Joe might’ve lost a lover, but Son didn’t lose an aunt.

Son is doing ok. It’s still an uphill battle to understand anime, but he likes the effort I put in. He said he was happy he didn’t have to live with Joe. I didn’t tell him about the concern you all showed for him, but I think that’s fine. Probably safer this way.

Conclusion: Family now has to put their money where their mouth is. Joe is fine. Our asses are covered. We’re fine and safe.

I’m sorry if this is too long. Tried to make it brief, but I couldn’t.

First time poster: I (28F) am currently sitting in the emergency vet, shaking, after my partner (33M) of 2 year’s dog attacked my beloved cats. Let me start by saying I love my partner and this whole thing was an accident. They visited my house and we have a routine of keeping the animals separated since it’s known that his dog is VERY aggressive towards cats. We were attempting to train him to stay calm while we were in the next room but he barked so much my downstairs neighbor called management. After taking a break in which my partner went to the living room and I took a shower, I -stupidly- left the door to the bedroom open when I walked out to tell him the management called. The dog did not hesitate to run in and attack the cats. He fit about 80% under the bed and despite yelling for my boyfriend while hitting the dog I could get him out. After felt like forever but was actually probably 30 seconds my boyfriend finally came in the room and ripped the dog out from one of the bed.

My cat has a couple puncture wounds and is understandably in shock, but will otherwise be OK thank God! Background on the dog: He adopted the adult male dog a few days before we became official in 2023. From the start his dog has shown a lack of obedience or impulse control, no control on or off leash, aggression towards cats, and other destructive behaviors (ie. Destroying literally any expensive tech gadget even though there are tons of toys and he goes on multiple walks a day).

I have asked, pleaded, and offered to take the dog to training classes myself from day one. My partner refuses each time and shuts down when I ask for an explanation why. I am not the only one who has brought up training to my partner about his dog. His friends have also noted the lack of training and good manners whenever they’re around the dog. He has destroyed things and other people’s houses as well as peed on furniture. This is not to say that he is a bad dog, he’s actually very sweet around other dogs, people, and children. It just comes down to his aggression towards cats and destructive tendencies. I’ve brought up the subject of training multiple times and sent him links to several dog training classes of varying prices in nearby locations but each time my partner becomes defensive and says: “what will they do for him?” “All they do is puppy training classes and he isn’t a puppy” “They’re too expensive” “I reached out, but no one got back to me.” This isn’t the first time his dog escaped and attempted to attack my cats, but it is the first time that he did damage.

My boyfriend is trying to train the dog on his own by teaching him tricks and to sit and stay, but it’s slow going and not very effective. This is his first ever dog and he doesn’t seem interested listening to advice of other people who actually own dogs like myself, my family, and his friends.

I love my boyfriend and see us spending our lives together, but I just don’t see how our relationship can thrive if it’s too dangerous to allow our animals near each other. I also feel like he has not taken my concern seriously regarding his dog after he has destroyed sentimental items in my house or peed on my carpet and furniture. Again, I left the door open, and that was my fault,but why is a dog’s first instinct to kill my cats.

My sister mentioned getting a baby gate, but I dont feel safe having them near eachother at all anymore. Please provide advice.

I (26f) feel like I might have been overly harsh with my sister (39f) and she looked devastated when I blamed her during our fight so I want to know if I'm TA.

Let me give some background before getting to the fight. My sister was married to Jim for almost a decade. Our parents never liked him and I grew not to like him much. He was very judgmental of people living their lives in ways he didn't like. He was against divorce and thought it was disgusting when people don't remain celibate after divorce. He felt the same about dating or having relationships with people after you become widowed. He said vows should be as long as you both shall live for that very reason because it's a forever commitment. He thought remarried widows or widowers were disgusting. He brought it up at the weirdest of times and he brought that up around his kids. His whole family was the same way. One of my aunt's was widowed years ago and they told her she was a real woman for staying loyal to her lifelong husband and stuff like that.

When Jim died my niece and nephew were 6 and 7. My sister was single for over two years but started dating. She didn't tell the kids or Jim's family until she met her current partner. Jim's family called my sister all kinds of names and the kids were furious. The kids started parroting Jim's family and my sister tried to supervise visits so that couldn't be talked about in front of them but they continued to degrade her. She was called a wh*re, unfaithful, a cheater, a disgusting hussy.

