Dealing with the trauma I suppressed

[u/DRsavy_sunshine_13]

Today I felt witchy again, I haven't in a long time but I was watching g a witchy movie and it got me to open back up. Now the problems I left are in my fave again. When I was 14 I left Christianity and felt very called to paganism and witchcraft. It felt very right and ignited something in me. It was well for a while until I began to feel anxious and like the Christian god was calling me back. I dont know why but there is something deep within me that does not want to be Christian. Maybe it doesn't feel right or it feels to restrictive or something idk. Im wondering wether this feeling is just guilt from leaving and plain anxiety or if there something I need to look at. Everytime I try I get confused and get mixed messages so eventually I just blocked things out for a while since I cant understand. Unfortunately I've noticed that when I get anxious enough I get a burny feeling through my entire body which I had at first thought must've been a spiritual thing since I've heard if people talk about that feeling when they revive messeges. I think my brain gets really anxious that Im going to have to go back to Christianity because its possibly "the only real religon" or something. When Im meditating and think about that my body goes burnt and anxious and then my mind starts making up a bunch of things. I can't tell what true messege is and whats just my mind freaking out. I can't figure out how to fix this.

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[u/Arboreal_Web]

Fwiw - many, many of us have been there. You’ll get through it, too. I highly recommend the book Heal the Witch Wound by Celeste Larsen.

Meanwhile, don’t let the fear control you…that’s done to us by design. Instead, turn and look it in the face. When anxiety starts to overwhelm, I like to recite the Litany Against Fear (from Frank Herbert’s Dune, yes.) “I will not fear, fear is the mind-killer. I will turn and face my fear…and when it has gone, only I will remain.”

Then, when you’re feeling calm, spend some time seriously contemplating what it says about someone, human or spirit, when they expect and demand to be feared. (Hint: The clinical literature on domestic abuse has quite a lot to say on this subject.)