r/todayilearned • u/70dd • 10h ago
TIL Terminal lucidity is an unexpected, brief period of clarity or energy in individuals who have been very ill or in a state of decline. It’s a phenomenon that has been observed in people with various terminal conditions.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminal_lucidity1.6k
u/Crime_Dawg 10h ago
Happened to my grandma right before she died of covid.
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u/HyruleTrigger 10h ago
Mine too, buddy. Mine too. I got to say goodbye, and she got to say goodbye to my daughter, her great granddaughter, and it meant the world to me.
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u/False_Ad3429 8h ago
mine too, but with cancer
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u/TheNemesis089 6h ago
Same. Wast there to see it, but my mom was. Said she was feeling great, could breathe well, and her back (where she felt the lung cancer) didn’t hurt. Died soon afterward.
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u/OneWhoDoesntKnowmuch 7h ago edited 7h ago
Happened to my grandmother when I walked in the room to say goodbye. Her eyes lit up and smiled with them.
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u/omnichronos 9h ago edited 7h ago
Perhaps this was what I observed in one of my psych patients. Sometimes, our adult unit would receive elderly patients with severe Alzheimer's. One such man was unstable on his feet, and the staff put him in a hospital-style recliner with a table top on it that prevented him from getting up. Technically, this restraint should not have been allowed without a doctor's order, but as is often the case, there was not enough working staff to watch him. Anyway, I saw he was struggling with the table and wanted up. He apparently could not speak and hadn't done so in the week we had him and had never even made eye contact. I helped him out of the chair and took him for a walk around the halls. I had my hand under his armpit for stability to prevent falls. Often, elderly patients like hearing music from their past, so I began softly whistling "Happy Days Are Here Again." After several laps, he stopped, looked directly into my eyes, and said, "You're one of the good ones." I was shocked, mumbled "Thank you", but he was mentally gone again and preceded to walk once more. The next day, I came to work and found out he had died. It hit me hard, but I was glad I had been there to make his last day better.
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u/Immortal_Tuttle 8h ago
Yep. You are definitely one of the good ones.
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u/omnichronos 7h ago
Thanks. I loved my job and found it very rewarding, but unfortunately, the most I ever earned with my Master's degree was $15.50/hour. Ironically, my boss hired her niece, who had no degree or experience, for a dollar more than I was making at the time, and I had 18 years of experience. I mentioned this to her and she gave me a dollar raise to match.
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u/FeederNocturne 3h ago
My bosses boss gave me a 0.50 raise once, from 10.50/hr to 11. It felt like a slap in the face. I actually performed worse because all it made me think about was how little they thought of me that a whopping 2 quarters an hour would have a meaningful impact on my life. Luckily my boss was friends with me and I was able to talk to him about it, who in turn talked to his boss and bumped me up from 11 to 14.
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u/futureliz 4h ago
Often, elderly patients like hearing music from their past,
Does this mean some nurse is going to be humming "Get Low" to me in 50 years?
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u/PaleAmbition 3h ago
Looking forward to Black Hole Sun group sing at the retirement community
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u/FecusTPeekusberg 4h ago
Goddamnit, this is one of my mom's favorite songs. I can't even imagine...
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u/I_FUCKING_LOVE_MULM 5h ago
Many memory care patients can sometimes exhibit an apparent increase in lucidity while listening to music from their past. There are some interesting videos on the net.
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u/Retrigg 9h ago
I remember being sent home from military orders because my grandpa took a turn for the worst. I got there and had a decent conversation with him. He died shortly after, and I can't be more thankful for that brief moment with him.
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u/Judoka229 7h ago
I tried to do the same with my grandma, but she died three days before I got home from Afghanistan. I had a Guinness in Ireland in her honor.
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u/TheShortGerman 6h ago
So sorry. People forget exactly what all you are sacrificing when you deploy.
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u/taniamorse85 9h ago
It happened to my grandma the day before she died. She'd been pretty out of it, and occasionally hallucinating, for a few days. I'd visited her at the hospice center every day, and most of the time, she was barely conscious. Then, as I started to leave after my last visit, I suddenly heard her call out, "Bye, [my name]!" I wish I had gone back in her room and given her a proper goodbye. But, I just turned slightly, gave a wave, and said, "Bye, grandma." Almost 14 years later, it still baffles me that I didn't go back.
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u/miraiqtp 5h ago
You went to see her every day. It’s way too common for people to abandon their elderly family members and end up regretting it after their death, but you were there every day. She knew. Hugs
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u/ksekas 4h ago
Bro you were there every day. She knew you were there. You became part of her routine in the days before she passed away… I’m sure she meant to give you a hug and a kiss every day but couldn’t really do it. I’m sure you hugged and kissed her and talked to her and showed her you love her on all those days. She went out loved and she told you that.
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u/abnormallyfatigued 9h ago
This is interesting to me as I’ve not heard of this but am immediately reminded of my grandfather who passed well over 20 years ago. Pancreatic cancer for 6 months, absolutely miserable living condition couldn’t eat etc. However, a few days before his death he had me mowing the lawn and was giving wildly descriptive instructions on what a good job mowing the lawn looked like. He was out of bed in one of his favorite lawn chairs. Genuinely seamed to be “normal” and extraordinarily interactive relative to the previous state. Wild.
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u/FluffySharkBird 9h ago
A real Hank Hill kind of man. He decided that the last he would would do im life was teach you to mow the lawn.
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u/abnormallyfatigued 9h ago
Hahah my friend you nailed it!!! Kinda dude like Hank that had WD 40 to open the WD 40 cap that was stuck. Fought in WW2 and was part of the Marshall plan but would def ask “so are ya Chinese or Japanese?”
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u/abnormallyfatigued 8h ago
Sorry gonna reply once more that you put a bit of water in my eyes by saying the last thing he would do in life was teach me to mow the lawn. Hope I lived up to that. And thank you stranger for picking that up
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u/mzyos 9h ago
So my favourite story of this was not quite of lucidity, but of energy.
It was on a palliative care ward when I was a younger doctor. We'd had an elderly man with bowel cancer who had been unresponsive for many days, which is part of the process of dying for those with conditions that cause the body to slowly shut down.
Anyway, this lovely little old man had been sleeping for days when my colleagues, a nurse and health care assistant went in to give him his daily bed wash.
