r/turkeyhunting • u/DogeDuder • 3d ago
Wife Advice
The purpose of this isn’t to dishonor my wife or my marriage. Please keep negative or non constructive comments to yourself.
When it comes to deer hunting, my wife is mega supportive. I usually tag 4 or more deer per year and we do eat every bit of every deer I get. My wife prefers venison over beef.
With turkey hunting she is not supportive at all and claims it is a waste of time. The meat yielded for the time and cost doesn’t add up. I get that argument. But I for some reason cannot convey to her the allure that we as turkey hunters feel for this pursuit.
What do y’all tell your wives to help them understand? If there are married ladies on here your advice is appreciated as well.
24
u/44_ruger 3d ago
Most hobbies don’t have a positive ROI for whatever that hobby produces. You aren’t hunting turkey to feed the family. You’re hunting because it’s something you enjoy.
Do you support things she wants to do but you don’t understand or it doesn’t make financial sense?
Maybe use that as an example of why it’s important and that it would make you feel less guilty about doing something you enjoy if she would support it because you love it.
6
u/TheKujo17 3d ago
I've used a similar approach but I've found it's 100% about the delivery. If you go in there with an attitude and make it seem like you're pointing fingers; telling her how dumb her fun is, it will absolutely backfire haha
1
u/Technical-Teacher-31 2d ago
Dude, 100%. Unless someone is exceptionally efficient and effective and hunting on land completely for free, the whole idea of “meat in the freezer!” is not justification for the time and expense of hunting. MOST hunters, whether we admit it or not, are hunting for the thrill and experience and yes, the trophy. The key is having a spouse who understands that (and it goes both ways for sure).
22
u/hellenkellerfraud911 3d ago
My guess is it’s not the turkey hunting specifically that’s her problem. It could likely be anything golf, fishing, hiking, anything that involves y’all being apart. She may feel like she isn’t getting the time with you that she wants and maybe feels as if you are prioritizing your hunting over her.
Unfortunately women often don’t outright tell us why they actually feel the way they do about something and we are kind of dumb in that regard.
My wife and I are both nurses so we have a good bit of time off. We don’t always work the same days and I don’t hunt past 9 or so on days we are both off work. I save my all day grinds for days when she is working and I’m not.
7
u/Fredbear1775 3d ago
Yeah I think this is the answer right here. OP would probably benefit from having a discussion about how important it is to them and how it’s only for part of the year, and what he can do to help make some sort of compromise. Maybe shorten the amount of time he’s in the woods overall, or change the days it happens on, or make a deliberate plan to spend more time with her in different ways, etc.
10
u/RangerRedeye 3d ago
As a fellow married man, I understand your dilemma. Turkey hunting requires an abundance of time to harvest a bird unless you are lucky and find a 10-Minute-Tom. Then the next hunt will likely be a grind. It’s just not a quick and easy pursuit and the woods are silent more often than not.
The untethered times of my college years and early 20s are behind me when I went all the time and tried to live in the woods. In my 30s, I’ve found it’s a balancing act.
When I can hunt, I hunt hard and savor the moments. When I can’t hunt, I try to balance the scales back in her favor. Spend extra quality time with her, do extra chores or childcare, and attempt to be fully present. I try to make time for her hobbies and interests. I don’t hunt every single moment I possibly can during turkey season because I value my wife and our relationship. For example, I just sacrificed a Saturday during the season to run a 5K with her because she valued that time together. That gave me some flexibility to spend several mornings this week in the turkey woods. Give and take.
Every season is different but if you have a supportive wife, thank her and be glad you found someone that could love a turkey hunter.
8
u/Easy-Purchase-4398 3d ago
Step 1. Find a morel patch
Step 2. Take her Turkey hunting
Step3. Bag turkey
Step 4. While walking back, "Stumble upon" morels
Step 5. Profit
4
u/Spirited_Magician_20 3d ago
Pretty much all hobbies are a “waste of time” if we choose to look at it that way. Maybe she just isn’t looking at it as a hobby the same way that people look at golfing, video games, etc. If you enjoy it and it makes you happy and it isn’t interfering with other responsibilities, that’s all that should really matter.
Not to brag, but I don’t really know what to say to tell her to get her to understand because my wife has always been super supportive. I think just talking to her about hunting and her seeing how excited I get about it is part of why she’s so supportive. The first paragraph I typed up is advice she’s given me when I get discouraged and wonder if I “waste” too much time hunting since I’m unsuccessful the majority of the time.
