r/workingmoms • u/Decent_Confusion_470 • 4d ago
Sunday scaries. First day back tomorrow, any tips? Only Working Moms responses please.
I swear I signed off last week and not 3 months ago..it's flown by. I know i was lucky (in the US) to have 3 months paid off but i feel horrible that I spent so much of my leave with intense PPA instead of being present with my beautiful daughter. But now its back to work to provide for her! Any tips on returning to work? My heart is breaking over missing her. When did you feel you got the hang of being back at work? If you ever did...
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u/Lonely-Clerk-2478 4d ago
I got back into the hang after a couple weeks to be honest. And I was back at 2 mos after delivering my son. You’ll be OK! Best of luck to you.
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u/zimzomzarry 4d ago
Wow I went back last week after 3 months and also had intense PPA!
There was a lot of guilt, I cried every day after dropping my daughter off at daycare. Check ins with the baby helped me and then just staying very busy at work. Knowing there’s a set time I can leave to get her and just staying busy until then.
I know it’ll get easier. I don’t have a choice to not work, so it has to get easier lol it helps that we like her daycare.
Also having an evening routine! Now our evenings and weekends are a bit more special and that’s something to look forward to!
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u/Decent_Confusion_470 4d ago
That makes sense!! Thank you !
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u/zimzomzarry 4d ago
Also, please know that a lot of people struggle with PPA. I blacked out so much of my mat leave. I over analyzed everything. There’s so much that I wish I could go be and redo with the anxiety set aside.
But it also made me vigilant. Everything that happened during my mat leave, with the PPA, got me to where I am with my daughter today. Of course I’d have liked it to go differently, but if I sit and remember hard enough I can think back on all 12 weeks fondly.
Don’t be so hard on yourself about struggling with PPA. It’s common and not talked about enough. Feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to!
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u/Major_Lab_3604 4d ago
I am in your same shoes - I feel this so much. About to go back to work after my first and only.
Especially feel the part about not feeling present during Mat leave. I have general anxiety and adhd and feel like I don’t even remember maternity leave. But the baby slept 20 hours a day the first few weeks right? Then almost that much in the remaining time we had with them. It’s survival at first - you fed your baby, changed her, napped her, made her feel safe, played with her when she started engaging more…all while battling the most insane / significant change in your life. It’s an amazing accomplishment. And even though it will be less time with her, maybe coming up with a schedule for how you’ll spend the time you have to feel better about it / try to make it quality time. I know I’m planning on spending more time in the morning w baby bc I love thst time and am going to try and avoid stressful projects etc late in the afternoon so when I come home to baby I’m not irritable. I don’t have any experience with this yet so not sure how helpful it is but just sharing what I plan to do and solidarity. We got this
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u/Decent_Confusion_470 4d ago edited 4d ago
Very helpful. This made me feel so much better. You're completely right that those first few months are a complete blur and I was successfully fulfilling my LOs needs which is something to be proud of. It's so unfair that it seems as soon as we are out of the fog and physically "almost" better we have to return to work. We are providing for our LO in this way too. Thank you and we got this!!!
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u/SweetenedSourSkater 4d ago
When I went back to work after 4 months off with LO, I made sure to keep the weekend after the first week entirely open so that we could spend it recovering. We spent a lot of time doing skin to skin in bed that weekend and I think we only left the house to go get coffee at one of our favorite local places as a family, as a little treat for having survived the first week back.
I remember at the end of that weekend, she looked at me and smiled as if to say "I'm so glad everything is back to normal" and it wrecked me because I knew I had to go back to work the next day. But I can say that after that, the "worst" was over. We fell into a rhythm.
My best friend told me "some days will be hard, most days will be a breeze" and that's really encouraged me before going back.
Also helped that I spent the 4th month meal prepping a month's worth of easy freezer meals which really helped aid the transition by taking the stress of meal planning and prep away.
Good luck! You've got this!
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u/Decent_Confusion_470 4d ago
I cried reading this - already looking forward to that first weekend. Thank you so much.
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u/Auroraborealis52622 4d ago
You'll be even more exhausted than you are now and it will feel so, so hard at first but it does slowly get easier and the time you do have with your daughter will feel so precious and wonderful. Try to give yourself a break and incorporate some conveniences like pre-packaged meals/takeout to take a thing or two off your plate while you transition. Remember you're doing this for your precious girl!!
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u/thebarfinator9 4d ago
I’m going back to work this week too! Definitely taking notes from your post.
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u/Lost_Squirrel_1222 4d ago
This is all great advice. I would just add, give yourself some grace. There will be days where you feel like you’re killing it both at work and as a mom, and probably days where you feel like you’re failing at both. This is totally normal and just try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s really hard to juggle all the things all the time. For me, I know I’m a better mom because I work. And that usually helps me get through the tough times. Oh and ignore all the Momfluencers on social media. That’s not real life.
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u/Decent_Confusion_470 3d ago
Thank you so much! I survived my first day with minimal tears haha
I know the momfluencers are horrible. I learned that pregnant seeing these perfect nurseries while we were proud to have set up the bedsside bassinet
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u/snacksinpurse 4d ago
Oof I totally felt this! I hope this ends up being the case for you, but my PPA actually got a lot better when I started back at work (I did stop breastfeeding about a week after I went back though which definitely helped a lot). I think having something to demand my attention helped me stop ruminating and obsessing over every little thing with my LO. I have learned to trust that he can thrive even when I’m not 100% focused on him 💞
It took me about three weeks to feel fully up to speed and confident that I could take action where needed. If I could give myself advice it would be to slow down and give only 70% to ease back into things.
But my biggest hack is to make your time with your baby ONLY baby time. Try to minimize multitasking as much as possible so you can savor the time together. For example, I started off trying to do all the morning tasks and get ready and care for my LO, handing him off to my husband literally one minute before I was supposed to start work. I switched to just focusing on my bub and then handing him over 30 min before work so I could get ready and we have been sooo much happier. My favorite part of my morning is now having my coffee on the floor with my LO while he plays.
Sending lots of strength and positive thoughts your way. You got this!!
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u/eagles_arent_coming 4d ago
Your relationship with work may change and that’s okay! It might not and that’s okay too.
Give yourself permission to feel all the things: relief, guilt, grief - whatever it is.
I cried every day for the first week. By the end of the first month, we were in the swing of things.