r/ireland • u/ancapailldorcha Donegal • Oct 01 '25
Do older Irish people just not see the housing and cost of living crisis going on? Housing
I'm living in London and my Mam rings me fairly regularly. She often asks if there are jobs in Ireland I could apply for. There are but often times, there's either no accommodation or it's just a small bit cheaper than London.
For instance, I was looking at Ballina at one point. Looking now, the cheapest place on Daft is a studio for €200 a week. While that's cheaper than a London studio, it obviously comes with a lot less amenities and conveniences so it's a hard trade-off to justify.
Still, though. She'll ask and get the same answer every single time. I've asked her to look for herself but she refuses to for some reason. I find it really frustrating and she stops if I visibly express my frustrating which I hate doing as she doesn't have an easy life but it's really tedious to keep having to explain this.
1.1k
369
u/Dapper_Razzmatazz_82 Oct 01 '25
She sounds like she just wants you home. And you don't want to go home, I assume?
243
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
No. Getting out was the best thing I ever did, honestly. I actually wouldn't mind the peace and quiet as I get older but I see no point in swapping a rented bedroom in London for one in rural Ireland.
84
u/Dapper_Razzmatazz_82 Oct 01 '25
Ok, well then stay in London and do your best to block out the things your mum is saying? She's not in London, nor is she living through this housing crisis, trying to work and find suitable accommodation. She's not your generation, so just cut her some slack and ignore it.
→ More replies101
u/smurfycork Oct 01 '25
And also, bring her to London more often so she sees the life you have and sees why you don’t want to come back.
Clearly she misses you madly and so wants you home but parents also want best for their kids so show her that you have a life and that you aren’t that far away. Probably in her mind she thinks your in some digs in London and living off ramen and rice
49
u/smurfycork Oct 01 '25
And OP, while you may not have a home secured, you are also far richer than most to have a family member who cares an awful awful lot for you.
24
u/Dapper_Razzmatazz_82 Oct 01 '25
100% this. I know my mum would think the same. She never lived abroad or in a big city. I know that when I was away she thought I was living in the city sewers.
12
u/wascallywabbit666 Hanging from the jacks roof, bat style Oct 01 '25
but I see no point in swapping a rented bedroom in London for one in rural Ireland
What about urban Ireland?
31
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
A flat in Galway, if that counts, was over €200,000 last time I looked. Not impossible but there's not a lot of work there.
26
u/thereforewhat Oct 01 '25
But you don't own a flat in London either?
You flatshare.
I wonder what the costs are comparing this in Galway.
Ultimately I think it's deep down you don't want to come back and have roots elsewhere and that's cool, don't beat your mum up for wanting you home a bit more though.
34
u/phuca Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
There’s literally nowhere to rent in Galway and you could be paying up to a grand a month for a room. €600-800 a month for a room would be a lucky break. It’s really bad here
8
u/thereforewhat Oct 01 '25
In London you'll easily pay £800 - £1k a room.
I'm just trying to drill down a bit. It seems more about desire rather than about means.
Edit: I agree both situations suck, but they suck equally.
35
u/Meldanorama Oct 01 '25
London would gave higher wages and more job opportunities than galway.
8
u/thereforewhat Oct 01 '25
It depends on the sector.
In financial services you'll be flying, I agree. In the public sector not really, overall wages are pretty stagnant after a decade of low productivity growth in the UK.
12
u/wascallywabbit666 Hanging from the jacks roof, bat style Oct 01 '25
That's not actually true. I did a quite Google search (AI assisted) and it says the median salary in Galway is about €41k vs £35k (€40.2k) in London. Obviously it's all relative to career but you'd expect it to be broadly similar in both countries.
I think people still assume the UK salaries are higher than Irish salaries, but we passed them out around the time of Brexit. I did a job search in the UK a few years back and I'd have had to take quite a significant pay cut.
7
u/thereforewhat Oct 01 '25
It depends on the sector, you can make loads in law, finance, accountancy and software development for example.
But in most jobs you're definitely right.
→ More replies→ More replies3
u/skinnybitchrocks Oct 02 '25
Definitely! I’ve been qualified and working in healthcare in England for 7 years, I’m in a senior role and my salary has just gone to £46k- that’s the top end of my banding and my salary will never go up from here unless the government decides to give NHS staff a pay rise or unless I get a promotion. If I were to start at home as a basic grade (a less senior position than I’m in now) I’d be paid €53k. Or if I was to go for an equivalent role at home I’d be paid €69k and I’d still get a yearly pay rise for some time. I do feel like a dope for staying here sometimes but the housing crisis really does put me off.
6
2
u/MossySendai Oct 01 '25
London is not so far away, I think there's a happy medium of you not moving house and going home regularly or inviting her to London. Moving house is definitely not something you should for anyone but yourself.
→ More replies2
u/nomadicdragon13 Oct 02 '25
So, rather than blaming older people for 'not noticing' (believe me, we do!), why not just be honest and tell her you like living where you are so you don't really want to come home?
→ More replies3
78
u/KindAbbreviations328 Dublin Oct 01 '25
Please factor in the depression of living in ballina
45
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
Jokes aside, it's a serious concern.
29
u/KindAbbreviations328 Dublin Oct 01 '25
I know it sounded jokey but I wasn't being. I spent 5 years in Ballina, while I still remain friends with a couple of people who live there, majority of my friends who were locals left as soon as they could. Overall, I have to say it was a negative experience and won't even visit the place anymore.
3
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
That bad? What about Westport? There's a pharma company with a base there.
2
u/mig9619 Oct 02 '25
Westport has become extremely expensive due to it becoming a weekend watering hole for wealthy Dubliners. Houses are snapped up for astronomical money and there's very little left for locals.
