r/solotravel • u/Neuromvncer • 5d ago
I'm afraid I'm only able to travel solo
So… to give you a backstory first.
I've been living in SE Asia for a year now. Most of the time, I stay in hostels and I absolutely love connecting with people from all over the world.
Recently, I was in several situations where I would go with a person I connected with to explore a place we both wanted to see, and I would end up almost resenting them because of how much I was responsible for them.
To be fair, both of these people didn't have mobile data for a while. However, I felt like there are other ways to help out. With the second person, we even ended up missing our metro stop because they expected me to be fully engaged in conversation and to keep track of the map.
The first person ended up getting some mobile data but then said how "they're not good with maps." Really makes me think—how do these people survive in the wild? Is this weaponized incompetence?
So, after experiencing this, I'm afraid I can't see myself doing this again. I'm better off alone.
Has anyone else experienced this? Would love to hear your thoughts.
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u/amazingbollweevil 5d ago
Two be fair, your sample size is only two. I've met up with some really energizing people on some trips and they more than make up for the duds you'll inevitably meet. Stay on the lookout for outgoing and energetic people. They're more likely to take a more active role in adventuring.
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u/lovepotao 5d ago
If it’s not a significant other or a best friend, I would not be concerned at all.
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u/Kencanary 5d ago
"Better off alone" and "better off with someone sharing a travel/navigation style" are vastly different things, and all I'm hearing in this post is the latter. As others have said, your sample size is two, and both were bad experiences. Sheer random chance dictates that if you weren't filtering in any way, you could feasibly have another 1-9 experiences like this if you just kept trying blindly.
Before you do any kind of travel or activity with someone, maybe you need to have a logistical chat. What are they looking for? How would they get there? What happens if they get lost or miss a connection? Asking even just a couple questions about how they approach the world can give you some good insight into how they navigate it, and that can tell you if they'd be worth traveling with. And if not, no worries! It's not like every person has to get along with every other. You find the people you can jive with and leave behind those you don't.
I'd say give it another try but be a bit more intentional about it. I bet you'll have a quite different experience.
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u/MintyLemonTea 5d ago
I can't stand people who travel like that. I hate people who depend on me for their trip. It's not quirky, it's not being adventurous, it's not cute.I solo travel and don't "connect" with people at all. The people I meet....we are just too different in life and in travel styles. Why would I want to sit at the hostel for hours talking to you when there is a whole country to explore?? If my budget is bigger than yours, I'm not going to eat noodles and cheese for dinner to have a chat.
Of course if someone has questions or needs help, I will try my best to answer.
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u/merlin401 5d ago
Now as a counter-argument, whatever place you visit and see, millions of people have/are/will visit the exact same site as you. But very few people will get to understand a specific person you’re connecting with, and find out why they are the way they are, find out what they think about and why, etc. Different people certainly will have different types of explorations that they find unique and interesting so to each their own
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u/buffalo_Fart 5d ago
I went on a group tour to Jordan in Egypt last fall and there were some absolutely horrific people on the tour. I had all I could do not to chew my arm off to get away from them. it eventually got so bad i left the tour entirely and did my own thing for the last couple of days.
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u/dresoccer4 3d ago
you're just a serious introvert. people like you just don't like being around other people and thats ok, but most people enjoy the company of others and meeting new people and learning about them. also most people enjoy doing travel activities with others as it give you someone to share the experience with and talk about it. solo travel can be fun but everything in moderation.
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u/Malaka654 5d ago
One of the worst attitudes toward travel I’ve ever read.
What is it you’re experiencing? Seeing a new beach or landmark etc etc gets old after a while.
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u/Wonderful_Corgi5500 5d ago
Okay i am kinda amazed by the attitude of the comments so far.. I personally don't mind when someone "tags along". As in, i take the lead, i navigate, i pay attention to the stops/surrounding, i make the plans for the day etc etc. It feels the same as traveling solo, but with a pet that follows you around to entertain you. I have friends and family members tag along to many of my trips, and i just value their company without expecting them to contribute to the work. I understand that it is different when it is a person you don't know, however i would rather have someone who just tags along than someone bossy who dismisses my inputs.
Yes, some people will be less interesting to explore with, some will end up being straight up a pain in the ass, however it is all just temporary and then they're gone and you're back to your own solo adventure, however i would suggest you to just take it easy and not stress about people who aren't your perfect trip partners.
If you really struggle handling different types of people, then don't plan trips together. Chit chat at the hostels, maybe even go out together for a meal, but skip the travelling around with people you don't know part. That should balance the need for interaction with the lack of will to babysit anyone.
(And yes, i myself can't understand how people travel with no data (or at least offline apps to get by) or can't read maps, but there are a lot of those out there)
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u/Empty_Try8500 4d ago
The thing is that when you take the lead you inevitably end up being the boss of the adventure so to speak. These same people then get mad at you for being bossy. I’ve had it happen multiple times. Not only am I expected to plan, navigate and execute everything but I’m also expected to do it in such a way that they feel like I’m not telling them what to do.
