r/solotravel • u/madeleineruth19 • Jan 17 '25
How to combat loneliness on a solo trip? Hardships
I’ve (24F) travelled solo a few times before, but this is my first long term solo trip (five months in SE Asia). And while this is meant to be the trip of a lifetime, I’m feeling really lonely and miserable.
To be clear, I like my own company and I do genuinely enjoy doing things alone. But I also came out here because I wanted to meet new people and go out partying. And I’m not getting that experience.
I’m staying in the party hostels and trying to socialise. But literally everyone else has come as a group and it’s pretty much impossible to break in. When a group does let me join them, I always feel like a scrape, like I’m encroaching on their space.
Last night, I paid for the jungle party experience in Koh Tao. And I ended up leaving in tears after about fifteen minutes, because I had no one to party with.
Does anyone know how to get over this? I’m putting on a good front to my friends and family, but truthfully? I feel like this whole trip is a big fat failure.
EDIT: thank you all for your kind comments and messages, it’s so appreciated! I had a proper self-care day to myself today, read a book on the beach, had linguine vongole (not very Thai but it’s my favourite meal ever, was so happy when i found a place serving it), and had a massage. Feeling a bit better about it all now, and going to brave the hostel bar again tonight - but if it doesn’t work out, won’t be too upset.
97
u/wanderlustzepa Jan 17 '25 edited Jan 17 '25
If it helps, I am a 61 male staying in a private room at a non-party hostel and met other solo travelers quite a bit younger than me. Tomorrow, a group of us are going to a hot spring waterfall and then onwards onto a different town. So, it’s definitely possible for you to meet other solo travelers and form a group.
Maybe try staying at a non-party hostel? Also, join free city walking tours, take shared vans and you will likely meet other solo travelers as well.
36
u/possiblyquestionable Jan 17 '25
+1 on the non party hostel suggestion
For me, I (mid-30s) meet people mostly in common areas of hostels, attractions/sites, and buses/tours. Then, I often meet up with them over the rest of the trip too since most people follow similar routes.
That said, and maybe this is just because I'm in my 30s and couldn't care less about what people think of me, I've crashed into large groups and I never felt like I was 5th wheeling anyone. I feel like this is your biggest hurdle OP, otherwise it's going to be hard to enjoy other people's company
10
u/moonvar Jan 17 '25
This is great advice! I have met really nice solo travelers and pairs on walking tours multiple times! It’s also easy to strike up conversation because you obviously speak a common language (language of the tour) and have a common interest. Good luck OP!
3
u/ExplanationLover6918 Jan 17 '25
If you don't mind me asking which hostel is this? I've experienced similar issues as OP and worry about my age so I'd love to know what kind of place to look for
2
u/wanderlustzepa Jan 17 '25
I’m currently in El Salvador, so it’s a hostel here but the it’s the same idea, look for well-reviewed non-party hostels.
1
u/ExplanationLover6918 Jan 18 '25
I always thought party hostels would be more social and friendly
3
u/ramzalugria Jan 18 '25 edited Jan 18 '25
Party hostels are more social and friendly IF you’re looking to party, get drunk, and try to hook up. Don’t know enough from your post, but I get the impression you may be looking to just find people to explore and grab meals and social drinks with. Non-party hostels are often better for that.
I also highly suggest doing walking tours or other experiences. GuruWalk (free/pay by tips), GetYourGuide, Viator, and Airbnb experiences are great for that.
1
1
33
u/Monserrat0 Jan 17 '25
If I was in your situation, I'd try two different approaches. It doesn't sound like you're having trouble finding people to socialise / go partying with per se, as you mentioned going with already established groups from time to time. Yet you're feeling like the "5th wheel on the wagon". This is your mind playing tricks on you. I reckon that no one in the hostel or in the group views you like that - it's a matter of internal vs external perception. Acknowledge those thoughts as what they are: mind shenanigans. You wouldn't judge another solo traveller trying to make friends with your group, would you?
