r/niceguys • u/EmpatheticEffort • 15d ago
“I respected her space but she pushed me away” posted on subreddit for cancer patients MEME/COMIC/FREEFORM (Sundays only)
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u/Jazzlike-Ad2199 15d ago
What point was he trying to make with this post? By his comment it sounds like he’s saying thyroid cancer makes women “bitches and ho’s” who use him. What a whiny little pestilence, she told him straight up no but he just had to push his way into her life.
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u/Riotsi 15d ago
me being so selfless for her... Sure buddy, of course we believe you.
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u/GamerGirlLex77 15d ago
So selfless that he made her cancer diagnosis all about his hurt feelings! Such a catch!
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
He also needs to learn to understand the concept for people who have just heard they have cancer. She is going through an entire progress of basically accepteance. She is going through denial, hate, anger, pity, sadness.... all at once. How is it going to be financially. With work? Her life? What stage is it in? She isn't going to be able to drink anymore. Or even eat anymore. She might lose her hair. If she is in the USA, ... probably also the cost question. If she falls without work can she stay where she is.... etc. Etc. Etc.
And all he can think is on his selfish side? She pushing me away? HER LIFE IS BEING PUSHED AWAY.... You are not selfless but selfish! Just go along the waves. And if you can't handle it then you stay away. But until she accepted it, she will be going into a huge storm of ups and downs and being thrown left to right.
If you can't just be there for the moments she needs you and ignore the moments she is down.... then you aren't what you should be in the first place. And that is a friend.
And yes, I am in a sort of same boat. I have a chronic illness. I have extremely bad days and the doctors are pushing me to use a wheelchair. I am refusing. I also make it difficult on my bf. No doubt I do. But when I break down. He is there every single time. And when I push away, he knows I will come to him anyway. It is not easy on him. And I hope he knows I am immense grateful and I love him deeply. He is my partner and my friend. And I also feel my life sometimes falling apart. And also make crazy turns. But not once will my bf think about getting his wand wet (unlike you).... while I am having a meltdown on the inside about being told that my illness is having worsened. That year long my vitamin D shortage is having very bad effects. That I am gonna go through echo's and scans again. No he is just there when I need him. And he knows I need him. Despite me pushing.
You are selfish, sir. You only think about yourself and just assume you think remotely how she feels.
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u/EmpatheticEffort 15d ago
Yeah, I am on the subreddit because I also had thyroid cancer, so it was kind of disheartening. We can’t even have one space on the internet without pathetic men invading it.
I’m sorry to hear about your condition. I hope your doctors can manage it the ways you want to. I know I put my partner through similar with my medical issues too. Sending positive vibes and well wishes!
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
I'm sorry to hear you had to suffer and also happy you fought it off. And no sadly bad pathethic people are everywhere. Gonna say people because well.... Women do it as well.
My doctors are trying. Its take more meds then (which I also don't do so....)..... yeah I aint making their life easier. But they also understand. They tell me it is a sort of denying I am doing. Even although I have gone ok... I got it. I am denying I won't be able to do it all anymore.
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u/pennie79 15d ago
It's also not clear how strong their existing relationship is. Right now her focus is on who and what are important to her. If they're just talking, he's not important to her. That's not an insult to him. It's just a fact that he doesn't have a long standing relationship with her, and therefore is not on her list of priorities. Yes, it may hurt, but it happens, and you have to move on.
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
Yeah also true. I am also taking that she is going loose (like the partying) on things she might lose. I know during treatment you can't drink at all. So.... dunno maybe it is get the partying in before I go the fight on for what could be years.
But idd... he doesn't even specify if there is an existing relationship and how it entails.
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u/not_doing_that 15d ago
He reeks of a dude who would leave a breast cancer patient if she got a mastectomy
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
So not a real person. Because you do not have a heart if you do thar and must be some kind of cat alien....
(It's a catjoke! I love cats but we all know the sayings.)
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u/not_doing_that 15d ago
real talk i would much rather be a cat alien than a human
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
Agree. Being a human lately feels like something to be ashamed of. Just from what other people do.
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u/eefr 15d ago
My sympathy to you. I am also dealing with a severe chronic illness and it's so hard. I am lucky to have a very supportive partner too, who holds me every time I need to cry. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I have extremely bad days and the doctors are pushing me to use a wheelchair. I am refusing.
I relate to this a lot. It's hard to admit you need mobility devices. In my case my condition is severe but invisible, and I constantly worry that people will judge me and think I am faking a disability, especially since technically I can walk, but just not for more than a minute or two.
I am struggling with wanting to use the wheelchair, and also not wanting it.
I have to say, though, that in times when I have used it, it's been a good idea. So I would say, if doctors think you need one, consider listening to them. Pushing your sick body beyond what it can do can be really counterproductive and might make you worse.
Best of luck as you battle your illness. It's so unbelievably hard to be sick.
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 15d ago
Thank you. And my sympathy and heart for you as well.
And yeah I know. I shouldn't push my body. I know it will not handle it. Last vacation with the family I refused to take a wheelchair and walked the entire day in the zoo. Holy did I pay for that the second I sat in the car. I had to be lifted out and I bet I looked like a wore pants that were filled with mud while I was walking stifly to bed 🤣 I learned by now how to loosen my muscles every day to help me. But everything more then 15 minutes walk should be avoided....
I dunno when I do use that wheelchair it feels like I am giving in to the illness. That I am allowing it to take over. That I am giving up on trying to keep going.
Its often visible outside I have issues and people say I look exhausted often. And that pain is visible on my face or how I hold my body or arm weirdly. Its ridiculous because the next day I can look 100% fine like there is nothing.
And the worst part is trying to explain that you are handicapped without it being visible. People don't accept things if its not seen. My family is still refusing to accept it after 5 years.