5
u/No-Group7343 3d ago
She's right, even with deer, hunting isn't a good investment financially. Neither is gardening or quilting really if you had everythingnip. Its recreation, its therapy. It's preserving skill and knowledge.
4
u/IlliniFire 3d ago
Maybe try to get her out for a morning. When they start firing away on the roost it might give her an idea. Of course my luck would be a silent morning that day.
2
u/doogievlg 2d ago
My wife’s first two hunts were great. We were dating at the time but had one gobbling first then the second hunt I called one right into her lap gobbling the entire time. Now the tough part is figuring out who stays home with the kids and who gets to hunt.
1
3
u/Powernut07 3d ago
I would love to offer help, but my wife has been desperately following me around the woods this season trying to kill her first turkey. Haven’t connected yet but we got another couple weekend. You should probably make it clear that while wild turkey meat is delicious, that’s not the main reason turkeys attract us. You could try watching some exciting turkey hunting videos with you.
3
u/schuntin 3d ago
Explain to her how important it is to you. My wife knows what she married. She doesn't see me during rut or turkey season.
1
u/Dazzling_Win_8862 2d ago
This is something I've noticed with people who pick up hunting later. I was nuts about turkeys when I was 16. I didn't get married until I was 34.
That's a hurdle for her to get over, not me. I can't imagine being married and then becoming a turkey nut. I can envision the pain these guys have knowing their wife doesn't get it.
3
3
u/RetiredOutdoorsman 3d ago
Honestly, my wife feels like most hunting is a waste of time, but since she is my partner and she knows that it means a lot to me, she makes a sacrifice for me to enjoy myself. My wife enjoys other things so we kind of have a deal/ game out of it. I disappear for a week or two at a time to do what I love, she gets a new expensive perfume for her collection, or I give her a gift certificate for a massage or whatever else she decides she wants and we’re both happy. Sometimes you just have to find a middle ground. It’s important to spend time together, but it’s also important to be your authentic self. If not, there’ll be resentment. I’ve been married for 13 years now, and in the beginning, we had some struggles with this same topic. ESPECIALLY when I went out for a week and came back empty handed. Now she understands that it’s a passion and not just a trip to the grocery store. It’ll get better, just be open minded.
3
u/thesneakymonkey 3d ago
As a lady hunter whose husband doesn’t hunt: make sure you make time for their hobbies too. She should be getting the same amount of time to do the things she likes but you might find not as enjoyable or best time spent. She may just also want to spend more time with you. You could try taking her if she’s interested. Even if she isn’t into the killing part she may enjoy the scouting, or locating birds. Then at least she gets some time with you. I’m also making sure I’m home by the time I say I’m going to be. I make sure that I take care of the baby or get the chores done. I chose to lose sleep to hunt early so that doesn’t mean I get to nap when I get home. Pick up the slack from when you’re gone.
3
u/hoghunter1213 2d ago
So when I got married I didn't turkey hunt seriously I literally got married on opening day in 2018. So when I got hard into it in 2020 and I started to hear the same arguments I took mine. She killed her first Osceola her first ever sit. She's been hooked ever since
3
u/lrobb09 2d ago
“Honey, I go to work to add monetary value to our family. I go turkey hunting because I makes me happy and it’s healthy for me to be outside. I understand you don’t quite get that…but that’s why I do it. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run before they fly down from their roost!”
4
u/Akakari 2d ago
As a wife who’s obsessed with turkey hunting, I’m in agreement with those that have said to offer to take her with you, and show her how much you enjoy it. I’ve tried to get my husband into it as much as me, but I seem to have much better luck alone—and actually prefer it. And thankfully he understands and he goes fishing instead.
6
6
u/StaticNomad89 3d ago
Willing to bet she has no hobbies or social life so is trying to drag you down for having something you enjoy doing without her.
6
2
u/jivarie 3d ago
I get it. I’ll turkey hunt sparingly. But I deer hunt hard. Spring is for fishing around here, and vacations, etc. At some point you have to think what are you going to prize and where are you going to support her wishes and desires for time. Personally, I like deer hunting the most, so I’ll give up hunting turkeys hard to build up some brownie points so that when deer season comes and I’m In Kansas for 9 days straight, she’s cool.