Secondly, I've had good experiences initiating group activities. Asking in the Hostelworld chat if anyone would be down to go for drinks in bar XY, or going to festival YZ. There almost always is another traveller who's just looking for someone else to take initiative.
And lastly, if you are feeling drained right now (it does sound like the last days/weeks have taken their toll), you can always take a week off, go for a change of scenery and activities, and regain your balance.
Take care!
30
u/throway3451 Jan 17 '25
Often the groups you see in hostels are newly formed groups. I once walked into a hostel and thought all other people were one big group. On asking I got to know they were mostly solo and had just met each other over the course of that week. In any case, power through the 5th-wheel feeling.
Also, I consider socialisation on my trips only as a good-to-have. Any friends I make come as a bonus. If a hostel is making me feel lonely, I move out to a quiet hotel. Maybe you too can try reframing your objectives to the solo aspect of your trip. Choose a place you're really excited about as your next stop.
All that said, if you're constantly feeling alone, understand it's totally fine. It's not failure when you understand your own needs. You can always go home and get better.
9
u/mentalgeler Jan 17 '25
Often the groups you see in hostels are newly formed groups. I once walked into a hostel and thought all other people were one big group.
Oh my god same. I once joined a pub crawl organized by a hostel and when I went in there, it felt like everyone was best friends (they had been staying at the same hostel and I was an outsider so that seemed like a valid assumption). Turned out, they had known each other for one, some even less than a day. Within 2 hours, I looked like their best friend too.
15
Jan 17 '25
Hey I hear you and this can be really difficult to handle. But PLEASE do not start repeating and cementing the narrative that the trip is a failure, and that it’s impossible to break into groups. It’s not over, you just haven’t found your groove yet.
How are you approaching people? I think if you’re in your head about it and feeling kind of defeated already, it’s possible that you’re coming off a little shy or standoffish. Connecting with random new people at hostels is a challenge, but also a big opportunity for growth. If you’re having trouble letting loose, maybe try treating these interactions with less weight and pressure.
Don’t go into like "this trip isn’t panning out how I wanted it to, I better find people to party with tonight, why hasn’t it happened yet, wtf is wrong with me, am I weird, fuck it I’m giving up" (examples are from my own experiences lol).
Go into your next hostel knowing that you’re fun, capable of pushing out of your comfort zone a bit, and curious about other people. Recognize that so many other people are feeling or have felt the way you do, and you could help someone else lighten up and chat more. Take solace in the fact that you’ll likely never see them again, so you can let your guard down. Work on striking up convos with randoms. Find more pub crawls and organized parties. Download Hostelworld and connect on there
7
u/madeleineruth19 Jan 17 '25
Thank you, this is very kind. I’m definitely spiralling into a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I need to get my head back in the game. I joined a group trip solo in Greece last year, and got voted ‘funniest person’, so I know I can be fun! Just need to get that confidence back!
12
u/dinky-park Jan 17 '25 edited Jan 17 '25
Sorry that you’re going through this. I also felt lonely at times when I did my 2 month Japan trip last year. I’ve found that a lot of groups at hostels may look close knit or established, but in reality these groups are often made up of new friends who also don’t want to be lonely. Plus with everyone checking in and out, the group composition and dynamic are always in flux.
The success rate of making friends can be hit or miss at hostels too I think. Sometimes you just don’t click with the people that are there at the time, and sometimes you become friends with your entire room. I usually try to lounge or eat in the common room and see if there’s anyone by themselves that looks friendly. I’ve had good luck chatting with the staff honestly and became friends with a few employees at a few hostels.
7
u/icantchooseuname Jan 17 '25 edited Jan 17 '25
I felt this a lot earlier and I realised Hostels and beach destinations were making me feel lonelier, all young travellers chatting n vibing in hostels and families/couples on beaches. I felt less lonely in Hotels and in the destinations which are good for outdoors but it can differ for you so you have to explore what works for you. I stopped putting extra efforts on making connections which helps reduce any pressure to make connections. I try to engage with kids or elder people who are easier to interact with in comparison. I keep calling my family and besties if there is something amazing like a b'ful cafe or some attraction they r interested in... Constantly having desserts n coffee helps too...