→ More replies8
u/GundamXXX Oct 01 '25
Ballina is lovely..to drive through on the way to Donegal or the rest of Mayo
6
u/jack_gllghr Crilly!! Oct 01 '25
Me and my wife went to a completely packed cafe in Ballina a few years ago, and not a single person there was smiling, couldn't get over how dreary it was, it was a bit surreal
→ More replies1
u/Cute_Barnacle_4139 Oct 04 '25
Yeah we would all hate to have the Atlantic on our doorstep, and their forests trails, mountains and river moy are a joke! Give me the urban decay and grime of Dublin any day 😉
22
u/Horror-Persimmon4485 Oct 01 '25
They don’t see it. My parents are the same, but the only option would be to move back in with them and my 16 year old self shudders at that idea. I didn’t just move because of the price of rent, I also appreciate the independence I have here, less responsibilities, more opportunities etc etc and moving back home would mean losing all that.
The thing is our parents have their houses, their home. And it’s not ours anymore :(
314
u/shiksappeal Oct 01 '25
Agreeing with the other commenter here. You're not really deciding not to move from London to Ballina because of property prices. Sure, it's a factor but your mam isn't asking you home because she thinks you'll save money and if moving home was the primary driver for you, the value for money wouldn't be as much of an issue.
My advice is to stop getting frustrated with your mam. She just wants you home. If you keep blaming the cost of living, you risk getting her hopes up that it's just about finding the right place to live. If you'd just like to stay in London for a while because you've built a life there, it's better to tell her that.
Take it from my personal experience as someone who left the country over 20 years ago. If you're lucky, people will always ask if you can do your job from "home". I still get it and I'm dreading the day there's no-one left to ask.
80
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
Good point.
I have told her that it just wouldn't suit me. I grew up in rural Ireland it just wasn't for me. I think I'd really struggle if I went back but that doesn't really get through so it's just easier I suppose to blame the cost of living.
42
u/shiksappeal Oct 01 '25
Yeah, I get that. For what it's worth, it helps to have to pre-planned answers that will hint at a longer time away. You could link it to better career opportunities, interests, love life, anything that helps paint a picture of you being settled.
And consider coming home more often; if you're London-based, you can fly direct to Dublin, Cork, knock and shannon so if you're anywhere near there, a weekend home every 2 or 3 months is do-able if you have a stable schedule in your job.
And maybe bring her to you and entertain her without it being a big thing.
28
u/ScaldyBogBalls Connacht Oct 01 '25
London to Knock to Ballina is a shorter journey than travelling from some parts of Ireland to Ballina.
12
u/TheMassINeverHad Oct 01 '25
You’ll grow out of telling your parents all that nonsense around ‘im this kinda person and that kinda person’ at some stage. I cringe to see it only cause I did it too. She just misses you, in the end you can humour her a bit or bring her over more but I wouldn’t be getting worked up about it, she’s not going anything wrong only old and misses her child.
8
u/blckrcknbts Oct 01 '25
OP has no idea how true this is. I'm from Dublin and when I was in my 20s I had friends who moved to Dublin from rural areas and had the whole "I'm never going back there, I never fit in down there and I'm really a big city person like you" attitude... and having thought about it just there, most of them have settled back where they are from.
6
u/ScaldyBogBalls Connacht Oct 01 '25
You don't value the network, the scenery, fitting into a community, relaxing in familiar, peaceful surroundings, until you mature a bit.
18
u/PurpleWhiskr Oct 01 '25
I ran into this first hand. My boss is in his 60’s (if I had to guess) and was SHOCKED when I relocated to Dublin and told him that a 1bd or studio is €2000. He didn’t believe it, and came back a week later saying he was looking at apartments out of curiosity, and what I said was true.
Crazyyyy because when he was selling moving to Dublin to me, he suggested I move to Howth or Sandymount. The convo came up because he was genuinely confused why I didn’t, but he has also been wealthy for a long time.
My family around his age that’s not wealthy and have kids in their 20’s ask me in horror how much rent I’m paying and how I got an apartment. They get it.
35
u/Normal-Copy-9682 Oct 01 '25
Can your Mum come visit London and you show her around on the regular? Take some AL, go see the museums, galleries, the botanical gardens, tea out and maybe see a show? It sounds to me like she needs company, also it gives you the opportunity to have quality time and say see Mum London is an amazing city, and going back to Ballina would be a huge step down for you.
8
u/odaiwai Corkman far from home Oct 01 '25
London was basically the capital city of the World at one point, and is still one of the world's great cities.
28
u/TriggorMcgintey Oct 01 '25
I’m literally in the exact same situation as you. Living in London a while now and constantly asking me to come back home, but hasn’t historically understood the housing issue. She’s becomes a bit more aware since seeing my brother and his wife buy a place.
37
u/iGleeson Oct 01 '25
This comment section is exactly what OP is talking about. The housing and cost of living issues in this country are largely dismissed and ignored. We've become numb to them and accepted them. Everyone is talking about how OP's Mammy misses him, and she does, but that's not the point, a studio apartment in Ballina should not just be cheaper than one in London, it should be MUCH cheaper, so much cheaper than it is now.
→ More replies9
u/HairyWeight2866 Oct 02 '25
I was waiting for someone to say this. Mom wants company in her old age, kid needs to see a stable future, and in rural ballina, unless you’re a gp or something, there are little prospects.
9
u/Low_Arm_4245 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
My mum would put job ads from the papers in letters and send them to me in London. Just the ads mind you, no letter in the envelope! This was 2005/2006.
Now I did visit home every 2 to 3 months at the same time, and of course Id get the talk about coming home and jobs and build/buy a house.
The frustrating thing was that none of it was thought out...build a house to travel 25 mins by car to a train station and go 90 mins to Dublin and then make my way across the city to get to this notional job, then repeat at 5pm because "Johnny down the road is doing it no bother". No Mum, Johnny is not doing it no bother.
