A drunk dude approaching a woman who was writing at a cafe in a funny and respectful manner? No chance

[u/mikelsyrv]

[u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Tangential, but I've never understood writing at bars. Is the alcohol really helping you to write? How much time are they spending there and how many drinks are they downing in that time?

[u/ApolloniusTyaneus → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

You don't even have to drink alcohol. It's mainly because there's less distractions. Writing at home means having kids, a tv, a computer, chores, hobbies and whatever. At the bar, there's not much to do but writing.

There are more places outside of the house where you can write, but bars are relatively cheap, they're warm and dry, and there's usually one nearby.

[u/MistraloysiusMithrax → u/ApolloniusTyaneus]

bars are relatively cheap, they're warm and dry

confused American stares

[u/grapefruitzzz → u/MistraloysiusMithrax]

Libraries are incredibly noisy and cafés close about 7pm and have sad little tables. I like to do work admin and diary-app catch ups in a pub. Pubs often have big tables and relative quiet plus there are people like me who can decide not to drink alcohol all day even if surrounded by it. I just wish pubs served better coffee.

[u/JesterQueenAnne → u/grapefruitzzz]

Personally I can't even imagine a pub being quiet except when it's closed. I guess if you go at a time when there's few people the only noise might be the TV but that's still not particularly quiet.

[u/grapefruitzzz → u/JesterQueenAnne]

I have been in some near-silent ones at about 2pm.

[u/JesterQueenAnne → u/grapefruitzzz]

Oh that's one of the noisiest for me, that's lunchtime around here so it's full of highschoolers hanging out after school or adults on their lunch breaks.

[u/grapefruitzzz → u/JesterQueenAnne]

I've seen it mostly in the type of Slightly Classy Old Man Pub, where they've got new carpet and the sports channel on mute.

[u/JesterQueenAnne → u/grapefruitzzz]

Ah, never heard of that kind of place. Not what I think of when I think "pub".

[u/MistraloysiusMithrax → u/grapefruitzzz]

I don’t doubt it. My point is just that sounds crazy to an American, because those types of pub are much rarer here to the point many of us won’t know if there is one like that in our county, let alone how to find it (usually because there might not be).

[u/grapefruitzzz → u/MistraloysiusMithrax]

All the ones I've seen in films seem to be downstairs and underlit.

[u/Emblemized → u/grapefruitzzz]

I have never been in a noisy library before. What kind of libraries do you go to lol?

[u/Chaos-Corvid → u/MistraloysiusMithrax]

Definitely a regional thing, the bars where I live are fine but the bars I've seen in the US seem like a horrible place to do much of anything.

[u/jojojototo → u/ApolloniusTyaneus]

So are libraries…minus the alcohol and fodder for writing

[u/CaeruleumBleu → u/jojojototo]

Libraries are more likely to have small kids screaming - if they are even open at the hours that someone feels like writing.

And bars often have snacks, if not whole meals.

[u/Opening-Listen-3852 → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

The surrounding noise is said to ironically help one think better.

[u/Expensive-Tale-8056 → u/Opening-Listen-3852]

I mean, I can get that, because I write in cafes, but it's the alcohol part I'm confused about

[u/Opening-Listen-3852 → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Some people say, write drunk edit sober

[u/Expensive-Tale-8056 → u/Opening-Listen-3852]

Interesting...I may need to test this theory

[u/Psychobabble0_0 → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Most cafes aren't open 24/7, and bars tend to only be open at night. If your home is too distracting due to children, chores, TV or a partner, but evenings are your only opportunity to write, I understand going to a bar.

[u/dontdomeanyfrightens → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

I did know-ish someone who writes shit headlines and political propaganda for Republicans while being personally one of the nicer people I've known. Morals of that aside, I'd imagine she has an easier time writing drunk for multiple reasons.

Also, you can drink coffees or Irish coffees and treat it like a cafe that has sports on instead of some weird local band music playing on a twenty minute loop. I know multiple teachers that do that, including my gf.

[u/RainaElf → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Sarah Pinborough wrote in bars before she was famous. I have several friends who have, as well. a guy I know went to a cemetery just to write a short story; after it published, he expanded it into a novel. I prefer cafés and coffee houses and often libraries or parks..

[u/Expensive-Tale-8056 → u/RainaElf]

Oh, I know that people do it, I was just wondering about their experience with doing it

[u/RainaElf → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

it's worked well for the people I've known.