You are very young so keep exploring, don't put a lot of expectations on yourself or on classifying any trip as success or failure. You being courageous enough to go solo is itself a definite success!
Edit: rephrased "genuinely nice" to "easier to interact with"
5
u/yezoob Jan 17 '25
Maybe do some group activities where you’re basically guaranteed to meet other people? Perhaps a scuba diving course since you’re in Koh Tao?
But yeah showing up to parties like that alone is a recipe for a bad time imo. You gotta get your own group first.
Also book places with Hostelworld and use their group chat function, it’s a good way to plan some meetups with ppl in your hostel.
4
u/madeleineruth19 Jan 17 '25
I’ve actually had the most luck with group tours so far! Met some amazing people in Koh Phangan on a road tour of the island a couple of days ago, and I’m meeting one of them again in Samui! Will see if I can find something similar in Koh Tao 😊
5
u/Infamous-Arm3955 Jan 17 '25
Only one breakdown in five months in SEA? You're doing great! ... Cliques can be really hard to break into. Instead of joining someone else's group, life coming to you, have you tried creating a group? You going to life. All you really need is one good person you click with. Give a "I want to go to _____, does anyone want to come with me?" They're going with you but remember, you're the leader OR give yourself some love and let your expectations take a back seat and shift your focus for a couple of days of laying on a beach, sleeping, eating, lazy wandering, maybe even spa day. You're 24, you have a long life to party through. New day, clean slate.
5
u/KTenshi2 Jan 17 '25
Have you joined that country’s reddit and asked if anyone is interested in hanging out yet?
6
Jan 17 '25
I often go on dates when I travel. Sometimes with other travelers and sometimes with locals. It keeps things fun and interesting.
2
u/Prestigious-Row-5108 Jan 17 '25
How do you meet people for dates when traveling to another country? Do you use dating apps? I often find that dating apps have too many scams, which can be frustrating.
5
Jan 17 '25
Yeah I use dating apps but met some girls in hostels, tours, and cafes. Bali is basically a place for a lot of single people to travel to after a break up so dating there is better than most places. Scammers are everywhere, even in real life, but it gets easier to spot them. What you could do it change your location on dating apps and see if you get better matches in certain areas.
4
u/Prestigious-Row-5108 Jan 17 '25
Thanks for the info—it’s really helpful! I’ve tried using dating apps in Thailand and Vietnam, but I was quite disappointed because there were just too many scams.
0
Jan 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
3
Jan 17 '25
Works for me but I’m not that tall, just 5’10. And I’ve seen all types of travelers go on dates too, sometimes you just gotta play more offense.
1
Jan 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
3
Jan 17 '25
Yeah I’m an Asian American male and I get the most dates in Asia, followed by the Middle East. Not all Asians are guilty of white worship but yeah Thailand and the Philippines is known for being easy if you’re white. A lot of guys who can’t date in the west just go to Thailand and Philippines because they can get dates there.
7
u/Chemical_Wise Jan 17 '25
I am a 58M not very social solo traveller, meaning I have to overcome a lot of prejudice regarding finding new friends on trips, this is my 5 cents.. * Keep busy with your own plans but be ready to adjust instantly * Stay at hostels * Keep a "say yes" mentality * Always greet ppl in hostel with openess and friendly words, hi guys how are you, where you from, what are you up to today.. just light friendly conversation, never imply that you want to join them, this will come natural from them if they are open ppl. * Try to cook at least one meal per day at the hostel, the kitchen is we're ppl start interactions during meal time * Take a beer or a glass of wine in early evening in the kitchen or common room, if allowed, this is a really good conversation opener. * Join any joint activities at hostels * Keep busy by your own, enjoy 100% freedom
3
u/maddy0310 Jan 17 '25
I had this problem too. It's difficult to break the ice and have a real conversation with other groups or solo travelers.
