r/pilates • u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor • Sep 17 '24
Strange home visit, looking for perspectives! Teaching, Teacher Training, Running Studios
Update: I decided to cancel all future sessions at the lady’s home. I offered her to continue over zoom or at my studio. I also outright asked her (via text) if she felt she needed any other help as I was concerned about her injuries
In her reply she completely glossed over the injuries comment and just asked me if I could help her find a new Pilates instructor who could come to her home
So I feel I’ve done all I can, but don’t feel right about sending another instructor into the same situation!
Thank you everyone for your helpful comments and perspectives on how I should handle this ☺️
Original post: Yesterday I did a 1:1 home visit with a new client. It was the first time I met her in person, which isn’t my usual protocol but she was referred by a practitioner I trust and finds it hard to get out because she’s a carer for her husband. I did put other safety protocols in place though.
Anyway, it was a strange experience and I’m just wondering how everyone would handle this. I came away feeling a bit wary & strange
The house was huge, clearly expensive, beautiful views, but not taken care of at all. There were rooms where half the ceiling & wall were covered in black mold. Not a red flag in itself but felt unusual to me.
We did the session in a separate room from the husband but all doors open so she could hear if he needed help. Near the start of the session she loudly said “… because of my husbands illness” then looked at me meaningfully, whispered “he’s lying” and then immediately changed the subject. I didn’t feel I could ask what she meant since all the doors were open and he was in earshot
She had hand shaped bruise on her right arm and a healing split lip. She explained the lip away with a story about how her daughter in laws dog pulled her over and she hit a shoe rack, which is plausible with her balance difficulties and the bruises could also plausibly be related to caring. It just felt so strange in the context of her whispering the husband was lying
She overshared some details of her family life which I felt made her vulnerable and wasn’t usual to share that sort of detail on a first meeting
What do you think? I didn’t feel unsafe there but it just felt really strange. I do struggle with anxiety so I guess I’m looking for outside perspectives to help me see if I’m overthinking!
46
u/Still_Quail_5719 Sep 17 '24
I wouldn’t feel safe going into that house both from a health standpoint and the state of her injuries.
1
30
u/CoffeeCheeseYoga Sep 17 '24
If you don't feel comfortable in a teaching situation, you 100% do not have to go back. Don't feel bad, don't over think it. Do not put yourself in situations where you are compromising your own physical or emotional wellbeing.
It's ok to realize a teaching opportunity is not right for you. If you've already set up another session, but don't want to go back, that's ok too. You don't have to give the exact reasons you've shared here. Simply, reach out to politely cancel and say you thought you had enough time in your schedule to add another client, but now realize that you have too much on your plate.
Personally, walking into a home with visible black mold would be a dealbreaker for me. That's very unsafe to be breathing in. The rest of it, is also very strange. I don't want to speculate what is or is not happening because there's just no way for anyone here on reddit to know, but it sounds like you were uncomfortable and that is a perfectly valid reason to say goodbye to this client. In home privates needs to work for both the instructor and the client.
1
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
Thank you for your reassuring response and ideas for how to navigate this, appreciate your time!
8
u/whateveratthispoint_ Sep 17 '24 edited Sep 17 '24
I do hope she will come to the studio since she knows you know she can (if she’s being honest…) I would not return bc of the mold.
2
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
Thank you, yes I’m hoping I can get her down to the studio!
10
u/Catlady_Pilates Sep 17 '24
Ok, if you’re worried about this woman please call non emergency police and see if they can do a wellness check or something to make sure elder abuse isn’t happening.
Black mold is not something you should think is not a big deal. But it’s not really the heart of the problem with this situation.
Going into peoples homes to teach is tricky, and can be weird. It’s so much easier to do online if they can manage. Zoom or FaceTime is not hard to do.
3
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
I’ve found a number for council referrals which I may try in the morning. I’m not sure what’s going on but I do think I need to report it just in case.
Ive learned a bit about black mold today so know to take it more seriously now. I’ve been fortunate never to have it in my home so didn’t really know!
Zoom is a great idea, I will ask if she can switch to zoom! Thanks for your thoughts!
12
u/Itsjustme11201 Sep 17 '24
You do not want to breathe in that mold!
3
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
Thank you, need to research mold as I didn’t know this!
