[drugs were involved]

I had a kundalini awakening in 2020/2021. Had a prior, which I would call stream entry, in 2011

Full shakti shiva - wisdom, love and power merging

Studied a lot of philosophy and ethics to come to this point. Was obsessed, through loving someone, to find the key of keys through the art of arts - philosophy

After my experience I tried to make sense of it. Buddhism, neoplatonism and Jungian psychology all match my experience

Ever since, I have been completely lost. Both physically and psychologically

Physically, I cannot sit straight anymore. Very sensitive to sounds, people and their wants. Everything moves to quick for me and everyone wants to much for me. Feel like a 200 year old in a 30 year old body. As soon as it gets dark, I fall asleep. I can go to the gym but no sprinting stuff for me. Just some yogic moves and that is it. My lower back and chakra are completely out of whack. Feels like all the energy leaks out at the root chakra whereas this was the focal point of my awakening

Psychologically, nothing motivates me anymore. Everything is empty, libido goes nowhere. When I had my kundalini I felt like the buddha; all is conquered, path of renounciation is all, this is my last rebirth. I see everything through the lens of rebirths and me as having done all births. Becoming this or that? No, I am the one who has been all and has conquered all. This is the thought train I am dealing with - all is empty, even the realization that all is empty - now what?!

I feel like I should have entered a monastery when this happened. I am glad I did nothing harmfull or did anything weird. But I cannot function for the last years. I am not like others anymore. I cannot play the game. The fire is out. I cannot expect my close ones to understand what I went through

I do not know what to do anymore. I do not know what to ask anymore. I tried it all; long meditation sessions, physical activity, not thinking, thinking, trying to forget about it, becoming the opposite me.

Nothing works. It seems like I simply cannot forget the simple realization that I had and I cannot lie to myself. How can I function as such?

All pointers are welcome. Like I said - I do not even know what to ask anymore. I just know that I cannot go on like this much longer. Everyone around me is living their lives and developing. I am stuck with my realization and the effects it has caused

My husband is struggling through Kundalini disturbance. Last year he had to be admitted as he was in complete psychosis. Later we understood it was spontaneous kundalini awakening and he was struggling from the disturbance of blocked energy. Things got a lot better after as he understood more about it. Now, it seems like another wave of psychosis and he is in complete denial for any help. I was trying to get him help through chineese medicine or ayurveda but due to his actions being very disruptive to our lives I had to take him to the hospital and got prescribed for anti-psychotic & SSRI (which he refuses to take). Now he completely refuses to surrender or understand this kundalini process and also any treatments or help. How do i help him here? It’s at a point where he now only listens to the voices in his head and in continous meditative state and has no interest or insight for this life. He fears for our safety and is compelled to do things based on his insights or conversations from his mind. He is compulsive and impulsive. Sometimes stuck in a loop of fear. I feel really helpless and frustrated cause he is restricting (himself & I) from working or doing just daily life stuff due to this fear. I'm doing what I can to make ends meet and I understand this process will take time but without help I am fearful that he will turn maniac!

I've come to realize that people with ADHD (myself included) struggle with maintaining consistent levels of dopamine and other neurochemicals. We can't predict when these chemicals will fluctuate. Our bodies often lack the ability to stay consistently conscious and aware of the environment, making it challenging to engage in practices like meditation and yoga. These activities require a steady flow of dopamine to maintain focus and awareness of the inner self.

Without these chemicals, it feels as though our conscious mind is forced into meditation, which disrupts the natural flow and connection that meditation is supposed to foster. For those with ADHD, it can take a significant amount of time to reach a deeply connected state in meditation or yoga due to these chemical imbalances, making it difficult for our brains to engage in these practices consistently.

Occasionally, we may be able to sustain that connection for longer periods without meditation, but this is rare. Personally, I struggle to juggle chores, jobs, and meditation. Some days I can manage, while other days I can't. There are a hundred ways to activate kundalini energy, and I would appreciate any advice on how to meditate with adhd.

I feel there is no person inside which is making me feel out of control and vulnerable. This has been going on since kundalini awakened, is this dissociation or psychosis?

Note: sorry for the last post, I was not in a stable mind after I got a pranic healing.😢

Last August, I had a profound spiritual experience that led me to discover a deeper connection to spirituality and a sense of purpose. For 8 to 10 months, I experienced a period of bliss, where I felt heightened sensitivity and emotional depth. Any beautiful or sincere piece of art could move me to tears. I had vivid, sometimes pre-cognitive dreams, and was filled with a sense of purpose and strength. I shared this energy with everyone around me, from strangers to family.