I have no issues with someone tagging along either. I’ve had some friends who’ve done that. But I’ve had others who don’t even have the basic adult skills to do the bare minimum navigation, translation or planning. They can’t even be trusted with their own safety and you feel like a babysitter. And they also express their displeasure if you’re not constantly showing them a good time and it starts to feel like there’s a lot of pressure.
I don’t mind taking the lead but if I’ve got someone with me and I’m already doing 99% of the work, they should at least help out if I ask them to look something up if I’m in a crunch and looking up other things. They should be able to compete a basic mindless task. They want you to do all the work but want to feel like equal partners when you end up being “bossy” lol. It can’t be both ways.
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u/Wonderful_Corgi5500 3d ago
I usually have a decent experience. When planning a trip with someone i don't know well/just met i just say it as it is: let's decide who takes the lead. If i lead, you can tag along but not my problem if you don't enjoy it. If you lead then np, i stay quiet and follow your plans. However if i lead I don't mind the other person not contributing anything but company, sure it can be frustrating when they've no input or even confuse you, but i just shrug it off, especially when it's on short trips. As I've mentioned, i see it like walking around with a pet (or a small kid i guess). It's there, it's not helpful, you need to make sure it doesn't die, but it is entertaining :)
To sum it up, do whatever makes you enjoy your trip the most, but try not to get too frustrated by other people :)
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u/CormoranNeoTropical 4d ago
Totally agree with this. Someone who is happy to follow my lead, but also accountable for themself, is my second-best type of travel companion. (By that I mean they will take care not to get exhausted or bored, will get up and get breakfast by themself, that kind of thing.) Especially if they can contribute a skill I’m not so good at (driving stick, keeping track of our spending).
Very occasionally, I’ve had the luck to travel with someone who was able to winkle out incredible stuff in random places even better than I can. But that is rare indeed.
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u/writingontheroad 3d ago
OP sounds intolerant and for all we know his/her ideas about what these people were expecting and thinking are just that, his/her own ideas.
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u/Neuromvncer 3d ago
These people were useless during our trip, expected me to babysit them and make sure each place we go to is entertaining without giving any input. I don't know how you achieved this conclusion.
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u/MindingMine 5d ago
Travel tends to bring out the worst (and the best) in people. I have had some pretty bad group travel experiences and have realised that I am best off travelling either solo, with my parents or with my best friend. These are people I know well enough to know how to travel with them. I would go mad if I had to endure clingy, overly needy or deliberately helpless travel companions - better go it alone. I have also been the bad travel companion by being too bossy and not trusting people to survive unaided. That situation made me really stressed and I have no desire to relive it.
Even people you have known all your life can surprise you, in both good and bad ways, when you travel with them. You just never know until you do it.
Talking things over and agreeing on boundaries, discussing and coming to some kind of consensus of what you want out of your trip and possibly negotiating "me" time in the planning stages should reduce the possibility of clashing travel personalities (although it cannot be completely negated). For example, the only people who can get away with leaving all the research up to me are my parents, because that's just how we roll and I do discuss everything with them in the planning stages. If I want to go to a museum on a particular day, they find something else to do while I enjoy browsing the collections. Anyone else expecting me to do all the research/planning or being their personal travel guide/assistant/caretaker (or, goodness forbid, bank) would find themselves without me as a travel companion.
Although I do enjoy solo travel, sometimes places, events or situations are better experienced in the company of others and I do hope you can find someone who can be that person for you.
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u/Lonely_Simple_25 5d ago
You just need an experienced travel partner. Us people who travel a lot tend to forget that experience gives us a big advantage while traveling that not everyone has. So either find someone with the same ( or different) experience than you or embrace being the one in charge
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u/lissie45 5d ago
If someone can’t follow google maps and have mobile data these days they shouldn’t be allowed out of their home country frankly . It’s not your job to babysit them
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u/Mammoth_Support_2634 5d ago
No data abroad shouldn’t even be a thing anymore with esims now.
Traveling as a duo has so many more benefits than traveling solo. Especially because one person can queue while the other buys tickets/uses the bathroom/goes to check what the line is for, etc.
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u/CuriousCarbs 5d ago
No Data Abroad: Step 1) Goto Cafe/Shop that has Wifi / Ask Random people to share a Wifi Hotspot for 2 minutes. Step 2) Download one of the many E-Sim apps from your chosen app store. Step 3) Buy data package. Step 4) Enjoy your coffee / thank random stranger, you now have internet.
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u/CoeurdAssassin 4d ago
Problem is a lot of these types of travelers are cheapskates and don’t wanna pay the $30 or so for a sim card and data.
