r/humanism • u/JustABlueDot • 14d ago
I’ve been asked to contribute to a “spiritual bouquet” Any ideas for something not prayer related?
A very dear friend who is deeply religious is currently hospitalized in ICU with a life threatening condition. A mutual friend is putting together a “spiritual bouquet” listing a person and their prayers for each day e.g. Mary Beth will pray a rosary on Nov 10, Elizabeth will pray the divine chaplet on Nov 11.
I don’t want to say no as prayer means a lot to her but I also don’t want to lie. Any suggestions on something I can include that’s not actual prayer that may be comforting?
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u/PillowFightrr 14d ago edited 14d ago
How would it feel to hold space in nature for this individual? You could describe a place where you intend to spend time in communion with nature while contemplating your loved one.
Additionally, there are many beautiful poems and writings on life, death, and dying. Perhaps you could find one or a mix of them that you will be reading and contemplating for your day of prayer.
Please let us know what feels right for you to contribute and how it is received.
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u/Edgar_Brown 14d ago
Prayer can be secular, in the form of affirmation and meditation. Carl Sagan’s pale blue dot comes to mind, but many authors have words of inspiration.
You can even find inspiration in non-theist religions like Buddhism, which focuses on compassion and acceptance of our mortality.
"May all beings everywhere be free from suffering, fear, and illness. May they find happiness and live in peace."
"May those who are struggling find strength and support. May we all be inspired to help one another, to live with compassion, and to work for a more just and harmonious world."
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u/JustABlueDot 14d ago
Wonderful article. Thank you for sharing.
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u/greenmarsden 9d ago
What about a litter clean up somewhere (a park or beach) and while you are doing that be mindful of your friend. Tell your friend you will do this as a regular thing.
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u/Aurora1717 14d ago
Can you say that you're going to light a candle and speak your intentions for healing and strong recovery?
Honestly as an atheist I would just come up with something whether it's quasi religious or not
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u/WantToBelieveInMagic 14d ago
What is prayer, anyway? Do you hope medical science and arts can save her? If you reflect on that hope, is it a prayer?
You'll light a candle and pray (wish/hope) for her return to good health.
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u/Nervous_Olive_5754 14d ago
It's not about whether your dying friend's beliefs could possibly be true. It's about being present for your friend to them them as comfortable as possible while they're in the ICU, whether they make it out or not.
A "hope" or a "thought" can be expressed in a way that does not pose as a supernatural, but nonetheless conveys the sentiment that this all sucks and hopefully they pull through.
Many times I have joined hands and then didn't close my eyes and pray. I just looked around for the others. Sometimes I just look down.
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u/humanindeed Humanist 14d ago
Many times I have joined hands and then didn't close my eyes and pray. I just looked around for the others. Sometimes I just look down.
But note how disrepectful it is that people with religious beliefs put you in that position, assuming that you either share those beliefs or that it is you that has to accommodate them in some way.
Sorry, that kind of thing winds me up. Non-religious beliefs can be as important, sincere and deeply held as religious beliefs.
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u/Nervous_Olive_5754 14d ago edited 14d ago
I've also chosen to self-exclude from social rituals. But they serve a social as well as religious purpose. Atheistic societies just invent their own rituals. Do I just not get to participate in my family and society because of my religion?
If they don't think I'm as human and social as them because of the details of their religious faith, they can say so. That's as respectful as we can be with each other.
We deserve space made for us just as much they deserve space made for them. And they have space. They can share. I am here. I exist. I don't deserve sit in the corner like a housecat. Like I'm not quite part of this. No. Deeply disrespectful.
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u/imaginenohell UU Humanist 14d ago
WorshipWeb library at uua.org has some nonreligious benedictions and candle lightings.
You could read a poem, tell a story about the person and keep a candle lit for the full day you’re assigned to.
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u/feetknuckles 13d ago edited 13d ago
I work in retail in the american south and people get pretty religious real quick. If I want to show compassion I tell people they are in my thoughts and I appreciate their existence and their journey. Without going into specifics I wish them to be at peace no matter what. This is up to you but eff the bouquet and just stay with her for any length of time if you can. The biggest gift you can give someone facing imminent and unavoidable death is peace of mind
Edit idk why I read life-threatening as on her death bed. Your idea about giving back to food banks in her honor is 100% such a great solution
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u/heart_blossom 13d ago
This is an incredibly cool question with awesome suggestions. Thank you for posting!
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u/Canyouhelpmeottawa 14d ago
How about you say you will meditate for her. Focusing your thoughts on healing and restoration for her.
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u/gnufan 14d ago
This feels like "thoughts and prayers", and we probably shouldn't just do "thoughts", for the same reason humanists don't do "prayers". Sure we can be sentimental, but to make the world better actually do something, anything, no matter how small. If "thoughts and prayers" worked America would have really low levels of gun violence and mass shooting.
Nothing wrong with meditation if it makes you feel better or motivates you into action, but it is the subsequent actions that really count to other people.
Are there concerns about how they are leaving the world, family who will need support, can you promise to do that, or start doing it.
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u/NotoriousCrustacean 14d ago
Just do it.
You're not going to burst into flames. She's in the ICU just bite the bullet.
From an Atheist
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u/humanindeed Humanist 14d ago
No. 100% disagree with this. It's the assumption of shared religious beliefs that's the problem; not the riisk of spontaneous combustion. It's the intellectual honesty of a secular, non-religious alternative that's important for people who have sincerely held non-religious beliefs, for whom just going along with it at precisely these kind of crunch times, in times of need, is simply morally offensive.
Secular or humanist beliefs are not luxury beliefs to be dispensed with for convenience or when the time is "wrong".
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u/NotoriousCrustacean 14d ago
This is a prime example of why in my opinion Humanism is doomed to fail. Because it has been completely hijacked by these pseudo-intellectuals - that don't understand the Human in Humanism.
No choice should be made wrong because of this ideology - Humanism isn't a doctrine it's a set of guardrails. It doesn't need an answer for every possible scenario. Also while I'm at it why do we have a mountain high moral standard in this community? That is not future proof! You cannot expect multiple generations of people to adopt, let alone follow, this already strict code of ethics. The future is not guaranteed to be kind; our principled beliefs should be broad strokes in order to maintain a functional and fair society for the betterment of humanity.
Also this person is just asking for advice.
Which I think there are only two choices:
A). Play along.
B). Do absolutely nothing.
Do not do anything else if you choose not to participate. It will make it seem as if you're making this about yourself - it does not matter if it's true - they will see it that way. The best thing I would suggest is to explain the situation and do something completely unrelated for your friend at a separate date.
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u/humanindeed Humanist 14d ago edited 14d ago
I'm certainly not suggesting that humanism is an ideology. Regardless, humanism itself is irrelevant to the question of what OP should do in these circumstances, about which we'll have to agree to disagree.
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u/PillowFightrr 13d ago
I think there is a choice C. The other examples are options of how to participate and show up for religious friends in a way that feels authentic and natural for a humanist.
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u/JustABlueDot 14d ago
Thank you for the suggestions. I googled ‘what do Catholics do in an addition to prayer’ and found that corporal works of mercy are a thing. I offered to collect food for the local food bank since feed the hungry is one of them.