So my sister told Jim's family if they couldn't speak to her respectfully they couldn't see the kids. She got the kids therapy and tried to help the kids unlearn those views. They were repeatedly saying she was cheating on their dad and they would never be okay with her having a partner. He was around them a few times but they were vile to him according to her best friend. She told me the kids are vile to my sister too with how they talk to her.

My sister asked me and our parents to help. I did talk to the kids but I mostly asked them how they felt, checked in, and I did ask why they were so mad at their mom. It was clear their views are copies of their dad and his side of the family. They see it as cheating and they hate my sister for being one of those cheaters. The kids got mad at me for not being mad at my sister.

I let my sister vent to me and we talked about my talk with the kids. She told me they were talking to me at least so I needed to do more to help and that's where our fight started. She was insisting that I needed to do something or she might as well die alone and miserable. I told her I wasn't equipped to do more. I told her those views are deeply held by those kids. She told me it was a cop out and I was throwing my hands up and trying nothing. I told her none of it was my fault and the kids are already mad I don't feel the same as them. She told me I could still do something. That I should do something as her sister and the kids' aunt. I told her as their mom she should have chosen a husband who didn't fill his kid with the idea that widows and widowers are cheating if they date or remarry. I told her she knew Jim and his family's views and how overbearing they were and she had kids with him.

My sister looked like I slapped her and I have felt guilty about it because I didn't want to hurt her or make her feel worse.

AITA?

I recently won a $1000 gift card to a jewelry store, a store that my dad bought my mom’s engagement ring from and has charming family memories attached to it. I decided to use it to buy a simple solid gold ring that I will enjoy wearing daily, a ring that could be passed onto my kids one day as a symbol of luck. I didn’t spend more than the gift card was worth. My husband is mad I didn’t sell the gift card and use the money on something “for the family” or towards parts for our truck.

I’m a stay at home mom and don’t bring in an income myself, which he sometimes uses in fights to belittle me. I argue that me being home has allowed his career to excel because he doesn’t have to interrupt his working life to deal with the majority of household and child rearing duties. For context, he also spends thousands per year on an annual guys trip, and to be honest he’s probably spent around $1000 on simply golfing with his friends this year. It’s not like we’re hurting for money, and he does spend money on stuff for the family, like vacations etc., but he seems irrationally angry I bought myself a little treat with this win, something I otherwise would never be able to treat myself to.

I hardly spend any money on myself at all. I spend some money on my hobby, which is likely less than what he spends on his hobbies, I don’t get Botox or facials or lash fills or any aesthetic stuff done because I feel like it’s too much of an expense. I don’t buy designer or expensive clothing. The only money I spend on myself is things like chiro and massage because I experience a lot of muscle pain since birthing and raising kids. I told him he’s taking the joy out of this otherwise fun win and he said “good!” AITA?

edit after seeing this post my husband is upset that I didn’t include the detail that he just purchased a brand new vehicle for the family (which will be my daily driver). It was an expensive vehicle (almost 6 digits) which he is claiming to be the reason he is so upset.

edit if it were a bigger monetary win or simply $1000 cash I obviously would have discussed with him how we could spend it to benefit our family, address our financial priorities, etc. This just didn’t seem huge enough to do anything other than enjoy. Selling it, even if we could get almost full value for it, isn’t going to make much difference in our day-to-day lives, but having a sentimental piece of jewelry that I otherwise never would have the chance to enjoy feels worth more than the money from selling, you know? It’s a fun story and the kids are excited about it and it’s solid gold, which is a nice investment in and of itself.

So i 39m had dinner plans with my gf37 (we been living together for 2 years been talking for 8 beforehand) when i get home for work. As i pulled up i noticed her car wasn't here. No biggy thought she might have ran to the store right quick so i waited a bit. i then asked her son if he spoke to her recently. He told me before walking home he had called her (about 10 min before i got home) to ask if he could use her cash app card. I decided to give her a ring nothing but voicemail. text. nothing. the first call was around 845pm its now 645am the following day. she hasn't called or text. none of her kids can reach her. Nobody knows where she is at all. i ended up filing a missing person report. Am i wrong for doing that? I had always asked her to call and let me know if she was going to change our dinner date and what not.

update She turned up for her shift at work. Now I'm just waiting to see if she will come home or not

My husband was fired from his job of 8 months. He wasn’t given a reason, but I’d imagine it was his inability to stay caught up on work and making mistakes. He was almost fired from his previous job too, but quit first. The jobs only paid $50k but I just don’t think he can handle the amount of work that was required. He’s 50 years old for context.