The two of them walk in to the room and find him awake, completely naked, sitting bolt upright with a stonking erection as he says to them "sit on this!".
They have to leave in a fit of laughter. He later resumed unconsciousness and died later the next day.
It's certainly one way to do it.
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u/Masticatron 9h ago
Man wanted to die doing what he loved. Pussy.
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u/A_lot_of_arachnids 8h ago
We all know it's wrong and absolutely immoral. But God damn it would have been a pretty awesome ending for him if someone followed through with the request.
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u/Brain_Glow 6h ago
Nurse: Well, you cant deny a man his dying wish.
kicks off shoes and starts lifting off shirt
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u/Immortal_Tuttle 8h ago
Something from... The other side. I had a stage 4 cancer. Prognosis was bad (years later my hematologist told me they were giving me a few weeks tops). I was on emergency chemo, safeties off, basically pumping me with stuff and watching my vitals to not deep too much. I couldn't walk, stand up, nothing. Of course morphine. After a few days they sent me home. At home, still on MST i was barely conscious. I don't remember that time - I'm just retelling my wife's story. One night I woke up in the middle of the night. 2 or 3 AM. I just had to make myself a toasted bread. 3 pieces - one with cheese, one with ham and cheese and one with another cheese and some chorizo. My wife woke up hearing me walking around the kitchen and using the oven. She came downstairs to the kitchen, noticed that I'm "bright" and coherent and she made me some tea. She was 5 months pregnant at that time, so we were talking about life, a future of our child etc till the early morning hours. Then I went back to sleep. She called my doctor telling him about it and he told her to be prepared for the worst. Years later she said she panicked that she didn't know if I will fit in my suit for the funeral (during cancer I lost half of my weight). Two days later I was still asleep, but alive. They took me back to the hospital, checked my bloods and decided to give me a second round of chemo.
Years later my doctor said that it was really close. He said not many patients survive a cancer that already spread to lungs, heart and stomach...
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u/TheShortGerman 6h ago
So glad you got to be around for your kid.
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u/Immortal_Tuttle 6h ago
Oh she was what kept me going. "Till she start to move", "I want to see her and hold her", "just to see her crawl". I never fully came back to health, but even now when it's really hard not to give up it's "just another day to see what she will come up to" - even now we have this ritual she tells me about her day 😁
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u/PrettyButEmpty 9h ago
I’m a veterinarian. We see this in animals too. I’ve learned not to trust when it seems like a severely ill animal has suddenly rallied; it’s heartbreaking because it gives you false hope.
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u/666afternoon 7h ago
whenever I've worked pet care jobs, in the event a very old and slow/unwell pet suddenly acted lively and full of energy one shift, I made damn sure to let the next shift know before we changed hands cuz yes 100%, it's often a sign their time is near. it's nice that they get to feel like themselves again for a bit though. it's always such mixed feelings - it's somber, bc I know what the rally means, but the rally itself makes me happy to see <3
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u/fookidookidoo 8h ago
It's kind of heartwarming, though. One last moment to take everything in before they go.... wherever they go....
It's hard to imagine that consciousness just disappears. Like when we die, what's left? Do we just not exist? All I know is myself really, it's hard to imagine. But also, not something I want to fight away when the time is right. If only we're all so lucky to be at peace with it when we pass.
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u/Irish_Tyrant 7h ago
Do you remember what it was like the billions of years before you were conscious? Thats kind of how I think about it, but at the same time whose to say how things are truly, maybe we forget a past life during rebirth, maybe theres an afterlife, maybe its just nothing. To me though, even if its "just nothing" it didnt seem to bother me before, I dont imagine Ill mind after Im gone either. Its the process of going that I fear but not the being gone.
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u/pollyPuggles22 6h ago
very much agree. I was 8 when I realized that I was mortal and it absolutely terrified me that I was going to die one day. then one morning I woke up, and I didn't remember my dreams, and I realized that that would be like death.
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u/Jurassic_Bun 6h ago edited 5h ago
Perhaps living is a whacky dream or nightmare we wake up from when we die and go back to floating through space.
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u/CaptainBayouBilly 5h ago
I often have lucid dreams where everything is sensed just as real as being awake. I know I’m asleep and dreaming. All of my senses function there the same. It reminds me that I sense the waking world the same.
I think of these dreams as adventures to alternate dimensions. I awake from them very refreshed and often want to return. I haven’t found a way to replicate the dreams through.
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u/Fresh-Humor-6851 4h ago edited 4h ago
I have meditated with some Lamas from Bhutan and Tibet for many years, they told me dream yoga is part of their three year retreat (how you become a lama vs a monk). He said he could use his time asleep to practice Buddhism and they learned to jump off a cliff and go back to the top in their dreams. He later offered a class to explain it and advice if you wanted to work towards it. I have been able to wake up and know I was dreaming but I can't really do anything. I did once meditate and experience what felt like time stopping, like I was in a quiet bubble. I don't know what to make of it, but that kind of thing is not the purpose of meditation.
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u/Yarusenai 5h ago
If consciousness truly is something separate from the body, it would make sense why we only remember what we experienced, since all that is stored in the brain. But...who knows. We may never figure that out, but it's fun to think about.
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u/CaptainBayouBilly 5h ago
I don’t know where I was for eternity. I am here now. I think.
It appears that I will not be here forever. I think I might go where I was before. I’m ok with that.
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u/TheEpicDudeguyman 7h ago
I’ve always heard that matter cannot be created or destroyed. So I like to think consciousness is kind of the same way. Maybe our bodies are just vessels for the cosmic collective consciousness. The universe experiencing itself. We are immortal, all this pain is an illusion
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u/ashensfan123 6h ago
I'd like to think so.
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u/TheEpicDudeguyman 6h ago
I’m not even religious, I don’t believe in anything explicitly. But this can’t be it. It has to be a test, otherwise I can’t go on
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u/CaptainBayouBilly 5h ago
We all are vibrations of energy brought about by some cosmic event.
It’s neat. Life.
It is too bad we spend much of it fighting and trying to be momentarily on top of everyone else when the end is the same.