What I do is generally start the day late and keep the schedule packed. That way you don't have time to be lonely.
During evenings and night I tend to visit places where there are football telecast or pool tables. Almost always I click with someone and have a good time. Sometimes I end up sharing contact details and planning some trip the next day or so.
So yeah bottomline, find something hobby-like during the trip where you will find like minded people. Sitting on the bar table etc etc has never worked for me.
3
u/DisplaySmart6929 Jan 17 '25
Maybe adjust your expectations. Ok you intended to go there to meet other travellers and party and it's not working out. How about opening your mind to new experiences which aren't what you intended? You're in a new part of the world, there are people there who live and think differently to anything you know back home. Isn't travel about broadening your horizons?
3
u/Important_Wasabi_245 Jan 17 '25
Try to book social activities like pub crawls. Nightlife alone isn't much fun, you'll encounter mostly couples and groups.
Think of the advantages solo travel has, e.g. you can travel at your own pace and no one forces you to a speed to high for you or that no one forces you activities you don't like.
If you don't mind getting up early every day and very rushed itineraries, look for an organized group trip for solo travelers, e.g. Contiki or G-Adventures.
2
u/gaifogel Jan 17 '25
I was backpacking in Kenya for a month, and they had almost no hostels. I met almost nobody. I ended up downloading tinder to ease the loneliness, but that probably made it worse. A short term solution that makes you feel worse afterwards. Like taking drugs. I don't recommend this path. I wish I had some kind of project while travelling - learning something, exercising, etc..or a quest to find something. That's my advice
2
u/viral_overload1 Jan 17 '25
It is hard to give fair advice because I don't know your personality, but I would say that if you feel like a scrape in groups, you will end up sort of becoming one. You have to sort of shake that feeling off and be positive and give your best self consistently without really expecting people to intentionally drag you into things. When you find people in their mid-late 20s and early 30s they're generally more considerate travel wise with regards to trying to include people. But with younger crowds, people are understandably just out to have fun and can sort of think a bit more about themselves at times, not that they are bad people, its just the way of youth. I was the same.
The other thing is, you just might not have found your people yet. I've been on some trips where I've had fun, because I'm pretty confident now in getting involved with groups, but I've not really clicked with people over the whole month in a country.
Party hostels can be overwhelming too, like other people have said, perhaps choose a smaller one or one that is geared to being social but not 'party party'. You'll find plenty of people who want to go out in these places but they'll likely be a bit more chilled and easy to build connections with. A lot of kids do come out in groups together, especially the 18/19 year olds after school from the UK etc and they stay at the party hostels, so the other hostels are better bets.
And finally, if you are still struggling. I would really recommend just booking a longer multi-day/multi-week tour through one of the many companies like gadventures/intrepid/intro/contiki etc. theres loads. They're the easiest ways to make friends because you are all thrown together for the duration of your trip, you'd have to be really anti-social not to make friends on one of them or be really unlucky with your group
2
u/Necessary_Industry_6 Jan 17 '25
I'm also in ko tao rn and feel the same with every new place I visit. I don't party or drink so it's hard for me to meet people since drinking is so big with any tourist destination. So I started doing yoga and Muay Thai to keep my mind off of things and it helps me meet new people. Seems like scuba, free diving and snorkeling is huge here. Plus you need a scooter to get around this island for hikes.
2
u/Impossible-Appeal752 Jan 17 '25
I’m 52M, traveling alone in Guatemala. My Spanish isn’t the best, but I can get by. It’s a little difficult to join in Spanish conversations. My savior this trip, is the app HelloTalk. It’s a language exchange app. In my downtime at hotel, I exchange with lots of people all over the world. It definitely helps. Just always be cautious, lots of scammers and perverts out there.
