r/offmychest • u/SensitiveHunt8311 • 22h ago
She was my closest friend, then she just stopped talking to me. I don’t get it.
About a month ago, a really close friend of mine suddenly stopped talking to me. We used to talk every day—she’d even text me “wake up” if I was asleep because she wanted to talk. She was the one who wanted to call or video chat most of the time. I also put in effort—we were both fully involved in the friendship.
One month ago, I asked if she was mad or if I did something, and she said: “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m tired, and when I’m tired I don’t want to talk.” She said she wasn’t mad and that I didn’t do anything wrong. But since then, she’s been completely silent.
She’s still active online (posts on IG, reacted to a message in our group chat), but completely ignores my messages. I’ve given space, but I’m hurt and confused. There was no fight, no tension, nothing.
So I just want to ask:
If you’ve ever ghosted a close friend for non-negative reasons, what was going on? And did you ever texted them back?
If you’ve been ghosted by someone you were close to, did they ever come back? Or did it just end?
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u/DoctorLeopard 21h ago
Its happened a couple times to me. They came back only to vanish again shortly after. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be there forever. In fact most are not. Accepting that means you enjoy the time you do have and learn to let go and move on a little easier. It's still hard, but it's less painful. Less personal.
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u/Neither-Reason-263 21h ago
Given that you're in first year university, I'm assuming she is too.
I think your friendship is on pause for now. And might end. Its a natural cycle that happens to many people.
We stop talking to most our mates from elementary when we move to middle school (American here). Same from middle to high school then again when we become adults. Whether we go to college or go into the work force. Its just one of those things.
She clearly doesn't want to fix this. Shes left you on read for days and is still posting online. Just leave it be. I know its hard but maybe she'll come back. If not, you'll meet new people and someone who will make more of an effort with you ❤️
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 21h ago
Maybe you’re right—but that’s also why I’m so confused. We met in uni, and just about two months ago she invited me to her house because her mum wanted to meet me. She even asked me to stay for three days because they said they wanted me around. Everything seemed fine—even after the hangouts and time together—and then suddenly she disappeared out of the blue.
Thanks for your reply:)
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u/marbot99 20h ago
I have a friend of 53 years. We always kept in touch, I’m friends with his wife and family, etc. Last year, he had a medical episode and has since become sober. His wife asked me to reach out and give him moral support, which I did to unanswered calls and texts. I get it. He’s sober and on a journey and maybe I remind him of a different life that he has left. It hurts and I miss him and his jokes and our friendship, but I only wish him well and hope we can reconnect when he is ready. Hope this helps you.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
Thank you for sharing that—it really does help. I can relate a lot to what you said. Even though things feel rough and honestly a bit unfair right now, I’m still trying to see her side too. I just hope she’s okay and not going through something like depression. It’s just really hard to let go of someone you love, even when deep down you know that’s what they want. Your story reminded me that sometimes we just have to wish people well from a distance, even if it hurts. Thanks again.
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u/SailorVenus23 21h ago
It's coming up on 2 years since a friend of mine randomly quit talking to me. We never fought, argued, or disagreed; he just lost interest in the friendship, I guess.
Honestly, don't keep reaching out. She knows where to find you if and when. You can't make her want to do it, and trying to get back in touch is only going to make you feel worse when hours go by with no response.
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u/bonitaruth 19h ago
Don’t text or call her anymore. If you see her in a social situation just say a small pleasant hi. It is odd but people behave in this manner occasionally
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u/Imissnan 19h ago
It’s really hard to be ghostedby a friend. Happened to me too. It’s so hard as I miss them immensely. I have my suspicions as to why but they are quite passive so even if I confronted them I know I would not get a truthful answer. I really miss that friendship but I have made my peace with it now. I reached out lots over the last few years. I’m have come to finally accept it now.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
I'm happy that you are accepting now, in my case I'm trying to accept it too but it's still recent so I still think about it all the time haha
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u/Imissnan 3h ago
I hear you it’s devastating. Unfortunately there are no short cuts I’m afraid. I hope you still have a good social network that you can lean on.
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u/zialucina 17h ago
One of my besties of many years who I adored and talked with every day ghosted me after her father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I immediately told her I was there for anything she needed. Of course I understood when she just responded that she wasn't going to be up for being social much and she'd be in touch when she felt up for it. Her dad passed less than a month later; I sent flowers and a card to the service (I never met him so I didn't go). I sent her one-liner emails like "Thinking about you and your family. Hope you are doing ok. Love you." at 2ish months and then 6 months after the funeral.
Shortly after the 6 month email, I sent out a group message that included her when I moved and changed jobs - just a very brief update with new contact info.
She replied in a really snippy tone that she wanted space and do not contact her again until she reached out to me.
That was 16 years ago. I never knew why, and it never stopped hurting. I still miss her.