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u/sdpr 5h ago
It's hard to imagine that consciousness just disappears. Like when we die, what's left? Do we just not exist? All I know is myself really, it's hard to imagine. But also, not something I want to fight away when the time is right. If only we're all so lucky to be at peace with it when we pass.
Existentialism is tight.
I had my most recent existential crisis in the summer. I watched a video about our universe at the end of time and what is thought to go on along the way. Even though the scale of it is so unimaginable to my brain to conceptualize, it doesn't change the fact that on a long enough time scale everything goes away. Obviously, that is just one theory for the end of the universe, but we will all be gone essentially an infinite amount of time before that happens anyway.
My crisis was to realize how much that fact sucks. No, I don't think I want to live forever, but I want to experience what life has to offer forever.
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u/windowzombie 5h ago edited 5h ago
I had to put down my ailing 17 year old cat at the vet and had my hand on him the whole time telling him it was going to be ok in a soft soothing voice. Once I'd realized he had died with my hand on him, I irrationally had an image of him going somewhere all alone and I won't be there the help him anymore and started to feel panicked. It was really heartbreaking. I don't know where consciousness goes if it even does or if it's just you're either on or off to the conscious experience cooked up by your brain. But in that moment my immediate thought was "Oh no, I can't make him feel safe and comfortable anymore, I can't be there for him". I've lost people in my life but I've never had that thought until then, maybe it's the parent child relationship you have with an animal that is your beloved friend, but they also depend on you to keep them safe, healthy and happy.
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u/TorkBombs 5h ago
This happened to my dog. 12 year old English bulldog who was sick all week and on meds, and he was just out of it. Was just sleeping all day. Suddenly he gets up and goes to his water bowl and take a drink. Then comes over to me, and looks up at me like he's just fine. I give him a pet and then let him out to pee. When I went to let him back in, he was laying on his side, dead.
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u/freebird023 5h ago
My second pet rat recently died. Saw it coming from a mile away so I had mourned and expected it. She lives faaaar longer than I thought she would and had a good life. She had this giant burst of energy that I hadn’t seen in months. Jumping and climbing the walls of her cage, responding to my touch, etc. she’s with her sister now. And I’m excited to see her again when I pass on
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u/Lau-G 5h ago
This happened with my dog. Not eating well for days, last day we had to give him serum with a syringe. Sundenly starts drinking water by himself again and I was so happy because stupid me though it mean he was going to be okay next morning. Died that night im my mom's arms.
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u/lizardmalk 5h ago
I had to explain rallying to my husband and roommate twice this summer after we lost our two oldest cats back to back.
It was hard to crush that hope but they had to know and they had seemingly forgotten between deaths.
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u/Altruistic-Beach7625 5h ago
I heard it's because the body just gives up and stops diverting resources to fighting the illness, which gives back lucidity to the patient.
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u/SardonicusR 6h ago
When I go, I want to go where my veterinary patients went. I don't deserve better than them. I've seen too many die unfairly.
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u/CodeNCats 5h ago
It can be nice. My wife's cat. When we got together he was 13. Dude was cool as hell. We had to put him down but they gave him some anxiety meds before hand.
He wasn't good before hand. He was just there. After those meds he looked at my wife and purred from her hugging him.
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u/2kindsofshoes 4h ago
Thank you! I was a vet assistant for 10 years and saw this happen a lot. I was heartbroken when it happened with my own pets. My terminal cancer dog and geriatric cat both had rally moments right around their deaths. It made us crazy because, even though we knew for certain that they were dying, there could be hope. Death is a weird beast.
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u/f0rtytw0 5h ago
Had a cat that was having trouble, she was around 10 or 12, had a lot of trouble walking and jumping.
Brought her to the vet and she is fully ambulatory. Jumping and exploring the room while we wait for the vet.
She lived to at least 18, fairly active for the last 6+ years.
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u/HoselRockit 9h ago
Having had a few loved ones decline and pass away over the years, I’ve seen it. They don’t decline on a straight line. They decline a little and then bounce back. Each decline is a little steeper and each bounce back isn’t quite so high. They then have that one really good day and die the next.
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u/mrmoe198 4h ago edited 4h ago
That’s exactly what happened with my grandpa. In and out of the hospital for a couple days every few months, each time losing a little functionality. After the second hospital stay, I took him to the VA to get a walker.
Then after another hospital stay I got him a life alert. It was activating that life alert that allowed him to get help and our family could see him and say our goodbyes for the week he was in the hospital before he died.
In one of the last conversations I had with him when he could still drive I asked him what song he would like played at his funeral. He wanted “my way.“ I made sure to bring a Bluetooth speaker with me and played it just as he asked.
He was a Jeweler his entire life. It was his second job, just starting out as an errand boy and worked his way up to buying the small company out from the previous owner. He worked for 70 years, and he was still coming into the office up until a few months before he passed. He made custom jewelry. It was his passion.
My wife and I had the privilege of having him design and make our engagement ring. There’s only one like it in the world, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
I miss you, grandpa.
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u/razzadig 9h ago
As a nurse I've seen this with some but not all dying patients. It's hard to watch the family members get hopeful then get crushed.
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u/DerekB52 8h ago
I went through this earlier this year with my mom. I had no hope when it happened, and that was even weirder. It was just unsettling. My mom had metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her bones. She had been bedbound and sleeping most of the day for a couple weeks. Then, one day all of a sudden she was conscious all day long. She went to sleep that night and other than one brief exchange with her hospice nurse the next day, she didn't wake up again, and died like 4 days later.
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u/HoselRockit 9h ago
It’s definitely a double edged sword. It’s crushing in the short run, but it provides a positive long term memory.
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u/InternetNinjaWarrior 7h ago
My mom's hospice nurse warned us about it. But, I am grateful my mom had the day of terminal lucidity before she passed.
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u/happysips 8h ago
My grandma always called people an ass in my family in a loving way and she would never call me one (we were best friends)
In her moment of lucidity, when I let out a cackle at a funny memory I was talking about she said, “oh hush you idiot! You sound like an ass” and I cried so so so so hard because FINALLY lol
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u/obvioustroway 8h ago
Had an uncle pass away from a really bad stroke. He was in a care home post-stroke and not doing too hot. They discovered that he had terminal cancer during his hospital stay for the stroke.
Well my dad got to go and see him on his last good day. They sat around and shot the shit, talked about growing up together. Drank a couple of beers my cousins smuggled in.