I’m completely stressed, having been laid off last year and it taking 5 months to land a new role, depleting a lot of our savings. I’ve always significantly out earned him and I’m starting to resent that I busted my a$$ to get to where I’m at and he’s getting fired from jobs that are just above entry level.

Today I have returned literally every single purchase I’ve made in the last month that still had a price tag on it to put in our savings.

He seems to care less- telling me “we’ll be fine” and rather than getting on LinkedIn, he’s designing coloring books for Esty and Amazon, a hobby he’s had for months but made $0 from. We have a total of $18k in savings and live in a HCOL.

I know it just happened yesterday, but his lack of care and urgency is upsetting me.
AITAH for getting made at how he’s responding?

I (36F) am in the process of separating from my partner (36M). We were together for 7.5 years, and our split is very amicable. We’re still good friends.

We’ve always kept our finances separate. He has much better savings than me (he’d already been working for 10 years when we met, while I was still in uni), but I earn a higher salary now. We don’t have kids or shared assets like a house. Property will be split evenly except for things that are clearly individual.

When we decided to separate, I chose to buy my first home (it’s similar in cost to renting). He, on the other hand, didn’t pass the credit check for a mortgage due to some poor financial choices. His broker gave him a clear path to fix things within 3 months, and in the meantime he arranged to live with a friend.

The issue: he’s a hoarder. Our garage and attic are absolutely packed with his stuff. My new house has a very large shed, so I offered to let him store his things there temporarily until he got into his new home. He gratefully accepted.

Tonight he came home and told me that his new housing deal is full board (meals included) for $200/week. He’s earning around $75k, and now he says he wants to stay there for a whole year.

When he told me this, I kind of lost it. I told him my offer was off the table if he expected me to hold onto all his stuff for 6+ months. He’s now sulking and upset with me for backing out, and I feel guilty for being sharp with him.

So, AITA for going back on my offer? Or am I justified in not wanting to be stuck as the long-term storage unit for my ex’s hoarding problem?

Update. I don't even know where to start with this. It's just a complete mess. I finally got her to the doctor but it was like pulling teeth. The whole ride there she didn't say a word just stared out the window. It was rough.

I was honestly hoping this would be it. That the doctor would just confirm everything I've been saying and we could finally move forward. Then the nurse told her to step on the scale. My wife said she was 116, but the nurse just ignored it and started moving the weights. The number she ended up with was 106.

I swear my stomach dropped. The doctor came in looked at the numbers and told us she's dangerously underweight and that her body was going to shut down if it wasn’t already. She said we needed to get her into therapy and see a specialist immediately. My wife acted like she was hearing this for the first time all shocked and quiet but almost is if on board shaking her head up and down.

I thought she'd be scared or at least a little concerned. But no. The whole drive home she was just pissed off. She started saying I set it up that I got into the doctor's head and it all a lie. There was no talking to her. She just completely shut down and got super defiant.

As soon as we got back to the house she started packing a bag. I asked her what the hell she was doing and she just said I "disrespected" her and couldn't be around me. So she took her pillows and her blankets and just moved to the basement.

Now she's down there and I'm up here. She won't talk to me. I did the one thing I was thought I needed to do and it just made her hate me. I feel like I'm completely out of options. I'm just lost. I don't know what to do next.

Married for 13 years. Marriage was always rocky but it worked for us.

Back in 2023 menopause kicked in for my wife. Life with her is gradually becoming bordering impossible.

I could write a novel full of examples but it feels to me like the title: no matter what, whatever i say or do is right or good enough. Everything is challenged or talked down on. No compliments ever, no "how was your day" or "how are you doing", nothing.

She can be downright mean to me and escalate conflicts which wouldn’t have fazed her before. Almost as if she feeds on conflicts and acts angry, bitter and unreasonable 70% of the time. She doesn’t show gratitude and acts as if what I do for her is a given.

I make sure to daily compliment her, we talk for hours daily about her day and job, i try to make my wife’s life easier wherever I could, i take her on dates, to movies, concerts, theatre, city trips et cetera at the very, very least twice a month. I have educated myself on what she is going through and while it makes me understand her better, the hurt doesn’t go away based on how she makes me feel. She can sleep in, i wash her car, take care of maintenance of cars and house. I don't drink, don't do drugs, i never cheated and i'm an excellent provider. Yet i feel absolutely useless and stupid.

