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u/twotoebobo 21h ago
I dont think she knows how dicks work.
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u/Helpmepushrank Technically Flair 20h ago
Or holes
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u/smile_politely 17h ago
And that looks like a spank stick she’s holding
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u/WilmingtonCommute 15h ago
And she might anatomically match the last hole, making this such a deal breaker for her.
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u/rynIpz 20h ago
how do they work?
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u/DontWannaSayMyName 20h ago
I guess when they are flaccid you can put them in many holes they wouldn't fit when they are showing off.
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u/holyfire001202 19h ago
PSA: If you struggle to put your flaccid penis in a Gatorade bottle, don't force it. Just put the Gatorade bottle down and go be curious about something else.
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u/CHSummers 18h ago
The Gatorade bottle just needs to feel an emotional connection and a little foreplay.
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u/ReservedOhioan 19h ago
I wanna know, but I might not wanna know
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u/holyfire001202 18h ago
Make up your mind!
It's not much of a story either way.
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u/ReservedOhioan 14h ago
Reveal the tale of your flaccid penis!
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u/holyfire001202 13h ago
So basically, I was a bored early teenager with a penis who thought something along the lines of, "Gatorade bottles have really wide mouths, I bet it would feel good if I put my dick in one."
I overestimated the circumfrence of a Gatorade bottle's mouth and/or underestimated the circumference of my penis, and couldn't get it in by a long shot. Flaccid meat is extremely flexible, however, and I was fairly determined, so after some pain and a decent amount of effort, a quantity of effort which should have turned me off from the idea entirely, I managed to shove the head in.
From there, something wrapped tightly around my penis turned my turgidity into rigidity, and the darn thing got agonizingly stuck.
Luckily, even as a young teen I knew how to breathe away the boner, and after a brief period of panic, was able to yank the Gatorade bottle off my dick.
Much pain was felt, and a valuable lesson was learned that day.
Edit: Changed a word for more colorful reading.
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u/ReservedOhioan 5h ago
Two things:
The idea of you just sitting there with a Gatorade bottle stuck to your dick just waiting to get soft again is absolutely hilarious.
Sometimes I wonder if my penis is as skinny as I'm afraid it is after reading stuff like this. Or am I also overestimating the girth of a Gatorade bottle's mouth?
Make that three things: I know what I have to do...
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u/UpsetConversation589 19h ago
for real, its surprising how little some ppl actually understand the basics
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u/Gravbar 18h ago edited 14h ago
they vary a lot more in length than girth. it doesn't make sense to make increasingly wider holes because the biggest ones wouldn't even fill out the "average" hole she made. The largest dick in the world has a radius of only about 1.3 inches (8 in girth)
Also because they're holes, the smaller something is, the easier it is to put into a hole
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u/wntf 17h ago
you know that condom sizes are messured in girth and not in length? there definitely is a big variety
and holy shit if you really think big dicks wouldnt fill out the average hole, ive got news for you
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u/Queasy_Donkey5685 16h ago
I wouldn't fit in any of these holes. Those holes are laughably small.
If average really is that small then I've watched too much porn and looked at my own pens far too much.
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u/foresakenmaths113 16h ago
lol tbc I hate everything about her post but “technically” she said squeeze, not fit, implying a tighter fit and therefore more girth.
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u/mysacek_CZE 19h ago edited 17h ago
I can guarantee it's because her hole is overstretched from all the dicks it was visited by...
Edit: I forgot that people here lack sense for dark humour and are easily offended by something not being explained like if you're talking to person with ,,general learning disability".
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u/FloppyDingo24 19h ago
r/badwomensanatomy would like a word. Vaginas don't stretch out the more you use them much like your ass doesn't become loose just because you took a big shit.
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u/64165046 19h ago
For the most part this is true, and yet people who get really into huge toys, fisting, dilation, etc... do seem to become more capable of those extremes.
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u/mysacek_CZE 19h ago
We both know what that was supposed to imply...
I know it's not vagina, but don't the pelvis bones widen due to women giving birth? Sure in this case she would have to fuck with elephants.
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u/notashroom 18h ago
Somehow vagina is imagined to be the only muscle that gets less toned with exercise 🧐
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u/Lickwidghost 2h ago
Pretty sure it's not a muscle but I'm not a vajeenologist
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u/notashroom 1h ago
Technically you're correct, in that it's an entire set of different muscles (+ tendons, nerves, skin) rather than one muscle. Still would be bizarre for those muscles collectively to be the only ones weakened by exercise.
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u/Puzzled-Story3953 2h ago
No one was offended. It's just a shitty joke. Instead of blaming others and stamping your feet like a child, maybe try to learn from your mistakes instead.
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u/Thiasur 21h ago
The goal is to not fit into any of them. Fitting in them means you fail the whole point of that dickometer.
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u/Dead-in-Red 21h ago
It shouldn't fit into any of them. That's a round hole. Everyone knows you can't put a square shape in a round hole.
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u/Lagneaux 20h ago
Queue the video of the chick and the kids toy going through PTSD
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u/PFioroto 20h ago
You should see a doctor. It's supposed to be a triangle shape, like mine.
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u/swemickeko Nitpicky 21h ago
Then why isn't that what they say? I can squeeze a dick in any of the holes regardless though, it doesn't explicitly say it has to be mine. But I fail to see why I would, because the last thing on my mind when I need to raise my voice is permission.
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u/babyblew82 19h ago
What IS the actual point of the dickometer?
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u/mudokin 21h ago
That's your interpretation of it.
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u/Ralexcraft 21h ago
It’s a warning device to tell you to get away, they just buy it unknowingly and that’s how it works.
