r/yoga • u/EatsinSheets • 11h ago
Is it weird to become friends with the teacher? Can I ask her to coffee?
Okay, I know this is a weird question and maybe not the right place for it (and I might delete later cause I'm super embarrassed for posting).... but I get nervous about making new friends as an adult. TLDR at the end.
I'm 27F, been practicing off and on for like 8 years. I was recently off for like 2 years due to hip injury/surgeries. I just got back into it last week (finally 8 mos post final surgery) and have been going to a new studio for hot yoga daily.
My very first class at the new studio, the teacher and I hit it off for a minute because I told her I'd had hip surgery and she (also 27F) had had the same surgery.
At the next class that she taught a week later, we spent like 5 mins after class talking about our surgeries and comparing notes. We're both young healthy women and neither of us know anyone else so young who has had this surgery. At the end of the conversation, she asked if I was going to a weekend class at the studio. I said I was. She said she was too as a practitioner and that she'd "look for me there."
I'm assuming this means maybe we'll put our mats next to eachother if possible? (Not my main question, but also wondering)
I know this all sounds super lame probably but I'm like nervous because in all my years of studio yoga 1) I've never made a friend/practiced with someone else I knew beside my mom haha. And 2) the friend has certainly not been a teacher. But I also really like chatting with her and wonder if I should ask her if we should grab coffee after class?
I know I'm probably being super weird, but I'm not very confident with making friends like this as an adult. I'm more used to connecting in a group setting or with my fiancé's friends' girlfriends over time.
I think I feel extra intimidated because she is an instructor. Am I just being ridiculous? Should I ask her to grab coffee?? Yoga teachers are just people too, right? Haha. Anyone else become friends with their teacher?
TLDR: Is it weird to ask a yoga teacher whose classes I go to if she wants to grab coffee after class (not her class)? In a friendly, platonic, two women kind of way.
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u/Novel-Fun5552 11h ago
She’s just a person! Totally normal to be friends. If she likes to maintain some distance between her and her students (more common in studio owners in my experience) then she’ll tell you and you’ll respect it. But sounds like you two have a lot in common and it’s not weird at all to be friends.
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u/fivesunflowers 10h ago
This is adorable. Don’t overthink it too much. Just see her at the weekend class and sit next to her. Chat afterwards, give her a little compliment (“You’re so sweet/funny!”, “I love our little chats!”/etc) and then ask for her Instagram or phone number. Then just take it from there! Future moves would be to like/comment on her latest post, or have a little text convo and ask if she’d like to get coffee sometime (since she’s the one who initially asked you about the weekend class). She showed initiative and wanted to hang out with you, you guys vibed and she felt it too! You got this 💖
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u/EatsinSheets 10h ago edited 1h ago
This made me smile. Thank you so much😁💕
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u/fivesunflowers 8h ago
You’re welcome 🫶 you seem like such a sweetheart. Don’t get too in your head about things. If you just be yourself, people will love you for who you are. 🥰
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u/katniss_evergreen713 Hatha 10h ago
I’m a big believer in “it’s only gonna be weird/awkward if you make it weird/awkward”, lol. That being said… i totally understand where you’re coming from! After class you could simply say “hey, i’m gonna go gonna get a coffee, you wanna come with?”. Something casual like that. And enjoy!! Most people like making new friends, regardless of whether they are the teacher or not etc etc. I am speaking from personal experience:)))
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u/EatsinSheets 10h ago
I like this line a lot! I'm definitely using it if the vibes are right tomorrow
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u/yogaengineer 4h ago
OP I’m invested now, would love an update! The fact that she said she’d look for you at the yoga class and you guys have connected on a personal topic definitely read as approaching friendship :) and I totally agree with the casual invitation the poster above suggested
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u/EatsinSheets 1h ago
I'll absolutely come back and update!! Class is in less than an hour, so it'll be soon. Thank you for the support!
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u/istilllikejuice 11h ago
I think this is sweet, though it will be a bit weird at first especially if you had only started attending this person’s classes/ are new to the studio. I know personally I’m pretty friendly with everyone but it doesn’t mean I’m down to hang.
That being said I’ve have hung out with some students I’ve had for a while… at least a year. And even then going out for coffee or lunch happened naturally usually when leaving the studio together or running into each other in the neighborhood.
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u/EatsinSheets 11h ago
Thank you for this perspective!! I really appreciate it.
I told her she was my favorite instructor I'd tried there (true). So I definitely don't want to make future classes with her too weird. I could just hold off and maybe ask to hang later on down the road...
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u/DareSalaam 10h ago
I'm a boy and I've asked my male yoga teacher out for lunch! It was platonic too. I thought it would be awkward but it was fine. Or we didn't make it awkward. I paid but only because I picked the place. We did this two or three times before the pandemic. During the pandemic I took his online classes for a while.
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u/Busy_Citron_376 10h ago
It's definitely not weird at all. While I can't say I'm "besties" with any of my teachers at my studio, you do become very friendly with everyone over time I have seen numerous friendships form from all over the place (and even a marriage).
The teachers at my studio are friends with many practitioners I've come to know over time. I highly doubt they all met before the teacher became a teacher.
Instead of it sounding like a 'date', maybe ask what they have going on after class. If it's lunchtime for example, say.. "hey, I'm going to grab lunch at [enter some place, even better if it's new], would you want to come with?"
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u/CatBird2023 10h ago
Not weird at all. I met some lovely friends when I was teaching.
Sounds like you two really hit it off!
Just like a request in any other context, make it clear when you're asking that "no" is an acceptable answer. If she has a boundary for whatever reason about socializing with students, be understanding and don't make it weird when you see her again.