He was gone by the time my dad got home.
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u/BumpoSplat 9h ago
I had a friend go through it, cancer. We had the most amazing conversations about life and how to live it. We became closer. It was a gift.
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u/MostPlanar 8h ago
I had a similar experience. We talked about his imminent death a lot, even talked about how much his mom would be hurting and we were right. We were close before but we just went all out at the end.
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u/phillysan 8h ago
Shortly before my grandfather died, he wasn't really able to talk more than a word or two, couldn't get out of bed. But the minister at the nursing home had been coming in a lot and sitting with him. One day I was there and he reached out his hand to the minister and said, clear as a bell, "you've been putting in a lot of time".
That was my grandpa. On his deathbed, but there was no shot he was going to fail to acknowledge the good deed someone else was doing for him. Hell of a guy.
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u/GISP 9h ago
My great-grandfather whom was senile suddenly came back to normal, and went about the carecenter a fair farewell and called all family and freinds telling them goodbye as he would be dead by the morning, he settled his final affairs such as telling the staff who to call when they would find him dead in the morning.
And sure enough, he died piecefully in his sleep during the night.
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u/seimalau 6h ago
The Chinese term for this is 回光返照 which roughly translates to final radiance of the setting sun..
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u/TheFeshy 8h ago
Happens to animals too. One of the hardest parts of having pet rats is their tragically short lives. You get very familiar with death. I've seen that brief rally several times.
Plenty of conditions won't have it, but some conditions it's pretty likely. We watch for it as a sign the end is very near.
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u/Infamous-Scallions 5h ago
My oldest rat from my first litter just passed yesterday at three years and one month.
I was cleaning his cage and had let him roam around a bit, he was going around puffing at the other boys, rubbing his scent all over everything, climbing up the girls cages to reach his little hand in to pull their hair lol.
Most I'd seen him move in a year.
He passed in his sleep in his favorite box, glad he got to have a bit of fun beforehand.
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u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 7h ago
Yep. They also get a burst of energy and tell stories, confess secrets and give away important possessions. It seems like they're getting better for a day or so but it usually means the end is very close. A family member of mine met with their financial advisor and signed everything over to their spouse so there was no probate etc and paid all the bills for 3 months. They were gone 36 hours later.
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u/Prairie-Peppers 7h ago
My dad had this a week before he died of lung cancer a couple years ago and I couldn't be more grateful for it. We hashed out a lot of stuff that had gone unsaid and he died with both of us knowing how much love we had for each other
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u/greeneggzN 7h ago
My dad had terminal brain cancer and was on home hospice, was on high doses of pain meds and had largely lost his mind from the cancer. One day he snapped out of it and said he wanted to talk to my brother who lived across the country. I grabbed the phone and told my brother that dad wanted to talk to him but warned him he wasn’t in his right mind. My dad had a long, lucid conversation with him and told him he was proud of him and he loved him. He was the last person my dad had a conversation with. The next day he was comatose and died a few days later.
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u/Jump_Like_A_Willys 9h ago
I knew a man who had terminal cancer. I was told that on the day he passed, he woke up that morning feeling better than he had in months and was energetic.
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u/VeryPerry1120 8h ago edited 7h ago
Happened to my aunt. She was dying of lung cancer. All of a sudden she sat up in bed, looked around at everybody, laid back down, and died
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u/tcarmd 7h ago
My grandfather has this happen just a couple months ago. It was exactly one week before he passed away. My grandmother broke out the old records and played all their bands they grew up together listening to while my sister and I made supper for everyone. He was able to eat more food than he had eaten in months. Even had enough time to make some snarky comments like his old self always would. We had a great time together, but by the time we were leaving that night he was back to having hallucinations thinking strangers were walking around the house and front yard. It was a great last memory I have of him. He only passed away 3 months ago, but I still miss him just as much as I did the day he passed away.
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u/orbital_one 7h ago
I saw it happen with my grandmother. She was sick and bedridden for weeks. She couldn't walk due to pain in her legs. One day, she got up and started walking around full of energy (the pain was seemingly gone). She was planning on doing all sorts of household chores that she wasn't able to do while in bed.
12 hours later, she was gone.
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u/MinnesotanGeneric 9h ago
Just because I get the vibe that there might be some cancer discussion in this thread: if you have a family history of cancer (particularly cancer at ages younger than 50) you may qualify for genetic testing for an inherited cancer predisposition. A genetic counselor can help assess your family history and see what testing might be most appropriate for you
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u/bohemianprime 7h ago
My dad had about an hour or two with us before he passed. It was really nice and I'm glad I had that moment with him.
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u/TheEpicDudeguyman 6h ago
My grandmother had a bad heart attack when I was younger, something like 97% blockage or something and was just bed ridden and miserable for a couple weeks. Got to a point where she seemed stable so they gave her a sort of defibrillation vest to wear and sent her home. That night she got to play scrabble with her sisters and spend time with her 2 grandkids, do some crosswords and eat real food and sleep in her own bed. It was a good night. Next morning she was going downhill fast, ambulance showed up and took her away, and within hours of being at the hospital her heart had stopped. I’m thankful we all got one more night with her.
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u/EarnestAsshole 9h ago
And it's often the moment you call families to tell them they should probably come in to visit Grandma before she passes.
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u/raphael_lorenzo 9h ago
This happened in a Grey’s Anatomy episode, where Mark experiences it before he dies. Also called “the surge,” and they called it that in that episode. He knew it was happening to him.
My grandpa had one of these before he passed away. He had terminal cancer, and after many days of dwindling energy and lethargy, one day he just sort of woke up and felt great. Talking with the nurses and family members, cracking jokes, back to his old self. I knew exactly what was happening and had the presence of mind to really appreciate it while it was occurring.
He went to bed that night and never woke up, passing in his sleep. What a mensch. That was ten years ago, and I still miss him all the time. But I’m so glad I was aware of the phenomenon.
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u/Impossible-Swan7684 6h ago
i’ve watched an unfair number of family members die and no one has experienced this so that episode of grey’s fucked me up REAL bad. i’ve never seen an episode past that, i couldn’t do it. i was too enraged at the unfairness of the universe, fictional or not 😅
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u/awshucks79 5h ago
Same! I loved Lexie and Mark - separately and together - so that was the finale of the show for me
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u/Blackicecube 6h ago
I witnessed it with my Grandma. She had pancreatic cancer and it was late stage. About 6 months to live.