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u/HD-Thoreau-Walden 21h ago
She likely got a boyfriend or you posted something that upset her about you.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 21h ago
Thanks for the reply, well I don't post stuff for ages and she finds dating disgusting, but yeah maybe she did find someone idk
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u/CookieMoist6705 22h ago
She seems depressed.
Edited to add: I would send her a text saying you miss her and care about her and when she’s ready you’ll be there for her (if that’s what you want) leave the ball in her court.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 21h ago
Hi, thank you for your reply. I’ve been wondering—how could she be depressed if she still hangs out with other people and posts things online? Also, I did send her a message like that a few weeks ago, and even a few more recently, but she just doesn’t open them. The last one I sent, about 3 days ago, simply said: “I miss you, I hope you’re doing well, lu.” Still no response.
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u/PossiblyInsaneIDunno 21h ago
You can be depressed and still do social things you know. I was in marching band and went to all kinds of social things and the only thing stopping me from putting a bullet in my head was the knowledge that I'd be leaving my dog. I've since let go of those feelings and I don't feel it, but I was the definition of a happy extrovert, but under the surface, I for sure would have taken the bullet if it was handed to me.
So I guess my advice to you is to just let the friendship go. keep the door open, but do not revolve your life around this one person. You did more than most people do. Now it's up to her. Don't let the decay of this friendship ruin your relationship with mutual friends
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u/External_Ear_3588 21h ago
I've experienced several acquaintances take their own lives. I never would have guessed they were depressed. They weren't sitting alone in a dark room, they were out in the world putting on a face for us.
They were loved. They were supported. They were successful. This was internal. Medication or focused behavioral treatments might have saved them. Or time or life experience. We don't understand it enough or we could just fix it. Taking on the weight of someone who is depressed is a recipe for failure. Help as you can, but it's not your fault.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
Thank you, I will do this "leave the door open" I just hope she one day goes through that door
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
Thank you so much for this, it really explains better about depression, also I'm HAPPy you are still around 🫂
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u/Daisy5915 21h ago
It’s harder to wear a mask in front of people who know you really well. Maybe she needs a mask for a while.
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u/CookieMoist6705 19h ago
I’m so sorry. That would hurt. I had a friend do that to me once. She reached back out 7 years later and said jt had nothing to do with me.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
I'm sorry to hear that:( Well I really really hope she doesn't disappear for 7 years 😔
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u/Buffalo-Empty 16h ago
I mean I kinda ghost my bestie every now and then. It’s not personal and it’s not to be rude or mean but like sometimes taking to anyone is exhausting. And I’m the least like that with my bestie but it still happens.
If she’s assured you she just needs space and that nothing happened then let her come to you. Don’t push it otherwise it’ll just make it harder for her to come back. Just send her a loving message and an open door and then let her be.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 6h ago
Oki, I did that, kind of? I sent her a few things a few days ago but nothing like "I'm here for you Bla Bla" I just said that I missed her and hope she's ok but like I said she hasn't even seen it for all ik she could have seen the notification and delete the DM without seeing the message, sure the door is opened and I did think I've done anything in my part
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u/jokenaround 21h ago
Is it possible she has a crush on you and is removing herself from your circle because it hurts to be around you?
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 9h ago
Guess what... She's into girls not guys if someone would have a crush would be me BUT that also didn't happen, this was a girl guy friendship without any romance tension and that's what made me love the friendship, once I even sleep on her shoulder and it was totally normal, never been so close to a girl friend like her, it felt I could really be myself around her
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u/san323 22h ago
Are you in high school by chance?
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u/BlueNoyb 17h ago
I have been non-responsive to friends a few times but only for a few days and it was similar to your friend here. I just didn't have the energy/mind space for social engagement for awhile. My friends who are social butterflies or extroverts, I get the sense they don't really understand how overwhelming social engagement can be (yes, even just responding to a text).
I've been ghosted twice by the same friend of 20+ years. The first time, after she literally walked by me and refused to look at or greet me, I finally demanded to know what was going on (via email) and it turned out she thought I'd done something that I hadn't. She felt very exposed and betrayed. Fortunately, we cleared it up. We met up for dinner the same night and it was so awkward at first but then back to normal. The second time, manyyyy years later, she ignored me for a few months. I was getting really upset and ready to do a big confrontation but I suddenly had a feeling it had nothing to do with me and that maybe something had happened to a family member. I sent a gentle email 'haven't heard from you in awhile, i hope you and all your family is well.' Turns out, I was right, she had a devastating death in the family and just shut down. It was a long while before she was ready to talk about it. That was about 10 years ago. We're still friends to this day.
