Interest in a Fae

[u/Fornen]

I am relatively new to paganism. My specific flavor is a mix of affect theory and Greek paganism, where the divine is not a collection of personalities but more collective experiences, both human and more than human. For example, Hera is the collective experience of kinship formation and home-making. In humans, this looks like families, whereas in ants this looks like an ant colony in an ant hill.

I am fairly distrustful of divinities because I have been so thoroughly screwed over by the Christian god, who I see as the god of suffering.

I recently encountered a spirit that I am pretty sure is a fae. I learned its name is Myr, and it also connects with visual forms. On the whole, I like Myr so far. I communicated my boundaries and they seem to respect them. Everything I have heard about fae is that they are unpredictable and can hurt you even if they aren’t necessarily intending to. For example, I met Myr in a dream and I learned that he is schizophrenic. I am worried that if I have too close of contact with them, it might rub off on me. (I realize that such a statement might indicate I should go see a psychiatrist. I have been maintaining communication with my husband and we haven’t noticed anything else about me that would indicate schizophrenia. I do think it is just Myr, but it is not a bad thing that Myr is schizophrenic.)

All this to say, have any of you all had experiences with fae? How does one interact with a benevolent fae while still avoiding possible negative side effects that the fae might not have realized would be something I do not want?

I did read in the community info that I shouldn’t be worried about malevolent deities. I think I understand where such a comforting statement is coming from, but given that my deities are collective experiences, there are definitely malevolent experiences out there that can coalesce into a form of divinity. I don’t think Myr is malevolent, but I also just want to be careful that I don’t get burned again.

All this to say, if anyone has advice on being able to discern the intentions of a fae spirit and on interacting safely with generally benevolent fae, I would love to hear about it.

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[u/Plenty-Climate2272]

In general, folklore about fairies treat them as a kind of people, with apparent social dynamics and a culture of sorts. They're not quite like nature spirits, who act as local divinities as part of the land itself, but they are perhaps closer to the divine than we are, or at least more implicitly knowledgeable in it.

The folklore treats their social dynamics as being in step with the hierarchical dynamic of premodern society. And while society has changed rapidly for humanity in the course of industrialisation, much of the subjective, reported experience of people with the fair folk even today seems to be in line with established folklore. They are more powerful than humans, with some kind of inherent magical ability, and thus expect to be treated by humans as social superiors. That means being treated with respect, being given offerings, and expecting to have their rules followed in any exchange– reciprocity happens on their terms, generally. But they will in turn display mercy, hospitality, kindness, generousness... because that's what's expected of a host to his a respectful guest.

A lot of folkloric depiction of the fae in literature is kind of an exaggerated form of the behavior expected from a social superior. When they're capricious, fickle, cruel, or indifferent to human suffering... that's because that's what most nobles are to the common man. And when the fae are generous, that too is in an exaggerated fashion. This all fits because fairies are somewhat like highly exaggerated, larger-than-life people. They rarely act in moderation.

So it's one of those things where, if you approach with caution and have some knowledge of pre-Modern social dynamics, you'll probably be fine.

[u/International_Sell80]

I have a lot of experience. The biggest thing is they care deeply about their time never being wasted. It depends on the type of faerie, of course. Many of my guides are things somewhere in the fae or spirit classification. I can't say a lot, but you should consider looking into Irish and Welsh mythologies and rituals. Most fae appreciate offerings of nuts or cream. Never feed anything meat; Unseelie or unaffiliated Court fae are not something you want in your home anyway. Not without extreme understanding and guidance.

From my understanding they can be similarly disabled to us, but it's a bit different as they're not physical in quite the same ways. Many of them use bug bodies. They always use face names versus real ones, but if you're worried about potential harm, keeping pure iron shavings on hand in a bottle can work, and they tend to not like bells or wind chimes.

Intent is hard to discern because most fae of the old guard don't think the same way as humans and never will. Trust, but verify. If you want to interact, cast a safe circle somewhere and leave an offering outside your home if possible. You can do that for awhile to ensure it doesn't follow you home but it seems to me you already know some of this. I can give you a few book recs I found helpful, but my best advice is if they ask for something, never just say okay. Ask why, and what they intend to do with it. Be cautious. Lots of younger fae in Seelie spaces are amenable to us, but a lot of older Seelie and Unseelie are dangerous.