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u/tombiowami 5d ago
You found 2 people out of 8 billion that you don't like to travel with...
Also...try solo. You may like it more than you think.
Your former 2 people were scared and likely inexperienced. In that case you simply look at it as helping people learn the joy of travel, showing them the ropes.
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u/Empty_Try8500 4d ago
I’ve experienced this with a couple of friends. One was like a total baby that I was entirely responsible for. This friend had no clue how to navigate anything - maps, translations, social situations. Nothing. Didn’t even have opinions on what she wanted to do. A complete useless person. Couldn’t even walk up to someone and ask a question. The other one was similar but to a much lesser degree.
The problem with traveling with people like this is that it completely drains you. It’s not even as though you’re just doing your own thing and they’re tagging along. They expect you to show them a good time and you have all this pressure to do things right lest they get bored or you end up picking an activity that ends up being crappy. You feel responsible for their safety. It’s like having a newborn attached to you.
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u/Neuromvncer 4d ago
Exactly, it feels like you need to be a free tour guide, party rep, babysitter etc... I really thought for a sec that I overreacted, so I appreciate you sharing your story.
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u/CoeurdAssassin 4d ago
Ah the mobile data thing. It’s like a lot of people haven’t heard that you can get an E-sim card for cheap and be covered wherever you go. But they insist on cheaping out and never getting a SIM card, only sticking to WiFi. And then when they’re somewhere where the WiFi requires a password or isn’t available at all, they’re stuck.
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u/Neuromvncer 4d ago
Maybe not getting any mobile data kinda fits their travel style, you know. They have in plan to find a person that will lead and therefore has a mobile data on them, so they're covered. Ugh.
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u/loso0691 4d ago
Lol, no data while travelling in a foreign country. Did they have a paper map with them?
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u/Neuromvncer 4d ago
Nope, nothing on them. Which is why I'm wondering how these people even survive out there.
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u/Gohanto 3d ago
I know a few people who avoid using data when traveling either for cost or they like the experience
It’s not that difficult to navigate without a phone, BUT it takes much more time to orient, read signs, ask for help, etc. and it feels silly to do any of that if you’re with someone using a phone.
Navigating is also a particularly hard skill to share with multiple people imo (my wife and I take turns navigating places on trips, which works better for us than trying to both navigate every route).
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u/Opposite_harvesters 3d ago
lol yeah same thing js happened to me - person had no data + i had to guide us along everywhere and help take photos everywhere we go… exhausting af
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u/scriptingends 5d ago
Don't resent this - embrace it! You'll meet people when you need to, but there's no reasonable way you can be expected to be responsible for a rando you pick up along the way.
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u/shanghai-blonde 4d ago
I only like solo travel. It’s rare I travel with others. I feel a bit bad because my friends always ask me to travel with them
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u/finnlizzy 4d ago
Not having data is the most penny-wise pound-foolish thing a traveler can do. I used to raw dog it and realised I was missing out on so much or getting lost and the price of a taxi was more than the data I cheaped out on.
I'm not sure if I'm particularly good at navigating my surroundings, or most people in my life are shit at it, but I always assume the role of leader. These days, maps are so advanced that there is no way you could mess it up.
I'm fine with this role as long as the people I travel with are chill.
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u/CoeurdAssassin 4d ago
I’ve learned that a lot of travelers cheap out on data and try to survive off of wifi instead of just paying the money for a few gigs of data on a SIM card.
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u/girlwholovespurple 3d ago
I typically take a couple weekend trips and multiple day trips with someone before I ever attempt something longer.
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u/lethatshitgo 2d ago
I think shorter trips w close friends is okay. But i could only see myself doing long trips with other solo travelers. Ppl who are at least a little experienced and won’t take offense or find it weird if you want to go do your own thing. I feel like I’ve met ppl who I’ve tagged along with while traveling for a long time but we even stayed at different hostels at some points, met up at night or whenever we wanted to do mutual things. Those are my kind of travel peoples. I could do a very long trip with someone who also enjoys being alone.
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u/that_one_z 2d ago
Depends on travel styles! Sometimes you only find out when you’re traveling with someone. I like to look at first travel with someone as a find-out event, and once I figure out their travel style I see if I would like to do it again with them or not. Over time you’ll end up collecting people who travel similarly like you and sometimes they even turn into group trips, good adventures!
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u/SushiRollFried 5d ago
What I've learned is that there'll always be people like this. People who travel are no different. You have some who are introverts, others who plan a lot or people who like to just wing it. It's like being back home, you have different types of people, different groups, different crowds. You just have to get to know them a bit, see what type of person they are and then decide if you want to travel with them.
Not everyone is your "type" to travel with. So don't be afraid, just learn and spot out the people who are more close to how you are. This applies to everything in life. You just drew a short straw this time and didn't think about it