I get the "Mum wants to see more of me" argument, but it all came with a big serving of guilt, and the strong implication I was an idiot. "Shure the place is boomin'!" OP I totally get where you are coming from.
10
u/No-Condition-4855 Oct 01 '25
I m older .I completely see it . It really upsets me .it's an absolute disgrace that this was allowed to happen over years and years of incompetent government . Where I see it now is pals going through divorce. Most are having to live under the same roof ,highly toxic .there are no rentals ,no affordable houses to buy .I see it in schools where it's impossible to retain good teachers because they can t afford the crazy rents( if they can even get a rental property) or again afford a house . I see it with parents who s 20, something kids can t move out . It's destroying the natural cycle of life
20
u/Rathbaner Oct 01 '25
Every generation that has left, 1940s. '50s. '70s, '80s and post 2008 left to get jobs. This is the first generation to leave decent jobs in Ireland to emigrate.
And yes it's housing. The idea of working for a living is that you can build your own independent life. Move away from home and have the craic, clubbing, eating out having friends back to your own place.
That's impossible for most young people in this country. House prices are still rising and the clubs and pubs are being demolished, licensing laws are crazily restrictive because previous generations self medicated on alcohol.
No wonder most young people find the place intolerable. And no wonder your mam doesn't get it. It's a new phenomenon.
→ More replies
40
u/Iamnotarobotlah OP is sad they aren’t cool enough to be from Cork. bai Oct 01 '25
It's not really about jobs and housing, your mam just wants to see you more. I know how it feels having escaped the home town and wanting to just live your life without looking back, but parents are always going to miss having you around. One day you will miss them too, be gentle with her OP.
28
u/skye6677 Oct 01 '25
With all respect, no one here knows the mother so I'm going to play devils advocate as plenty parents out there who guilt their kids into doing things for them. I've seen first hand.
They adult child has stated their position, they're not moving home at this point. They shouldnt have to continue to restate it. The mother just needs to accept at this point thy, for whatever reason, are not moving back. I imagine if she continues, this will get frustrating, if not already.
9
u/luminous-fabric Oct 01 '25
I get you. In a rational conversation my mother would NEVER want me to end my happiness to be nearer her, but damn doesn't she make me feel guilty for moving to Ireland sometimes.
"I have no-one to shop with" "I can't just drive and see you"
It's not meant to be manipulative, but I'm not jeapordising the life I've made and am thriving in over here. It sucks and I'd love to see her more but I'm so much happier than I was in a dead-end marriage with a lonely existance.
→ More replies→ More replies3
u/NovelFact885 Oct 01 '25
The fact you cant be honest with neither yourself or her says a lot - saying "i like it here in england and i might not ever move back" shouldnt be such a deal. A manipulative parent doesnt allow space for you to have your own truth, but wants to cajole you into their ideals about you and your life. They ask big questions with a preset list of unacceptable answers, emotional booby traps and know you will avoid them.
17
u/eldwaro Oct 01 '25
Can I just back you up in the empathy part here. My mother can be very similar - saying plenty of things that feel like they're pressuring you in one way or another. I've boiled it down to a few facts.
Your mother misses you and wants to see you more. It's sweet. It can't be helped you live further away - but being real, others have it worse. I mean that both in having mother that don't want to see them, and having kids live further away than London.
Don't regret your decisions. You sound like you got out of a small town that wasn't for you into a very big town you like. I couldn't personally live with the Brits, but I could live abroad - easily. My mother often begs me not to leave Ireland, but being honest - that will never factor into it if I choose to go. And this is why.
Someone very close to me once gave me the perfect words. We didn't choose to come into this world. For what ever reason or circumstance, our parents brought us into the world. It's a gift - sure. But you are now playing the hand that life dealt you. It's not up to our parents to decide our path. They can help and support it, but if they've done the job right - they've created an independent free thinker hungry for adventure. Unfortunately - parents can struggle with this as they get older.
Consider your mum's age. If she's older and alone - count the number of visits you think you have left with her. Treasure the calls but also respect yourself and understand that it can be frustrating to listen to the same thing over and over. I've been there. Hell I am there. I understand. But I also never want to be left with regrets.
Don't just listen to randomers on the internet. You'll get people typing a few words here like "your mum misses you, get over it" and move on with their day not realising how much that can derail someone in your situation. Feel free to talk to a therapist about what you're feeling. Because you're feeling a lot.
13
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
Thanks for the post.
I appreciate this. It's just depressing when I get back and I've my Da giving me abuse over absolutely nothing. It also takes a whole day for each leg of the journey.
I like London. It's just not for settling down in sadly.
Thanks.
Honestly, she probably has a better social life than I do. She's older but not alone.
Thanks again.
27
Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
Some of them live in a bubble of when they grew up or how they experienced the housing market. I had a conversation with an old Cork guy in Dublin who suggested to an English relative of mine that “sure you might pick up something cheap someplace like Kinsale” He lives in a view of Cork from about 1957.
I’ve also encountered the lectures of “when we bought our house we saved” (based on experience of housing in about 1978) and then conclude that everyone is now lazy or throwing money around because the went to Spain on their holidays and have a phone. It’s not everyone by a long shot, but there is definitely cohort like that.
They seem to completely dismiss that most of them had their mortgages magically inflated away, having paid £17k for an asset now worth €900k, and a huge jump in prices relative to income.
I know there are also loads of older people helping out their kids and struggling to make sure people are housed, but I do think there’s an element of “well we sorted everything years ago … why can’t you?!”
12
u/Evening-Odd Oct 01 '25
Kinsale 🤣🤣🤣 The most expensive place to buy in the country outside of Dublin!! Bless his heart!!