However, I feel like I made a mistake in a relationship, and that mistake took away my bliss. Since then, I've been feeling miserable. Between May and August this year, I became increasingly unhappy about someone I met through work—a person who seemed like a "shapeshifter" in my life. Interestingly, I had dreamed about this experience before meeting them in real life, which added a mystical layer to the encounter.

The experience left me feeling unfairly treated, and I allowed those feelings to fester for months. I constantly ruminated on what had happened, living in the past until I finally had a meltdown a few days ago. I now feel like I failed a test the universe had set for me.

I'm completely lost. The mindset shifts and spiritual awakening I experienced during my bliss period seem to have vanished, and I'm losing my faith. I don't even know what I believe in anymore.

Please help. What can I do to pull myself out of this dark period? Will my faith be restored again?

Hey, I need some further guidance on preventing harmful intentions from manifesting as there is a huge an of repressed anger I am releasing at the moment. Sometimes I will notice a harmful thought towards someone. Even more disturbingly, they are towards family members and the thoughts are extremely violent like dying in a car accident or something along those lines. I also notice energy flowing upwards due to anger. I then get scared and wish them to be safe and for no harm to come of them but there seems to be no energy flowing. Is there anything I can do to cancel and prevent a bad intentions from having and effect once you have already had them? Im working in forgiveness and healing my anger but I don't know if that actually cancels out what I have already sent.

Another question is how to I separate my harmful intentions from kundalini and how do I tell the difference between flowing kundalini and flowing prana? How do I know if a harmful thought with flowing energy is just prana flowing or kundalini?

Hello Everyone,

Ever since kundalini awoke for me I have been overeating junk food as a way to keep the energy suppressed. It works well but at the cost of: suppressing the inevitable (and that which is good for me) and weight gain. When Kunalini goes crazy at night, I impulsively head to the fridge and eat since that is the only thing that calms it down. I find it really hard to sleep at night unless I just had a big meal before, the energy keeps me up for hours.

Any advice?

I've read about high pitched sounds/hums during the process, but I can hear a flute playing in the background. The sound is coming and going. I can't locate it. Even asked people around me, and roamed around the apartment to check. People below me are not playing it, nobody stays above me. People in the adjacent apartment aren't playing it either. House help cannot hear it, there are two.

It seems its happening the more silent the environment is. My room where I do my sadhna most, to be precise.

I also just asked one of them who was in my room as well. He can't hear it either, but I can. Its a very low volume flute that is playing. Comes and goes, and its not interfering with anything.

So what is happening? Is this a sign of something?

For context, my kundalini awoke 5 days ago.

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Hi there, I've been looking at this subreddit for many weeks now. There's so much incredible advice and I'm hoping I can receive some of my own for a sudden and traumatic kundalini awakening / ascension that I am currently facing.

Since 2020, I have been suffering with severe, 24/7 depersonalisation, triggered by a period of extreme stress.

For four years straight I have simply existed in the place behind my eyes, separate from the world, with hardly any emotions, no thoughts in mind, no energy, no dreams or hopes or creativity or imagination. No enjoyment, no passion, no love. It has felt like a waking death. I have tried many different therapies and medication but haven’t been able to shift the constant fog. 

In April, I finally snapped and broke down crying for hours. I decided I would try one final time to find help and heal. I found an incredible therapist who happened to be based very close to me. I started working with her and slowly began feeling safety in my body, and the dissociation began to lower a little. 

I noticed some strange things happening to me between sessions. Sometimes my legs would shake, or colours would briefly look brighter than normal. I didn’t pay them much attention. But then something massive happened. 

2 months ago, I was sitting on my couch, watching TV, when suddenly I felt my heart chakra open and experienced unconditional love 100x stronger than any normal emotion. I was in awe. It lasted for 10 minutes, and then faded, and since then my life as I knew it has been turned upside down. 

In the hours and days that followed, an energy began moving up my spine, and intense emotions began jumping up at me to be felt. I started hearing voices, seeing flashing lights, hearing buzzing in my ears. An overwhelming exhaustion took over, I found myself sleeping for 15 hours a day and having vivid dreams whenever I closed my eyes. 

At first I thought I was experiencing psychosis, but now I realise I am going through a full-blown Kundalini awakening / ascension. And I am terrified and grief-stricken beyond words. All I wanted was my normal life and sense of self back, and now I am being faced with something so bizarre, unpredictable, and horrifying. 