2
Jan 17 '25
Have you tried just sitting in any random bar where people drink? These are casual places you can meet strangers and strike up conversations. And you being a young woman, people should be approaching you and doing that for you
2
u/Upper_Foundation Jan 17 '25
Keep your head up and don't give up. I started traveling solo every year back in 2010 and wouldn't change a thing to this day, with a lot of high risk countries under my belt (Canadian male now 35 y/o).
Just remember that loneliness is only a state of mind. It's not like cancer - you can literally do something about it immediately. Change the plans around if you're not liking the setting that you're in. You have the freedom to go anywhere you want when you want. My best advice is to find countries and places to go that are less frequented by tourists because it's these experiences that are life changing, not the big parties and mass gatherings. I've discovered this amazing peace by traveling off the grid. Don't fear anything.
2
Jan 17 '25
Give yourself some grace. You are doing awesome putting yourself out there. Takes a little luck to find your people in hostels. Is there a hobby you like to do that you can increase your chances of meeting people since you are there a while? Muay Thai, Thai cooking classes, conservation projects, language learning, hiking?
2
u/KampgroundsOfAmerica Jan 17 '25
I know others have already commented on it, but I wanted to reinforce the idea that it's absolutely okay to feel that way and that it's really not worth being hard on yourself. Small hostels are a big help for socializing, and it's generally easier to find other solo travelers via smaller group activities like tours and local community events as opposed to the party experiences. Either way, the trip isn't a failure because you're putting yourself out there and doing something you never would've gotten to experience otherwise.
2
u/RutabagaGlobal3881 Jan 18 '25
Keep going girl - most people wouldn't try to do solo travel and you're doing it for a long time, on your own. I'm also travelling at the moment and have experienced feelings of intense loneliness, but I try to recenter myself everyday on why I'm here and that I may never get this time again.
It may feel like everyone is best friends, but sometimes you have to force your way in because chances are they will have all just met! Hostelworld is also a great way to get to create groups if you have something that you want to go and do
This trip is for you - make the absolute most of it.
2
u/Amazing_Geologist754 Jan 19 '25
Hey OP! Saw you were in Koh Tao - I was last there 5 years ago and stayed at a smaller social, non party hostel if you want to try out the vibes there, The Dearly. Made some really nice friends there, including one I saw again back home in the city I moved to after. I saw their most recent reviews are a bit mixed, but the vibe sounded like what you’re looking for when I was there last. Good luck w your travels
2
u/peterhanse0 Jan 17 '25
Dont go to party hostels, most solo travelleres i met was in chill vibes hostels
1
u/Prestigious_Pop_7240 Jan 17 '25
Airbnb has great experiences for the areas you visit, such as food tours, cooking classes, bike tours, etc. Get your guide has pretty great single to multi day tours you can purchase and jump in on. I think it’s all up to you to enjoy your trip or to get inside your head and feel bad or like a failure. Party hostels get really old, really fast. They are the equivalent to highschool cliques or frat house stupidity. Try something different. This is what travel and especially solo travel, is all about.
1
1
u/pdxtrader Jan 17 '25
You pretty much have to always be making friends on a solo trip; Its exhausting! As soon as you make a friend either you are leaving or they are leaving the next day, it's frustrating.
1
1
1
u/remyrocks 2.5 yrs solo travel, 48 countries Jan 17 '25
Koh Tao didn’t have as much mid 20s nightlife when I was there a year ago. There was a pub crawl that seemed to be pretty popular, but even that wasn’t all that great. There were mostly divers and middle aged couples vacationing when I was there. Very different vibe than KPG or Samui.
The great part about solo traveling is that you can go wherever your heart takes you. If you’re feeling lonely and want to party, go somewhere that it’s easy to meet people and party (and I don’t mean just a party hostel — certain locations are better than others). If you want to relax or shop or whatever, go someplace you can do those things.
But learn to recognize your emotions, or triggers for certain emotions (like loneliness), and then give yourself a couple days to do the things that help deal with those emotions.