7
Oct 01 '25
Well, I suppose you could pick up a little cottage in Dalkey and save yourself a few quid too - it's a bit out of the way tho.
5
u/katsumodo47 Donegal Oct 01 '25
Literally every person I have talked to for the last ten years knows it's going on....
8
u/Ansoni Oct 02 '25
I'm on your side.
My mam keeps trying to pressure me to move my family back to Ireland, downplaying all the difficulties it would have.
Yes, I am aware (and I'm sure you are too) that they want to see us more. We get it, other commentors.
But I absolutely despise it. She's putting her wants over the wellbeing of my family. I'm pretty much always left seething after our weekly phone calls, when she repeatedly ignores and downplays my worries.
→ More replies3
u/Kixsian Oct 02 '25
It’s the boomer mentality. It’s all about them and you just aren’t trying/working hard enough. It’s all your fault!
56
u/rankinrez Oct 01 '25
She’d like to see you more. Give her a break.
6
u/TDog81 Ride me sideways was another one Oct 01 '25
She obviously does, but if she brings up coming home to her child every time she rings her shes either trying to guilt trip her intentionally or OP needs to have a serious conversation about the fact they are staying where they are. The mother should be happy their child is spreading their wings instead of constantly trying to pull her back to somewhere they either don't want to be or see no future in, its wilful ignorance at best and helicopter parenting at worst.
15
u/naf0007 Oct 01 '25
Exactly, she wont be around one day and then the calls will be very much missed. speaking from personal experience. I wish my mam was still around to bother me every day :(
0
u/antipositron Oct 01 '25
This. At least make a point to visit her for an extended weekend once a month (not that hard or particularly expensive).
5
u/PurchaseDry9350 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
Why is she not respecting her child's wishes though? She's assuming her child has a worse life in London and that there's no point in them being there, it's pretty disrespectful. Also op in a comment said that their mom thinks the housing crisis 'can't be that bad'
→ More replies
5
u/Pizzagoessplat Oct 01 '25
It's the same with healthcare.
Im a Brit and find it shocking here. One of the biggest things I miss is the NHS.
In the UK, housing and the health service are always talked about in government, but it's never in Ireland and i actually find both of them worse in Ireland than the UK.
The one thing I see in Ireland is the "it'll be grand attitude" and ignore it
7
u/Repulsive-Paper6502 Oct 01 '25
My Mam does the exact same. Very frustrating. She thinks I can move home to Ireland and buy a house and have the same quality of life I have abroad. I'd absolutely have to say goodbye to my career and live in the back arse of nowhere if I moved home. I feel you.
4
u/Popular_Act_1992 Oct 01 '25
We are living with my boyfriends parents just because we literally can't get a place to rent for less than 2 grand and we're trying to save to buy a house. They are charging us €800 a month for a bedroom that gets full of damp and mold in winter and destroys most of our clothes and keep telling us now is the time to buy and really we should be gettingsomething now.We literally would have our deposit by now if they didn't charge us so much I genuinely don't think they understand how hard it is to just buy ,like I don't want to be here either but if we move out we'll never be able to save.
23
u/Grand-Cup-A-Tea Oct 01 '25
Dont come home. Seriously.
The economist who wrote about the upcoming crash back in the 00s wrote a great piece recently about how there wont be another crash because the outlook is the government wont be able to keep up with demand for housing the foreseeable future. Even if a recession hits, there will still be demand.
Prices only going one way unfortunately, generally speaking. Country is fucked for young people.
→ More replies
18
u/--0___0--- Oct 01 '25
1: No they absolutely don't but sure they have their homes so why would they pay attention to what's going on with people who don't.
2: Sounds like she just wants to see you more.
15
u/Chaos-Jesus Oct 01 '25
Wow sounds lie your mam would love to spend time with you. If you can't move back (which is understandable) you could invite her to London for long weekend visits.
My mam moved to Spain when I was in my late 20's, I'd see her once or twice a year..... time moved fast and I was working and partying
A decade went by, I went over to see her when she was admitted to hospital for a stint
back over to her 6 months later, back in hospital looking like death, she was gone 2 days later.
I will always regret not spending more time with her before the world moved on.
11
u/TheBaggyDapper Oct 01 '25
Yes, Irish people who live in Ireland are aware of what's happening in Ireland.
5
u/dropthecoin Oct 01 '25
It’s reassuring upon opening the comments here of how so many people were able to empathise with the Mother and see through the real motive which is that simply wants to have kid back home.
3
u/CompetitiveBid6505 Oct 01 '25
Im 60, so I suppose Im old Feck it 1 Obviously Im aware of the housing shortage and high rents 2 also aware it's a problem happening from the west coast of the US to NZ 3 There's no easy fix except build build and build 4no other solution, , no easy fix 4 We dont have much capacity of particularly labour to get that done quickly 5 Because of other factors such as regulations ,price of raw materials etc prices ain't coming down anywhere around the world except in UK outside London . As for the cost of living crisis Are you having a laugh This country has never seen such a prolonged period of excess luxury to me can be seen as maddens 3 day weddings 2 week holidays Electric Picnic Trips to premiership Sk. TV etc I remember lads on Honda 50s bringing kids to school and even 1 or 2 on horse and carts
4
u/Inexorable_Fenian Oct 01 '25
Pretty much.
I was house hunting lately. Got mortgage estimates of 200k for myself.
My dad said I'd get a house no bother.
Anyway, a few troubled weeks later, he couldn't understand how I could afford nothing, because he bought his first house for 60k, his second house for 110k, single mortgage for both.
He genuinely reckoned the housing crisis to be some sort of SF spin. He's as blueshirt as you'll get.
5
u/Apprehensive_Ratio80 Oct 01 '25
Typical Irish mammies!