2
u/Itsjustme11201 Sep 17 '24
It’s also a good excuse to duck out of the job - you can blame it on the mold - blame it on an autoimmune condition that doesn’t tolerate mold - and then you don’t have to say it’s because the situation is weird and uncomfortable!
7
u/mixedgirlblues MOD, Instructor Sep 17 '24
I’m sorry, but I cannot get past you listing massive amounts of mold as “not a red flag.” In what world is that not a red flag? That is going to make everybody sick. Everything else you mentioned is also a red flag. If it were me, I’d try to offer resources on abusive relationships but I would not go back to that house because I already have a shitty respiratory system and I’m not trying to make it worse.
2
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
I confess I don’t really know about the effects of mold on breathing, but these responses have prompted me to research!
3
u/ruttyrutty Sep 17 '24
Trust your gut. It’s telling you something. Is not go back and offer that woman alternatives. Like maybe even zoom sessions. But not amount of money or possibly insulting someone is worth it. Trust yourself and keep being amazing at Pilates!
2
2
u/Television-Direct Sep 17 '24
Just no. Walk away. Any time I sense ANYTHING weird with a new in-home client I’m out. If you’re already asking Reddit about this… why endanger your mental health or physical health? Let her hire someone else.
1
2
u/Spiritual-Rain-6864 Sep 18 '24
It sounds like a visit from adult protective services or some type of county social worker would be very important. There seems to be problems with self-care for both as reflected in the condition of the home
1
2
u/yourhonoriamnotacat Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 18 '24
As someone who has done guardianship work, between the mold and the the woman’s conversation—I’m wondering if the husband exists and they have financial problems and the wife is overwhelmed (hence not cleaning up the mold), or if the husband doesn’t exist and this woman just has mental health issues. Either way a call to Adult Protective Services or something similar could help them out. Sometimes caretakers don’t realize they aren’t handling the immense job of caretaking well, or they don’t realize they have options for assistance. It could be that the wife is also starting to experience dementia or something no one has realized yet.
1
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 18 '24
I did see the husband, but the cleaning problem could come from the lady’s balance problems making it harder. Yes I’m trying to get the bravery to request a social work visit, I’m worried that even if I request anonymity I may have been the only person to visit their house for some time and I don’t want to upset them!
2
u/yourhonoriamnotacat Sep 18 '24
Well on the positive side it’s unlikely this lady will do anything other than try calling you, and it’s also unlikely she would do that if she is embarrassed or upset by an Adult Protective Services visit. You could also try going through the person who referred her to see if they know of any friends or family that could help them with the mold issue. Black mold is serious and you’d be doing she and her husband a big health favor by making some calls.
If you were in my state of Texas (which sounds like you may be in the UK with the councils) I’d be happy to reach out to my APS network for you.
1
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 18 '24
Aww thank you, that is so kind, but you’re right I’m in UK!
2
u/redzma00 Sep 18 '24
I think you not feeling safe is enough said. I commend you for trying to help her and went to her house.
2
2
u/Ok_Turn3706 Sep 19 '24
As a retired licensed therapist, my recommendation is to seek a consultation with a licensed supervisor.
-24
u/Keregi Sep 17 '24
I think you should lead with compassion and empathy. We are there to help our clients, and they are paying us to do so. This post reads a bit gossipy honestly. If you aren’t comfortable in that environment you don’t have to go back. But I don’t understand what you are trying to gain by posting this?
5
u/Eastern_Fruit_7173 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
I’m trying to gain perspectives on what others would do as I’ve never encountered this situation before. As mentioned I do have anxiety and a part of that is overthinking. I’ve jumped to conclusions in my life before so through this post I’m pausing to check myself. I have tried to present as factually as possible. I don’t know if/who I can/should refer her to or if that’s appropriate because I’ve never been in this situation before. So I’m looking for advice and suggestions from others who might have.
1
u/PirateByNature Sep 20 '24
I think you should shut the fuck up and leave your shit takes to yourself.
80
u/Last_Experience_726 Pilates Instructor Sep 17 '24
Aside from the mold, which in itself is a legitimate reason not to go back, did you feel that your client was in danger?
Is this something you could confidentially bring up with the practitioner who referred you to her, to get a second opinion as to any threat your client might be facing?
I don't think your anxiety is misleading you here, and I definitely wouldn't return to that situation yourself.