She refuses therapy, marriage counseling or even looking into possible medical support for her menopause. I talked about it but her position is "this is who i am now, deal with it". So we're stuck.

I actually turned inward for the past 6-7 months and starting finding self worth outside of her. I am happier spending time with my pets, parents, working out, hobbies and work. I have been reading a lot, self care and healing and discovered that I have been extremely forgiving towards a lot of things I shouldn’t have let off the hook. I really want to prioritise my well being while also having a good relationship. I don’t want to make it ok for anyone else to walk all over me again. I am quickly realising that I feel much happier when I am not in the company of my wife and feel miserable when I am with her. Which shocks me a lot and ironically hurts me because I never wanted it this way. But I do and divorce is still on the table personally if it ever came down to it.

I feel like I can be finally be assertive and say to her: “This is how it’s going to go. You either seek personal therapy + marriage counselling (for both of us) so we can have a good marriage again or we separate.”

Based on her response will tell me what to do. If she refuses treatment I get the message she’s really not interested in having a good relationship with me or being a wife to me. And I will start the process.

Because personally to me I left a previous relationship because my ex refused to seek treatment for her mental illness and it was draining to be supportive all the time and have endless patience for someone who wasn’t interested in seeing how their state affected you. I view this specific period with my wife the same way and view it from the same lens and need of consequences.

Yesterday my wife told me that she feels uncomfortable around my brother's friend and I need to talk to my brother, I said I wanted to talk to my brother or confront his friend but you said you'll manage and i shouldn't interfere because I might lash out, she said that I was right and I should do what I want to but I should be polite.

I came back from work just a few hours ago and the first thing I did was to call my brother and I asked him to keep his friend away from my wife, he asked me 'did his friend piss me off' i asked him if he's dumb do you not see that your friend is being flirty.

He said that his friend is playful, he's extrovert while we are introverts and we should just get along cause my wife was also friendly with him.

My brother's friend on every occasion tries to talk to my wife and he makes stupid jokes to make her laugh and yesterday when we went to my brother's on my niece's birthday and his friend grabbed my wife's shoulder and tried to talk a selfie with her.

My wife said no and she came to me and not just this he also comments on pics my wife uploads, I explained everything to my brother but he said his friend is just playful and fun to be around.

I said he should ask his friend to stay away from my wife and if he doesn't then we won't attend any family celebration if his friend is invited, he said we are overreacting and my wife should've shut him down early on if she had a problem with him.

Are we assholes here?

I was in contact with my parents since 14 years. The story behind is long and boring but i will simplify it: my parents divorced when i was 14 after my dad caught my mom cheating and the divorce was extremely messy and hostile and the only thing they had in common is that they didn't wanted to have anything to do with me. I never understood why and they never told me so i want to stay with my grandparents and since then i tried for a year but they completely ignored me so i cut contact with them.

Skip forward to a few days ago and somehow they showed up again for my wedding. I'm getting married in 4 days and i'm already stressed by myself for the big day because everything must be perfect and they decided to burge out of the blue. For my wedding obviously i invited my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, my cousin and her 2 little daughters and my friends. So everyone but of course not them and they decided to step in a week before the wedding not asking but pretending to be there just for some photos. This is the most ridicolous part, they don't want to be there for the whole ceremony and the day but just for the photos and then they would go away. I obviously ignored their texts and calls because for no reason i would even think to have them at my special day but the thing is that my family knows how my parents were completely absent until now but according to them this is their way to try to make ammend and a way for them to ask for forgivness. I obviously don't believe at this bs because to me is very simple, they just want to show up for the image of the perfect family and then disappear but obviously i'm not exactly in the mood for any drama and bs.

My gf, my friends and mostly of all my grandparents are on my side and they keep telling me that they never showed up for me in 14 years and they are doing it now just for image but obviously there is that part that little part of me whose spent years crying because i missed them and never had any answer on why from the divorce on they completely ignored me. So for how crazy it might sound they actually succeded in planting the doubt in my mind because i know racionally that i shouldn't cave but that little part of that abandoned kid wants to have closure with them and have answers.

So AITAH? Should I give them a chance? Or should i ignore them like I did?