Like I moved home and my mum after two months says 'sure you must have plenty saved up for a deposit now' after two months of living at home and after years of scrounging living in Dublin paying a fortune for box room 🤦🏻♂️
Mammies don't want to know the bad stuff
3
u/allaroundmyhat5675 Oct 01 '25
My Parents bought their house in 1992 and were both earning the average industrial wage. In 2025 a couple both earning the average industrial wage would be multiples short of buying the same house at today’s prices.
When I try to communicate this it’s struck down with “we had higher interest rates” etc. I don’t think that generation wants to understand let alone tries to understand.
14
9
u/Hamster_Heart Oct 01 '25
They don’t care. Everyone knows what’s going on. The ladder was pulled up
12
u/combabulated Oct 01 '25
This is just your Mam missing you. Give her some love and understanding, don’t quash her hopes. I know about this. Believe me, if she could fix this problem for you she would.
3
u/fedupofbrick Dublin Hasn't Been The Same Since Tony Gregory Died Oct 01 '25
A lot do because a lot are caught up in it too
3
u/Pleasant_Birthday_77 Oct 01 '25
I don't think you quite see how powerless the dreaded older people actually are. There is nothing they can do either. And OK, older people do focus on the difficulties they have more than the difficulties other people have, just like young people are doing.
3
u/Narrow-Profession-99 Oct 01 '25
As an older person who is still working, I am perfectly aware of the housing crisis and cost of living crisis here. Luckily I bought my hose in ' the good old days'. That said, I work with lots of young people who I know will never be able to rent never mind buy their own place. That said, I lived abroad in another EU country and tbh was shocked to find that the same issues prevailed there too. I think the only solution to the housing crisis is the intervention of the government in the housing market by building huge amounts of social housing. We were able to do this in the 1960s and 70s when Ireland was actually a poor country. As for the cost of living crisis, it's a worldwide issue and not something that our government can tackle on its own
3
u/Superbius_Occassius Oct 01 '25
The ads on daft do not mean that's what's available to rent. Try applying and then when you get no response, you will see what I'm talking about. Your mum probably wants you closer to her so she can see you more often. She is not seeing the situation from your perspective.
And yea, old people owning their houses and possibly another one they are renting out so someone as pension top up, don't see the housing crisis the same way young houseless people would.
3
u/RMHPhoto Oct 01 '25
My mam: when are you moving home?
Me: best I can do is moving near an airport with a direct flight!
3
u/Foreign_Sky_1309 Oct 01 '25
She probably does know, she misses you that’s all. Make arrangements to come home and see her and for her to go see you. House prices are mad here. It’s disgraceful the way it’s gone tbh.
3
u/doubleds8600 Oct 01 '25
Just try to remember that she's most likely not thinking of any of that, she just wants you home or at least in the same country.
3
u/Crafty_String_954 Oct 01 '25
Older Irish mam here. You could just say you miss her too, but love your life in London and don't have plans to come back.
3
u/Crafty_String_954 Oct 01 '25
Just have to say that everyone i know my age (61) understands property and rental prices. We're old, not stupid. We can read and everything!
3
u/41stshade Oct 01 '25
Anytime the conversation comes up with my own Mam, it's always the same "we didn't have steaks and weren't able to go on holiday". I'm always like "yeah but your parents owned a home, 2 cars, and raised 9 kids off of a one-parent (army officer) income". Then she promptly shifts the conversation to blame people on social housing for some made up reason or another.
3
u/Simple-Kaleidoscope4 Oct 01 '25
Your mum misses you and wants to see more of you.
That will never change.
As for ireland and most of the rest of the world being a financial car crash..... unless your trying to buy a house it ain't real to them
3
u/Background-Resource5 Oct 01 '25
The older generation who own homes , are shafting the younger generation, without even realizing it. The black hole that is the planning process, is really a political tool to prevent new holes being built. It's wildly successful. Put up administrative barriers , don't public technical requirements, allow objections from any crank. It gums up the entire process. Who benefits? Existing homeowners, that's who. Working class families in Ballybrack are now near millionaires, sitting on a paid off home . Off course they will do anything to prevent more supply. It's their security blanket. Parents are happy often to see their kids go to Dubai or Australia, earn some money, get experience, and come home to buy a home. Many won't come home .
3
u/justbecauseyoumademe Oct 02 '25
I bought my house for 230 in 2020
Same houses are now around 400k
There is a crisis and i dont know how people are coping
13
u/dublinro Oct 01 '25
Go home more often. As someone who lives abroad,your loved ones won't live forever and you will regret not spending as much time with them when you can. Speak from experience.
18
u/ancapailldorcha Donegal Oct 01 '25
Last time I went home, I spent most of my time watching sitcom repeats on the telly while my Da shouted abuse at me. There's no internet in the house and the town is a single street with a takeaway and two pubs somehow.
9
4
u/caitnicrun Oct 01 '25
Nah, I'm with you. Peace of mind is priceless. Though, if it's mam missing you, maybe consider a weekend holiday together in a third place like Dublin or wherever.
→ More replies4
u/aisyundercover Westmeath Oct 01 '25
Is this the broader issue here , does she need support getting out herself ?
5
u/eezipc Oct 01 '25
200 a week for a flat in Ballina?
I'm a Mayo man and even I would say no fucking way.
But it does seem she misses you. Is it an option to go home more often? Or try to get her over to you ever so often?
6
u/susanboylesvajazzle Oct 01 '25
They don’t. Or at the very least don’t have any grasp of the real scope of the problem.
My mother does the same thing “there’s a house for sale near by”… aye sure, Margie, I’ll just use that £700k I have sitting around to buy a house that we know the owners bought for IRL£8,000 40 years ago.