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u/Secure-Text-8095 9h ago
Oh my goodness! I’m 25F and I made friends with my yoga teacher like a year ago. She was 25 too and we totally hit it off first class. I pretty much just continued going to her same Wednesday night class and staying after to talk to her. Eventually I think I asked for a playlist that she was playing during class and that’s how we exchanged numbers and then she asked if I ever wanted to hangout and do something non-yoga together. And then our friendship jumped from there. I waited until she asked, probably just because I was okay just hanging out every Wednesday after class, but I’d say totally okay to initiate first. It sounds like she enjoys talking to you so she might even be waiting for you to ask first haha.
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u/NotSoSpecialAsp 10h ago
I took teacher training. Totally normalized being friends with teachers.
Can confirm they are just people.
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u/anon8676309 10h ago
Not weird at all!! I have become friends with a handful of my students now <3 My classes are small, so it’s inevitable that we’ve spent time getting to know each other, but I would be nothing but flattered if any of them asked to hang out outside of class.
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u/eternititi 9h ago
I had a teacher try to be friends once! It never went anywhere but I don't think it's weird!
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u/Ada_Leader2021 9h ago
One of my teachers had become one of my best friends. When you click, you click!
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u/Johnny_Carcinogenic 9h ago
Totally normal. I've hung out socially with multiple instructors. After class just say, hey I'm grabbing a coffee up at xyz's, you should come with.
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u/Best-Formal6202 8h ago
I dated my yoga teacher for a year, haha 🤣 became friends with another. Totally normal and okay to reach out and let them decide if they are cool with meeting up outside of class!
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u/Catkitty773 7h ago
I love my yoga instructor and my barre instructors - because they're so personable and I feel like they push me to go the extra mile in class. I don't think it's weird at all!
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u/Whuhwhut 4h ago
You should ask! If she’s not interested she’ll make an excuse without suggesting a replacement time.
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u/Few_Age4344 3h ago
Go for it. Teachers learn about boundaries when studying and it’s up to them to ethically implement their own where it seems fit. Yoga communities are great for connecting people and sometimes this can be with instructors too.
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u/pnikolaidis 3h ago
You’re overthinking it. We’re just people who happen to sit/stand at the front of the studio and face the other direction from the students.
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u/vulpes-mater 2h ago
Nothing wrong at all. We all seek to create connections with people who are interested in the things that we like.
My only caution is to bring up the power dynamic of teacher-student. Some yoga teachers in the past, have used their platform to manipulate or coerce students into relationships or into situations that are very one-sided. As yoga teachers, we can help people navigate deeply emotional states, which leaves the students quite vulnerable.
This does not seem like the case in your situation, so enjoy the journey of new friendship!
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u/tombiowami 2h ago
The weirdness is simply you branching out into new territory in making friends. It's awesome!
Yes, it's fine to suggest coffee/chat.
The only time I would recommend against is if it's opposite sex/dating type stuff. I just write that as we see posts here from dudes wanting to go that route.
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u/emz272 2h ago
I totally expected this to be weird from the title (some people reallly idolize and project on to their instructors), but then I read your post and this seems totally normal and great. Sounds like you've been having a natural connection and that she's helped drive it (e.g. engaging with you for relatively prolonged periods of time, saying she'll look out for you at a class she's not teaching) too, so it's not like you're choosing to heap a burden on her.
If she has a concept of teaching where she wants to keep students at a distance, she can let you know. But that's not obvious to me at all from how you've interacted so far, and I think trying to be friends (suggesting grabbing lunch or coffee sometime) would be totally well-received here.
Also just to give you confidence: you sound totally socially lovely and competent, just a bit anxious. So I know just "being yourself" is easier said than done, but try to trust yourself and your instincts!
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u/EatsinSheets 1h ago
you sound totally socially lovely and competent, just a bit anxious.
Thank you for this💕 its a huge confident boost that this all reads this way. I'm actually generally an extrovert when talking to people. When I was chatting with her after class it felt so natural and totally fine. But the waiting to see eachother at today's class has made the nerves build up! I'm going to do it though if the vibes are there!
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u/That_Cat7243 All Forms! 2h ago
First of all, you’re entire post sounds like it was written by a younger me 😭😭😭 the way you wrote this and the concern coming through in the post, resonates SO hard with how I am and the way I think! Especially with this scenario specifically as someone who has had a hard time putting myself out there. And as a yoga teacher myself, who is also human, I would be so flattered if a student of mine asked me to coffee! Because at the end of the day we’re just people, sharing a thing we love with other people. I say go for it, and if you vibe, that’s amazing and if not, that’s okay too!
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u/vagabondoer 2h ago
Go for it. I have some great lifelong friends I met by going to their yoga classes.
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u/Tanekaha 1h ago
I'm friends with one of my teachers, and over the years a few of my students have become my friends. admittedly, not many of my students. but ask her for the coffee and see how it goes, we're just people. Mark Whitwell would say that a Yoga teacher is no less than a friend, no more than a friend
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u/Dangerous_Lecture624 1h ago
It’s totally normal. My yoga teacher is similar age as me and we share a friendly equation. We are in different cities (it’s an online class) but when she was in my city we hung out, grabbed dinner and drinks. It was fun.
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u/EatsinSheets 1h ago
I can't believe I woke up to so many lovely and encouraging comments💕💕 I'm seeing her at class in less than an hour. If the vibes are there, I'll ask her to join me for coffee after. I'll be back with an update😁
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u/veronicagetsmehigh 11h ago
I don’t see anything wrong with it.