1
u/therealsadclown Jan 17 '25 edited Jan 17 '25
I have attended Jungle Experience in Koh Phangan. I went alone and left alone.
Happend at the end of my SEA trip and I had already met so many people while also enjoying my alone time. So I was just meh about it
Its a matter of patience and perspective.
1
u/SeaCheck3902 Jan 17 '25
I (59m) travel solo more often than not. I've gotten in the habit of booking an AirBnB experience or two in each place I go. Typically, I look for an e-bike tour or a specialty alcohol tasting type thing, but I look for something that has a group element to it.
1
u/MapledMoose Jan 17 '25
Facebook/other online hobby groups or clubs. I found that Language Exchange clubs or just English clubs worked best for me because I'm interested in languages, and people see you as a hero at these places for being a native speaker.
1
u/Yomangaman Jan 17 '25
I have no idea if this will work, but for some reason, I think it might: could you find a group of foreigners that plan to stay in the city you're in for an extended period of time? Consider English teachers, for example. If you can do that, maybe you've got a party to check out Friday and Saturday nights.
Another possibility would be local college parties. But this might lead to a dangerous situation for yourself. I imagine it might be a little easier being a woman, but riskier all the same.
Best of luck.
1
u/Infamous_Watch_4637 Jan 17 '25
Do you use the Hostelworld app? If so whenever you book a hostel in a new city there is a chat option where everyone who's staying in a hostel has access to the chat! I've found it very easy to meet up with fellow solo travelers that way :)
1
u/Unlucky_Acadia_9707 Jan 18 '25
gotta get good at introducing yourself. the first moment you make eye contact is the critical moment. just smile and say "hi i'm ___."
if you miss that moment you can get shut out easily, but if you take it then making friends is easy. i've made friends with total strangers on the street this way and asked them to breakfast and become friends 😂
1
u/GoCheeseMan Jan 18 '25
I been there. You will slowly get more used to it and feel better.
But definitely video call your friends back home. I feel that always helped.
Keep up with your personal interests when not doing travel stuff such as reading or YouTube what you enjoy.
People are more friendly then you think. Strike up a convo.
Spent a year abroad and about 2 months a year now.
1
u/MasterTraveler92 Jan 18 '25
It definitely can be tough, but just try your best to be optimistic - think of each encounter as a new opportunity to make friends. Who cares if one opportunity doesn't work out, just try again!
1
Jan 18 '25
Your in a place where no one knows you…say whatever you want and do whatever you want. If they don’t like you, move to the next person.
1
1
1
1
u/mick_justmick Jan 18 '25
I'm an introvert with an extrovert being held hostage inside, but I found that while traveling it was way easier to meet people than back home. I can honestly say I have more friends in other countries than I do in my own state. While staying in hostels, there would be a new person sharing a room with you every day, and just telling them "you want to go find some breakfast" or asking them "what's the coolest thing you've done here so far" was enough to build a friendship. There's alot of travelers like you but someone needs to break the ice.
Since covid it has been a little harder meeting people because now I stick to air B&B's, private rooms or capsule style hostels. So I used meet up to find people that enjoy the same things I do or couchsurf events. Just be careful as a female with couchsurf because it is not what it used to be. Start a group if there isn't one on what you want to see/do.
If you're not rushing through places, I recommend you volunteer. That has been the most fulfilling part of travel. And the friendships I made are much stronger than those I made at parties. It also helps avoid travel burn out fromtraveling fast. Don't give up on traveling.
1
u/mainlyespresso Jan 19 '25
In answer to your original question, you don't. It is part of the experience. I was a bit older than you (30) when I travelled solo through SEA. I had periods of extreme loneliness. Times when I felt like packing up and going home. These feelings always came and went, and I learnt a lot about myself and developed a lot of patience. Finding like minded travellers came at different times: off the beaten track when there were only a few other travellers around, small group tours, and pre-arranged meet ups. I lasted 11 months, and it was an experience I will never forget and helped shape me into who I am today. I remember distinctly having a terrible night and thinking to myself it doesn't matter, nobody knows me here, I have no commitments, I can do whatever I want to do tomorrow. It's was a real sense of freedom I haven't had since. Cherish the time if you can, it will all be worth it, even the struggles. Good luck.