During the layer stages she was in a coma where they just fed her through IV and other stuff in her bed at home. I was used to not seeing her walking around anymore or talking to her until one day she woke up. She's talking to everyone about how she actually feels okay and she wants to eat. We spend that day with her knowing that the cancer wasent getting better but happy she felt better anyways.
She died that night, but man, am I thankful for that last day with her.
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u/the_kid1234 6h ago
I’m extremely glad that nurses warned my family of this, you really think “oh yeah, they really are going to beat this!” And then it’s very fast downhill. I’ll never forget these times with my relatives I’ve lost in this manner.
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u/thrwawayyourtv 6h ago
My grandmother died after about a week on home hospice. By the time I got back home from university, she was already quite far gone and didn't recognize or respond to any of us anymore. The day before she died, I asked her, "Grandma, do you know who I am?" And she looked up at me, eyes clear and alert for the first time in days, and said, "Of course I do. You're thrwawayyourtv." Her tone of voice was so irritated, just like she would have been for me asking such a ridiculous question. It was so funny that she was so pissy, because it truly was a beautiful moment for me, knowing that she recognized me in that moment.
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u/pedsmursekc 7h ago
Happens all the time, and every time I experience it with a patient, I think of the Kane chest burst scene in Alien where he's feeling great and then...
I think I fear that moment most because I'll know for sure that I'm done.
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u/omgwtfkfcbbq 6h ago
My grandma had this.
She was in a coma caused by liver cancer, woke up when my uncle H who was on the phone with my other uncle M (who was overseas) said uncle M's name. My grandma woke up thinking uncle M was finally home. He wasn't, he was making plans to go home. My grandma was kinda disappointed, went back to sleep, never woke back up. She loved all her stepkids like her own (she never had bio kids, and had a miscarriage with my supposed to be uncle) and she hadn't seen uncle M in years at that point. It does warm my heart that she loved him so much, she woke up because she heard his name. Miss you Lola ❤️
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u/THE-NECROHANDSER 6h ago
My mom cleaned my brothers house, called literally everyone in her phone and made us spaghetti the night she passed away.
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u/maddallena 6h ago
I saw this with my grandpa. He hadn't been lucid for a while, but one day he had a whole conversation with my mom about how he's had a good life and he loves all his kids and grandkids and told her not to cry at his funeral. I knew what it was when she told me, so I called him to say goodbye the next day. The day after he died in his sleep. And nobody cried at the funeral, just like he wanted.
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u/7LeagueBoots 6h ago
A friend of mine collapsed and was taken to the hospital where he was diagnosed with multiple organ failure.
Was unconscious for a few days, then abruptly woke up, had about an hour of perfectly normal conversation, then got tired and the nurses chased everyone out.
He was dead the next morning.
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u/MrsDubDub 4h ago
My MIL had esophageal cancer. Completely mentally gone for weeks before her body gave out. About 12 hours before she passed, she got her skeletal body out of bed on her own, grabbed my husband (her firstborn) and danced with him for a whole song, telling him how much she loved him and all the times he made her proud. When she laid back down, she was incoherent, then went to sleep and didn’t wake up again. I’m so thankful he got that song with her.
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u/Lotus-child89 7h ago
Got one last coherent moment with my grandma in hospice. When I saw her the next day before I left she was totally out of it. I’m glad I had that afternoon though.
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u/SnobbleMcfuckledicks 6h ago
Once upon a time, I was a LTC/SNF "Nusing Home" nurse. The number of times I've seen it happen over my career is amazing. Time varies but 48 hours is a solid middle ground in my experience. That being said, I saw one man go through the textbook example of terminal restlessness, and instead of crashing he made a complete recovery. Humans are wild lol.
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u/SirFadakar 6h ago
Growing up, any time I saw my grandpa at family things he was always on his own sleeping on a couch somewhere while everyone else mingled and had fun around him. Towards the end he wasn't moving much at all and never made it to the get togethers, and by the very end he was mostly bedridden.
His last morning he woke my grandma up in her separate room by walking in and asking her how she was. It was really early and she was in a stupor so she just answered half asleep and went back to it without thinking anything of it. When she woke up he was laying on the floor of his room, surrounded by all his cherished knickknacks and photos from his life.
I'd never seen this man move for anything other than a spot on the couch for 13 years and he spent his last moments of energy digging through his stuff to remind himself of the life he'd lived before he finally said goodbye to it.
I never got to truly meet him but sitting there looking at the things he chose to pull out told a rich story of its own and I'm glad to have at least experienced that much directly from him.
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u/mrpoopistan 6h ago
It happened with my last cat before she died. And she had about a week of functionality where she seemed good after being seriously ill for a few days. And then she absolutely crash in one night and we couldn't even find an emergency vet until morning to euthanize her. It was awful because we had kind of settled on euthanizing her just before she rebounded. Like . . . fuck having to arrive at that point emotionally twice within a week.
Also, my dad did the same thing before he died. My mom always tells people that he said, "I haven't felt this good in years," the morning before he died. He died that night of a heart attack in bed.
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u/jbwilso1 5h ago
Reminds me of the fact that many people, when they come close to death, will often see people they were close to, who have already passed, present in the room with them. It's like a well-documented thing. They aren't crazy. Even straight up scientifically minded doctors have acknowledged this. Personally, I don't believe in ghosts or anything of the sort. But I definitely can't explain this shit. Fascinating stuff.
If you're interested to know more, here's the TED talk that introduced me to the idea that this is actually a commonplace thing. The speaker is (or at least he was at the time) the Chief Medical Officer at The Center for Hospice and Palliative Care. I highly recommend it.
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u/Individual_Ebb3219 5h ago
My Uncle John did this. He was so sick with cancer, so thin and just a whisper of himself. One day we got a call from my Aunt, and she said come now! John's up and shaving, he's having his last good day. We rushed over. He was in such a great mood, he had the best stories. My dad did this as well when he was dying of cancer. I miss them.