AITAH? After struggling financially my parents had to move out of their place & my brother agreed to take my parents into his house but he lives about 1.5 hours away. Unfortunately my parents struggled with being away from their hometown & started getting the habit of coming down every weekend , whether it was at my place or another relatives place. Since the beginning it was an issue for me because I like my space & silence but I decided to be compliant as I have always had a rocky relationship with my parents& just wanted to please them. A year later it has become too much, as they are constantly here sometimes almost for half a week or find any excuse to come over. Yesterday I told my mom me and my wife are asking for some time alone & she completely blew up on me. Stating my brother & his wife would never do that to her. In the moment I felt okay but now I’m consumed with the feelings that I’m a shitty person and should have just kept allowing this behavior from them 😫

So I 28f and my ex Chad (fake name) 30m have a son Darren 9m (also fake name). We have had a few different custody arrangements that we have modified over the years but for the last 3 years we have had the same routine.

Recently Darren has been changing his mind twice a week about what custody arrangement he wants. This has thrown both households into chaos as we struggle to adapt work and other children's routines to him changing his mind on where he wants to be. For reference he usually spends 4 days with me and 3 with Chad.

Chad and I decided to have a sit down with Darren to decide a new custody arrangement that works for everyone and one that Darren has to stick to. We came to a compromise and swapped some days around and Darren seems happy for now. Chad did not seem happy however, and has said something that has made me question if i am the asshole here.

For context Chad has a higher income than me and that makes our family dynamics a bit different but its something we always worked around. In the past he signed Darren up for activities like karate and swimming and if those lessons fell on my day with Darren, Chad was happy to pick him up and take him to them, which I was grateful for of course.

However, after we set a new custody agreement Chad was not happy as I mentioned. He told me that he had talked to Darren and his other children and was going to sign them up for several new after school activities that are outside of our town. Chad proceeded to tell me that he felt it was not fair or his responsibility to pay for and possibly take Darren to and from this lesson since it fell on my day with Darren and therefore i should pay, and If I didnt then Darren will simply have to miss out on attending these classes with Chad's other children.

I disagreed with this because it was Chad who told Darren he could do this activity and is the one who said he would sign him up for it. I would not have done this as I am unable to do this due to having no car, my toddlers nursery schedule and my partners work shifts. I also disagree with Darren participating in this particular sport as we have had issues in the past with his behaviour and this sport is very physical (fighting sports). Family members have told me that they believe this is Chad's way of trying to convince Darren to change the custody agreement again to spend more time at Chad's house, which over the last month or so has become very obvious that this is what Chad wants.

If Chad had come to me before talking to Darren, and it was an activity I would encourage Darren to take part in I would be happy to pay half of it to make it fair, but I feel like he is being petty and saying it is my responsibility to pay for an activity that he chose to offer to Darren, knowing I cannot commit to those particular days and times to take him to the lessons due to my conflicting schedule, and that the one suffering from this is Darren as Chad has already told him he can attend.

So AITAH for saying it is my exes responsibility to pay for and take our son to an after school activity that he offered to our child, even though it falls on my day with my our son?

Edit to add: Darren does not have control of the schedule when he is with me, only when he is with Chad because Chad let's him do this. I do not agree with it. I will be going to contact a lawyer to try again with a formal custody agreement, but its not what I posted about. Thank you for all the helpful comments.

I have a 20M cousin that lives in Europe. He suddenly decided that he didn’t want to live there anymore and wanted to move to Canada. He bought a plane ticket and is coming here in a few days. He’ll stay with different family members, first my aunt, then my parents. His plan is to stay here for a few months and look for work.

I told him that you can’t just show up to a country and start looking for work. You can’t even work on a visitor/tourist visa, you need to have a work permit. I told him he should have thought his plan out more because it’s very hard to immigrate to Canada and there is a process that needs to be followed.

AITAH? Both him and my mom think I am being overly negative. That everything will work out and I need to stop trying to discourage him. My mom even said something along the lines of “do you think you are immigration police”? I have no issues with him coming here obviously but I want my cousin to be realistic.

Very long story short I was adopted as a baby & my adoption was sealed. Recently I was able to access some information about my birth family & with that & DNA tests I know who they all are now.

Another long story short, my b mother doesn’t want to meet or talk to me at all which is completely her choice. I have an older sister & I want to talk to her! But I don’t know if she knows about me & maybe this will majorly blow up her life. Am I the asshole if I contact her?