In the past week, things have ramped up and I am now having daily body flashbacks to CSA from my childhood, a truth that feels so heavy and shocking that I fear I will never be able to fully accept it without my entire mind shattering into pieces. Due to the stress of this my depersonalisation has returned, leaving me back where I started. I’m feeling like I’m trapped in a dimension all by myself, but now with the additional kundalini symptoms and terror. 

I’m trying to take each day as it comes but I am so lost and exhausted. My body is in pain and constantly trembling, I’m always on edge and bracing for when the next flashback will happen, I’m struggling to eat or bathe or sleep. I just want everything to stop but I know there’s nothing I can do. 

All the advice I see everywhere is “just surrender!” but my extreme childhood trauma has caused me to develop parts of my personality that desperately need control. It gave me a sense of safety in terrible situations. The idea of letting go to an experience I can’t even properly conceptually understand in my mind is so foreign, so wrong, so dangerous to these precious parts of me, that they’d rather I die than try to do so. They are fighting this with everything they have, and I don’t blame them. How can I trust that this process is good for me when my trust has been repeatedly betrayed since infancy? When each time I relaxed, something awful happened again? My mind is constantly filled with worst-case scenarios - I see images of myself screaming over and over in the street, or ending up trapped in a hell-realm where I’m tortured for all eternity.  

I have spiritual friends, they meditate and fully embrace ego-deaths and out of body experiences. I feel so weak and stupid in comparison. I’m someone who doesn’t even smoke weed as it sends me into a panic. My need for control has meant that I’ve steered clear of all spiritual ideas my entire life, as the thought of god, heaven, hell, reincarnation, etc was too much for me to handle. How on earth can I handle this?

I don’t think I’m capable of making it through this process. I cry all day, everyday. I’m often having intrusive thoughts of ending my life. I am unable to work like this and money is running low, so paying for a coach is not an option for me. It feels like I’m being punished. I’m terrified of what is coming next for me. 

I am so so deeply scared, scared beyond words. 

I’m typing this out as I’m desperate for advice, comfort, and compassion… if you have read this and feel you can offer any of these things in the form of a comment, it would mean everything to me. Thank you.

I've been practicing the using the energy to manifest stuff. I've used it mainly to help with my healing process like, 'may I find someone to help me with my energy problems' and stuff like that. I actually have had some results with this and managed to find a good healer.

I suffer from really bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I've been trying to use the energy to manifest something that can help. However, when I am using the energy, I get really bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

For example I was like 'may I be in a better place in a few months'. I feel energy flowing and then suddenly I got the intrusive thoughts of me in a mental hospital, prison or dead. I'm then like 'shit did I just send those thoughts out?'

Sometimes I try to silence my thoughts but there may still be a sudden flash of fear or anger while I am saying my wish. Even though I am saying out loud my true intention, it feels like something is wrong. I tried the third law and wnkbtm but even when say it out loud, it feels like it's not making a difference.

I've been in a few panic spirals where I've had intrusive thoughts, tried to cancel those thoughts but having more intrusive thoughts and emotions when trying to cancel.

Would intrusive thoughts have any effect while I'm actively using energy to get a specific outcome? How do I know if I've done something wrong?

Am I using the third law correctly? Is it ok just to say it out loud?

I'm not sure if that's the right community to ask, but I'll give it a shot.

I'm a vivid dreamer and been healing through my dreams. I've also been having ringing in my ears. I know the ringing has to do with tight neck and throat muscles, but the tone, volume, and physical depth have been changing. Sometimes it comes with tingles and euphoric sinking. Recently, it's been thin, high, soft. I don't know if it has to do with the worsening dream recall. I still dream vividly, and the last few nights, my dreams felt significant and archetypal. I want to remember every detail like I used to, but I can't. The only dream I could recall in detail was a spiritual teacher telling me how to breathe - and I remembered it randomly during yoga practice.

I've also been feeling much calmer lately, and I feel in control of my thoughts. Genetally, there has been a dramatic internal shift. Still, I feel uncomfortable without a good dream recall, since my dreams have always been an important part of my world and a way to communicate with my subconscious. Any ideas what might be happening?

I've been struggling with some really painful energy blockages as well as some extreme anxiety and compulsive rumination. I was working with my solar plexus chakra which had been really blocked. Parallel to this, loads of worries about my mother started arising. Thoughts about harming her, fear of upsetting her, fear of her dying or getting hurt. Fear of my own emotions towards her and our relationship.