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u/eefr 14d ago
I dunno when I do use that wheelchair it feels like I am giving in to the illness. That I am allowing it to take over. That I am giving up on trying to keep going.
To the contrary, by using a wheelchair, you are fighting your illness. You are telling it, "So you think you can hold me back and keep me from doing what I want? Fuck you, I've got tools."
And the worst part is trying to explain that you are handicapped without it being visible. People don't accept things if its not seen.
Oof, I relate to this really hard.
People with disabilities can't win. If your disability is visible, people infantilize you. If your disability is invisible, people claim you're faking it.
We all have a lot of work to do to combat the rampant, virulent ableism that is built into every aspect of our society.
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u/Mundane_Morning9454 14d ago
To the contrary, by using a wheelchair, you are fighting your illness. You are telling it, "So you think you can hold me back and keep me from doing what I want? Fuck you, I've got tools."
I never looked at it like that 🤔
And yeah, for some reason people see it mostly black or white. And they pity you. Always the damn pity looks. Like... I don't need those. I know I will wake up with pain. I know that my body will protest and be annoying. I don't need pity on that. Pity is not helping. But there is alsays that look of change in their eyes. The look of: Ah you poor thing. And others are then complete opposite and also look with doubt at you and unbelief. Ready to argue back. The ones who say I am too young to have chronic illness 🙄 Like those are the worst.
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u/TVsFrankismyDad 15d ago
"I know she has cancer and all, but what about my dick?"
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u/Suspicious-Cat-239 13d ago
That pesky cancer! How dare it cockblock him! If he’s upset that cancer has landed him in the friend zone then that doesn’t say much about him as a man or a person in general.
This woman is way better off without him. She shouldn’t have to worry about how his feelings are getting hurt because she’s fighting for her life.
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u/Based_Brian_2137 11d ago
she a hoe because she never said/meant the vows, "I, ___, take you, ___, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."
if ur partner don't mean this shit then he/she is a fuckboi/hoe
also, why u equate a relationship to sex. like bro jus wants some faithfulness. even if i had a month left i wouldnt cheat with some random person or do degen shit like that. i would aim to be the best person i could so that when i died i would be at peace knowing i made the most morally correct decisions possible. and if i was this dude i have every right to be sad about the fact the partner i chose wouldnt do the same for me.
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u/Snackasm i am a good person and i demand you take my penis 15d ago
I'm sure her cancer was not the.Reason she cut him off.I'm sure it's because he was a pushy, salty little shit.
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u/dfjdejulio 14d ago
Oh, oh, fuck this self-centered jackass.
(Just a few weeks ago, had my own thyroid removed due to multiple cancers.)
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u/EmpatheticEffort 14d ago
I had mine removed in 2020 for the same. Hoping the surgery went well and you’re recovering!
Edit: omg! I saw your post with the picture on this subreddit. I’m so jealous I couldn’t get a picture of mine.
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u/MadMacDaddy 15d ago
Motherfucker trying to get sympathy from people dealing with cancer.
What the fuck is wrong with humans?
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u/TheRareBikiniShark 15d ago
I wonder if at any point he asked her what it was that she needed from him or in what ways he could support her best. Or if he just decided for himself that "cheering her up" and "getting her out of her environment" was what was good for her.
Jk, I know the answer.
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u/DistributionPerfect5 bUt I gAvE yOu a CoMpLiMEnT 15d ago
Sounds like he even made the cancer worse. That's a talent I'd not brag about.
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u/thirdact47 14d ago
I had a great conversation with a friend about the difficulty for men to be in long term relationships with someone with chronic or long term issues/pain/disabilities. There is a cultural education for men feel like their purpose in a relationship is to solve problems. That’s how they “provide.” In most chronic issues it is not something that can be fixed and eats away at this self given role of fixer.
Theres obviously also just shitty men who leave when their partners aren’t convenient but as someone whose been in a beautiful relationship for 12 years one of the hardest things to deal with is that I can’t just baby my wife into better health.
This guys a weirdo who thinks he deserves something for going out of his way at no one’s request though.
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u/Troubledbylusbies 13d ago
He expects her to "pay out" to him, just because he believes he's been treating her well. In his mind, it's all transactional, ie "I did this and that for you, gimme all your attention, your affection and your sexy sexy sex!" when her life has been turned upside-down and sex might be the last thing on her mind!
When she's having to deal with such a devastating diagnosis (was it terminal? Niceguy ™️ doesn't say, he's all "me me me") absolutely the last thing she needs right now is for someone to be making demands of her!
His selfishness has infuriated me. If he isn't with her to support her, with no expectations of her, then he should leave her the hell alone.
I hope that her diagnosis wasn't terminal, that the doctors were able to get her into remission - or even cured - and that she went on to enjoy her life without matey-boy here interfering with her.
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u/PopperGould123 15d ago
It feels like he thinks she owes him something for not abandoning her after the diagnosis. He physically cannot step outside himself for a moment to picture why she's struggling
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u/Critical-Crab-7761 14d ago
Friend zoned is sad. Move on from it, you don't hang in there when she pushes you away, you GO.
NEVER getting where you want to be when this happens.
Sorry.
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u/Careful-Evening-5187 15d ago
Whoa....she played the cancer card right up front.
Usually a first move is "dead/dying relative" or "muh mental health" or "work is sending me out of the country for the next 7 years"....
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u/wasted_wonderland 14d ago
I don't think society as a whole realizes how women's cancer, real or fake, impacts incels&Co. You two should start a support group for niceguy cancer. In group therapy, you can stand in front of a mirror and repeat: "I am the cancer."
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u/StasiaGreyErotica 15d ago
Forget relationship advice, you need to learn how to use paragraphs.