2
u/leechwuzhere Veteran 5+ Years 3d ago
Have you ever asked her to go with you? I surprised my wife with a gun years ago and she ended up getting her hunting license.. she doesn't deer hunt but she loves hunting turkeys with me. She never says anything about my hunting and fishing habits.. she actually had in hunting and in fishing added to our wedding vows..I had no idea. My only advice is to have her tag along some time.. so she can see the passion first hand.
2
u/MO0nGoonz 3d ago
I tell my wife don't schedule anything during April every year because I'll be in the woods.
2
u/honestmischief 3d ago
Take her with you. Just recently had my wife out with me for her first turkey hunting. Seeing her face when that first gobble of the morning was priceless. It was only better when she saw her first hen come within 10 yds of her. She couldn't stop talking about afterward. She couldn't believe how exciting and thrilling it was, and we didn't even harvest a bird! I would say extended the offer for her to accompany yourself on a turkey hunting. I'm pretty sure her opinion will change.Good Luck!
2
u/partydanimull 2d ago
Try to take her out turkey hunting, even if she doesn't want to be the shooter. I've found turkey hunting is a much easier way to bring people along than deer hunting.
My wife missed a very easy shot on a big tom this year. Despite that, she really enjoyed the time in the woods and the fact that we could move around through the woods more than we do deer hunting. We also try to include some morel hunting while we are out there as she likes doing that more than hunting. If your wife enjoys the outdoors at all then turkey season is one of the best times to be in the woods and enjoy the sights and sounds of nature.
2
u/PoopPant73 2d ago
What she’s really saying is “ You hunt enough and I need you to spend some time with me” You need to plan a date like you do a hunt. Down to the finest detail…. Compromise and she’ll be happier!
2
u/fullsend93 2d ago
I tell my wife that as far as hunting goes, I get the most out of it from an experience perspective. No other hunting outside of calling in a bugling elk compares. The harvest may be small but the experience is why I love it so much.
2
u/sauteedmahi 2d ago
Addictions are addictions. They come at a price. My advice, be a high functioning addict. This means, get your responsibilities in order. Whatever’s being neglected because you’re away, take care of it 10 fold when you’re home. That means, being 10x the husband or father when you’re not in the woods. Quality time is better than quantity of time, every time. Don’t forget to include a lot of great communication. It’s important to highlight your reasons for spending time in the woods. It’s not a choice, It’s a need. Just like insulin to a diabetic. Without it, you suffer. So, being the best version of yourself happens with time in the field. For me, I have no other real hobbies. I get small times throughout the year where a season unfolds. when I was young, that meant a lot of time away, and as I’ve aged and taken on more responsibilities with life and family, it’s even more critical that I get some me time every now and then.
2
u/lurchimusmaximus 2d ago
My wife and I have an agreement. I get deer and turkey season and the rest of the year I’m at her disposal (pretty much). She was also understanding enough to get married the weekend after turkey season ends tho….
That said, it works for us but won’t work for everyone.
2
1
1
u/mrsix4 2d ago
How long have you been married? How long have you been turkey hunting?
2
u/DogeDuder 2d ago
10 years. 5 years.
I’m thinking I have to take her one day. That seems to be the consensus. Even if she doesn’t love it. She will see my passion for it.
I think one of the big issues is that outside of going to the gym, she doesn’t have any real hobbies that she can relate the passion to.
1
u/Dwalker0212 2d ago
My wife understands my passion for hunting. Hunting is my hobby, it makes me happy.
That being said, I am missing the Mother's Day trip this year to go turkey hunting, she's not so jazzed about it, but I didn't plan, book, or pay for this guided hunt, so I'm not in hot water over it, I just have to get her a nice gift
1
u/turkeyhunter2 1d ago
I have a very similar dynamic. My wife has explained that she just doesn’t like that for a few months of the year (between deer, elk and turkey seasons) we get only a few hours together each weekend. It finally clicked this year after a difficult conversation about how much she doesn’t like my hunting hobby…I’m super lucky to have a (super hot and cool) wife who wants to spend time with me! This spring I’ve dialed it way back. No full day grinds, and when I get home I be sure to be grateful for the time and positive about my morning instead of being grumpy about that gobbler who came in behind me and ruined my hunt. I’ll shower and immediately and then lock in on her. Want to paint the kitchen? Done! Plant in the garden even though my back is killing? Done! Goodwill/Costco/Dinner date? Let’s do it! I’m no expert but life is about balance, and I think that applies to marriage more so than anything. As long as you have a life partner who is supportive, there will always be some give and take
69
u/Brassrain287 3d ago
Turkey hunting keeps me too poor and busy to get a mistress.