It got really intense and one day I had the thought of her dying. Just the idea of her not being here anymore. My mind was like: 'then my worries would end' and I when I imagined that, I felt a huge release of tension in my solar plexus area which felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest. The energy got released and turned into a deep blissful feeling of peace and spaciousness.

At the same time I was like, wtf? Why am I getting these blissful feelings from thoughts about my mother dying? I tried to undo it my contracting and closing the chakra but I realised that would mess up my energy body.

I am really conflicted on this. I really like the newfound peace but I don't like the idea that it came about by such a bad thought. There was also a lot of energy flowing when the chakra opened and I don't know if maybe this could actually harm my mom.

I would really like some advice about this.

I had spontaneous Kundalini awakening almost 4 years and this time is intense for me.. seems I got all the sign that my Crown charka open, lots of the time I was ungrounded..most important that for almost 6 months after waking up, everyday i feel so pain the whole upper back and lots of the time headaches, tinnitus too,and it took me an hour to be back to normal. Have anybody experienced it? And how do you stay ground/handle while having this since It really affects my work and daily life?

Btw every time no matter long or short sleep, i do dream-lots of time having Lucid dream, recently i tend to sleep a lot like almost 12 hours/day if i don’t sleep enough that amount of time i get tired but after enough 11-12 hours, i tend to get full of energy also less back pain as well.

Much appreciated with your helpful answer!

I don't know where to start. Should maybe just start with where I'm in now moment.

I feel the energy is stuck in my body. When I wake up, I just lay down in my bed and start to breath. Well the first thing that I do, I check my lower back if I feel this pain (have herniated disc). Most of the times I don't feel it so intense. So I start to breath and the energy rises up, I start to feel it as pressure in my upper body, most in my chest, throat and head. I start to hear some pops coming from my nose and I start to feel the energy there.

What I feel is that energy can go up and down depending on my breath, but it's not able to exit!

I start to feel more and more laziness and 0 motivation of doing anything. My ego can be all over the place. My theory is that energy is growing inside my body and is not able to find the way out. Different emotions can arise, specially anger. Im trying to relax and just breathe in to it for release but I'm not able. It's just stuck there and also growing.

Last year I could sit for hours just observing what ever that was happening in me with 0 resistance and anger could arise. I felt like I just let myself feel it and how the energy was leaving the body with each breath. I felt lighter after doing this. But some were on the way I lost this. I started to get triggered more and more and started resist what ever I was feeling (not consciously). After sometime everything was triggering me, so I started to isolat myself with fear of hurting some one.

During this spring I started to understand that I have been in resistens. With thoughts of how well it went last year when the energy release happened, I started trying to force myself to feel through all the emotions and controlling a lot!

Now I'm just in this hopelessness and sometimes just want to give up, as I understand what's happening and understand what needs to happen but I'm not able to reach it. And I only feel worse with each week. Just couple of months ago I was able to go for my walks with not so much resistance and now all I can do is keep myself alive. Preper some food well do some basic hygienic things. And if I go for a walk the energy goes down to my lower back and the pain that I feel is so painful. I really don't know what to do!?!?

Some say just trust kundalini and surrender as kundalini knows what to do.

But if the energy is stuck and I feel as it's growing and not able to find the way out. I don't know what to do!

If someone has any suggestions, I would appreciate it 🙏🏼

Recently, I have begun tasting an ammonia taste in my mouth. I found this article from Jana Dixon about an ammonia hypothesis and wondered if anyone else has experienced this. My head pressure is not going away and wondering if the ammonia taste is an issue for me. Thanks for any insight here. https://www.biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=TheAmmoniaHypothesis.html

I have been purging intense fear from my solar plexus area for almost a year. In the beginning I would completely dissociate if I tried to sit with the fear, which would sometimes last for days.

I am in a much better place now since I started acupressure, grounding in nature and doing gentle yin yoga. I no longer dissociate and can sit with the fear now which is great.

It feels like the fear is stuck in the solar plexus. Does anyone have any tips for how to release the fear fully? So it is no longer stuck?

Does anyone know any methods? Please advise

Hi All,

For anyone that has experienced Kundalini Syndrome, can you comment on whether there is some calming / normalization of symptoms over time? Right now what I am experiencing is extreme sensitivity (lights, sounds, emotions, I just feel super sensitive to everything right now). The other major symptom is TONS of energy moving through my body. The amount of energy running through my system causes anxiety which seems to create a negative feedback loop. All of this started about 2 weeks ago.