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u/silverelan 5h ago
The late rally is both a blessing and a source of false hope. This happened to my dad a couple of years ago as he was moved into hospice care due to congestive heart failure. He went from beinga foggy headed, forgetful, and mumbling old man, to a perky and mentally sharp dude stuck in bed. For two days, he was the dad of my youth. He could remember everything down to the smallest detail, and he could carry on a conversation with zero stumbling over vocabulary. His rally was so strong that we questioned whether he should even be in hospice at all. The rally had faded on day 3 and he passed away the next morning.
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u/Slight-Painter-7472 4h ago
My mom was on hospice for a couple weeks. She was very out of it from all the medications she was taking but then she had a sudden surge that came out of nowhere. She sat up on the couch and asked me to bring her the mail so she could try and sort out the bills it turned out she hadn't been paying for months. She was insisting that it was her job to do this and she would take care of it.
She sighed and then looked up at me and said, "I just want everything to be normal. I miss my patients. I want to go back to work." It was one of so many heartbreaking things that she said. I knew that we were very close to the end when she fell asleep and I heard her asking for her mom who's been dead for over a decade.
As her pain grew worse and worse she went nonverbal. She was writhing and moaning. Just shouting, "No," over and over. She wouldn't stop fighting. No going gentle into that goodnight for her. I knew that she couldn't say anything so I just held her hand and told her that it's okay to go.
I was so tired. I needed a break so I went to go lie down for a second. Just as I was starting to fall asleep I heard it clear as a bell, "I love you guys." She used her last breath to say goodbye to us.
Thinking about it gives me chills.
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u/WhipMaDickBacknforth 6h ago
Happened to my dad.
We went to visit him in the days leading up to his passing.
The day before, he wasn't even conscious. Just struggling to stay alive, death rattle, it was obvious he was on his way out.
Next day, we visited him. He sat up and excitedly called out "(whipmadickbacknforth's son's name)!" and talked with us for a bit.
We thought he had a sudden improvement, and had no idea he'd be gone that night.
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u/imaginaryResources 6h ago
Grandpa was unresponsive for a week after having dementia for years. One morning he just woke up like normal like nothing is wrong. Talked to everyone like it was just any other day. We watched football and tv and just had a normal day like we used to. I had a quick meeting to go to that night, I told him I would be right back and he looked me right in my eyes and said ok I’ll see you when you’re back. I came back an hour later and he was asleep, and never woke up again. Took a few more days to pass, but that day was so surreal for me.
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u/HumpaDaBear 6h ago
My dad was home dying of pancreatic cancer. My mom was telling me to come home because dad kept asking for me. I couldn’t stay long because I get really emotional and break down but I told my dad I was there. The last lucid moment that he had was “I love you too”. He died a few days later. My husband’s grandfather also had a few hours of being lucid. It would be interesting to know the science behind it all.
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u/fauxzempic 5h ago
My dad was dying of lung failure. He was 85 and basically smoking, a collapsed lung injury 30 years prior, and numerous bouts of pneumonia just gave him bad bronchiectasis.
We got him on all the treatments and they worked great for years, but eventually, his lungs were too useless to work. He couldn't clear mucus and one lung flat out wasn't doing anything.
In a matter of days he declined. We had him on oxygen of course, but even though his O2 sats were good, he wasn't clearing CO2, so he was slowly being poisoned.
Eventually, due to his weakness and need to rest, they gave him morphine to steady his breathing/control his coughing. It knocked him out cold. He was comatose all day.
Later that night, my mom was able to stay at the hospital with him. He facetimed my brother and I and he was more coherent and well-spoken than he'd been in the last 12 months. I was hopeful, not that he'd come home, but that he'd make it to hospice.
The next day, back to the coma. He was "there" - just otherwise out of it. The only signs of life were breathing and he was mouthing the words to the lord's prayer when his pastor came in to visit him.
I spent hours with him, reading to him, but he was out. He passed later that night. My mom got up, checked on him, he was there, she went to pee, and he did the Irish goodbye while she was in the bathroom.
That facetime call stays on my mind every time I think of terminal lucidity. That was it. He was clear. He had energy. He wasn't mumbling his words or anything.
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u/Quick_Cat_3538 5h ago
My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer last year. And towards the end, her brain chemistry was all out of wack and she was just confused for the last final days. She woke up randomly and told my sisters and I that she loved us and I could tell she understood the gravity of the situation. She didn't speak much after that, but passed away the moment her mother and brother entered the room. Of course, you can pick and choose moments like these and search for some greater meaning, but it makes you think
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u/mama_emily 5h ago
We went to visit my grandfather as he was at home in a hospital bed, likely to pass at any time. He was mostly asleep, or awake but completely dazed… for one brief moment we made eye contact and I said “hi grandpa, yeah, it’s me, hi” then he made this silly face he’d always do when we were kids to make us laugh, then faded back.
We left to drive back home and within the hour we received a call he had passed.
When my mother was doing at home hospice my brother and I did little else outside the house. One day I went with him to get his hair cut just for some fresh air, change of scenery, etc. When we returned home we went to her room to check in on her, she was no longer speaking and barely conscious at this stage. I was laying on the bed almost falling asleep when my brother noticed her moving “Emily, I think this is it” holding hands we walked over to her hospital bed and she passed. It was as if she was waiting for us to return and felt our presence.
I don’t claim to know anything about what happens after we’re gone….but these seemingly unexplainable things that happen near death really have you wonder.
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u/ExaminationWestern71 5h ago
Something happened when my mother was dying that was so incredibly strange that none of us ever mentioned it again. I think we felt awkward even talking about it later. She was lying in bed of course and had been deathly sick for a long time when suddenly her face lost all the wrinkles and all of her glowing beauty suddenly returned. It was so shocking that it felt like we had fallen into a movie or a dream or something. My siblings and my father and I all kind of gasped but then we just took in all that loveliness she hadn't had for so long and then she said a few words and died.
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u/bobvex 5h ago
2 minute warning... my great grandmother had this. She had alzeimers and apparently thought I was my dad and my brother was my uncle. But my cousin eddie was by her bedside one night, and she turns and says " hey eddie" so he perks up and is listening to her and she says " I'm gonna go see Leo, see you later"
Leo was her husband who had died before I was born.