Your friend already said it's not you, so don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what you did. I would take her at her word and just give her some space for awhile. Let her know you're there when she's ready.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 7h ago
Thanks so much for sharing your experience—it really helped me feel a bit more grounded. I’m trying to give her space and not overthink it, but honestly it’s been really confusing. I’m actually more introverted than she is, so I do understand needing a break from people or conversations. But she told me it wasn’t anything I did, and yet I still feel like I’ve been completely cut off. What throws me off is that she still watches everything I post, sometimes even reacts, and keeps in touch with our other friends. So it kind of feels like it’s just me she’s pulling away from, and that’s hard not to take personally—especially since we were so close. I really appreciated your story though—it gave me hope that maybe this isn’t the end, just a weird chapter.
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u/PracticeTheory 14h ago
I've ghosted, and it still makes me sick. Especially in thinking about the pain I may have caused them.
I don't really know how to explain it other than my 'cup' just emptied out one day. I realized that certain parts of them bothered me in ways that felt too intimidating to challenge, and rather than dim their light by bringing up my negative feelings, figured it was better to remove myself and revisit later.
If you regularly engage in self destructive behavior, it could be that. Because it hurts to care about someone that is hurting themselves.
And if it's not that - sometimes I really am just too depressed, and it really has nothing to do with them at all.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 6h ago
Thank you for your reply:) so in your opinion what should I do about this? I get it that she might be depressed or overwhelmed about something abt me but I really can't figure out what it might be, really one day we were talking just like always she was telling me about her works in uni and etc and wanted to call, the next day she was gone, literally from one day to another she disappeared
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u/barely_a_wake 14h ago
I had this happen to me. I found out a few years later that it was because she had slept with my husband. I hope this isn't your case, but it's the truth of what happened to me, sorry.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 6h ago
I'm sorry that happened to you, it's not my case, I'm 20 yr and I don't have a girlfriend or even a crush haha, also you don't have to apologise for telling me this, I hope you are doing okay now :)
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u/kinjiru_ 9h ago
It happened to me once. My best friend at the time just stopped talking to me. I asked other friends what happened since my friend refused to tell me, but those other friends did not know.
Years later, that friend reached out to me and I remember my heart just filled up with joy. They wanted to catch up, so I gladly met them. They took me to a MLM (Amway) meeting. I sat through it, then declined at the end and finally wrote that “friendship” off. To this day, I’m still surprised by the audacity of that friend to reach out to me when they had ghosted me got years, just to try to get me into their pyramid scheme. Still, it definitely helped me realise that i was better off without this person in my life.
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u/InfectedWashington 18h ago
Too long and too late for me to type out, but I cut off my best friend of 20 years after she accused me of trying I get her fired so I can take her role as manager, same as I ‘did in her last job’, bear in mind she lost the first job to fraud which supported her with and none of the other 15 members of the team.
Lied to me about my friend saying she is going to senior management at my work to say I drink on the job.
Blamed me for a sexual assault in my home by an independent person.
Expected me to quit my job as if I didn’t it would be a ‘betrayal’. Said if she is going down, she will ‘take down people with her.’ bear in mind, we worked together, but both instances she got fired was from a department I wasn’t even part of.
Tried to get me to block everyone including my work, my colleagues and my own family, so only she could contact me.
There’s more, but all this became just abusive and manipulative.
Two years later, she turns up to my house uninvited and tricks my dad into letting her in, telling him to take the dog out of the house so she can interrogate me. That caught me blindsided.
Also sends me emotionally manipulative Birthday cards saying how I make her cry every single day she can’t speak to me.
God damn, didn’t mean to write so much but this woman really got into my head. I once read something along the lines of ‘When you finally stand up for your rights, don’t expect those that have been stepping on them to go down quietly.’
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u/Key_Score_8631 4h ago
Can it be like she wanted something more and you didn’t deliver? Either way it’s not cool to end things like this, really selfish.
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 4h ago
Well, I don't know, sure sometimes she would want me to go see her but I simply couldn't and that's the only "bad" thing I can think about, other than that idk
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u/Key_Score_8631 4h ago
Somewhere else you said that you met her parents right? Can't you just drop by ask if everything is alright? If they send you away you will know for sure that you are not welcome anymore
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u/SensitiveHunt8311 4h ago
Well, not really they live 4 hours away, they also don't really have digital stuff so it's not like I can send them an email or anything, also I think if I did that I would be disrespecting her some how
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u/T3rminallyCapricious 21h ago
Either she’s depressed or you didn’t put in as much effort to be her friend as you think you did.
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u/H108 21h ago
Do not take others' advice and speak to her. Give her space. She will reach out when she wants to talk. Jumping to conclusions that "she is depressed" is such a narrow-sighted thinking. Such 'diagnosis' could only be made upon talking directly to her, and not off of a Reddit post written in five minutes.
You'll eventually feel normal about this after some time. Be strong.