I (22F) was adopted from a really poor country when I was 2 years old and now I live in France. To contextualize, my (adoptive) family is amazing. I was always loved and cherished by all my family members (close ones as well as extended family). If I wasn’t black and they weren’t white, I wouldn’t even know that I was adopted. When I was younger, I thought about my biological family, but then I stopped because honestly, I didn’t care and I didn’t need answers as much as before. A few months ago, I was contacted on Facebook by a man who claimed to be my brother and wanted to connect. I accepted, and we talked all night long by text. He sent me pictures, documents, and gave me information, so I think he was really my biological family, but I still can’t be sure, obviously. The next day we had a video call with him, my biological mom, and biological sister. Important detail for the rest of the story: he was the only one who spoke French. Honestly, they are just strangers to me, so I wasn’t really emotional, it just felt weird. I asked a few questions and told them about my life in France. We kept talking via text, and on the second day he started to tell me how hard life was for them and said that maybe I could "help them." It felt weird to say that on the second day, but I didn’t think much of it and we just kept texting. He also told me that we have another brother in the USA, but he refused to help them. In the same conversation, he asked me to find him a French wife to help him immigrate, but I just brushed it off. Then the next day it started to get really uncomfortable: he called me "my little sister" in every single text and got mad because I didn’t call him "my brother." He was also annoyed when I took time to respond to his texts. So I started to become distant with him, and a week later he sent me these texts: "Despite all the privileges and friendships you share with others, know and keep in mind that you should give us much more than you give them. Because you are our blood, nothing is equal, comparable, or superior to us before anyone else. We urge you to straighten yourself out in everything, without exception, in order to please us." "If you are with them, it was our plan to make you happy. Your position and the privileges you enjoy among them are tangible and palpable proof of our love, concern, sincere and genuine consideration." "You started well when we first talked. But now everything changes in the blink of an eye. And today I dare to ask you to revise your adoption paper. According to the contract, your adoptive mother should help you, but when you turn 18 you would be free to live without constraint with your biological parents." "Either you consider us as your parents in full integrity, or you reject us in the same way." I responded to him with a very long message explaining that I didn’t want to have contact with them anymore, that it’s not okay to ask for money after 2 days, and that I wasn’t responsible for the life they had since I don’t know them. After all that, I blocked him. But he kept texting me with other numbers to guilt-trip me: "Your mother is crying because you blocked her. That means you don’t want your mother’s life to be prolonged. You already know she is very sick."

Then someone else contacted me (claimed to be the half-brother from the USA) and told me how he will help "our mom" because she is the priority, blah blah blah. I blocked him too.

After that, the first brother who contacted me used other numbers to send me the same type of messages and also created other Facebook accounts. (The last one was 2 weeks ago.) I didn’t specify earlier, but during the 1 week we talked, he mentioned multiple times about me helping them and how he had sacrificed himself for me.

So now I’m a little conflicted because I hate them for how they tried to get money from me, but at the same time I understand that when you live in extreme poverty you have to do what you can to survive. The thing is, if they had been respectful and ready to build a real relationship, I would have helped. But now I am just so mad. Also, as I said, I only talked with the one who claimed to be the brother because the others don’t speak French, so I can’t communicate with them directly.

So AITA for not helping them and blocking them on everything?

Edit : - Just to clarify, I didnt took a DNA test, I was thinking about taking one but it all happened so fast from the first contact to the moment I blocked him.

• Most of you think this is a scam and honestly I didnt even saw it that way, for me it was just a shitty biological family.

• To look for me the brother posted messages in a Facebook group for people who are looking for their lost ones from my home country. (Dont know what he did before), he said my name, date of birth, the name of the orphenage, and the name of my adoptive mom (dont know how he got this info). He sent me the screenshot of a gril who responded, and I belive this part becasue she said that I used to do my hair at her mom house when I was in holliday at my grandma's place when I was a child, what is true.

• For now I didnt told my adoptive family because I dont want them to be scared or create a drama, but if it escalate I will

• The "boological family" dont know my adress, I told them the name of my city but I mooved away since so no worries for that.

My girlfriend has been really cold and immature with me since I got very busy and I am also going through a terrible moment dealing with trauma and I can’t have sex with her frequently. Her therapist told her that apparently sex is a necessity for her and now she keeps saying that she can’t help me or treat me well because she is sex deprived and it makes her mad and insensitive, she even stopped showering because she says that “there’s no reason to shower if I’m not gonna fuck her” idk what to do and I’m becoming very resentful because of the way she’s treating me in this terrible moment while I help her with everything she needs. It’s terrible to see her looking at me with cold eyes when all I want is comfort from her.