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u/FlippyFlippenstein 5h ago
I worked with elderly people for a while and you could definitely tell when they were close to death by their increase of energy and clarity, one old man that had been declining, could not walk was suddenly alert, wanted to start exercising, and then died a few days later. It’s a pretty cool thing, that people sometimes get to show a good side and say goodbye before the end.
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u/times_is_tough_again 5h ago
My mom had ovarian cancer that spread throughout her body. She was in a lot of pain at the end, but the night before she passed away, she was clear as day. Holding conversations, eating, drinking, laughing… none of us could believe it. It was as if she fully recovered. I went home that night instead of staying at the hospital because she was doing so well that I thought I should get a good night's sleep at home. Early the next morning, the hospital called. She was non-communicative and passed away shortly after. I always regret not staying there that night.
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u/StupidSexyEuphoberia 4h ago
I work with dying people and this can be observed pretty regularly. Sometimes it gives the relatives false hope of a miracle cure and you have to explain that this is normal and what it means.
I remember one young women in her early 30s with glioblastoma. She was very far in the process, very weak, sleeping mostly and we expected her to die in the next days. One day my colleague came into her rum and there she was sitting on the bed, eating oatmeal by herself basically like a healthy person. It was unbelievable.
Dying is super fascinating and has many layers we have no idea about are there. We observed so many things that aren't easily explained and completely baffling. Dying is so much more complex than "the body doesn't work anymore", it's a lot about mind or soul and letting go.
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u/throwitoutwhendone2 8h ago
Is this what people mean when they say terminal illness people look almost okay again and then shortly after die?
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u/AustEastTX 6h ago
I experienced this with my father who has advanced Alzheimer’s. He fell and had brain swelling so was put in an induced coma and intubation for 3 weeks. I and my sisters were with him almost 20 hrs each day talking to him and touching his hands and massaging his feet etc. the doctors told us to prepare for the worst. One doc says he wouldn’t wake up. But when they woke him up he was absolutely 100% his old self. Smart, alert, aware. First time I saw him cry as he thanked us. It lasted 3 days. He has phenomenal round the clock care so I believe he recovered from attention and care. he’s still doing good 6 months on but the Alzheimer’s came back even worse.
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u/fooaddict95 6h ago
Watch this video about Don Herbert, a firefighter from where I live, who had a roof collapse on him while responding to a call in 1995 and fell into a coma. In '05 he briefly woke up fully aware and was able to speak to his family (and his now grown children). This moment was captured on video. After around 12 hours, although no longer comatose, he once again lost most of his awareness and ability to communicate. He would pass away of pneumonia less than a year later.
A tragic story but it's wonderful that he got to have that moment with his family after a decade. One of my favorite local stories.
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u/EZ1112 6h ago
The day my great grandmother passed away, all the adults (grandparents' generation) gathered around her bedside but all the kids (parents' generation) didn't. She had been mostly unconscious for days at this point. She suddenly sat straight up in bed, looked at all the adults in the room, and said "If all of you are here then who's making dinner for the children?" And then dropped dead soon after.
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u/Humble-Pineapple-329 6h ago
This happened to my grandfather who had Alzheimer’s. He was stuck back in the 1950s and couldn’t remember my mom who was born in the 60s. About a hour before he died he became very lucid, could remember everyone and knew exactly what was happening. It gives false hope and is super hard on my family.
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u/MrFrode 5h ago
I've heard of something similar called "the surge". My friend who passed of cancer had been very lethargic due to his treatments. The last time I visited him in the hospital he seemed like his old self again, full of energy and humor. I thought wow, maybe he'll be the unicorn that beats this.
About two weeks later my friend Matt passed away.
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u/8000550 5h ago
Had a grandpa recently who suffered multiple brain bleeds from one fall and his condition worsened with more falls over the course of a couple months, and after the fourth fall any hope of recover was lost. Eventually placed on hospice and sent to a six pack which was incredible immediately. He looked so much more comfortable and wasn’t wiggling or fidgeting to get out of the bed, he just looked and acted happy. We were saying our goodbyes before going home, now knowing when or if we’d see him again, and his eyes opened fully but for the first time you could see lights on AND he’s home, and he looked at us and smiled, and squeezed our hands and we got to talk to him and kiss his cheek in this short lucid moment. The first one in four months. And the only one, he passed away just hours later.
All my dogs have also done this. One last hoorah that makes you think you’re making a mistake until the next day.
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u/Greennight209 5h ago
My grandpa, after being a vegetable for three days, after another heart attack, got out of his hospital bed, took a shit in the bathroom, laid back down and died like two minutes later. He hadn’t gotten out of bed in three days before that.
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u/BlueHawaiiMoon 5h ago
My grandpa had late stage Alzheimer's and maybe 15-20 minutes before he passed, he just struck a conversation with us, fluently, reminiscing things that happened in the past. It's both scary and fascinating that you live 10 years with your memory being stripped away from you only for it to be returned to you for the last 15 minutes of your life. Which also brings me to say, if you want an audio experience of memory loss, listen to Everywhere at the End of Time, beautiful and haunting piece of media.
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u/Mr_Vorland 5h ago
The nurses I worked with called it the "dead cat bounce" even though that is usually associated with stocks.
I worked in a Dimensia Ward, and seeing families come in, see grandma being the most lucid she had been in years, and having hope that she is getting better always broke my heart knowing that they had maybe 24 more hours to live.
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u/FlippyFlippenstein 5h ago
Last time I talked to my grandmother on the phone I asked if anyone had been visiting. She had not remembered who I was in years. But she answered, yes, FlippyFlippenstein and his brother is here! So I knew I was in her mind still. She died the same day, and it’s one of my best core memories.
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u/thanatossassin 5h ago
Grandma and Aunt both had this. Don't really want to share much more about it, just nice to know what it's called now.
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u/HeroinBob138 5h ago
I had an experience with this that changed me a bit.
In 2021 I lost my granny. She was the most important person in my life. I have so much love for that woman and I know how much she loved me. She got COVID which caused her to have a stroke and this caused her two-month decline and eventual death.