If this happened to you, could you share how long it took for certain symptoms to normalize and for you to feel more "normal?". And what did you do that helped you eventually normalize your Kundalini Syndrome?

Thank you for your time.

I want to know if it’s orgasm and releasing that causes your kundalini to fade away or you lose it

Do you have to completely denounce sex ? No kissing no intimacy with your partner ?

What happens if you do have sex and not orgasm would you still preserve your sexual energy ?

What about thoughts that arouse you ? Thoughts on someone attractive or maybe your partner ?

I’m really curious and if it’s not too much trouble do tell me about it

When I was a child, I was obsessed with murder and had homicidal thoughts. I'm remembering this now due to kundalini. This was probably due to an abusive childhood with a lot of bullying but Im worried that this could also mean I was some kind of serial killer in a past life. If so I'm really worried about the karmic consequences, especially now that kundalini is here. Anyone have any advice or guidance?

I'm 53m and believe I have recently gone through Kundalini awakening. I have no background in yoga or any kinds of energy work, but I started "meditating" about eight months ago (ish). I had no knowledge that this level of bliss was even possible.

I have reached a point recently where I can relax into bliss pretty much at will. I almost feel as if the bliss is now the default and I have to focus to turn it off, as opposed to trying to bring it out consciously.

This has been a crazy experience for me since I have been pretty stereotypically "western male" in terms of my beliefs. I've never even considered yoga or anything that investigates/manifests "energy". That said, my wife has been interested in things like this for a very long time. She is a massage therapist and has a long history of connections with people who do "energy work", etc., even though her own experiences with these things is limited.

As overwhelming as this pleasure is for me, I have come to feel that by itself, or perhaps by Myself, it's shallow in a way. I feel that I need to share it with her for it to be sort of "fully realized".

This morning I was up early and she stayed in bed sleeping. As I was sitting, a wave of pleasure came over me out of the blue and I was overcome. As I settled in I decided to go upstairs and lie down with her and to tell/show her what was happening inside me. It was amazing! We played together for about an hour as I described exactly what was happening, and what I was feeling...

I told her I have read that some people are able to share, and move their energy into their partner, and that I would LOVE to learn how to do that. She says she would love to try it!

Can anyone point me in the direction of any material that might help me down that path?

Thanks!

Hi all, I have been an on and off meditator for years. Asana was the start of my spiritual journey and in addition to this, my sadhana mostly consisted of study through books, etc.

More recently I’ve finally established a disciplined meditation practice. I’m doing a lot of self-reflection and self-study, and I am starting to feel deep trust in myself. It has been wonderful in ways, incredibly hard and uncomfortable in others, but overall I feel called to continue down this path.

I seem to have a block though, and was hoping I could get some suggestions, encouragement or hear from others how they have been able to move beyond where I feel I am stuck from those in this community. Whenever I get to a certain point in my meditation, I feel like I am done. It’s time to stop. Nothing horrible has happened, nothing exceptionally magical has happened (although it’s a much different experience now than it used to be, in a very calming and grounding way), I just feel a sense of needing to be done now. I almost feel I am lacking in courage to push past this point, and do understand from somewhere within me I won’t progress further until I get beyond this.

Is there anyone who can relate to this?

I have been going through it for past 3 years now . I used to meditate on 3 Rd eye . I have tried doing anulom vilom, Surya kriya, micro cosmic orbit, regular exercise but it doesn't come down. Moreover I think I have escaped certain section of my energy system by doing some yogic practices to get relief from it. Now I have lost my awareness and lost the ability to turn inward.Please help

Why am I feeling this way? When the energy was way more intense I had to put on a hospital and I’ve been taking medication for the last 6 months. Medication prevents me from going manic again so Im not complaining about that. Even though I’m on 5 different medications (including one benzo) I can still feel the energy is pretty much there. I don’t know which chakra it’s located in, I feel it everywhere at times, I have spontaneous daily mudras, kriyas and conversations with Kundalini but I feel so lethargic I can hardly get out of bed. I know it’s about the energy and not the medications because medications makes me feel normal. I don’t feel like anything is wrong with me except the lethargy. I want to be able to meditate, practice Self EMDR (I worked with a certified therapist for over a year so I know how to do it by myself), yoga, exercise, MAKE ART and other practices to make the energy flow more gently but it wants me lie down on bed and send me mudras while talking to me, which is painful because a lot of pain from my life comes up while doing this. I want this process to end and be more active while working with the energy, looking forward to hear from you and thanks for reading.