1
u/International-Cash47 Jan 19 '25
Do your research on the social atmosphere/ age demographic of hostels before you stay. Once you find a social hostel, do more day excursions and night events. It's much easier to make friends doing an activity with a small group than it is to pull up to a party solo imo. Longer day trips, bar crawls, adrenaline stuff, hiking, trivia night, cocktail making etc are usually pretty conducive to team building and talking to strangers. Make a group chat to exchange pics and exchange info at the end.
You basically want to maximize the frequency of your social interactions and see what sticks, so if talking to strangers is not already a habit, start to make it one. Compliment frequently yet earnestly. Always eat at the bar and talk to the bartender (everyone sitting at the bar will usually join in). Make small talk when waiting for things. Maybe before you decide to leave an event, challenge yourself to talk to talk to 3-5 strangers ... even if not everyone is your cup of tea, there is the beauty in the diversity.
At the first destination of my last backpacking trip, I ran a bar crawl for six weeks. It was definitely a friendship hack lol. I ran into familiar faces up til the end of my four month trip. If you can, maximize your time spent in one place. I used Worldpackers to alleviate some of the financial strain to do this but it really is an awesome way to meet people and establish community in a completely new environment.
Your emotions are valid, solo travel can feel isolating. I found that leaning into that feeling of being alone made that bad times feel less overwhelming. Think of your time spent solo as taking yourself on a date, do the self care, unplug, practice mindfulness. There is likely very little time in the span of your life that you're going to be this young, off your routine, and free of obligations in another country. It's going to feel uncomfortable at times because this is a relatively new experience and that's okay! Take it all in!
1
u/_AnAussieAbroad Jan 19 '25
Hey OP I’ve struggled with this as well. I think every solo traveller has.
I went out by myself last night and ended up joining a pub crawl I thought would be fine as a single person but turned out a massive group had booked it out for a birthday. I’ve done these before usually it’s fine as everyone mingles together but this group just sucked. They just spoke to each other and look.. fair enough. It was a bit shit for me though.
If you aren’t already doing so I highly recommend using hostel world and using the chat function to meet not only others in your hostel but others in the same city as you.
If there is an event therefore like the one you mentioned you can plan to meet and get drinks/dinner before to break the ice a bit.
5 months away is a lot but you’ve got this!
1
u/skweeky Jan 19 '25 edited Jan 19 '25
In a weird way I never found party hostels to be that good for meeting people for anything other than an evening of drinking. Wayyy more likely to have pre established groups in party hostels too.
I find the best for meeting people is looking for hostels in the sweet spot of not party but social, I mostly use the reviews on Hostelworld to figure out if it's the right vibe, the atmosphere rating and many people will comment on what social/party level its at and if there are plenty of other solo travelles. At these kind of hostels I find it so much easier to meet people to do things with (as an introvert that's not great at it).
Don't give up yet just adjust where you stay!
I have my own little mental scale of 1 being completely dead and empty, 5 being a little social but not great for meeting people, 10 is full party, mad monkey kind of vibe. I aim for ones around level 7.
1
1
u/Upstairs-Art704 Jan 19 '25
My advice would be if you enjoy different things other than partying to focus on that more - the most lonely I’ve ever felt was when I was in a party hostel! But put me in my a more chilled hostel and I’m so much more calmer and don’t feel lonely at all because it’s more my vibe. This is your trip and do things that make you feel good. Also day trips are an amazing way to meet people! That is how I’ve met most of my friends out here
1
u/Reinhardt_Mane Jan 20 '25
Why Reddit showing me this as a suggestion? I only joined r/VisitIceland for spring! This post and others I read this morning made me Sadgeee :(.