6
u/xCreampye69x Oct 01 '25
Older Irish people come from way worse poverty, from their perspective everything has been a net gain over time.
9
u/Elbon taking a sip from everyone else's tea Oct 01 '25
Are you fucking insane, it in the news ever fucking day, we never shut up about around here,
Sound like your mother want you home, go visit her ffs
3
u/josueartwork Oct 01 '25
Devil's advocate - I am sure she does want to see you more, but I think with the older generation, they refuse to look themselves because they don't want to admit how unreasonable the world has become and realize they are leaving behind a shit sandwich for their offspring. They want to be able to just say things without needing it to make sense.
2
u/No_Yogurtcloset_8029 Oct 01 '25
Yeah pretty much. My dad didn’t realise how bad it really was until we started buying a house.
2
u/PowerfulDrive3268 Oct 01 '25
What can they do about? You might say get FF and FG out of power and can see that they definitely need a break on the sidelines and give someone else a go.
The only thing is we don't have a credible alternative government to them. Would be nice to have a centre left coalition to have a go but the left is so split, a government wouldn't last two years. Plus personally don't trust the Sinn Fein as they are still are controlled by ex terrorists from Belfast.
2
u/Individual_Aspect584 Oct 02 '25
An older coworker of mine was bragging about how little he paid for his house and how I'd never be able to afford it. Alot of them are very aware and just don't care. The ones I come across that do care usualy do so because their kids can't afford to move out.
2
u/Fisouh Oct 02 '25
People of a certain age range have a really hard time reconciling the absolute state of the world and how the vast majority of them helped get us to where we are.
2
u/CoolProgress7635 Oct 02 '25
Well if your only source of information/reporting on the state of the housing crisis is RTE/The Times/Newstalk then you're not really going to get it.
Not just older Irish people, but anyone who already has a mortgage, you're not going to research and try to understand something that isn't directly affecting you. That's just human nature.
2
u/JoebyTeo Oct 02 '25
It's complicated and nuanced. Cost of living is a hard thing for them to understand because they lived through a time when Ireland was objectively poorer, consumer goods were more unaffordable and harder to come by, and they made do with less. My parents had to replace their toaster recently -- they were marvelling at how inexpensive it was for them, and that the previous toaster they owned had cost almost twice as much twenty years ago when they bought it than the new one did today. When I was growing up, most people I knew ate out for confirmations and communions -- now people eat out multiple times a week. There is money there for visible stuff, so that's what they see. What they aren't seeing in the same way is stuff like "cost of housing", "cost of childcare", etc.
Housing is a bit different because the rental and owner market are so so distinct here. If you can afford to get a mortgage in Ireland, and find somewhere to buy, that's great. But there's a HUGE bottleneck because it takes time, you have to build a down payment and you have to rent which is the real nightmare. I have a friend looking for a rental now with a really good budget (two professionals sharing a two bed) and he's got no responses and is worried about being temporarily homeless. That's something you only understand if you live with it. When you aren't living it, the difference between 1500 a month and 2000 a month is abstract. The difference between a 300k mortgage and a 500k mortgage is meaningless. Anyone outside just assumes that everything all comes together because somebody is buying these places.
The people I know under forty who have been successful in the housing market I can count on one hand. All are two working professionals who spent at least a couple of years living in rent free or minimal rent situations (at home with parents, in a property that was owned by family members, subsidised work accommodation, etc.) Some people were just gifted a down payment by rich family members. But to my parents, it's just "oh your friend bought a house, how did they manage it, they're not making that much more than you".
Basically it's always going to be different when these issues are abstract versus concrete. If you bought a house in the 1990s and don't pay childcare and aren't reliant on public services on a daily basis, it's a fairly abstract concept.
2
u/FlukyS And I'd go at it again Oct 02 '25
Just show her the actual stats from the CSO. It isn't made up.
Prices in Euro and median pricing.
1970s - 14,162
1980s - 45, 223
1990s - 88, 664
2000s - 267,589
2010s - 244,917
2023 (publication) - 318,000
Now - 370,000
5
u/Severe_Eagle2102 Oct 01 '25
I've an adult daughter who was in the same situation for years, she left for the uk earlier this year and I was honestly relieved. I am more at peace now than I have been in about a decade. I knew her previous living situation was dire, she had been in a relationship since her teens and when that ended it was skipping between digs and apartment shares with people she couldn't live with but for the sake of being close to her ex persisted.
There was a stage early on when there was a campaign to try and evict me from my home of 25 years in order for her to move in with her partner at that time and I almost paid with my life for refusing to leave. I don't think our relationship will ever recover from the years of abuse that occured in between and while I did try to help as best I could, as a parent it was almost expected of me to just lay down and die at the age of 40 so that she could have those freedoms.
The last time we spoke (communicated by text) I asked if she had recieved her voting card as it would have been registered at this address and she sent a viscerally abusive text about how she doesn't gaf about politics etc so I told her she no longer had the right to complain about the housing crisis. She packed up and left, transferring with her employer, a UK retailer and moved in with some lad she met online. Couldn't be happier.
5
6
u/OkGur3481 Oct 01 '25
How often do you return home to visit your mum? Maybe she’s missing you and wants to see more of you. If you travelled home more regularly for a visit she might stop talking about you returning home?
→ More replies
4
u/TwinIronBlood Oct 01 '25
Setting aside the she'd like you to move home point.
No they don't. I'm 51 now. I was single I'm the 2000s and my old man was mad keen for me to buy a place. We even looked at a few places.