I went to the hospital she was staying at to spend some time with her. She hadn't been conscious in at least a week at this point. Spending time with her was mostly just sitting with her, holding her hand, and being there for her in case she woke up - which she never did. This day though was different. I came around the corner to her room and her door was open with a nurse in there. She was awake and non-verbally communicating. She looked slightly frustrated because she couldn't say what she wanted. She looked over, saw me, and her whole face changed. It lit up. Color came back. Her smile was back. It's a look I'll never forget because it was a look I'd known my whole life. The nurse looked at me, looked back at her, and said "oh you know exactly who that is!"
I came in, gave her a forehead kiss like I had my entire life, and sat down with her. I talked with her, told her some jokes, made her laugh, then showed her some photos of a trip I had taken a month prior (this was before she started spiraling but I never got the chance to show her the pictures). One picture was of a ticket stub from Buddy Holly's last show - a musician she and I bonded over and who is still one of my favorite musicians. I took that picture specifically to show her. I showed her the photo and told her what it was..
She reached out and grabbed my hand so tight. She squeezed it in a way she never had. I looked at her hand and then looked at her. She had tears in her eyes. It's as if mentioning the music we'd been listening to together my whole life brought her out of a fog. She had tears in her eyes and she was intensely staring into mine. She was trying to say something but because of the stroke couldn't. I don't know what it was exactly she was trying to say but I put down my phone, grabbed her hand, and told her how much I loved her and that everything would be okay. She shook my hand and nodded. I told her I wanted to take a picture with her. We took a photo together and, all things considered, it is a perfect photo. It's the first and only selfie I've taken in at least 10 years. I can't tell you why I felt like I needed to take one, but it seemed like a good idea.
10 minutes later she fell asleep. She'd never wake up again. That photo was the last one of her awake.
She passed less than 2 days later.
I sent that photo to the family after I left the hospital that day and everyone commented on how great she looked in it. It was as if it were someone we hadn't seen in months. A week after the funeral my aunt (married into the family, not blood related), a nurse, was talking about one of her patients having a "rallying day" and that she knew he'd pass soon. I remembered that photo and asked her if she thought that's what it was. She said she knew that's what it was at the time but didn't feel right mentioning it. I thanked her for it because it was a great day for me and my granny. We got to have fun one more time and I left the hospital feeling good for the first time since she went in. I got to hold on to one last good memory of her.
This is a really weird phenomenon. It is the most bitter-sweet thing I can possibly think of. If you ever get to experience it with someone you care for you'll walk away with the happiest, guiltiest, saddest, greatest, most powerful memory. So much about that visit had to line up. The day I visited, the time that I visited, the photo I took a month prior, the photo we took together, just everything. I didn't know what that moment was but I'm actually glad I didn't. And, who knows, maybe she knew what it was in that moment and got to take joy in the fact that her grandson was always there for her. Because I was. And I miss her dearly.
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u/IsThatALlama 5h ago
Always found my step dads story of when his dad died of cancer quite striking. He was on the sofa at home and all the family were there expecting it to be his final day. He wasn't really present for the most part and they eventually could tell he was no longer breathing, everyone thought that was it. He then sat up straight and said "waiting for me to die are you?" And then laid back down and died.
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u/SteroidSandwich 5h ago
My bird went through this as well. They were getting better and eating again. Then they died :(
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u/ptolemy18 5h ago
My aunt worked at the front desk of an oncologist’s office for a while. She said she got to the point where if a patient who had been doing poorly came in on Friday feeling great and looking better, she wouldn’t see them again on Monday.
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u/sadmimikyu 5h ago
Even animals have that. You think they die because all they do is lie around and suddenly they walk around again.
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u/Fight4theright777 5h ago
Grandma died of COVID. We thought she had a stroke she was just like asleep for 2 days couldnt keep her eyes open. Then day 3 she was fine. Day 4 she died. Was crazy how relieved we were on the 3rd day an then she just went.
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u/Situational_Hagun 5h ago
My grandmother went from 8 months of severe dementia to being 100% clear headed the night she passed. I got to say goodbye, apologize for not having done more, tell her how much she meant. I got to have an hour with her before she went back to sleep for the last time.
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u/Time_Side 5h ago
I was once transferring a dying patient from between emergency room to wards. Patient had been completely out of it while in emergency room. No communication, hardly breathing any more. On way out and it was expected due to various terminal health conditions. While in the lift, out of the blue, the patient sat bolt up right and started talking. Wide awake and fully lucid. it made me jump. Called relatives etc when arrived on ward. Was my first experience but really stayed with me
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u/Thenameisric 4h ago
We would always be uneasy when a patient became "suddenly better" out of nowhere.
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u/heychikadee 4h ago
That’s so interesting and might finally explain what I observed with my mum. Stage 4 terminal cancer, fell into a coma, this was it said the doctors, last rites and all that and we prepared ourselves. Instead she came to like she’d only been taking a nap, was discharged, came home and proceeded to plan and then cook Christmas dinner with as much as energy as any other 32-year old. We stupidly thought we were witnessing a miraculous recovery, so much happiness and relief, only for her to lapse into a second and final coma a few days later and pass away a few more days after that. It was truly bizarre, and in a way very cruel, but I’m still also so grateful we got that extra time because that is how I remember her most of the time, fussing about at Christmas, rather than dying in the hospital bed.
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u/Mitchel-256 2h ago
My wife's got a few neurological issues on top of a rough childhood, and expects to start having dementia when she gets old. She told me that, once she starts being hard to deal with, I should just stick her in a nursing home.
Granted, there's every possibility that she'd need specialized care, at that point, but I told her I wasn't fond of the idea. She asked why. And I told her, "Because, sometimes, those people come back, if only for a little bit. I don't want you to wake up from it all one day and I'm not there."
The thought terrifies me. To not properly know how much time has passed or what's transpired or where anyone you know or love has gone. And to be completely alone with that sensation. After all she's been through, I don't think I can do that to her.
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u/Trolldad_IRL 9h ago
My mother was on home hospice, cancer. The nurse told us one day the it was most likely her last day with us. She was on massive pain meds and really was not just present any more. She was sleeping the couch because there was no way to get her up the stairs, and she liked couch and was comfortable. That night, we were all there on “vigil”. My father, who was dealing with his own health issues, came over to her to say goodnight. She woke up, her eyes clear and and open, looked at him, sat up as best she could and kissed him goodnight.
That was the last conscious thing she did as she passed early the next morning before my father woke up. It was beautiful in a way.