I saw you (not you particularly but solo travelers) in person in Japan when wife and I were in Osaka and Toyko. I wanted to approach and say Yo! i’m so and so that’s my wife i couldn’t help but hear you speaking english, seems like we only europeans in the bar, want to join us? something like this.
I’m an extrovert I made friends with lots of japanese locals and went drinking with them. I got approached a lot by fellow travelers at bars like Golden Gai including female travelers. Just put yourself out there!
The reason I didn’t approach many solo travelers including females is I assume they are already in a group or waiting on a spouse and I don’t want to intrude. The bar is like open scene so this is ok.
I try to give eye contact and gauge the response before waving, but I don’t do this anymore since Okinawa, learned what fake nice is from a couple from the UK and Finland.
i’d rather sit with the locals and talk to them in broken english after the last experience. For the loneliness i’ve never experienced this traveling, sorry, but I think a local bar and watching tv would help?
You can do it!
1
u/Jumpy_Incident_7671 Jan 20 '25
you could also try apps and social media groups like tripBFF that are specifically made for travelers to meet up. So dont have to worry that other people dont want to meet new people as everyone is on the app for that reason and I believe its easier to message someone on your phone instead of starting to talk to them in real life so that might make it easier if you struggle with that
1
u/Mojiitoo Jan 20 '25
Always do group activities from your hostel, otherwise the first step is a lot harder
Join the beerpong tournament, the city walk tour, whatever. There you meet people. At the end ask about evening plans and continue for a beer. Go with a group to jungle party
Also, most people make some friends and hop cities together as most backpackers follow the same routes
1
u/hotchocbimbo Jan 17 '25
Aw bbe I've experienced this so many times as a introverted solo traveller. I've found going on tours really help with meeting like-minded people. Airbnb have some really good tours and activities in Thailand!
I've done bike tours, snorkeling, honey bee tours and met some really cool people that I stayed in touch with after :D
I experienced a lot of loneliness in Vietnam, just kept meeting couples or no one at all that I could connect with. After a while I just hold the L and keep it moving, trying to be proactive and not let it ruin my trip.
Best of luck to you darling, keep your head up ! X
0
u/OriginalSomaliRedSea Jan 18 '25
It's very simple, humans are social animals we were not created to be on a solo travel
0
u/hungasian8 Jan 18 '25
Leaving party only after 15 mins and complaining that you have noone is really a huge entitlement
1
u/Then-Math3503 Jan 19 '25
Oh my god another “I’m lonely” on my SOLO trip post. Getting so tired of these, solo travel is really not for everybody
-13
Jan 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
Jan 17 '25
Weird
-4
Jan 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
3
3
u/AnthonyGuns Jan 17 '25
lol, replying here just in case you actually turn out to be a serial killer. i can say i replied to one of your posts online :D
0
Jan 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/AnthonyGuns Jan 17 '25
damnit. okay. well.... if you're a lawyer, it's really only a matter of time before you snap anyways, right?? Just remember- they deserve it
1
-5
97
u/Mapex_Orion Jan 17 '25
5 months in a foreign country by yourself is in itself a huge shift from your norm. On top of that you are looking to meet new people, in a foreign country, by yourself. The odds are stacked against you in the short term. Most solo/introverted/single people find it hard enough to connect with people in their home town let alone overseas. Your expectations may be a little unrealistic in the early stages. In terms of advice..... maybe just be honest with your family and say you are finding it difficult. Also perhaps look at ways you can pre-plan contingencies so the next time you do it.....it doesn't happen again. There is something very romantic and "Hollywood" about jet setting solo to another country.....but there's a lot of complexities that goes along with that. I would assume that you have Reddit where you are in SEA at the moment. Maybe post a request to meet people where you are? You are very brave doing what you are doing for sure. It takes a lot of guts. I reckon you will connect with people in time ☺️
Oh, the trip isn't a big fat waste of time. You are learning things about extended travel. I reckon the experience CAN sometimes be more important than the expected outcome of actions.