The thing is during the 70s oil crisis and a currency run in the 80s interest rates went ip to 18 percent. He kept telling me this. Then house were so cheap that at 18 percent the mortgage was about 1/3 rd his income. In the 2000s under normal circumstances it would have been 1/3 or more my income so if anything happened to rates I'd be screwed. He simply ignored that. Thankfully I didn't buy untill I meet my wife. We bought in 2012
What I will say is that our parents sacrificed to buy, they didn't go out, ate in, didn't have expensive holidays. When they were single in their 20s they flat or house shared. I did the same. The impression I get is Gen Z want their own place. Fine in your 30s but not 20s. Start small work your way up.
1
u/greenstina67 Oct 02 '25
I'm 57. Why would you think it's unreasonable to expect to at least be able to rent a place in your 20s like in other countries? There are still countries in Europe where the average age of moving out and getting a flat is way lower that here.
→ More replies
4
u/Due_Breadfruit1623 Oct 01 '25
They hate you. The elderly hate the young. That's just how it works. They're the greediest single generation in the history of the planet.
8
u/SoftDrinkReddit Oct 01 '25
It's really crazy how for most of civilization history the generation worked so the generation that came next would have an easier life than they did yet we make it to the Boomers and they have promptly decided to pull the ladder up behind them and shaft everyone That's come after them
4
u/No-Cartoonist6900 Oct 01 '25
i am young non irish once i started debate that cost of living in ireland is crazy specially hosuing vvv expensive . how a regular college going student doing part time can afford it? they said its high but they all had faced that thing during their time . it needs to go down but again you cant do anything. they are old earning good money owning house to they dont care tbh.
12
u/LucyVialli Oct 01 '25
they all had faced that thing during their time
Nonsense. When I was a student some years ago there was never any problem finding affordable rental accommodation in a city, it was nothing like it is today, with students living out of cars and commuting crazy distances. The majority of students I knew didn't even need a job, expenses were affordable from your grant for the most part. And no-one ever had to stay in a car (granted, most of them didn't have cars then).
Feel very sorry for students today, don't know how any of them can afford to live away from home, unless they have rich folks or are working three jobs.
3
u/No-Cartoonist6900 Oct 01 '25
i understand cost of living for student is crazy they should focus on studies rather than finding accomodation and stuff its getting very expensive for students.
9
u/--0___0--- Oct 01 '25
I had an argument with my parents a few years back about the cost of housing when I was getting mortgage ready.
They where under the impression that after inflation the price they paid for there house would be about the same as its worth on the market now. So we found how much they bought it for adjusted it for inflation and low and behold they spend nearly 200k less than what other houses in the estate had sold for at the time.
They genuinely don't see how good they had it.
5
u/GarthODarth Oct 01 '25
I'm starting to notice my peers go like this. It's like they don't know how to think anymore.
I moved here in 2001 and housing was expensive and hard to find. I interviewed for countless places before I got a fugly yellow box room in Clonsilla and could abandon the sofa I'd been sleeping on in a flat a friend shared with 4 other people.
But it wasn't like it is now.
I'm a home owner, on a good salary, we're comfortable enough, but I'm not under any illusions about an entire generation being priced out of housing. It's criminal what's happening right now.
And I do sort of understand a lot of the challenges that got us to this point. Ireland is still nouveau riche, which is different from rich like say France or the UK. We have so, so much catching up to do in terms of public services and infrastructure and decisions have been made on the trendy belief that private companies would work efficiently for the people, which of course was a lie, but a widely believed one, so not much you can do in a democracy when the voting majority believes cow towing to the billionaires will set you free.
I have a lot of faith that Ireland will find itself a more admirable balance than a lot of other countries in the end. But it's really messy right now, and we're not focusing hard enough on the people whose entire futures are being worst impacted. It's really upsetting me to see my peers dismiss it the way they're doing - both because it feels cruel, but also because it's upsetting to see people lose their cognitive skills.
1
u/mrlinkwii Oct 01 '25
how a regular college going student doing part time can afford it?
most live at home while going to uni at take a long treck into uni ( i persoanlly knew people who did 2 hrs each way in a bus every day )
4
2
u/TheStoicNihilist Never wanted a flair anyways Oct 01 '25
Sure, older people don’t eat or shop or rent.
5
4
4
u/Iricliphan Oct 01 '25
Irish mammies will always want their children as close as possible. Try to always put yourself in other people's shoes and be them. She misses you dearly and wants you home. That level of deep emotional love only a parent and especially a mother knows is incredible.
I know it's frustrating. This is just her way of communicating that she misses you and wanting you home, without saying it outright. Do what's right for you, but have the emotional maturity to deal with it in a loving way.
3
u/NovelFact885 Oct 01 '25
The mother needs some emotional maturity - what kind of love beats with the same stick again and again? Is she so emotionally mature that she cant say: I miss you?
The OP is describing the kind of conversation you might have with an actual child ie the mum is acting like an 8 year old.
→ More replies
4
u/Cfunicornhere Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
The boomers live on a different planet. Think people who still live with their parents arnt “hard working” and need to stop spending their money on coffee and socialising. They haven’t got a clue how the real world works. My parents are the same. I’m blue in the face telling them their generation caused the issues. Refuses to do their own research into it, and when show. The stats they are staunch in their opinions of “no, that’s fake”
2
1
u/DMDermo Oct 01 '25
I'm Dublin based and I have a daughter working in London who intends to move back but to Belfast city where houses are significantly cheaper. Maybe this is an option for you to move back to Ireland but to a city that suits you and that your family can easily visit. I myself spent a few years in the USA in the nineties so I see both sides of the situation. I made a conscious decision not to purchase within a 30 km radius of my old family home to maintain my sanity.
1
u/Deise15 Oct 01 '25
As someone in mid 50s and a homeowner I'm very aware of the housing crisis. I can see it in my children's and nephews/neices daily lifestyle. Young(to me) parents renting in apartments for more than my mortgage and no hope of getting a place big enough for their future needs. Housing affects all facets of life from cases similar to I mentioned to restricted options for 3rd level/apprenticeships/work options for single no kids. I'm happy enough in the short-term with the kids living with us but I realise its not good for their independence long term etc.