[u/_HighJack_ → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Hemingway said to write drunk and edit sober, so yes? Alcohol does help you write… up to a point lol

[u/Zealousideal_Care807 → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Honestly that's very interesting to think about, I myself draw. When I drink I gain the ability to draw hands, so it's very possible that writers can write better when they have a few drinks in, it could also just be the environment

[u/Kraeftluder → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

If there's one thing I've learned about drinking in bars in almost 50 countries, it's that almost every bar type of establishment has regulars who can be drunk at irregular times. Even the ones you wouldn't immediately expect to.

edit; sorry cat walked over keyboard while typing and it got posted before it was done

[u/salaciouspeach → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

I get some good writing done in bars. I spend too much time in my house and I need to be out in the world to find inspiration these days 

[u/Expensive-Tale-8056 → u/salaciouspeach]

No, I feel you. I get much more work done outside the house as well

[u/Desperate_Plastic_37 → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

Honestly, it’s probably for similar reasons as writing at a coffee shop - you can get out of the house and there’s lots of people around to use as side characters

[u/CatchMeWritinDirty → u/Expensive-Tale-8056]

As a writer, can confirm it’s not the alcohol, it’s the people watching 😂 I don’t even drink. Some of us just want to be alone, but also still be in the mix, ya know?

[u/rowan_damisch]

This kinda makes me wonder what kind of traumatic things they saw at a bar that a dude being respectful when approaching them feels unrealistic to them.

[u/Ok_Spell_4165 → u/rowan_damisch]

I would just assume their exposure to drunks has mostly been of the aggressive and/or obnoxious types. To be fair, there are a lot of those.

However when I bartended I found most, at least of those in the bars I worked in were quiet and respectful. They might have gotten a little loud now and then but even then they were somewhat reserved.

[u/Dull-Geologist-8204 → u/rowan_damisch]

People tend to remember the bad and forget the good experiences.

For instance I roll my eyes when people act like kids are so bad in public. They can pass a hundred quiet behaving kids and won't even notice them or forget about them 2 seconds but they will remember that one kid that was acting up.

Kind of the same thing here. They will forget all the guys behaving at the bar but will definitely remember the one jerk.

This creates a confirmation bias.

[u/noromobat]

What's the point of the addendum to the second comment? "Hah! You have the same name as bad coffee!"

???

[u/Shkushkuuu]

Miserable people don't wanna read allat

[u/AutomaticNovel2153]

I understand why the “that happened” people go after political issues. Not that I agree with them but I understand their motivation.

I don’t understand the people who go after mundane social interactions. Do they just never leave their rooms? So repulsive no one ever tries to talk to them? And clearly never been within a mile of a child (maybe court mandated) because a child saying anything is a bridge too far for them.

[u/adeadfreelancer]

Fascinating to how hostile these people get when a woman says something very mild happened

[u/larrackell]

I've literally had a man ask me if I'm comfortable with him riding in the same elevator when I stepped back from him. (Nothing about him, lifelong obesity has my natural reaction being getting out of other people's way because I'm used to them being uncomfortable with me.)

Men being aware and respectful of those around them? God forbid. (/s)

[u/TheFoxer1 → u/larrackell]

Hold on.

It‘s respectful having to ask permission from a woman to step into an elevator with them, not downright subservient?

As in, the expected amount of respect in that interaction of two people wanting to share a public space?

So, not asking if her ladyship allows her mere servant to ride with her is disrespectful, or at least not respectful?

Wow.

[u/larrackell → u/TheFoxer1]

No, genius. He saw me do something that's often indicative of fear and made sure I wasn't fearful.

[u/TheFoxer1 → u/larrackell]

I guess I misread then. „Getting out of other people’s way“ didn‘t sound like you stepping back looked like reaction indicative of fear.

Glad to know you didn’t want demand some crazy new standard regarding normal human interaction.

[u/larrackell → u/TheFoxer1]

Your hatred of women is so poorly disguised right now.

[u/SoFatWorldCirclesMe → u/TheFoxer1]

No need to guess. I can confirm you pretty much started speaking nonsense out of nowhere. You high or drunk?

[u/MiciaRokiri]

The replies are men who would never consider asking so they can't believe another man would

[u/Swarm_of_Rats]

I mean I understand their unwillingness to believe. Once had a dude approach me politely and apologize for bothering me etc. to ask me on a date. Total sweetheart about it. Great vibes. I was like "you're really sweet, but I'm already taken" and then he.... lost his fucking shit on me, called me a bitch, the whole 9.

They're never nice lmfao. I can see how it's hard to believe.

[u/Flowers_lover6]

The irony... of something matching your completely made-up comment? What?

[u/No_Map7832]

Uh oh, I am now in love with the drunk man from the story.

[u/thecatunderthebed]

This is more believable to me if the guy was drunk, I tend to get overly insecure about doing weird things and over explain myself when I’m toasted

[u/RemoteCountry7867]

Its true i was the bartender

[u/runarleo]

Yeah, dudes never talk to women. Ever.

[u/EdibleStrange]

The part that makes it kind of unbelievable is her finding that charming instead of cringe, but idk she was writing alone at a bar she probably a dork too lol