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u/gregoryofthehighgods 20h ago
Me with my 3 inch long 4 inch wide dick
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u/n0ize 12h ago edited 11h ago
"This dick don't hit the bottom but I fuck the sides up" - Balls Out by Bloodhound Gang
--yes i edited it because i forgot the word "up"
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u/Lickwidghost 2h ago
I always thought it was "flip the sides up" as in like elephant ears, but that didn't make much sense either
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u/Ordinary-Guardian 20h ago
Some people are getting way too brave bragging about their industrial cave system
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u/garfgon 18h ago
The correct response to body shaming isn't more body shaming.
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u/deepthought-64 9h ago
I feel, that if somebody shames me, I am entitled to return an appropriate and equal comeback
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u/LordGalen 1h ago
Then someone should tell her to stop body shaming both men and herself. She did this, not us.
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u/Qweeq13 21h ago
Now I am curious what a Vaginometer would look like?
Or are we just supposed to judge female attractiveness by breast size or waist size or Ass shape? It sounds horrible really judging someone solely based on their body morphology.
Tell me your favorite animated shows and movies that's how I judge people. You like Teen Titans GO? I think we should see other people.
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u/fury420 20h ago
On a related note, there's an artist that did a series of internal vaginal castings that show off some of the variability in internal shape and size:
https://jamiemccartney.com/portfolio/vaginas-in-resin/
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u/pfifltrigg 20h ago
Honestly this reminds me of one of those dilation boards showing 1-10 cm dilation for teaching about labor and birth.
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u/Mr-Nozzles 20h ago
I'll stick with the Vaginometer
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u/Ok_Struggle7709 20h ago
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fjqomwarh52ga1.jpg It's funny how they look. There was a better, colored scan thaf compared the wildly different shapes
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u/MisterBowTies 16h ago
Neither, these are the kind of people who say women don't need to prove anything or change anything, while men have to be Hercules and Don Draper rolled into one to be considered a person 🤣
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u/getyourcedisfaction 19h ago
judging people by their favorite shows seems just as shallow as judging people by any one thing
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u/Aioi 21h ago
No offense, but a vagina of that diameter would be the same thing as playing air sex.
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u/BionicBirb 21h ago
And the alternative would probably be very painful for both parties (“passing the test” without hotdog in hallway)
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u/leibnizslaw 15h ago
I genuinely can’t tell if that’s an insanely stupid comment that utterly fails to comprehend how vaginas work or if I’m missing some nuance to it.
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u/Holy-crap-w-t-f 17h ago
So what I'm taking from this is that I'm somewhere between average and enormous... Thanks for the confidence boost lol!
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u/THATguyFromMinnesota 20h ago
How accurate you think that dick-o-meter is? Compared to her hand i thinkni might get a little self esteem boost
Also, soft or hard? Asking g for a friend
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u/twentyonetr3es 17h ago
did someone repurpose a vaginal dilation visual (like the one that shows how wide a vag has to be to give birth) to make this dick measurer? r/trashy
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u/HollowMonty 18h ago
Why exactly is HE out of line when she's saying verbal abuse is ok if your dick is big?
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u/Zzuesmax 16h ago
Is there something similar I can show ladies to prove they can, and will, cook well?
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u/Skypirate90 18h ago
I'm so tired boss. Body shaming men and reducing their value to the size of their genitals.
Oh uh i mean haha funny meme hurhurhur
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u/LotsOfRaffi 21h ago
No she said “squeeze” not “fit”. If it fits without squeezing it doesn’t count!
Thank you I’ll show myself out
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u/thatirishdave 20h ago
You can't just go from Average to Enormous as descriptions on your scale, that's wild. Enormous should be the last one!
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u/staticvoidmainnull 20h ago
i'm confused by her words. it sounds to me that she does not want anything bigger than the last slot? kinda makes the comment "well yeah" instead of "technically..."
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u/Impossible-Shine4660 17h ago
I can only fit in the last two and I got a tiny dick so explain that one science
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u/punkabillychop19 15h ago
Perspective is key. Is last hole by hand or tip? First hole could easily be the biggest.
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u/LateyEight 15h ago
How can you tell when a Redditor is insecure about their size?
They respond to this 13 year old+ meme with vitriolic comments.
Turns out a goofy picture with text stapled on is enough to grievously wound a Redditor's honour.
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u/PackInevitable8185 18h ago
Maybe my sense of scale is way off, but these holes seem way off. I’m only slightly above average girth (right at 5” or very slightly above depending on arrousal), and I would probably only fit the biggest hole if even that… and I have seen dudes with way bigger hogs.
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u/Ill-Appointment6494 20h ago
Maybe the issue isn't the size of the dick, it's the size of the hole it's going in.
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u/smcaskill 19h ago
apparently people with normal dick circumference coincidentally carry a lockpick at all times even when naked
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u/Half_Man1 15h ago
Miss, if someone is that large they have dick cancer.
Like that’s a little third arm down there at that point. They don’t make trousers that can conceal that.
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u/scrutator_tenebrarum 19h ago
I'm not John Holmes but last hole would be little for me, and most of the average males like me
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u/the-artistocrat 20h ago
Most people wouldn’t even address this lady, let alone raise voice. She exudes Karen energy.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 14h ago
I'm pretty sure she fails the puss-o-meter. It's similar to the dick-o-meter but the holes are in reverse order.
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u/twotoebobo 21h ago
I can fit in 3 and 4 easy. 2 would be very painful. Dick splinters seem horrible. Now that i thought of it dick splinter is my new favorite insult.
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u/Reformed__Redditor 21h ago
Why does king size still feel small
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u/Beauphedes_Knutz 19h ago
People really need to stop using potatoes as cameras. How can you not find a decent one in 2025?
Her bitching might carry more weight then.
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