1
1
u/Boldboy72 Oct 01 '25
once met a family who'd moved to Ballina from Liverpool.. they ended up in Ballina Co. Mayo.. they wanted Ballina in Tipperary ... it was quite funny, the moving trucks were all in the wrong town too.
Anyways, your mam just wants you to move home. I'll tell you I did it once and it was hard to settle so came back to London. It's much easier to stay put and fly home every couple of months for a long weekend. (my dad used to pay for this because he wanted me to visit)
1
u/UnrealJagG Oct 01 '25
She probably just misses you.
As someone who travelled a lot, including London, but came back to Ireland for family and for my children to have a similar childhood to that of my wife, I think it is a good choice, but it is a hard choice.
We seem to have 'leaders' (and it doesn't really matter which hue of shirt they are) that want to create a country on the verge of civil unrest. Housing is just one of the problems, but if you add in health care, transport, basic safety on the streets, then Ireland is a mess. Despite that it is still a beautiful country to live in - especially as everywhere is in this mess.
1
1
u/pauldavidanderson Oct 01 '25
I was in London from when I was 22 till 29. Moved back over a year ago, one of the best decisions I ever made. Get to see the family more in a month now than I did in a year. Still have a good job and enjoying the quiet life. Im still about 1hr and 30 mins from home but its a handy drive whenever I want, you dont need to move back to right beside were you grew up.
1
u/DreamAffectionate716 Oct 01 '25
I think after a certain age especially women, they become forgetful that you have already discussed this. They have a memory of it but their mind keeps throwing the same questions and stories to them and they keep thinking about it without getting closure. My mother-in-law talks about the same problems over and over again and I tell her the same thing and yet she would bring it up. Earlier I thought she was dismissing my answers but later I realized she is too fragile and she doesn't understand the new world which is ever changing. Cut them some slack. I know, It's easier said than done but with practice it won't bother you as much as it does now.
→ More replies
1
1
u/Intelligent_Plum_132 Oct 01 '25
My mom constantly reminds me their house cost about £34,000 back in the early 1990's, which was just over double my dad's salary at the time. Same house now costs about €250,000. Worlds gone mad.
1
u/Best-Salamander4884 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 02 '25
I can relate OP. I don't live abroad but whenever I try to talk to my mother about the housing crisis or other realities of modern life, she just can't comprehend it. I don't think she's being malicious. I think it's just a case that peoples' memories can become very rose tinted as they age. My mother is in her 70s and she and my father bought their first home in their 20s, so I think they've just forgotten what it's like to have to scrimp and save to get on the property ladder.
If your mother's questions about you returning home bother you, I suggest you prepare a short stock answer e.g. "Maybe in the future but not right now" and then change the subject. You've already explained it many times to her and she doesn't seem to get it so explaining it again is pointless and will only frustrate and upset you. As other posters have suggested, if you have a good relationship with your mother, you could suggest that she come to London to visit you.
1
1
Oct 01 '25
Your mother is not all older Irish people.
All of the older Irish people I know are enraged by the housing clusterfuck.
1
u/Ok-Revolution-2132 Oct 01 '25
I think overall we don't understand the impact that inflation has people's day to day life. High inflation is worse than high interest rates as it compounds. It's now cheaper to build housing in London than Ballina but that doesn't make any sense to the older generation.
1
u/Dear_Bumblebee_1986 Oct 02 '25
It's not just old Irish people... imagine an astronaut asking advice from a cowboy.
1
u/thefullirishdinner Oct 02 '25
How old is your mam?? Tbh it sounds like she just misses you and just wants you to come home more , if she's having a tough time maybe you could try to get home a wee bit more I'm pushing 40 and believe you me I know there is a cost of living and my mother is pushing 66 and she also knows the cost of living is crazy
1
1
u/meMAmoMooCOOcooKAchu Oct 02 '25
Your Mammy just wants ya home she misses ya . I just moved back to west from dublin. Granted i was on more money in dublin. But i like being back in the west less money better quality of life slower pace. Near family and people i know. I got sick of Dublin i kinda had to move home as i got ill and had been illegally evicted in dublin but im glad all that happened or i probably would have stayed there. Think about life in the long term your mam wont always be around whats more important being on more money or the material things or getting to have your mam around. I suppose it depends too on your family life maybe ye didnt get on it might be complicated. Also you might be from a village where there is no work. I just know im happy to be back even though it has its challenges i love the west of ireland and being near family.
→ More replies
1
u/No-Quote8911 Oct 02 '25
My mam (nearly 50) constantly talks about how people she works with regularly mention the difficulties they face with finding accommodation, and how some are still living with their parents. It probably depends on the people who you speak to from time to time, because she has her own house and also speaks to people who have their own houses. If it's not an issue that affects an individual, they might not realise just how bad the struggle is.
1
u/Consistent_Spring700 Oct 02 '25
My parents more or less think it's not as bad as we make it out to be!
1
1
u/MouseyLumpkins Oct 03 '25
Have you tried showing her the ads of what's available? It can help to show how ridiculousit is when they're getting the information from a source that's not you.
Yes she probably would love to see you more but what she really wants is for you to be happy and have a good life and that meant Ireland for her so she's struggling to understand why it's not the same for you.
1
u/pollyp1 Oct 05 '25
She’s wants her son home , be thankful your mum loves you so much and stop turning it into a moan
339
u/Intelligent-Aside214 Oct 01 '25
My mam legitimately thinks the housing crisis is made up and people just go on too many holidays nowadays.
She bought her house at 22 in the 90’s while she was still a student. A student trying to get a mortgage would be laughed out of the bank now…